Scribes 2023

40 Years On Trail

2076 - Mon 24 Apr 2023 -  ?? - Hares:  ?? -  Scribe: ??

2075 - Mon 17 Apr 2023 -  ?? - Hares: ?? - Scribe: ??

2074 - Mon 10 Apr 2023 -  ?? - Hares: ?? - Scribe: ??

2073 - Sun 12 Apr 2023 -  ?? - Hares: Wee Willie & Short'n'Thick -  Scribe: ??

2072 - Sun 26 Mar 2023 -  ??  - Hares: Blagger -  Scribe: ??

2071 - Sun 19 Mar 2023 -  Sawmill Wood, Woodlands of Durris - Hares: -Hill-Ary & Glasgow  Scribe: ??

2070 - Sun 12 Mar 2023 -  ?? - Hares:  Muff Diver & High Maintenance -  Scribe: ??

2069 - Sun 05 Mar 2023 -  ?? - Hares: T Rex Coq & Express Chicken -  Scribe: ??

2068 - Sun 26 Feb 2023 -  ?? - Hares: 4Fingers & Splash'n'Dash -  Scribe: ??

2067 - Sun 19 Feb 2023 -  ??  - Hares: The BitcHHH & Stalker -  Scribe: ??

2066 - Sun 12 Feb 2023 -  Cults Primary School - Hares: Underlay & Roger Me More -  Scribe: ??

2065 - Sun 05 Feb 2023 -  Dyce - Hares: Tonto & Eggfoo -Scribe: ??

2064 - Sun 29 Jan 2023 - Bridge of Feugh - Hares: Prickly Bush -  Scribe: Short'n'Thick

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2064

Sun 29 Jan 2023

OnOn: Bridge of Feugh

Hares: Prickly Bush & Shiggy Dick

 Scribe: Short'n'Thick


At the Bridge of Feugh car park we thronged, the cream of over 200,000 years of Homo Sapiens’ evolution masquerading as a bunch of orcs. Or vice-versa.


The car park rapidly filled with metal transport modules, including my ride which was Underlay’s posh Merc; It was actually my turn to drive but he couldn’t be arsed to transfer into my car the boxes of gilets which should have been delivered a week ago for the AH3 40th anniversary shenanigans.


After carefully distributing a few gilets, the boxes were dumped in a puddle for folk to help themselves. ‘Form a circle’ cried a voice which had a hard, penetrating edge, interrupting the gathering like a rusty scalpel severing an artery. Fireflaps had arrived.


Pre-run down-downs were enjoyed by:


Red Stripe announced something to do with the forthcoming breakout event.


The Hare, Prickly Bush, then carefully explained the back-check ‘T’ symbol, with which the front runners would become all-too familiar, as part of her cunning plan to keep the pack together and make sure the walkers got their fair share of sweets and beer.


The pack ambled off past the bogs and up the Mill of Cammie road. Twizzle went salmon spotting on the viewing bridge but turned back after realising it was the wrong time of year and there was no flour. The road cut its way through woods between moss covered stone walls. The left fork up the Tilquhillie road turned out to be a falsie, so it was back up the other fork which led to a checkpoint and then left into the woods. Fireflaps shortly discovered a back-check and, like the Sirens luring Ulysses, began deviously calling the unwary to their peril in the wrong direction.


The going was fairly good  through the woods with the mixed greens of conifers and mosses contrasting with the bare beech and birch. Little Shit should have got the David Bailey award for the greatest number of photography stops. Further along, taking a minor deviation paid off when it enabled seeing  friendly flour on some distant trees in an uphill direction, and then the trail went along a downhill track which offered views of Banchory between the woods either side.


The hare was hanging about at the downhill check point as the pack carried on. A bit of a clue, I thought. She confided the correct way along a not-so-obvious trail, so at the appropriate time I embarked and was delighted to be the first to find flour so that I could shout ‘On-On’ with full conviction. Mr Nice Guy soon came by and took the lead as the track went along an overgrown trail between young trees, over streams, then into mature woods, by which time Sauerkraut came along, also the Hare and Underlay, gaily bouncing over the spongy moss like wood-nymphs.


Prickly Bush conducted events magisterially. There were quite a few back-checks to slow down the leading groups while others caught up. She’d then call them back to the checkpoint where a very fresh flour arrow had appeared.


Then the sweetie stop, where many of us enjoyed a Cosmic Whip (Aldi cheapo Milky Way).

The front runners then went off along a tempting main track in the direction of Maryfield Woodlands. ‘Er, are you on flour?’ enquired the hare helpfully. The Lemmings duly turned back and went back into the woods for the correct route.


The trail wound its way up, down and along the woodlands. ‘It’s a bit twiggy’ said Sam helpfully as I kept stumbling over fallen branches in one section, but Sharnie actually managed to do a faceplant.


At the edge of the woods was a bench which had apparently been used as a beer stop in the past, but this time it was just a photo op for The Penguin and T-RexCock. The real beer stop came soon after.


Glasgow proudly informed that while on holiday she and Sir Deadmund Hill-Ary were hounded for their autographs by one Mr Andrew Ridgeley, formerly of a chart-topping popular music band, from the last century, which was called ‘Wham’. Suitably impressed (it’s 40 years since ‘Young Guns’ was released !!) we continued from the beer stop a short distance along the woods’ edge to the road, and thence back to the car park.


Fireflaps began the circle by calling in all those who’d helped to organise the AH3 40th celebrations last weekend. Well done, looked great on the pictures.


The down-downs continued in usual fashion, desperately based on the thinnest of excuses:


Phew, that’s it !! Respect to the Hare for a good trail.


Your Scribe, Short’n’Thick


2063 - Sun 22 Jan 2023 - Station Hotel Aberdeen (63 runners) - Hares: Little Shit & Sharnie  -  Scribe: Underlay

2062 - Sat 21 Jan 2023 - Aberdeenshire, bus depats for A to B run  (80 runners) - Hares: Hippo & Twizzle  -  Scribe: Oneliner

AH3 Run 2062

Saturday 21 Jan 2023

Aboyne to Tarland

Hares: - Hippo, Twizzle

and more importantly Mrs T.

Scribe: - OneLiner



For those of you who weren`t there, the day started behind the Station Hotel with 1 Bus sitting where there should have been 2 … … …

Who ordered 1 Bus? 

Who ordered 2 buses?

Who accepted and processed an order for 1 Bus only?

The tapes will reveal all in about 30 years’ time.

And the film rights will no doubt be fought over for another 30.


Anyone need a half-way decent Lawyer?  I don’t personally fit the mould, but I do know some. And Chris the driver sorted it out for us all in any event. Between fags.

Anyway … … after the relative hilarity of passing some groups of frozen hopefuls at thoughtfully staggered distances along the A93 ,  a sizable majority of the pack pitched up at Aboyne green . And we waited. And we waited. And we waited. Like your first lesson on Carving Ski`s.  “We wait for the skis to turn us, yes?

But the others soon turned up and as usual, all was ok in the end.  In the meantime   Little Shit had given a brief rendition of Father Abraham.  Which warmed the cockles’ just fine. So thanks to LS for that.  However, comments overheard by Scribe suggested a feeling that although this was  a genuinely funny song up until about 2010, since then the shine appears to have gone off -  for some.   Same issue, allegedly with the Founders on Saturday night too.  Comment was – “Climb Up Sunshine Mountain?  It`s like a woman`s lady parts.”  I think we know our way up there already! But don’t shoot the messenger. I`m only reporting what I overheard behind the bike-sheds of the jaded and the bitter. And the sexist.

LS may need to think about a new warm-up verse for the Ski-Hash, though? Now there’s a challenge!  Better still that the complainers would do it. But they aren’t part of the crème which is AH3, so we`re on our own with that one.  Just no more Bear Hunts.  Please.

So, suitable re-invigorated and rescued from hypothermic coma, a Circle of sorts was constructed.

Pre-run DD s and haberdashery awarded to Cockatool for coming to AH3 once and being allowed back a further 149 times.

And for Tonto it was an always welcome 600.

Thence to a description of the Trail by the Hares.

Or was it?  A nearly tearful Hippo, balefully reported the disturbing news that Hashing can be dangerous after all and the Risk Assessment Committee had concluded against proceeding on the original route.

But no extended worries for the pack, because Mrs T had thoughtfully outmanoeuvred her male counterparts and actually set a trail which could be completed without the requirement to subsequently wait for 16 hours outside A & E.

A relatively simple plan was hatched to Follow the Orange Flour from Aboyne to a bus (still 1) in the obvious vicinity of Tarland.  So the future was bright and the future was Orange.  Ignore the blue; on pain of multiple skeletal fractures and a slow and freezing death, was the instruction.

Only 2 initial problems arose:-

1. The Hares failed to mention that the blue flour was largely on the same trail as the Orange. Initial confusion was ultimately overcome with a cumulative “AHA!” moment; as one by one, we all worked out the script.

2. Just before the start, Teflon suffered the ignominy of being heard asking where Aboyne was. Where indeed, if not under her very feet? And if anyone had remembered at the end of the Trail, she may have received a relatively well deserved Down Down.

And me, Scribe- boy?  Well I decided to step completely out of character, for a moment and be nice to a dog which was taking undue interest in my moving feet. Normally it would be something like “Get that fucking animal under control!  This is a public place,you know!  What if I was an old lady on a bike or a little child playing? ” It`s almost as though I`ve got a script already prepared in my head   …     Watzoff used to threaten to crush the skull of the offending pooch with a nearby rock from a dyke.  But I`m only half the man he was.

Then, as it turned out, the owner of said ankle-biter told me he knew a Hasher from London by the name of Russell Smith and did I know him?

About 10 minutes later I was being roundly out-paced by The Myth when I eventually put 2 + 2 together. Got 3.

And so to the run itself. Turns out that Orange was actually the new Black Ice!  But no matter. With no back checks or false trails and plenty of flour, this was probably a less frustrating effort than the blue route. Although Inspector Gorse was seen flirting with greatness at one point, it seems that even he couldn`t be bothered with slicing himself to death in the actual bush which gave him his name. So eventually he returned to the Orange Glow, a little bloodied, but still unbeaten.

Toy Boy Tom got undressed before the Cabin in the woods. I didn`t know why until we subsequently got to the set of “Deliverance”. Seems like he was just getting ready for the inevitable.  But the guy in the compound full of Dobermans (Dobermen? Dobermi?) Was unusually hospitable in a different sort of manner. Pointed to the trail and showed me the way. Maybe it was just his way of saying “Ger orff moi Laaaaaand”?

Next up on trail was a very fancy Stable set up, next to a very unstable piece of path. I was sure that I had stumbled upon some sort of electric hill; - when running forwards actually resulted in sliding backwards.  And being the man of action which I undoubtedly am (not) , did I take some sort of decisive , athletic , balletic action to save myself , just like 007 (or Underlay ) would?   Did I buggery! When in doubt, crouch down, hide with your eyes closed and do nothing.  I stopped. Fell over. And hirpled (yes it IS a word!) to the soft snow instead.

At this point, you`ll be wondering why so little mention of other Hashers. Well truth be told, the pack got a little strung out and some of us ended up jogging solo (not a euphemism, you dirty, dirty Hashers) when conditions permitted. And I didn`t see much beyond , The Myth , Underlay , Bambi and a small assortment of others;  all of whom were left floundering  in the wake of  Ten Brulee  and Prickly Bush , who quite rightly were keeping moving to avoid terminal muscle freeze.

The Sweetie Stop provided some welcome, brief relief and ultimately we all skidded back to the Bus; passing  Sir doing a creditable No No on the way.   And when we got there we found that our driver, Jesus Chris, had miraculously constructed not only a Pictish Stone Circle just above the parking area, but also a mid-20th Century Nuclear Bunker, just beyond it.  And if that wasn’t enough, he had also summoned up a 2nd Bus for the journey back to Town. Loaves and Fishes and Wine into Water had nothing on this guy. Between Fags too.

And then it was back to that Carving lesson. We waited. And we waited. And we waited. But with the Glühwein and Beer on tap, and with a supply of crisps and nuts nearby, it wasn`t too great an imposition; except for the plummeting air temperature.

That plummeting air temperature did its thing with my fingers and the Scribe`s pen I was holding (err trying to hold), so the following is only a close approximation of who got Down Downs and why. I defy anyone to actually read what I wrote, forcing low temperature ink from a nib, using fingers as nimble as an Elephant`s foot.

The Bus journey home was less eventful than the one on the way out. Many were so comatose that they didn’t notice. But we got a full commentary of a Bus Driver`s Life from Jesus Chris. Without fags.

On On




RDR - Fri 20 Jan 2023 - Station Hotel Aberdeen - Hares: Shaky  -  Scribe: Search Party

AH3 Red Dress Run

Friday 20th Jan 2023

Hares: Red Stripe and Shaky

On On: Station Hotel, Aberdeen City Centre


A good number of Aberdeen hashers plus a bunch of visitors from Edinburgh, Elgin, and probably some other places I didn’t write down, gathered at The Station Hotel on the Friday evening, the beginning of Aberdeen Hash House Harrier’s 40th birthday celebrations. We were joined by a new runner, Jasmine, who I assume is very brave or very stupid. We all wore our red dresses (except Mad Cyclist, who wanted to stand out in a nice pink one instead) and brought our money for Home Start Aberdeen (and for beer).

Twizzle nominated Shaky for a pre-run down-down for something to do with the website (it’s not that I can’t remember the details, I just didn’t understand).

We were all instructed to follow the blobs of pink flower or arrows written in red chalk (the chalk was cleverly disguised as a vibrator for some reason) on a run through the city with plenty of stops in pubs along the way, ending back at the hotel. After entertaining/harassing the Station Hotel bar staff for a while, we were off.

Walkers skipped the first pub, chaperoned by Smiler, and the rest of us ran off through the streets, much to the confusion of the citizens of Aberdeen and, at times, ourselves.

The route took us through the new Union Terrace Gardens which for some of us was our first visit since the redo. I was delighted to find the slide going from one level to another! Less delighted as I shot out the other end and landed on my back on the rock-hard gravel. I gracefully belly-rolled out the way to make room for the hashers behind me. Others were not so quick to get out of the way and a game of human 10 pin bowling ensued as several hashers were wiped out by each other. Ice Breaker was later mentioned as a particularly good bowling ball, taking out the GM, and apparently Four Fingers got some serious air time while wearing her dress around her neck. We lost the trail near the library where a bunch of us wandered about looking like a hen-do gone wrong. But we picked it up again.

We had to go back across Union Street where I spotted some poor road safety awareness from One Liner who didn’t wait for the green man.

We made it to the first pub stop- The Justice Mill- where I got stopped at the door and ID’d. After a drink, we were off again. Next stop was The Northern Bar on George Street where Fire Flaps acquired a keg of/for Ice Breaker. She said it “fell off the shelf”…

We ran up some windy path behind some buildings (I dunno where we were). Fire Flaps mentioned that she’d never been up this path before either- it was then pointed out that she’d taken hashers along the exact same path on her own run recently, just in the other direction.

At this point in my notes I have written Ice Breaker and Fire Flaps smelled each other near St Mag’s Church.” No further context.

For runners increasingly full of beer I think we were making good pace. Maybe could have done with slowing down a bit as I witnessed Cannae Be Arsed nearly slam groin-first into a stationary bollard.

There was a check and false “On On” called just so folk could go have a look at the pretty leopard near Marischal College. We went over the top of Bon Accord.  I caught Mad Cyclist on a sneaky short cut (as usual) through the graveyard.

Then we made it the Old School House (apart from Twizzle who did not). We were there for quite a while, long enough for me to nip out for a fag break. While I was outside chatting to guy about the age and history of the old pub, a heavy chunk of plaster fell down near a fire exit. Seems about right.

We made our way back to the station hotel. I handed over to some substitute scribes. Important notes include “KEITH! KEITH! KEITH! KEITH!” and that Ice Breaker drank from the pin (which is apparently the name for the wee stolen/acquired keg). Me and Fire Flaps helped clean up a spilled drink at the bar using straws. Red Stripe decorated some toes. The Station Hotel bar stopped serving us. Some of us headed over to The Grill for more drinks, which I later came to regret.

The end.

Search Party

2061 - Sun 15 Jan 2023 - Stonehaven - Hares: Toy Boy Tom -  Scribe: ??

2060 - Sun 08 Jan 2023 - Kingswells Park n Ride (55 runners)- Hares: Not Dot & Biggles -  Scribe: Tonto

Aberdeen Hash Houser Harriers

Run # 2060

Sunday 8th January 2023

Kingswells ParknRide

Hares Biggles, Not Dot and JC

Scribe: Tonto


Seems like only a couple of runs since I scribed, but then again it seems like many weekends since I made it to the Hash. Apparently, the quality of scribe has increased dramatically, so let me provide a negative deviation from the trend.

Fair weather, and a fair crowd, more than 50 I reckon. (By my count 55. Ed) Simple instructions from the hares and off we go into Kingswells, that maze of windy roads and very straight wide dykes. (“Not that kind of dyke……a drystane one”)

First check found by unlikely FRB’s: Little Shit, Jetslag, Skinny Witch and Prickly Bush. As the real FRBs passed, we spotted a deviation of trail and so found ourselves out front again.

Underlay then lead most of the pack down a long falsie, neatly inverting the whole parade.

Biggles and JC revelled in allowing the pack to explore every real back check and a number of not backchecks littered with no dots from Not Dot.

Shaky “wait for the Hare” prefers to hang around the check and see where the hare wanders. Ballerina in contrast dived into a number of most unlikely shrubberies and was seen scrambling up steep ravines to reach trail.

This was a great hash, and we reached the sweeties (Beaten by the FWB’s.Ed), ready for another obvious backcheck heading home, with a beer check maybe half way back to the car park. That would have been fine, and it is indeed what The Penguin chose. But no, the guest hare; the late recruited hare, JC had cut a deal. “I’ll help you with your trail laying if I can lay my trail too”. So over the AWPR we went, and on and on and on and up, heading towards Brimmond Hill.

This AWPR is still new to us, where can it be crossed, not many places, so this is suddenly a long hash, in the Barbarella mode. But it was not he, it was Skippy that lead us astray, looking for the shortest escape. 

It was a fine trail, and with panoramic vistas, we saw the fast approaching storm and felt the full belt of the promised blustery breezes.

Olymprick appeared, from a no flour direction, (‘O’ rec’ned he was an FRB for at least 40mins! Ed) well beyond the beer and without walkie talkies…..later, much later, Olymprick and Shaky found their way back to the ONON just in time for a free beer.

A relatively brief circle saw the following miscreants awarded down downs, and some I missed:

And finally the Hares.



2059 - Mon 02 Jan 2023 - Dalmadilly Ponds, Kemnay (43 runners)- Hares: JC & FiFi -  Scribe: Hill-Ary

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2059

Sun 2nd Jan 2023

OnOn: Dalmadilly Ponds near Kemnay

Hares Fifi and JC

41 Hashers

OnInn: Fifi’s pad

Scribe: Sheikh Deadmund


It was a stunningly clear but chilly day.  As the OnOn carpark was slippery as a curling pond, JC instructed Hash Cash and Hash Beer to park on the other side of the road where queuing would be much safer.  JC is acutely aware of safety after his infamous Monymusk run, when numerous hashers ended up in A&E. (a log too far. Ed)


It’s All Because arrived (then we were 43? Ed) an hour late as he used the website link rather than exercising common sense.  We may never know how many others had gone to the wrong OnOn.


Blagger received the pre-run down-down for leaving her glasses at the last run.


During the pre-run speech, JC claimed that he had personally checked every electric fence to make sure they were off, despite a rumour that they are automatically turned on at 12 noon.  He reminded us that the Flour is your Friend and all his circles would be perfectly formed.


Aids enthusiastically displayed his new crampons, but quickly slipped onto his backside.  He blamed gravity and the fact that he was on a slope.


We set off avoiding a huge pond and soon found ourselves on a long, wonderfully straight road. Could this the Roman road from the Horrible History that led to the Battle of Mons Graupius?


We stumbled past some dog kennels and were challenged by a local.  However, he was very supportive of the hash because he is in dispute with his neighbour about the right to walk along the old Drover's road that runs in front of his house.  His family had lived there for almost 300 years, and he wasn’t a happy bunny.


After the hare told us there would only meet sheep on the run, we crossed a field with a massive bull.  We were extremely lucky to make it the whisky mac check. Phew!


We entered the deep and dark Aquhythie woods.  Fortunately, the flour was supported by yellow ribbons hanging from the conifer trees.  Perhaps JC had put these up?  We exited the woods to be rewarded by wonderful open vistas to the Bennachie hills and beyond.


I then realised this was the location of the first ever FOOFAAH, a tear welled up in my eye.


At this point Tia was frightened by a thunderous bang and refused to hash any further.  Muff Diver followed her back to the cars.  Muff Diver has concealed trackers on Tia and Hill-ary so he was able to find and meet up with the pack at the beer check.


Icebreaker dared to live up to his name by walking across the frozen pond until it shattered and he plunged through.


The closing circle started when for no other reason AIDS wanted to start it.  Charges went to:


We ended by singing “Tie a yellow ribbon ‘round the ole oak tree”.



Sheikh Deadmund


Next week’s run – Kingswells ParknRide

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