Scribes 2022
39 Years on Trail
2058 - Sun 25 Dec 2022 - Stonehaven, Merry Christmas (35 runners)- Hares: Fire Flaps - Scribe: Harlequine
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2058
Sun 25 Dec 2022
Hare: Fire Flaps
Location: Stonehaven
Scribe: Harlequine
J. R. R. Tolkien once said that ‘It simply isn't an adventure worth telling if there aren't any dragons.’ Luckily Fire Flaps makes up for a dragon just fine so I can write it for you. Don’t worry though, it’s not going to be as long as Lord of the Rings for the simple reason that I don’t know that many words in English.
The run wasn’t late nor early and started precisely when it was meant to. All sorts of weird creatures arrived to Stonehaven, including at least 10 Santas, chicken / turkey-woman, an elf and a reindeer. Some people haven’t changed their clothes since the Christmas Party and arrived covered in gold. Others, on the other hand, haven’t found their clothes since then.
After a warm welcome to visitors, who almost outnumbered the regular hash bunch, Flaps had her first down down for turning 21 and shortly after that we could finally start our run. ”And walk”, of course. Words of praise for the walkers that they actually managed with the hand‑drawn map they had got. (Just follow the flour, it’s usually quite reliable. Ed)
Shortly after the start we encountered the first attraction of the event – cabbage. Please, be reminded now, my dear reader, that if you see in the first chapter that there is a rifle (cabbage) hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. Some of the hashers must know this Chekhov’s guy(n) well, since yeah, this cabbage is going to be back. (Never trust a cabbage. Ed)
First check slowed us down a bit but not for long and very soon we were wading through what felt like a Lothlórien, jumping above and under the tree logs. (How many Orcs bonus points did you get? Ed). After we emerged from the woods, up the stairs the hare goes, and we follow. (“baar, baar!” Ed) Then through the fields to the boardwalk, and we were lucky to see a beautiful rainbow. And then again, running up that hill, but on the contrary to what the song says, I personally think that, “yes the hare did want to hurt me” (and it worked, I feel my legs to this day). But then it was worth it, as at the end - the beer check. And there even were mince pies (delicious!) and a fire! And with the fire, here comes a dragon! Fuelled by white spirit, both the fire and Flaps, showed us their all might! She looks like a girl, but she's a flame, this girl is on fire. Beautiful display of fire eating and breathing took place, and left us truly impressed.
All good things must come to an end though and there came the time to head back to the car park. But there, SURPRISE, a birthday cake! Cooked on the spot (head) it deserved at least one Michelin star for its use of unusual ingredients, such as punch, beer and CABBAGE leaves! Oh well…. cabbagehead got a different meaning after all.
Hashy birthday once again, Fire Flaps, and thank you for a great run!
On On
Harlequine
On On:
On Inn:
Hazards:
2056 - Sun 11 Dec 2022 - Grandholm Bridge, North side (40 runners) - Hares: OneLiner & Skinny Witch - Scribe: Tia the Dog
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run No. 2056
Sun 11 Dec 2022
Hares: One Liner and Skinny Witch
Scribe: Tia the Dog
“Ooooh, my harness and lead are coming my way, we’re off for a walk!”
“Is it a long special walk to somewhere exotic?”
“Yes, the Bridge of Don.” Super excited.
A short ride in Muff Diver’s van took me to a big river. I like rivers.
I recognised the usual bunch of undesirables immediately, the hash. Where were Jetslag and Gas Chamber, my walking buddies? Oh well, never mind.
I sat patiently in the circle while Muff Diver was given his 350th run Quaich (more tat for our house somebody anonymously shouted).
The hares then gave an explanation of the flour symbols and I observed one lower class mutt actually eat the flour. What an embarrassment.
The pack set off running and I noticed Olymprick arrive late. Just not good enough I thought, everybody else made the effort to arrive on time. How wrong I was, a minute later Struth rocked up having kidnapped a dog walker and made him direct her to the run start. Any excuse!
I led the walkers along a river path and about 15 minutes later had ignored a back check and found the beer stop. I didn’t tell anyone though, it might have shortened my walk. Up and into the park we went where I saw Shite Boyfriend trying to commit Hari Kari off a bridge into the stream. Aha, he emerged back onto dry land with a biscuit tin. There were only rotten old chocolates and fruit gums in it, nothing for me. Not a tasty bone in sight.
“On On” and after a bit of faffing about in people’s gardens we finally made it to the beer stop. Perfect timing because the runners hadn’t arrived and taken the best beer Muff Diver told me. He sat down and took a photo of me posing with the river as a backdrop. He wasn’t paying attention and spilled his beer over his crotch, what a muppet.
T-Rex Cock called me over and gave me a treat. He fumbled it and it fell to the ground in front of me. As I bent down to retrieve it, a hand beat me to it and tried to steal my treat. I’m not having that I thought, so I gave it a playful nip just to let Aids know who the top dog was. Then all hell broke loose and according to said person there was blood spattered everywhere. Come on people, I’m an Akita. I could have bitten his hand off quite effortlessly. I was bred to round up bears in Japan you know. Anyhow’ s, I submissively apologised just in case there were any more treats going around, but there weren’t.
So back to the cars we trotted where a circle formed and:
Panty Pockets received her 150 run T shirt.
Aids was given a down down for removing his shoe ice grippers when it was obvious to any canine that it was very slippy.
Shite Boyfriend accused someone of having new shoes, but they didn’t. Rebound.
Then another tale of a random bad dog who had bitten Little Shit in the thigh.
Icebreaker was given a down down for being a fairy, adorned in lights.
A new runner turned up but it transpired he had run a hash in Miri when he was 2 years old so technically not a hash virgin. Muff Diver has plenty Miri stories including the infamous nightclub Cherry Berries, but I’m sworn to secrecy.
Announcements were made for the Xmas Party, so many rules. Feels like I’m back at pup school.
The hares were awarded for their efforts and I nodded in approval. Barking is so lower class.
The circle broke up and a bunch of Hashers went off for lunch at the pub. A mixture of carvery and pizzas was ordered. Halfway through I heard an almighty crash and saw Sir Deadmund Hillary having a bit of a lie down on the floor beside me. He must be tired I thought but then I noticed pieces of chair strewn around the carpet. What a fat bastard i woofed, who ate all the pies!
I was given a few morsels of roast beef which High Maintenance had squirrelled down her ample bosoms. Then we went to Halfords.
On On
Tia the dog
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2055
Sunday 04 December 2022
Location: Deeside Community Centre, Aboyne
Hares Twizzle and Red Stripe
Scribe: T-Rex Cock
Twizzle and Stripey’s excellent adventure
Dear Diary,
It is the year of our Lord two thousand and two and twenty and the second Sunday in Advent. How to celebrate? Why not join in on one of Capt Twizzle’s marvellous adventures? On arriving at the advertised departure location I was pleased to see Lady Red Stripe as co-hare. Capt Twizzle is the most agreeable gentleman, hewed from timbers left over from the Royal Navy’s men of war, but, on this occasion, attired in pantaloons seemingly from a minor highland regiment. Lady Red Stripe has the happy demeanour of someone appearing younger than her years, with a fair complexion, and the inescapable insinuation that she would likely sneak a cheeky kiss with you when no-one was looking. So we would be in good hands. We hoped that Lady Red Stripe’s beneficial influence would temper Capt Twizzle’s propensity for setting long trails around high hills. It has been widely spoken that nought but a fortnight hence he led the motley Mearns bunch up and round Craigendinnie peak. Not a pastime to be endured on a more apposite Sunday hash in December.
A goodly number of citizens (the register held it to be two score and two) had made the journey to the on-on, and, by good chance, as many youthful hashers as old fogeys.
Sgt Major Little Shit was our stand-in religious advisor as the good captain was otherwise engaged. Sgt.Mjr. LS was full of Goa and managed to thoroughly confuse our beloved GM, Mistress Fireflaps, but, between them finally managed to present Mistress Skippy with her 50-run overgarment. To preserve her modesty, several young blades volunteered to form a protective screen around her bosoms until the deed was done. Dear reader, I averted my gaze. Well done that harriette. A new runner, Pam, was introduced, and Lady RS completed the formalities by demonstrating her skill in drawing perfect circles in squirty flour.
Without more ado, we set off on our adventure, following blobs of flour. When did hashers employ hares instead of foxes? The route first took us past the abodes of down-at-heel Aboyne gentlefolk. We traversed the first of several muddy puddles. With a chill wind in our faces, I was grateful that I had the foresight to dress in the pair of tight ladies’ leg-coverings some (unknown to this day) harriette had left forgotten in my bachelor pad some one-and-thirty years ago.
Soon we found ourselves at a check in the first of many woods. At the Community shed on the far side, Auntie Pantie Pockets led her walkers off trail. They rejoined at Coos Cathedral, via a diversion to visit Aboyne castle, a large, handsome, stone building with a symmetrical aspect, standing well on ancient ground, with a large extent of planted policies on both sides of the River Dee, including ornamental plantations, but without any artificial appearance, neither formal, nor falsely adorned. She must have thought being mistress of that place might be something!
Breaking more checks led to a country trail across the tarmacadam road and, at last some easy downhill running – only to discover a cruel backstop. Retracing the route back uphill I found myself alone at the back of the pack in another wood, quite alone. I lingered awhile, under that benign sky, watched the moths fluttering among the heath and hare-bells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could play such a rotten, lousy trick.
But the trail was easy to follow and I soon caught up with other waifs and strays. And, but in a instant, we identified the imminent approach of walkers in walker’s attire coming towards us. Were we in fact no-noing in error? Saints preserve us! However it transpired that a band of Culter Ramblers had chosen that very day to venture out into the Aboyne hinterland. We exchanged pleasantries as befitted our respective stations, and both continued on our contrary journeys.
We escaped the woods along a rough track followed a rippling rill - it must go down to the Dee again! The river was deep and the river was wide. And o'er the water floating, flying, through the shining mist of morning, we saw the spots of flour gleaming. {Enough contrived fluvial poetry. Ed} The hares took us along what used to be a path alongside the river. How cunning of the hares to lead us here before it was finally all washed away. And then to a very welcome beer stop, with, amazingly, oodles of beer. Much appreciated. My companion, Mistress Struth was much enamoured of the fruity pastilles and jelly pops on offer, and was compelled to secrete several about her person for future distribution to absent “friends”.
The on-in was accessed via an encampment of wooden shacks. How different, how very different, to the home station of our own dear GM. Beyond it, we came at last upon a circle already signalled by raised brollies.
After refreshments were dispensed in the circle, we were entertained by Sgt.Mjr Little Shit and Capt Twizzle taking turns to chastise purported miscreants. Although who would believe that AH3 hashers could be so unworthy of the RAs’ regard?
Short and thick for recycling holy socks
Wee Willie for ignoring arrows and heading the wrong way
Twizzle for recycling trails
Hippo and Red Stripe for crossing the river by a bridge too far
Tickbait for leading Little Shit uphill against his better judgment
Pink Panther and Thrupenny Bits for klyping on Little Shit for shortcutting by staying on flour
Bag o’ bones for being a suitable companion for an otherwise single hash hound Sherlock – or was it for being a suitable meal? As Sherlock has forsworn all things fruity, T-Rex Cock was obliged to drink his down-down cider.
Twizzle handed out medals to all the bright sparks who humoured him by participating in his illuminator run
Just as LS and Twizzle’s excuses for down-downs were becoming increasingly desperate, Helen and her boyfriend finally arrived, thus disproving the scurrilous rumours that they had run off to elope. Their appearance however, led to down-downs for the hares, along with the GM and Bag o’ bones for rank carelessness.
And finally the hares for an excellent run. They should take a lot of pride in it – but, of course, I could be prejudiced.
Some folk then went on to the Boat Inn, but, dear reader, I made an excuse and left.
Pip! Pip!
T.rex Cock
2054 - Sun 27 Nov 2022 - Johnston Gardens (58 runners) - Hares: Rats - Scribe: Scabby Arse
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2054
Sunday 27th Nov 2022
Johnstone Gardens
Hares: Express Chicken, Pink Panther & Rats
Scribe: Scabby Arse
For the first time in many months, or is it years? I made it to the hash. A beautiful crisp, welcoming day in November had brought out the masses, and more than 50 (58 by the end of the run. Ed) lovely individuals, including many tartan clad beauties made up the pack. It quickly became apparent how long it must have been since I last frequented the hash by the number of new faces.
Fire Flaps spotted me, smiled sweetly and handed me the pad and a pencil. Well, it looked like a pencil, but turned out to be a lump of plastic in the shape of a pencil. The world is on fire!! What environmentally active lunatic stationery designer thought it was a good idea to make pencils out of … and I kid you not … recycled CDs!! FFS! I think it would have been easier to write with a CD box than this excuse for a writing implement. (It’s sad when memory is not enough. I remember the days of using Dictaphones. Ed)
Anyway, that was my tool (I thought you’d get round to using your Dictaphone! Ed) and I would make the most of it.
This was run number 2054. Fire Flaps, when challenged, only took 5 seconds to confirm that this wasn’t a prime number. Very impressive and we are so lucky to have teachers like her.
Back to the circle …
Twizzle presided over the pre run down downs, presenting a 50 run t-shirt to someone I didn’t know (Stalker. Ed) and a 25 run t-shirt to a young lady by the name of Express Chicken who I believe was also one of the several dozen hares for the day.
New runners, returners and visitors were sought out in the traditional way.
The sky was blue and the atmospheric location of the skanky little carpark at the entrance to Johnson Gardens made it almost bearable - when the head hare, Rats demonstrated his inability to draw a circle with flour, went on a bit about sweets and sky blue ribbons, and eventually sent the pack on its way.
So, onto the run.
Well, it was a lovely little run, which took the pack out through the slums of Craigiebuckler and into the wilderness that is known as Hazlehead Park. A lovely young lady with a child in a stroller helped me find the trail at one point. With a happy smile she asked if I was looking for a little white bit. How nice. Then a pair of doggers, one with a large German Shepherd and another with a pointless breed of some sort interrupted my running by deliberately losing control of their dogs into me. Crows were seen eating flour on the ground. Hash golf course etiquette was relatively good apart from a couple of rogue hashers seen shortcutting across a fairway!!!
Barbarella spent much of the run behaving out of character and kindly helping hash virgins, ensuring that they didn’t get lost. I say out of character because they were male!
St Andrew didn’t turn up! Which was a bit of a shame, but on the upside, other than the doggers, nobody was rude to me. In fact, all in all it was a very happy day. The weather clearly put everyone in a very positive and cheerful frame of mind.
I promised to give Aids a mention, which would be best done by going in depth into a conversation I had with him regarding King Charles, climate change, politics and the monarchy in general, but I won’t, as Aids had nothing interesting to say on the matter. He did, however, bring up a fascinating question relating to Butterflies, and why they aren’t called Flutterbys. Really? Who gives a toss? I found this online I Urban Dictionary.
Flutterby - The origin of the name for an insect with colourful wings that is currently called a "butterfly", is a "FLY" that eats "Butter". Going even further back, the root of the name goes back to the Dutch origin "Butter Shitter", because the Dutch thought the insect poops on the butter.
Well there you go!
Oh! And Barbarella had a hole in his shoe!! Whatever?
There was a memorable photographic moment at the sweety stop when Little Shit chose a beautiful location for a picture of the pack. Little Shit then got down with the kids and took a selfie of himself with the pack in the background. For some reason Fire Flaps took the opportunity to let everyone know that selfies don’t work with gloves on. I think we should be grateful it was a selfie and not a ballscape that LS chose to take.
The run ended and there was a circle: -
Individuals who shan’t be named whinged at the lack of Gluey Whine
New runners were duly reintroduced, at least the ones who had made it.
A couple more got down downs for reasons that I missed.
3 dogs stalked around the circle sniffing arses and genitals
There was talk of some old person’s concert that a few of the senior members had been to and one of the more youthful hashers was given a down down for not attending.
A number of well-dressed pack members got congratulatory down downs for wearing Tartan attire. Rupert Bear, Little Shit, the Loch Ness Monster, Panty Pockets for diversity, to include a female, Aids and Struth for what were essentially rubbish kilts.
Mrs Taxi got a grateful down down for helping some of the pensioners from the aforementioned concert to get home. There was mention of Voodoo!!
She then embarrassed a young man, David into doing a water down down. WTF
At this point, I got completely fed up of trying to write with a f&*%g CD box and can’t read the rest of my notes … suffice to say it looks something like: -
· Vinegar (or Viagra) – Pinky & Bluey
· Drunk Driving lessons – Mike.
I thank you ... Mike Drop
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2053
Sunday 20th November 2022
OnOn: Tollohill Woods
Hares: Aids and Cinders
Scribe: Eveready
Grey clouds and savage skies greeted the hapless group of hardy Hashers that arrived at the mud-laden, crater-littered car park that day. None of the usual wacky race antics could be seen, as although there was a slight sprinkling of civilian cars to be found, there were parking spaces aplenty. Although much of the pack were already soaked before they even set off on their quest to find flour, the daring dare-devils hung on the words of the two wise hares, when they warned, “You may get wet…..”
A swift pre-run down-down went to ‘Sewn up pockets’ aka Numbskull for not paying for Fireflaps’s run quick enough; And then the pack were off stumbling, splashing and sloshing through, mud, bracken and thorny bushes. Up hill and down vale, over and under, out and around, why, there was no stopping this pack of thundering, fearless fanatics.
The dulcet tones of Aids could be heard cooing the pack along as he released his tonsils in his own personal rendition of ‘Rawhide’ such was the man’s growing excitement at seeing his flock fall fowl of the weather.
On and on they raced, pace gathering, breath gurgling, lungs heaving, jaws slobbering in anticipation of the beer stop and the cool, sweet, slick beer that would edge it’s way slowly, oh so slowly, through their teeth, over their tongue and down, down, only stopping when it reached their tum.
…. Back at the car park and the pack was spent. Beads of sweat gathered on foreheads; wet patches stained underarms. Soaking and mud-caked feet in soaking and mud-caked shoes; wet bodies shrouded in wet clothes. Smiles on faces, roses on cheeks, tears in eyes but friendship, frolicking, back-slapping, kin.
And thus the Down Downs began:
Toy Boy Tom - a little figure all in blue walking all alone to the car park so that someone else could have a space.
Toy Boy Tom as proxy for Sir Deadmund Hillary and Glasgow who beckoned people on to the monument, although there was not a drop of flour there.
Drillbit, Twizzle & Barbarella for scamming their way to not paying enough for hotel rooms in Blairgowrie.
Durexcell for mourning the lack of goodies and medals in the recent Illuminator run, at which Twizzle promptly produced a large bag of goodies and medals and gave him one.
Numbskull for looking at a map and missing the big arrow in front of him pointing to the Car Park.
The Dutchess for wearing a great, big poncho covered in great, big, hairy, highland coos.
Smurf, Tickbait, Durexcell, Twizzle and ? for biking to the onon in torrential rain.
JC for also biking to the OnOn although his bike was attached to the back of his 4x4.
Struth for smashing her car off boulders trying to grab a space in the half empty car park.
Numbskull for marauding around the car park safe under his big umbrella, whilst his wife battled the elements to secure her massive poncho around her person.
Fire Flaps and Drillbit for changing into their cosies immediately after the run.
The intrepid hares Cinders and Aids.
Next run: Johnston Gardens.
2052 - Sun 13 Nov 2022 - Deeside Activity Park - Hares: Panty Pockets & Bag'O'Bones - Scribe: Short’n Thick
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2052
Sun 13 Nov 2022
OnOn: Deeside Activity Park
Hares: Panty Pockets & Bag'O'Bones
Scribe: Short’n Thick
The run started at the Deeside Activity Park, located to the NW of Kincardine O’Neil amongst gentle hills. With a spacious car park, open country trails and on-site On-Inn (the café), it threatened to be the first run for a few weeks where we risked not causing any upset to the outside world.
As folk gathered, Aids seemed to think he was at a car boot sale with his “Get yer apples over ‘ere” and trying to flog old hash shirts to raise a few shillings for the heating bill.
With the Park’s military hardware close by, General Fire-at-will-Flaps called the troops to a circle.
Being Remembrance Sunday, a solemn one-minute’s silence was held.
The only other thing guaranteed to make the circle deafeningly silent is when it’s time to nominate the Scribe. “You’ve not done it for a while” she said (correctly!) while thrusting the notebook at me along with the blunt eco pencil which self-proclaimed to have been made from recycled CD cases.
A pre-run down-down and a beautiful banana-coloured 50th run shirt also came my way (well done Short’nThick. Ed). These shirts will become collector’s items in years to come because of the historic balls-up with mirroring the right foot image to obtain the left foot, the ‘N’ didn’t like becoming the Cyrillic looking ‘И’.
Then it was over to the Hares who issued complicated instructions (= more than one) about falsies, dodgy back-checks, parallel white lines and gate discipline at sheep fields.
Off we went at a gentle pace past the Go-Kart track and on to a large pond. An early lesson was to watch Hare Bag o’Bones who held back from going round the pond. Yep, there was a short-cut at the near end. Having gone round the long way, Fireflaps tried to drown her dog under the pretence of playfully throwing a stick into the water for it to retrieve. More check points came as we headed out of the Park area into the countryside of trails, fields and low density trees. JC’s hunting horn was audible tooting in the distance, leading the pack but possibly astray. Suddenly the air turned blue with Shaky’s expletives after a branch sprung back into his face after being wound up like some sort of trebuchet by Wee Willie. The ocular sensory deprivation lasted well past the next check point as he complained about lack of flour despite the blob five feet ahead.
Now, your Scribe is not one to gossip but, while briefly following ‘Fireflaps and Red Stripe, his sensitive ears couldn’t help overhearing a bit of scandalous conversation about having so many paramours that it became necessary to list them all on a spreadsheet to prevent risk of inadvertent repetition. But fair enough, ‘monogamy’ does indeed mean only one at a time.
The pack was then joined by latecomers Tickbait and Ding-Dong, quite timely as we needed help with a checkpoint which included a back-check and a deceptive call from the Hare. Then more latecomers appeared, Tonto, Fiona and Patsy. All the latecomers claimed to have been held up by Remembrance Day ceremonies along the route to the hash, nothing at all to do with not getting arses out of bed in time.
The sweetie stop was at an elevated location which afforded views of hills to the south under a moody looking sky with a patch of hazy, backlit cloud. Search Party became the victim of a vicious small log which forced him to fall over it. Fortunately there was no harm done to the log.
At the sheep fields, Bag o’Bones undertook gate control duties, a fine example of AH3 being responsible to the outside world (today at least). But at another part of the trail his wee hesitation gave away a small shortcut which enabled reducing the distance behind a speeding Ding-dong who’d done two sides of the triangle. Then an ambiguous flour blob at a junction caused momentary indecision followed by ‘On-on’ calls. This amused some civilian walkers who joined in with the ‘On-Ons’. It’s not often we get external assistance, some other civilians looked on with a sort of bemused pity, as if to say “I hope you get better soon”.
The trail went along the handrailed path which passed above the scenic Falls of Dess and then….the beer stop at a pile of timber and confluence of tracks. Tickbait and friends tried to torture Mad Cyclist’s dog but were out-smarted at every turn.
Back at the post-run circle, after a few more “Get yer apples over ‘ere”, the forfeit drinks were inflicted on:
Tonto, Tickbait, Ding-dong, Fiona and Patsy, for being late
JC, for being the only person with a bugle but failing to play ‘Last Post’ on Remembrance Day.
Tonto and Search Party, for face plants
Mrs T, for her new fangs. Special drink comprising Coca-Cola and Irn Bru mix was unfortunately not available.
Fireflaps and Red Stripe, something to do with wetting themselves at NOban
Shaky, for reading the carefully drafted reply to the residents of Marycoooter
(where the high density of hasher’s parked vehicles 2 weeks earlier caused continental subduction, famine and plagues of locusts)
Wee Willie and JC, for a WhatsApp picture of youthful JC which some viewers thought looked like Wee Willie
Pink Panther, something connected with the above (sorry, concentration failing as down-down fatigue set in)
Rats cunningly turned up after the circle dispersed so he could get some grub without the tiresome bother of running round the countryside beforehand. Note to RAs, please remember to award a down-down at his next appearance.
Thanks to the Hares for a great trail and for choosing a location where hashers couldn’t hurt themselves (apart from Shaky, Tonto and Search Partry).
Your Scribe, Short’n Thick
2051 - Sun 06 Nov 2022 - Bridge of Bogendriep, (20 runners) - Hares: Short&Thick & WeeWillie - Scribe: FiFi
AH3 Run No.2051
S6th November 2022
OnOn: Bridge of Bogendriep
Hares: Wee Willie and Short’n’Thick
Scribe: Fifi
‘Twas a driech day at Bogendriep. A modest turnout as NOBAN had lured some regulars away – only 20 hardened hashers (plus 2 hash hounds) gathered for the circle as the rain lashed down harder.
Yours Truly, sporting a large umbrella, seemed to be one of the few equipped for the conditions. The runners were well outnumbered by walkers until reinforcements, in the form of Try Me Luv Me plus passengers Annabel and Tickbait, arrived to even things up just before we were called to order by Little Shit.
Roger Me More was awarded the pre-run Down Down and a tankard for 250 runs.
Yours Truly was picked out of the select group to narrate the story of the day by Short’n’Thick, on the flimsy pretext he’d seen me cycling past his window in Milltimber the day before. Wee Willie handed out soggy maps to the walkers and pointed his elbow up the hill. We were off.
A short, steep trudge up was followed by an easy amble round, to a check on the main forestry track. OnOn up the track we went with the rain easing off a bit, so my brolly came down as I kept pace with Cinders’ cracking power walk. The trail went left and up at the next check, but my soggy map suggested a short cut was in order, so the front walkers went straight ahead instead.
JC tells me the trail wended its way with much confusion up to the trig point (and sweetie check) on Craig of Dalfro, which just 9 hardy hashers conquered.
Meanwhile, the walkers on the low road encountered some hairy mountain bikers who informed us they’d just seen one of our “secret signs”. Encouraged, we pressed on downhill this time before turning right for a soggy amble along the riverside. Misinformation led to us missing the beer check so Sharnie, Roger Me More, Pink Panther, Panty Pockets, Cinders and Yours Truly found ourselves back at the carpark too soon. Aids, The Penguin, T-Rex and Bungee Finger retraced their steps, determined to hunt down the beer. The Wimpy Wimmin in the carpark broke into Hash Beer Ballerina’s supply of mulled wine instead and were eventually joined by the rest of the pack.
Down Downs were awarded to:
New’ish hasher Annabel was christened DingDong by Twizzle
T-Rex Cock failed the intelligence test and unzipped the Beer Check rucksack upside down, thus emptying the contents onto the ground
Racists Underlay (seen checking his stopwatch as he arrived back at the cars) and Tickbait (“I let him win”)
Tickbait again – no idea what for, as I was retrieving my notebook from the car at the time
Goa Interhash travellers Little Shit, Sharnie and The Penguin
Sharnie had two left gloves
Roger Me More modelled a fetching pink, plastic, see-thru poncho
TryMe LuvMe and Yours Truly looked overly snug and smug in our warm, dry, after-run attire
Little Shit is now blind as well as deaf and had mistaken fungus for flour at the sweetie check
Underlay and The Penguin displayed their driving incompetence in the car park
Yours Truly (again) for making it up before I’d written the first word (in which case the Scribe should get a down-down every week)
The Hares, Wee Willie and Short’n’Thick
2050 - Sun 30 Oct 2022 - Mary Culter Woods, Halloween (65 runners) - Hares: TickBait & Skippy - Scribe: Gingervitis
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2050
Sunday 30th October 2022
Maryculter Woods Car Park,
Hares: TickBait and Skippy
Scribe: Gingervitis
You know they say teachers make the worst students and I didn’t want to let anyone who believes this down so I’m making sure to turn my assignment in VERY late. But you know, the end of term isn’t until Friday so technically I’ve still got 2 more days to get it in for a grade… right?!? You see what had happened was I wrote the most beautiful, perfect, poetic scribe of our halloween hash, I mean it was Pulitzer Prize worthy, and then disaster struck. My dog jumped up on my desk, breaking my computer, then eating it, essentially eating my scribe. Then the Internet went out and after hours of fixing them, I rewrote it, and was proudly ready to send it in but the school, I mean Hash, bully took it out of my hands and ripped it up. I was so devastated after all of these mishaps that I just couldn’t fathom writing out the scribe again. I was in mourning. It was truly a masterpiece. But alas, I know everyone is counting on me to get this in, so I’ve mustered up the courage to once again, write out my hopefully award worthy scribe.
One dark, stormy Halloween night (Sunday afternoon) the courageous AH3 members gathered in Maryculter to brave the terrifying woods full of ghosts and ghouls. The massive group of 65 hashers took over the tiny car park and windy road (much to the chagrin of the locals). Many of the Hashers showed up in their best fancy dress to celebrate the holiday ranging from skeletons to ghosts to unicorns and even movie characters. We were joined by several visitors from the Edinburgh H3 group, Inspector Gorse, Red Jumper, Nae Desperate, and Bambi. But why were these 4 willing to brave the spooky journey? We’ll get to that later. After a quick announcement from Glasgow about paying for the Christmas party.
Pre-Run Awards:
Hippo for 1200 runs
Drillbit for 900 runs
GM, Fire Flaps also welcomed new runner Dan, with the help of Blue of course.
Now over to the Hares, TickBait and Skippy, aka the scary rabbit and mouse. Get ready for a muddy trail, 3 spots and you're on, now let’s go, On-On!
As we began to traipse through the woods we started off heading up a hill. During this I overheard a rather interesting conversation between Shaky and Thrupenny Bits about the hare or hear? Prickly Bush jumped in on the action all trying to decide if they could hear each other. As a witness to this event I can solidly say no, none of them were really hearing each other, but rather each having their own conversation.
As I tried desperately not to fall on my face heading down a muddy hill through the woods TickBait went flying by, as if gravity itself had no hold on him. The runners were then rudely sent up another hill as the walkers headed forward down their path. At some point the following piece of wisdom came my way (though sadly my notes do not say by whom) “You’ve got to try everything once, if only to prove you don’t like it.” Thank you mysterious hash proverb, I’ll keep that in mind.
We moved farther into the woods stopping for a spooky sweetie stop, I mean what’s Halloween without candy?! I spent this time trying to catch my breath as I had fallen quite behind due to all the slippery hills. Gravity definitely has a hold on me. After the sweetie stop we all bounded off again over hills, trees, rocks, and streams. Toy Boy Tom took this moment to win the Misogyny Moment of the day when he proudly pronounced “it is ALWAYS the girls fault”. No idea what he was talking about but does it really even matter?
Finally we made our way to the beer stop only to realize we had lost several walkers. After a call with Glasgow, TickBait took off to help stage a rescue for Muff Diver who gave his hip a little too much credit. The rest of us finished off our cold beverages and headed back. All and all a wonderful trail that was at least 90% trail running, with lots of hills and mud.
Luckily MuffDiver, TickBait, and High Maintenance all made it back thanks to the help of a car!
Now for the fun part, the circle, and boy oh boy was this a long one, Aids certainly had his hands full with down-downs:
Toy Boy Tom and Red Jumper after TBT proudly exclaimed “Hey I’m tall I can see!”
Shaky for stepping on poor Blue’s foot
Gas Chamber for chatting (I seem to remember her getting the exact same down-down the first time I was a scribe.)
Ten Brulee for getting a written parking notice from the residents
Award - Bungy Fingers for 25 runs with AH3
Award - Ballerina for 350 runs
Glasgow from Sir Deadmund Hill-Ary for falling on her face during Curling
Numbskull for crashing his car
At this point Twizzle decided to give Aids a break and help out with this heavy down-down load:
Twizzle for saying that ghosts are from Iran - Shame!
Alll of the Ghosts drank at this point but since they were ghosts I couldn’t see how it was.
Toy Boy Tom for saying he would go on the Illuminator Run but not showing up
Illuminati - a down-down for all those that participated in the Illuminator Run: Twizzle, Stalker, Red Jumper, Nae Desperate, Bambi, One Liner, Inspector Gorse, and Underlay
Now for the really important part, our very wise fancy dress judges Panty Pockets, Thrupenny Bits, and Drill Bit choose the winners
Justina as Harley Quinn, Skippy as a Mouse, TickBait as a Scary Rabbit, Gingervitis as a Unicorn, Stalker as a Skeleton?, T-Rex as a Ghost, and Dan as a character from Monty Python
Back to Twizzle and Aids:
Barbarella gave away a bottle of Tamnavulin for the person who could guess the closest number to that on the bottle, Panty Pockets won!
Barbarella for taking a ridiculously long time to give this bottle away
New Hash Handle - Justina is named after her incredibly costume, Harleyquine
New Hash Handle - New runner Dan gets named Patsy (I’m assuming this is a Monty Python thing but I have no idea)
Announcements:
Shaky - December 14th is the next Penshioner’s Lunch
For the November 30th run Rats reminds us it is also St. Andrew’s day so wear your best Scottish fancy dress.
We still need a New Year’s day Hare for a town run
Next Week’s run will be at the Bridge of Something by Hares Wee Willy and Short'n'Thick.
Finally it is time for our incredible hares TickBait and Skippy to have their final down-down. Many hugs and well wishes were given to the Edinburgh H3 guests before they headed off followed by the rest of our lovely Halloween Hashers.
Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen, a sadly sub-par scribe written by the heartbroken Gingervitis after my initial incredible scribe was so horribly taken from me. But please remember, I did get it in before the end of the school year (and also before AGPU), so it still counts!!!
On-On!
2049 - Sun 23 Oct 2022 - Beach Espanade North (54 runners) - Hares: Barbarella & Doina - Scribe: Tonto
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run # 2049
Sunday 23rd October 2022
Beach Esplanade North
Hares Barbarella & Doina
Scribe: Tonto
Eggfoo scribed last week, so it is only fair that Tonto should have a go this week…….really, from my friend Barbarella who so appreciates an opportunity to scribe himself.
Hashy Birthday to Fifi, a swift mention for Sparkle on returning and a couple of visitors with five fingers on each hand though related to 4Fingers. Sherlock intervened here, attempting to trip a runner, don’t they know not to run before the hare has explained the trail…..ah, though this was not one of us, twas a civilian exerting rights to access on the Beach Esplanade footpath. My notes also mention a khaki confusion with JC and Thrupennies……..aha Car key, that makes more sense.
Over to the hare, Barbarella who as usual promises us a long one, and we know that means it will be convoluted too.
Off the pack goes, into a dead end corner surely given the presence of the beach, sea and Donmouth, so time for your scribe to become SCB On On along the prom tiddly om pompom. Until we check at the golf course and across we go. I now realised that my couple of days out in the Aberdeenshire hills were the wrong training for a run along the beach and across flat fairways and into scrubby woods, where he stumbled upon a homoerotic vision – the get your kit off boyszone……Underlay and mates, you know who you are, and where you are too. Disgusting.
Next is the Whisky Mac check, oh no its not, it’s all gone, the Walkie Talkies knew where to find it.
On On around Lidl (more of this later) and a super trap for the FRB’s heading up stream on the right bank when its on on over the bridge to the left bank, only to go across the Brig of Balgownie to be back on the right bank, going uphill but downstream until turning upstream but downhill…..getting confused? I was.
Oh, back at Brig of Balgownie the pack was distracted by an amorous lazing mammal, a gorgeous beast lolling in the tide, hang on where is Bruce Almighty. After Apple picking, by the Seaton halls, we mused how Barbarella could teach those lazy students a thing or too, about crumble making.
I took to musing that our hare had in fact produced a good run…..fine weather, well-marked, some great falsies and traps for the FRBs, but possibly rather too long. How can we possibly get back to the cars without crossing the out trail unless we go up to the new bridge and then downstream. Yes that’s it, I’ll take a short cut through the papermill village and past the hydro turbine and then I’ll find the flour and……….oh fuck, not a dot, not a spot, I’ve been had.
Disconsolate I headed back to the beer, expecting to find the pack long home and me not missed much at all. At the bird hide circle I found only Pig Iron, Sharnie, Ballerina, ….no pack, what the heck. Well, I don’t know cos I wasn’t there, but seems this was a cunning cross trail figure of eight and the beer check was behind Lidl all along. Unfortunately, I had an appt, training for next week’s hash curling event, so I missed the circle altogether. I am sure that the RA’s surpassed themselves in awarding copious downdowns in unpalatable ale, and that the hares put on a fab spread at the roadside. Well done.
‘ONON`
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
RUN #2048
Sun 16 October 2022
Inverbervie
Hares: Chantal & 4Fingers
Scribe: Eggfoo
Flaps has that evil look in her eye as she hands me the pad of paper to make notes and be this week’s scribe. I think the last time I was asked to scribe I totally forgot and was probably punished in a suitable manner.
Being a walkie talkie I don’t really see any of the shenanigans of the runners. However, Pink Panther and I set the world to rights while walking along the beautiful seaside trail watching gulls and fulmars swoop and dive above the foamy sea. Pudding stone geology everywhere. Did anyone other than Tonto notice this? Sheep race in panicked chaos as we cross a field up to the top, the farmer will not be pleased. Livestock interruptus. Struth has slowed down to walking pace and graciously lays her coat over the barbed wire fence. The walkie talkies are a bit like the sheep, moving between groups, fast, slow, ambling. We often realise we have not noticed any flour for a bit and have to retrace steps in search of the trail. The hares today have been diligently accommodating both runners and walkers. I know, I know….we should all be trying to run but some of us just like our knees and hips and pelvic floors too much to push it.
The theme today seems to be NAKEDNESS. Splash and Dash told me she thinks we should have a topless run. I’m all for it. (Though my 63 year old pendulous bosoms probably need some kind of support……) Tick bait apparently stripped off his shoes and socks to reveal pearly white feet in order to remove a thorn. Oscar the baby flashes his bare head in the circle. Barbarella has revealed he finally recovered from his crabs. So glad he didn’t feel the need to show us. Red Jumper and Inspector Gorse both stripped and swam! Hooray for them! I suspect if I had been there I probably would have been tempted. Where were Four fingers and splash and dash and flaps? Aren’t they all cold water dippers? There was talk of nipples, bare nipples being shown from a large glass window. Doina got her 50th run T-shirt but didn’t succeed in baring her skin. The Bitch was trolling the crowd in search of pain killers, how dare he ask the homeopath! Toy boy Tom is our new song master. Keeping it short and sweet.
All in all it was a great day out as usual. Tonto and Eggfoo were left with a soft tyre on their fancy Honey Dijon VW electric car. Limping in, borrowing a pump, limping home.
The pub was overwhelmed by the numbers that showed up for lunch. I wouldn’t recommend vegan risotto….they forgot to include the vegetables which is pretty much the whole point of being vegan.
Thank you to the hares. An award due for Chantal who managed to set her first run on her 9th run! Wow. Brave. Maybe there is a hash handle in that one?
2047 - Sun 09 Oct 2022 - Drumtochty Glen (47 Runners) - Hares: Bungee Finger & Pink Panther - Scribe: Ballerina
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2047
Sunday 9th October 2022
Location: Drumtochty Glen
Hares: Pink Panther, Bungie Finger and The Stalker
(yes 3 of needed – must have been a long run!)
It was a wet morning as the pack gathered and Fire Flaps gave the usual spiel at the start and announcements about AH3 40th birthday party. More news still to come!
Pink Panther surveyed the pack to award scribe with everyone looking away. I thought good to make eye contact then she won’t pick me! WRONG! I did say this could be a mistake picking someone who is challenged by limited time, attention span or even worse and my desire to beat the flour and often to be off flour – Sir Deadman Hill-Ary will not be happy.
Well today was no different – I set off with the pack through very wet muddy uphill section and an old stone culvert but unfortunately – the wrong side. Straight away the pack took off. So then next time I saw them was at the circle. No idea what happened after apart for some very steep bits! with the walkers on low ground, eventually disappearing into the distance.
I tried to short cut but found myself in the middle of a fallen tree – stuck. StonAa has a photo but it’s too complicated to ask him to send to me. I found Glasgow and wondered around until Bungee Finger found us and gave some directions. Next thing I knew, were back at the car park, no beer check or sweeties. – Alone but no fear – hash beer always can access refreshments! The pack arrived 30 mins later and the circle started.
Next problem. I left for work/travels the following day – notes left in jacket only to be found 3 weeks later and no idea what most of the notes meant. Perhaps the pack can work them out so I’ve handed them over to the Edithare.
(Deciphered and spruced up by Little Shit. Ed)
Jan B/day
40th week after
Pre run – “womens rights” – Forest Green – TBT + Binliner
New runner
Aquaduct – uphill!!
Down Downs
The Bichhh + Shaky
Biggles Billy no mates at Jack Dee
Twizzle, kit off at Burlesque
The Bitchhh – for not so private piss stop
Fire Flaps for beer abuse
Big Dave & Nazen – new runners
ARD- Ciaran – Time Bandit
Fire Flaps checking with map
Fire Flaps using crochet needle for self-injecting
The Bitchhh – the perfect panto dame!
The Dutchess – 5 split personalities
Stonoah = Underlay – new shoes
On on Your Scribe – Ballerina (Just a hint future hares, hash beer has enough to do)
AH3 ROCKED BY DOUBLE FOOD AND
BEVERAGE SCANDAL
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? -Spokesman
Our newly acclaimed GM's unjustified revenge was swift and terrible. Outraged at having (quite correctly) to pen an ode to last week's run, she turned on the deprived vulnerable and handed me the torn half of a skool exercise book complete with pencil stolen from the Scottish Education Department along with instructions to record every detail of Run 2046. Well, this won't take
long.
A good turn-out for a hash set in the far wastes of the ABZ hinterland. The excellent weather no doubt a factor. Unfortunately, the hash being in a sunny mood, the fools were happy enough to extend the opening circle with an excessive number of pre-run downs.
Announcements:
Red Stripe advertised a curling evening on the 28th October.
Pink Panther let it be know that she was looking for someone young and lusty, non-gender-specific, to co-hare with Prickly Bush and herself next week. Greeted by lewd suggestions.
Community Affairs:
Little Shit apparently received a phone call during the week from a irate lady in Ballater, complaining that someone was placing blobs of porridge on the Deeside Way. Twizzle downed for oaty abuse.
New Runner:
Kieran (for it was he) introduced by Barbarella by means of shouting his name from the other side of the car park.
Naughty Step:
If you have ever wondered how, in the name of all that is holy, mismanagement make decisions, wonder no more. The GM and Little Shit were outed for being tired and emotional after the last meeting held in a haze of alcohol.
Twizzle then asked how many were going to lunch at the Boat Inn, which was a bit strange, because the Boat Inn wanted numbers by the previous Wednesday, but never mind.
The Run:
There were long runners and short runners and walkers and a cyclist and a tourist and the run went up and round a hill and came down again, but did not go to the river, which was a shame; but it wasn't very long. Alas, alack, during the run Sir Deadmund Hillary lost his iPhone 14 because he keeps it in his back-pocket like a teenager.
As we all know, the flour is your friend, even when stuck to a log destined for the mill, and said log is loaded onto a truck while the pack looks on with interest. The destination of the truck is unknown, but Barbarella was last seen passing Drumoak.
A word of explanation:
Instead of setting his usual ballbreaker, which would have kept the pack out for hours, the hare only set a normal 5-6 miler. Super, except he neglected to amend the lunch booking at the Boat Inn ballbreakingly-timed for 1500 hrs. Instead he relied on the circle
to fill in the 2 hour hiatus, which is why some of the downs were of dubious quality. You have been warned.
Here we go:
Fireflaps recklessly invited the hash to her 50th Birthday Party on the 14th January 2023, just a week before the AH3 Birthday Bash to be held on 20th Jan.
Twizzle exposed Struth for throwing away a nearly-full can of lemonade en route from the beerstop (to make room for beer), plus Shaky and Little Shit for equipping themselves with extra supplies from the stash for the run home. Dehydration is a terrible thing, but worse was Fifi's wrath on finding no decent beer at the stop.
Joy of joy! Twizzle was able to reunite Sir Deadmund Hillary with his very-reasonably-priced new iPhone 14, thanks to an auld mannie who found it on the trail and wondered if anyone was interested. Sir Deadmund's emotional reunion with his tech would have made a statue weep.
Barbarella: confusing Cork in Ireland with cock in ?? (yes, I know. See above)
Numbskull and Pigiron for not taking the shortcut (yes, I know. See above)
Shaky and The Penguin for Bounty wrapper abuse and coconut aversion, although The Penguin LOVES coconut. (Not a euphemism. See above)
Sherlock because it was his birthday. Down gallantly taken by the supplier of his treats. (See above)
FiFi for using her bike (See above)
Hippo gave Toy Boy Tom, Biggles, Trymeloveme, and Flaps a down for something, but I can't read my writing. Hey Ho.
Hurricanes Ian and Fiona (getting really desperate now)
Returners: Ross (who was not a new runner, having attended on Boxing Day, but no-one could remember) and Fairy Whippet who jetted in especially.
AOCB:
Pink Panther was disappointed that nothing juicy or nubile had volunteered to help out at her run, but cheered up when Stalker said she would do it.
Some chat about a Wednesday hillwalk and a warning that the Easter Challenge would take place at Easter.
Finally, amid some confusion ( 'I'm not bloody waiting until three o'clock'), it seemed that 10 people were off to hang about the Boat Inn. And really finally, Twizzle remembered to give himself a down for a splendid run.
FINIS
On On: Aboyne community centre, Bridge view road, Aboyne. AB34 5JN
Heading out of Aberdeen follow A93 through Aboyne village heading West. Continue past the B9094 Tarland junction and take next left then turn right into Community centre and Academy. Park near woodland, behind the community centre in the car park. Yes we do have permission!
OS Grid Ref: NO 51909 98574
Latitude: 57°4'32"N
Longitude: 2°47'42"W
aboyne community centre - Google Maps
2045 - Sun 25 Sep 2022 - Kingswells (39 Runners)- Hares: Toy Boy Tom & Underlay - Scribe: Fire Flaps
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2045
Sunday 25th September 2022
Kingswells
Hares: Toy Boy Tom & Underlay
Scribe: Fire Flaps
Sunday runs are now in full swing
But hares amounted to zero
We needed a trail, we needed it now
We needed an absolute hero
Commons sense tells us the men for the job
Should be those that are fresh as a daisy
TBT and Underlay after a half
At Crathes stepped up cos they’re crazy
All racists were celebrated by all
A group down-down they had to make
Then Red Stripe admitted to 350 runs
And received a beer filled quake
(how am I supposed to know how you spell it?)
Your scribe then set off without pen or pencil
(Hashing with such things certainly hinders)
A phone does the job but was judged not allowed
By new rules coming from Cinders
So the trail is itself is left unsullied and free
From any grumbles, moans or objections
There were paths, and pavements, flour and checks
And consumption dykes in numerous sections
(wtf are these?)
A girth and length discussion ensued
(with no input from Short and Thick?)
Large vegetables wielded by Tiger Feet and Aids
And absolutely no refence to anyone’s dick
Glasgow praised the crumble Queens
(I think there were some Kings in there too)
The competition looks set to continue next year
So you budding bakers know what to do
Lost property then was displayed to the circle
A courgette warmer that Rats mislaid
The Bitch’s wallet was also found
And returned once AGPU costs paid
Jet Slag and Toy Boy Tom then celebrated
Their new found love for farmers
They can’t be blamed for such feelings of passion
When it’s known land owners are such charmers
Roger Me Moore was then punished for having
The audacity to place her ice cream
In a location deemed way too far away
For the hashers to find, no matter how keen
Aids expressed bewilderment at the expanse
Of hash data from On Sec Little Shit
The sheer volume of facts and figures and stats
Meant he couldn’t share any of it
Sharnie was plucked from the circle next
For the crime of some time in the sun
And then again for complaints to the hares
For the diminutive size of their run
Short and Thick had his sartorial elegance grilled
With his camo top judged as just wrong
Then time to celebrate the hares
With a rousing, if badly timed song
A final thanks to hash beer of the day
Better than Nummers you simply can’t get
He can pour a mean beer but sadly does not
Have the gift to recognize a courgette
A magnificent day, give thanks to the hares
Along with our great new committee
Who will now strive to plan our next hashing year
While downing beers bought from our kitty
GM Fireflaps
2044 - Sun 18 Sep 2022 - Knockburn Loch; AGPU (53 Runners)- Hares: Shaky & Red Stripe - Scribe: Sergio
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers AGPU 2022
RUN 2044
18th September 2022
Location: AGM A2B
Hares: Shaky & Red Stripe
Scribe: Sergio
For the first time ever I didn’t get the bus to the AGM run. Well – I did, but only after driving to Banchory first which sort of means it didn’t count. A bit damp in Banchory – I joined the hares and Sir Deadmund Hillary as we waited patiently for the bus. It was delayed a little – the reason became clear later. Still, it wasn’t too long a ride: we were soon enjoying that pre-run pee in the bushes near the AA box on the Cairn O Mount road.
GM Fireflaps called us to order, and, incredibly, appointed yours truly as scribe for the day. Thanks. All I caught of the early proceedings was a pre run down down for Glasgow - something to do with a taxi, no idea what. And;
Toy Boy Tom was awarded his 400th run sweatshirt. Well done that man – we’ll make a real hasher of you yet!!
Shaky and Red Stripe gave us the usual instructions and we were off into the woods. It may be just me, but I find there aren’t many conspicuous landmarks when in woods, just trees, trees and more trees. Don’t get me wrong – I like trees – it just means that I can’t tell you where we went, I have no idea. There was a pond at one point, and a couple of small streams and a road or two but I can’t be more specific than that. Oh, and a bridge – that was quite near the beer check which was by a river.
Rocks were chucked into the river in an attempt to soak the youngest and furthest out hound – Search Party. I’m not sure it was too successful though. The inevitable group photos were taken and then we wandered off towards B – which was at our regular Brig of Bogendreip carpark. The end of the run after 100 minutes or so. Plenty for me!
After a short bus ride to Knockburn and some time spent refuelling on excellent bbq nosh prepared by Weasel Arse, (a visiting friend of Twizzle’s apparently), we circled up in the cool breeze for the marathon down down session that is our AGPU……
I expect that most of you reading this were there, so the following list of offenders should, I hope, make some sense!
Mad Cyclist was the first to do a turn as RA, and he focused on the bus journey. He awarded himself a dd for no apparent reason – probably because he knew he’s get one anyway, and wanted to get one down while we were still paying attention. Then there was:
The Penguin – announcing that he was planning a sleep on the bus.
Sir Deadmund Hillary – tooting the bus driver from the safety of his BMW.
Careless – dull as shit engineering conversation on the bus.
Olymprick – shouting at local runners.
Sergio and Glasgow – for taking the piss out of Mad Cyclist on WhatsApp prior to the run (he should have done T-Rex Cock as well).
GM Fireflaps – delaying the bus in Culter so she could get champers from the Spar shop.
Prickly Bush – for being “cozy”.
Eveready - for being too cozy and threatening to strip.
Canna Be Arsed then gave a dd to Mad Cyclist for putting us through the above. Then he gave one to Toy Boy Tom for some sort of cold welding failure. Then Shaky called out Olymprick for being a fair weather hasher.
Next Sir Deadmund Hillary told us about the year 2022 “whether we wanted to hear it or not”.
“Do you want to know the historical significance of AGPU 2022?
In which year do you think Russia invaded Ukraine?
When Vladimir Putin heard that Russian soldiers are getting sick in Ukraine, what did he do?
He sent a health inspector.
The inspector asked a general
How do you prepare the drinking water?
First, we filter it. Then what? Then we boil it. Then what?
Then we throw it away and drink vodka!
Sadly 2022 was the year Queen Elizabeth II died.
What did the Royals ask the public not to leave as tributes?
Paddington bears and marmalade sandwiches.
Why? – because Paddington is not compostable or combustible when it comes to getting rid of all the floral tributes.
People are leaving marmalade sandwiches as a sign of respect to the queen.
Unfortunately, the grey squirrels thought it was party time.
Perhaps the Royals thought that the Wombles of Wimbledon may descend on London and start fighting the squirrels for the soft toys.
This wouldn’t look good on international TV.
How did the world of sport pay tribute to the Queen?
Cricket continued with the oval test to pay tribute to the queen.
The football league postponed all matches as a mark of respect for the queen.
This shows the impact that queen had on our lives
- that doing or not doing almost anything can be claimed to be showing respect.
Yesterday - I asked my lazy bastard son if he was going to eat his broccoli?
He said, “No dad, it’s my tribute to the queen”.
Why were the British cycling federation criticized?
The British cycling federation were criticized for strongly recommending that people do not ride their bicycles during the Queen's funeral.
It is not entirely clear why riding a bicycle would be seen as disrespectful.
Maybe they should have been more specific – like avoid riding a unicycle - in a clown outfit - inside Westminster Abbey - during the service.
Anyway, to be fair – the British cycling federation made a U-turn!!!
So, when discussing AGPU 2022 with fellow hashers don’t forget to mention – Long live the King”
OnOn
Sir Deadmund Hillary
Finally we moved onto the run itself!!
Twizzle gave
Mad Cyclist a down down for constantly retying his laces. And one to
Eveready for having her trousers on inside-out.
Next the “brolly boys” were called out – for carrying umbrellas on the run – Numskull, The Bitchhh, Bin Liner and Penguin were the offenders here.
Mr Sheen drank because his trainers were too white, and
Rats because his posh fishing clothing was deemed “too smart” for the likes of us. I think he only turned up to get fed on the way home from the pond he had been at.
Proceedings were then halted while Muff Diver “Jake the Pegged” his way across the circle on his new hip. Lubrication was given.
A group missed the beer check – Not Dot, Roger Me More, Drillbit, Careless – Numskull was blamed for their absence, not sure why. Perhaps he didn’t let them look at the map?
Canna Be Arsed then took over –
Underlay was first for a sip, for ignoring him on a late night bus no matter how loud he shouted ON ON!!
Ballerina then had a drink for something I missed – maybe to do with being hash beer?
Next we went inside and sampled the crumbles – well done those chefs and cheffesses! As we reconvened the judges gave us the results: in 3rd place was GM Flaps, 2nd was Roger Me More and first place (with two entries apparently) was BALLERINA! Stalker was singled out for failing the brief – she made a lattice pie rather than a crumble. All the crumble makers then took a drink.
(Actually your scribe was somewhat miffed not to have been asked to help judge the crumble competition! I don’t expect it would have made any difference to the result but it would have allowed me to sample ALL the entries, instead of only half of them!).
Back to the business at hand: Twizzle gave 4Fingers a down down for locking the Knockburn bathroom door while she took a shower – this stopped any of the girls being able to get in for a pee – much to their consternation!
4Fingers than invited Sauerkraut for a drink – because he lent her his woolly hat to carry fungi back from the run!
Shaky then picked on Eveready for running out of battery, Mr Sheen and Ballerina for a “last place” race, and finally to Red Stripe for being the best co-hare.
Twizzle then gave both hares, Shaky and Red Stripe, a drink for being hares for the day – well done both.
Now we moved onto the AGPU! OneLiner was our esteemed master of ceremonies for this august event. (Held in September – I know, I know).
First order of business was a down down for the outgoing committee. The GM gave each one a tiny little cup with “The Best” and their committee position on – “The Best Hash Cash” for instance. A little pointless I thought but far be it for me to point this out…..
As luck would have it the vast majority of this year’s committee felt able to serve another year – saving us from long drawn out voting procedures – so well done them! In case anyone thinks they got away with it, this is what I recorded:
GM – Fireflaps – unopposed.
Joint Masters – Shaky and the Bitchhh (they’ll both do nothing someone said).
Hash Cash – Glasgow – unopposed.
On Sec – Little Shit – unopposed.
Head Hare – Panty Pockets – unopposed.
Hash Beer – Ballerina and Hippo (assisted by Numskull).
Social Sex – Ice Breaker and Red Stripe.
RA – Twizzle and Aids – unopposed (what – no room for Mad Cyclist???).
Haberdasher – Underlay – unopposed.
Songmeister – Bag O Bones & Not Dot (she writes ‘em, he sings ‘em as per Elton & BT).
Olymprick – having been quiet for too long then awarded a down down to One Liner for getting us through this legislation virtually unscathed. Then he awarded a drink to Bin Liner for being another “Liner”
And so to the awards for the previous hash year. RA Aids was on hand to take us through them. First was the prestigious Run of the Year or Best Trail if you prefer: most nominations were for a run by Tonto and Eggfoo, but of those present on the day it was a tie between Not Dot and Biggles and Icebreaker and Red Stripe.
Next: Best Scribe – there were many nominations for this – half the pack got at least one but the winner was Icebreaker.
Worst Trail: this went to Stalker and the Bitchhh, with honourable mentions for Barbarella and Sauerkraut.
Worst Scribe – Barbarella – unanimously I think, although it would have been better described as “no scribe”!
Hash Crash – this went to Numskull, for some misdemeanour or other in son Lewis’s van. Honourable mention for Search Party here apparently.
AH3 Fashion Icon of the year – almost unanimously awarded to Bin Liner – who else?
Hash Misogynist – Barbarella. No idea why.
Next – the strangely worded New Meat award: it went to Try Me Love Me, but Struth got an honourable mention.
FRBOTY – our fastest runner would appear to be Tick Bait this year (honourable mention to Underlay too).
SCB of the year – Olymprick just stole this one from Bruce Almighty.
Hash Shit – we were told that the Bitchhh came a distant second to Barbarella for this award! For misdemeanours too numerous to mention apparently.
Hash Beer of the Year – a limited field for this one but the winner was clearly Ballerina.
Then the owners of all the hash hounds were called out for a sip (hardly an award then): Fireflaps, Bin Liner, Fifi, Mad Cyclist, T- Rex Cock, Muff Diver, and The Bitchhh.
Then the Hash Shit toilet seat, which had strangely gone missing, was found and Barbarella was given another drink -wearing said toilet seat this time.
The final few awards (I can hear you sigh from here – how do you think I feel?) were as follows:
Best GM – the GM ffs.
Best Hash hostess – Glasgow and Struth
Most forgetful – Bin Liner or Drillbit – I can’t remember which one got it. Perhaps both.
Crawler(???) – T Rex Cock
Noisiest Hasher: Sir Deadmund Hillary apparently.
And….. the AGPU drew to a close at 5.25 precisely…..almost:
Red Stripe then gave all today’s RA’s a down down for their sterling work – Aids, Mad Cyclist, Twizzle and Canna Be Arsed.
Then, after a bit of tidying up it was back on the bus for the ride home.
Hope all the attendees had a nice time. And if you weren’t there – I bet you are sorry you missed it!
Should there be a next time – until then.
ON ON,
SERG
You are all welcome to the Aberdeen H3 AGPU - Sun 18th Sept 2022
We will be providing a bus transfer from and to Aberdeen with pick-ups and drop offs along the way (TBC nearer the time)
There will be an excellent trail with the usual AGPU circle at the end.
PLEASE FILL IN THE ATTACHED FORM WHETHER YOU ARE ATTENDING OR NOT (YOUR VIEWS ARE IMPORTANT!)
This form will:
· Let us know if you wish to be nominated for a committee position
· Tell us your nominations for the ANNUAL AH3 AWARDS
· Allow you to choose options for food, beverage and bus pick times if you are attending AGPU
· Share your 2000th run memories
One form per person.
If you are attending the Cost is £20 per head.
Payment: by bank transfer:
To ensure we can match payments to your registration make sure you ID yourself.
Account Name: ABERDEEN HASH HOUSE HARRIERS
Account No: 00100768
SORT Code: 80-12-06
REF: ‘AGPU’ and your name to identify the payment
Please note:
· DOGS ARE NOT ALLOWED ON SITE - THAT INCLUDES INSIDE PARKED CARS OR BUSES!
· Limited/ no mobile phone coverage at the site.
· Consider bringing a change of clothes, towel, a drinking vessel (not glass), and possibly a fold up chair!
OnOn!
GM Flaps
2043 - Mon 12 Sep 2022 - Balmedie Beach (37 Runners) - Hares: Mad Cyclist & Bog Brush - Scribe: Bungee Finger
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2043
Balmedie Country Park
12 Sept 2022.
Hare: - Mad Cyclist & Search Party
Scribe; - Bungyfinger.
Hashers arrived promptly, perhaps fearful of the dark that awaits the tardy hasher on this, the last, Monday Hash-night of the year.
Pre-run ceremonies commenced with Twizzle calling Underlay out on the carpet for not remembering how he got home after the Mearns AGPU. Then followed an exhibition by Mad Cyclist of what at first appeared to be Crop Circles but later turned out to be a fine example of Hash symbology.
Following this beautifully delivered, but total misguidance, we were off, Twizzle in the lead sporting an overnight backpack in case of a long run. Some wavered as we went past the Mushroom Farm before arriving at the first check cunningly hidden behind a bench. Whilst the pack searched in disorder, Little Shit showed great interest in the offer of “Services for Older People” written on the nearby sign for Balmedie Care Home. A quick blow of the horn heralded on-on and off we headed into the trees. Suddenly, a new Hasher (Julyana?) appeared out of the trees, put one foot into a bog, yelped, and abruptly disappeared back into the gathering gloom. A possible Bogfoot sighting, or so I thought….
The run continued a-pace, but now we came across more Checks than a day trip to Prague. At one point, Search Party asked his co-hare which way to go and then promptly took the wrong path. Meanwhile, the pack headed with great purpose along Aspiration Drive, stopping only to admire Porches on the driveways. Then into the Dunes, past a baby windfarm plantation, before cresting a hill and descending to the beach. In the gathering dusk, the dawdlers stumbled past Jetsam, Flotsam and the odd blob of Hashsam at the back of the pack. Then, as we followed the mass of footprints ahead of us on the beach, it was only natural to speculate as to what primitive creature a future Attenborough will ascribe these Late Rapacious fossilised tracks? Finally, having been refreshed by the beer stop, Glasgow’s fairy light “showed us the way”, whilst I listened enthralled as Barberella delivered his best pick-up lines to one of the new (Polish?) runners. By the light of the moon, a few dim torches and some even dimmer Hashers, the pack was presently called to order.
· Bin Liner announced his Chilli had raised 75 quid for Blind Dogs - Well done that hasher!.
A minute silence then followed for Her Majesty and was succeeded by a rousing “God Save The Hash”, sorry King. Down-downs were then loudly proclaimed for:
Bin Liner – For not curtsying when opening a gate for the Queen.
The Bitchhh and Stalker – For some weird connection to a deflated blow-up love doll Twizzle found on the beach
The Bitchhh… - Again, but this time for his birthday. Was the doll a gift perhaps?
Sharnie and Little Shit – For pissing on Royal Land and mooning at the Queen Consort
New Runner Justyne – For withstanding Barbarella’s eurocharm
Bungyfinger- For being too tight to buy more than one hash shirt per decade
Twizzle then rattled on about crumble and his role as head caterer for the AGPU. Suddenly, my grief at not being able to make this year’s event evaporated…..
Bungyfinger 13/09/2022
On On
On On: Balmedie Beach North Carpark, Balmedie Country Park, Balmedie, Aberdeen AB23 8XG
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/UXFjX7W2x2VvciVeA
On Inn:
Hazards:
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2042
Woodbank, Cults
05 Sept 2022.
Hare: - BinLiner
Scribe; - OneLiner. Still not Barbarella .
The Liners Collide! I`m sure that this must have happened on a ski-slope before now. It`s not just a High Seas thing, you know.
On a mild autumn night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? No? But what about the Wolf of Kabul with the pink flour, then? And with that musical reference, we set the average(ish) age of Monday night`s participants, this time round.
So we all circled up around the vehicle coral, arse first as required by the safety police. The usual assortment of second hand buggies for the rest of us, paling into insignificance beside the shiny new chariots of the Shell Pensioners, gleeful over their most recent percentage pay-out . But as Hippo was heard to say “7% o` Fuck All is still Fuck All “. And with that succinct summary of Global Finance let`s leave the monetary considerations for another time.
BinLiner glided serenely into the circle on his bike (been taking lessons in poise from Fifi?) but actually looking more Worzel then Wolf . He didn`t really need to mention that the flour was pink.
But before he got around to that, the miscreant nose- parkers were summoned into the Circle for pre-run down downs:-
Fifi – less elegant in a Honda than on a bicycle .
Biggles - should have flown over, in his Sopwith Camel.
Thruppenny - just confused .com.
Sir Dedmund = ded unfair because he was officiating the cash and really needed to face that way. Hash Beer got the special dispensation but maybe Aids didn’t get the memo for Sir Ded of Mund.
And so to the Hare. Well; - given the nuclear glow all around him, it wasn`t much of a surprise to learn that he had set the trail in pink. Not through choice, though. Forced he was – right against his will – by some thoughtless MH4 criminal who had pre-polluted the BinLiner alternative to the WPR with a whiter shade of pale flour already.
The trail itself started out perhaps a little sparse , but after BinLiner realised that much had been washed away by some unexpected inclemency around the cloud-base , he kicked the mighty boneshaker into gear and veritably flew around the vicinity ; very helpfully setting fresh pink as he went . Good Man! Great Hasher.
And where did it go? Well I`m fooked if I know. Evidenced by my confident comment to Fire Flaps about half way round that since were still heading North we would soon be looping around to the West so that we could back-track on ourselves and cross Counteswells Road, to the South. Turns out we were in fact already heading due South and had just crossed Counteswells Road … … … My how she laughed before daring me to try to cover up my very personal directional instability in this Scribe.
But I needn`t have worried. No sooner had I crashed my street cred to zero than I happened upon Tonto, who had retrieved a pink rubber dog toy which ably doubled up as a mobile spot. So he told me that wherever we were, we would always be on trail!
And where TF were we? Still fooked if I know. But eventually we entered the pitch blackness of the Den of Cults And that`s only one letter out from what it actually was once we descended upon it. The check was as poorly lit as an 80`s night club, so with all of our combined prior experience of the appropriate environment it was actually a breeze finding the beer and the chocolate.
Little Shit went above and beyond and even found a complete set of Car and House keys which Mad Cyclist had been foolish enough to entrust to the “safe” care of his youngest, Search Party. Well done for your honesty LS. I know that the temptation to wait and casually observe the rising panic after the Circle must have been pulling at you like a magnet in a scrap yard. But you defied convention and passed them back right away. I also fear that it`s because you might have forgotten you ever had them in your possession until next Tuesday morning (I once drove back to Aberdeen from Durris with Numbskull’s keys in my pocket. Ed)
Trotting back to the On Inn I enjoyed a spot of mature conversation with Red Stripe and Ice Breaker. Shame that I`m now so mature that when passing a particularly splendid new house I couldn`t quite remember which TV show it should have featured on “You know , Kevin thingy and all that architectural stuff ” . Thank Google for Grand Designs. You all know now!
Back at the homestead of The Arse First Coral , Aids stepped off his horse and sorted out some down downs before sundown ( well actually … … … but it was just too good a phrase to resist ) Others were awarded by Twizzle and Shaky And the lucky recipients were:-
Twizzle – on a mild (and darkening) Autumn night, would you leave your head torch in the car?
Fireflaps - a wee-stop gone wrong, resulting in a bush in the bush moment – or moments!
Tiger Feet, Panty Pockets and Aids. Initially sounded like a menage a trois to me, but it turned out that they were the only ones who could read the Walkers map. Allegedly, they got to the Beer alone, drank it alone and left it back where they found it. Still alone. Our Den of Running Cu*ts was waaaaaay behind.
Red Stripe:- She`s got a new hoose !
Barbarella: - Still cannae string 2 words together in print. Best that way Barbs. No written evidence.
Not Dot: - She tried a new song. That was sweet. But it didn`t have any sweary words or sexual references in it, so it missed out on the Hash Top 100.
Rats:- Now whereas the man is awesome in all of his P.O.V “ Adult “ video outpourings , he`s apparently hopeless when confronted by the other type of bike .
Other Shell Pensioners: - When One SP drinks ….. You`ve beaten me to it.
Tick Bait: - Achieved 8th position in the recently run Huntly Half Marathon. Awesome result to be in the top 10 of any event like that. Without the artificial aid of Age Groups (Ahem).
Toy Boy Tom: - Ran to the Hash and appeared to be planning to run home again also (having front run the whole thing too !) Clearly planning a genuine top ten finish in the upcoming Crathes Half.
Search Party:- For Keygate .Obvs.
BinLiner:- for an awesome and interesting , light and dark and pink trail
And so to bed. But not before stumbling in the door only to find a bottle of Banks Amber still in my fleece pocket. And still securely capped. Which was nice! Turns out that writing down, down- downs was all I could manage in sequence on a Monday night after a busy day at work. Multi-tasking ? Not a chance.
OneLiner. One thought. At a time.
On On
On On: Woodbank Hotel, North Deeside Road, Pitfodels, AB15 9PN.
Google Map : https://goo.gl/maps/aS7AAuTkTsYbhovB9
(Note: Reverse parking only, on Gravel car park)
On Inn: Bin Liners pad. 6 Belvidere Rd AB15 9HP.
( Note : parking on North Deeside Rd or Netherby Rd. See map on the day.)
2041 - Mon 29 Aug 2022 - Netherton Business Centre (42 Runners) - Hares: Express Chicken & Tiger Feet - Scribe: Prickly Bush
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2041
Monday 29th August 2022
On On: Netherton Business Centre, Kemnay
Hares: Express Chicken and Tiger Feet
Scribe: Prickly Bush
A fine evening and the promise of a lovely run in the countryside led to a good turnout of hashers, all ready and raring to go. Being a little shell shocked after being nominated as Scribe I have to admit to not being entirely sure to whom the pre-run down down was given, but I think/hope I’m correct in saying it was Pink Panther who was just about to reach the grand old age of 37. Hashy Birthday Pink Panther and you can slip me that fiver later!
Tiger Feet then strutted his stuff in the circle. He was a little concerned, as some of the trail had been sabotaged but he needn’t have worried, there was plenty of the white stuff for us to follow.
The first check was memorable. It resulted in a very long back check that, I believe, all the runners fell for. Perhaps worthy of an award at the up and coming AGM!
Early on, there seemed to me to be a recurring theme on this trail. Whenever the runners popped out of the forest we always seemed to be behind the walkers, having to run past them again and again. I also recollect some off piste sections that took us through thick forest a couple of times. On one occasion I accidently let a branch swing back towards Twizzle which nearly resulted in the loss of his eye. He accepted my apology and pointed out that he had another one, so all was well. It was a fast moving hash and Just as we were running out of steam and daylight was beginning to dim, we thankfully fell upon a well stocked beer check, complete with lots of sweeties which was gratefully received by all. Unbeknownst to us, this would provide the pack with the needed sustenance for the treck back to the on inn in the gloaming.
Many thanks to the Hares for a well executed trail and for providing some very precisely cut and tasty sandwiches and cookies.
Post run down downs were duly awarded to
T-Rex – for being a light-weight Father of the Bride
Hippo - for reminiscing about beer checks being half way round
Binliner and Drillbit – for being tardy to the on-in circle last week
Hippo and Ballerina – for being athletes by taking part in “Ride the North”
Barbarella – for attempting to seek glory on the Lonach Hill Race and advertising `the Hash’ whilst doing so
Binliner, Hippo, Numbskull, Drillbit, Bag of Bones and Biggles – for surpassing 70 years young
Julia and Fecky de Feck – for turning up
Underlay – for under laying and keeping to the right hand side!
Twizzle – for being a very enthusiastic attendee at the MH4 AGM
Mad Cyclist and JC – dobbed in by Search Party for getting lost on their way back to the on-inn.
Fire Flaps – for not registering her interest in the AGM! (Numbskull kindly being her stand-in).
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run #2040
Monday 22th August 2022
OnOn: Torphins
Hares: Red Stripe & Icebreaker
Scribe: Sauerkraut
Another great turn out despite the long distance to TorpAhins from Aberdeen, where most of the hashers are staying; so, - was it the weather? Well, though it looked like rain looming in the sky, people must have put their faith into our trustworthy RA, who lately seems to be on really good terms with the weather gods looking back at some of the last runs. Or was it the more unusual location? Where the f… is Thorphins? Or possibly the hare: Red Stripe? Well, we may never know. But when it came to selecting the scribe, she was heading without hesitance to me handing over the little notebook and pen. Apparently I didn’t pay enough beers to her during the last pensioner’s lunch. Another lesson to be learned.
We congregated in front of the church, apparently the biggest open paved space in Torphins. Some locals stared at us in awe, haven’t seen such a big crowd since before covid, and they may have wondered what covid did to us. The RA started with a joke but got the lines a bit muddled up, which earned him a well-deserved down down. We had quite a few virgins and visitors, notably a Hammersley hasher (Squirt) and a tall quite young muscular Dutch guy, introduced as Paul, but preferred to be called Bob (ladies, take note).
The run started with crossing the old railway line on an old bridge and going down a dodgy staircase and slope, which looked like it hadn’t been used since the demise of the railway. This caused of cause a little congestion and some young, eager front runners bashed their way through the bushes, complaining later about the stinging nettles. Tough luck, the hash is not only about running. There were quite a few nice little hills on the trail and some nasty back checks. Some hashers got even a little lost or should I just say ‘disorientated’. That can happen so easily if you concentrate more on the physique of the runner in front of you than on the trail. And in the end they just dash off and the one or the other the old fart just gets lost. Never mind, after navigating and crossing a golf course (the hare is apparently not a golfer, otherwise she would have been a bit more concerned about golf etiquette), we managed a few more little hills, some woods and grassland and a sweaty check before running through the village, Torphins I suppose, although it felt more like Aberdeen or Dundee.
We ran along about every street and little lane in Torphins, all expecting to end up in Red Stripe’s place for the beer check, but no: people were already suffering of dehydration and being close to a heat stroke, when the trail led us out again of the housing area into the woods. But then, eventually, at a rather scenic spot, we managed to find the drinks and the beer. Nobody thought about pacifying the weather gods with some sacrificial beer or a virgin and soon the first drops of rain reminded us of the possibly rather limited powers of the RA concerning the weather gods. We managed to get back to run site reasonably dry, - somebody must have spilled some beer; and were digging into the crisps and nuts and left over birthday cupcakes from the scribe’s granddaughter’s birthday party.
With such a big crowd there was no lack of sinners and Barbarella opened the down down ceremonies for not supplying a scribe report about the last hash, 2039. I hope he corrected his failings by now, otherwise he should get another down down next time. That put extra pressure on me as the chosen scribe to invent and submit something for the 2040 run. A Yorky got one for a fancy dress up, and if one Yorky drinks, all Yorkies drink. They thanked us with a sort of a hymne; - fortunately not too long (I suppose they forget most of the lines).
Some rare shows like the Skinny Witch and One Liner were honoured for their rare appearance and a newcomer called something similar to leukaemia.
The Hammersley man (Squirt) needed another down down for almost getting lost, all the visitors and virgins (8 of them!!!) could show their faces again in the circle and JC and his harem of 4 were exposed for non-stop gossiping.
The hares needed a down down too and there were a few more sinners, e.g.
Tick Bait, but the scribe, not used to scribble down so much, got distracted by then, and will spare them any embarrassment.
One more thing to mention: Drill Bit and Bin Liner were missing and came back rather late. We should really take more care of our seasoned hashers. It’s only a question of time . . .
Your dutiful scribe Sauerkraut, see you all again for the AGPU (18th Sept.)
On On: Learney Hall, Torphins
Learney Hall, 9 Beltie Rd, Torphins AB31 4JT
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/fPiczaPW5yMd1xFcA
Hazards:
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run No. 2039
Mon 15 Aug 2022
Stonehaven
Hare: Fire Flaps
Scribe: Barbarella
After arriving in good time after participating in a race on the “Queens highway” with The Bitchhh and Stalker.(I won btw, only because Zak overshot the entrance!)
After paying my dues the circle was called. While trying to explain to a nearby Harriet what was going on our GM FireFlaps was given the task of choosing a scribe. She eyeballed me talking and walked away only to return saying “I never learn, but I’ll give you another chance!” as she thrust a falling apart notebook and a glittery pen into my hand, followed by “You’ll keep getting the scribe until you complete one!” Well I felt so honoured to be chosen and as I only want to please and make my GM proud so please to be given another chance.
Visitors from Phoenix Arizona B Flat (female Harriet) and Victoria (male hasher) brought along by The Penguin.
RA, AIDS after a little tease about who might have been on his 900 runs outing eventually produced a bottle of whisky for Numbskull. Yes, 900 runs and if he hadn’t spent 13 years away from Aberdeen he would have been ahead of Little Shit and The Penguin according to Numbers!
Without much more ado the Hare was called into the circle and with a water bottle in hand gave us a demonstration of how to write beautifully in flour on the ground probably a skill you get from writing on white boards.
Gingervitus who was standing next to me was impressed with the water bottle to dispense flour idea. It was an “F” this week for a falsey and a proper backcheck sign when you have to return to the check. [A bar with an arrow pointing back to the check for those wondering what the correct sign is.]
With a point of her elbow and the Hashers were off towards the railway line and a left along the street running parallel. I was still gathering my thoughts when a young lady drove into the carpark in a BMW she jumped out and asked me, probably because I was looking important with a glittery pen and a notebook in my hand, if she was too late?
Well I gestured to Glasgow saying you should pay your run fees but there’s no time, just get running and off we went now well behind the main group. Asking a few questions as we ran I found out her name was Chantal and she had found the Hash via the web page! (Well done Little Shit.)
Next we found the pack bunching up at some new houses being built, the trail was found again but not before we had to “Act normal!” as a police car passed, stopped and eyed us up. They were probably thinking WTF! J
Through a narrow lane beside a house took us out beside the river Carron and lovely new path which I can’t remember previously.
Into Dunnottar Wood and a chance to get our feet wet in the burn, many hashers keeping on the right hand bank which is where some got lost The Penguin being one with his friends from Arizona. Through a field and onto the road. Here we almost got a name for Clair Prickly Bum, after falling on a thistle and complaining about it, however that was too close to another Harriet’s name. Popping back into the wood opposite the round grain store or is it a water something I’m not sure. Another chance to slide down the bank on your bum and get your feet wet at the burn/swamp at the bottom. Cinders decided to do her own route No Noing it down the road.
More confusion at the clear area in Dunnotter Wood eventually being solved by some clever observant hasher, Tickbait?
Not before I complained to Wee Willie and Ballerina (We are twins separated at birth, I’ll have you know) because they were malingering, “Get on with yer notes was the reply.” Charming!
Tickbait had been doing his normal exercise routine on the hash known as “Fartlek” most of the way. (Fartlek not what you think. :-0
About here I recall a discussion with Icebreaker and how “Everything has its price.” I’ve not had any offers yet btw.
We then find the flour going up the steep old road which has pleasant views of the harbour and beyond we were heading to the war memorial monument when we realised it was a massive falsey! Not too happy front runners returned only to find the trail followed a path adjacent to the road they had followed, all properly caught out by the Hare then! J
On to Stonehaven Harbour where we saw the Sea Scouts marooned on the beach with their sailing dingy things! (not the wrong spelling of dinghy by the way but a reference to the 70’s information film. Joe and Petunia apparently here’s the YouTube link for those who wish reminded of the late 60’s early 70’s or just haven’t a clue what I’m wittering on about. https://youtu.be/KEHc1XGr0Ss )
Onward along the beach front with the cute model boats in stainless steel. Over the Cowie Water via the footbridge and a quick left past the bowling greens and tennis courts, at the main road a little help from Sir Deadmund Hillary as he leaned over the railing at the entrance to Mineralwell Park let us catch up with Golden Shower. The Hare was ahead as there were freshly laid arrows denoting the way. A short walk along the path avoiding the local 12y/o youths. Toy Boy Tom saying something inappropriate about Fire Flaps’ bum or was it spanking Fire Flaps’ bum? Anyway I don’t think charges are going to be pressed! (No doubt to be continued later. J )
We popped out at the top of the hill at an entrance I don’t remember before, along the tarred road and under the railway bridge, another sharp left and we were at the railway station. Past some slightly older youths lining the tree covered lane. Back under the railway bridge and along Brickfield Road to wind our way through the estate to FireFlaps fire, back garden with beer stop and chickens to cuddle. Some very nice vegetables on show in her raised beds, is there no end to this girls talents?
After a very well deserved brew we meandered our way back to the carpark passing a vertical lifting contraption on the playing fields with a rope and 4 or so people standing around it, I was stupid enough to ask if they were a “tug of war team” to which one replied “No Stonehaven Crochet club!”. Okay ask a stupid question.
At the circle the jokes are at an all-time low, with the rail strikes taking place Numbers? asked “Are the train drivers taking us for a ride!” Something about the street cleaners strike too?? Refuse to pick up!
Unlike London we don’t have any Underground Tube problems in Aberdeen, hooray I hear you say.
Then we don’t have an underground tube. J
Down Down went to
JC and Twizle :- Just because! Jokes?
FireFlaps :- for having two nick names, seemingly, according to Numbskull in Stonehaven she is known as the “Crazy Chicken Lady”.
Victoria :- As above, for having two names, something to do with the Eiffel Tower and being so drunk he couldn’t see it, even though he was right beside it.
Victoria and B Flat :- Visitors
Chantal :- Virgin
And of course the Hare Fire Flaps for a very enjoyable but smoky run.
On On: Stonehaven, Forest Drive carpark AB39 2GF, next to the rugby pitch.
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/a18Wt9yvYXri1mjN8
On Inn:
Hazards:
2038 - Mon 08 Aug 2022 - Donview Carpark, Millstone Hill - Hares: Sir Deadman Hill-Ary & Glasgow - Scribe: JC
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run #2038
Monday 8th August 2022
OnOn: Don View Car Park, Bennachie
Hares: Sir Deadmund Hillary & Glasgow
Scribe: JC
Perhaps it was a consequence of last minute foraging in T’Ropers fruit garden, or because of conflicting diary events, or possibly even due to an overly casual approach to timekeeping: whatever the reason for my mis-timed arrival at the OnOn, there seemed no escaping the penalty of being appointed scribe. From a ‘glass half full’ perspective it was of course an honour to be hand picked by the hares as being worthy of the task of recording the fruits of their endeavours.
Apparently, Splash n’Dash had reached a 25 run milestone, which was deserving of a pre-run DD.
The weather was such that beads of sweat were already apparent even before the hounds departed on a steep north-easterly ascent, hemmed in by the foliage. Perhaps the temperature would abate as we stumbled ever higher? With her parents having returned home to the States, Gingervitis was now unhindered by the need to molly-coddle them, and seemed keen to explore her athletic boundaries (at least as far as the first check). Ditto for Try me-Luv me, whose turn of speed was more likely associated with her hazarding a trip into the undergrowth to jettison some excess ballast. Recently returned from Iceland she had been enthusing about the many beautiful waterfalls, and this seemed to have triggered a physical response. I tactfully refrained for mentioning my recent trip to Niagara.
At the first check Hippo gesticulated towards the three blobs of flour clearly visible on the track leading to the right. “Three and you’re on” he prompted, encouraging the gullible masses to expend their efforts on a not so subtle back-check. Tickbait seized the opportunity to lead the pack uphill, but was soon lost to view. I followed, and soon after became aware of heavy breathing behind me. Recollecting that one of the newbie harriettes had been only a short distance behind I was indeed flattered that she should be making such lustful proclamations. Sadly however, a rearwards glance revealed that the licentious panting was in fact simply an indication that Short n’Thick was on the verge of expiring.
This was a hash of much flour and many, many checks. Since Tickbait appeared to be failing in his duty to broadcast his location we were needlessly obliged to actually, well, check them out. However, as the front runners emerged from the woodland at around check number eight he appeared from behind, having taken a wrong-slot way back at check number 3, where the trail veered (or possibly more accurately, backed) northwest. Needless to say he didn’t stay behind for long, and despite several more cunning checks was first to reach the cairn atop Millstone Hill. On this warm sunny evening hashers lingered to admire the magnificent views of the shire.
Leaving the summit on a SW direction soon brought the pack to the Sweetie Check, with Sir Deamund Hillary in attendance to ensure an equitable distribution of said treats.
Hippo then led the pack west as far as a check (no 14!), which was in the middle of an area of Storm Arwen induced mayhem. His refusal to follow the correct out-trail (despite the cacophony of OnOn shouts and mighty horn blasts) was a decisive factor in him not being seen again until the beer check (number 17) had all but dispersed. At aforementioned beer check an already well lubricated Pig Iron and Bruce Almighty (surprise, surprise) were awaiting the arrival of the FRB’s. Barbarella, temporarily excused from his minding duties, was part of this contingent. As was 4Fingers, who however had not been relieved of her minding duties – though her conscience was perhaps slightly assuaged by the timely arrival of Innes, one of her previous charges. The resulting build-up of CO2 from the beer swilling assemblage had not gone unnoticed. It sent the insect life into overdrive, and formations zoomed in on various exposed appendages, some of which had hitherto not seen the light of day since last summer.
Back at the On-Inn Circle the RAs (well Twizzle mostly) awarded various punitive down-downs as follows:
Toy Boy Tom & Shaky for their part at last week’s run whereby Underlay initiated a third call-out of the fire brigade to douse an area of woodland at Hazelhead. (Jetslag was excused on account of not coming this week, apparently)
Twizzle & Red Stripe for posting daring photos on Facebook taken from the epi-centre of said fire.
Prickly Bum & Search Party for impressive Bum Slides on their descent from Millstone Hill
Thrupennies & Glasgow & Tonto for forgetting to retrieve various items after attending T’Ropers recent splendiferous Japanese Garden Party. [In Tonto’s mitigation he appears to have been unaware of being duty bound to remind Eggfoo not to leave without her jacket.]
Thrupennies for being a total Japanese party girl (somewhat intoxicated by quitting time!)
Redstripe, Search Party, Hippo & Tickbait for matching war-wounds and copious blood-letting
4Fingers for bring along her friend Claire (now named Prickly Bum), but failing miserably to be a responsible mentor
Hippo for losing his way in wood he knows ‘like the back of his hand’
Glasgow & Sir Deadmund Hillary for blatantly ignoring the Ukrainian grain embargo, so as to hare an excellent run in superb weather.
It was at this point that your humble scribe would have prompted attendees to invite their friend(s) to give their body frequent thorough inspections to extricate any ticks lodged in awkward nooks and crannies. However, he was already long gone on account of another conflicting diary event!
** Reminiscences and Ramblings from JC. Note that all characters are fictional, any resemblance to real people or events being purely coincidental.
On On: Donview Forest Carpark, AB51 7JE - beyond Lords Throat in the R Don valley, north of Monymusk.
What3words https://w3w.co/passions.monks.tungsten
OS map reference NJ671190
Googlemaps link: https://goo.gl/maps/MS9AZi8PqP3Bt8Uw6
Head North through Monymusk for 0.9 miles, where the road turns sharp right (signposted Lord’s Throat) to cross the River Don. At the next two junctions follow the signs left for Donview Forest Walks, and the car park will be found on the right after another 1.7 miles. There is parking on both sides of the old wooden interpretation centre. It is legal and any fallen trees have been removed or can be safely avoided.
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run No. 2037
Mon 01 Aug 2022
OnOn: Hazelhead Crematorium
Hares: Jetslag & Toy Boy Tom
Scribe: The Bitchhh
The BitcHHH was GMing for the day, doing a sterling job if I don’t say so myself, he had remembered the long list of things he needed to do and would have made FireFlaps proud. I asked the hares to name a scribe, which backfired and here we stand today – with the best scribe of the hashy year awaiting your eyes.
4-fingers got her long awaited 25 run award by the way!
I was given no pen and no paper (that may have been my job), and received no emails, despite requesting intel during the closing circle; it also didn’t help that I was a walker for the day! There were 2 new runners/walkers: Randy’s parents (some also know her informally as Gingivitis)! There was also one visitor, #####.
We all set off, The BitcHHH and Underlay limping behind the pack, discussing old age in great detail. Low and behold, Shaky joined our hobble pack just before entering the woods… There had been signs of a fire! Shaky being the brave man that he was wanted to put it out, I suggested his hose, but he thought his foot would be better; boy was he wrong. After almost setting his shoe on fire his bravery turned to panic, and he ordered Underlay to phone 999 and report the fire – I slunk off.
I was miles behind everyone and almost walked back to the cars, but at the last minute made the right choice at the fork in the road and eventually caught up to some walkers, who by that point were ahead of the runners. Short cutting to the max we made it to the beer stop, with me not having seen very much action at all along the way. Now, not everyone made it this far might I note! Specifically, Lipstick, Stalker, Lottie, Mrs T, Shaky, Mad cyclist, and a few others.
While I was resting my frail self on the bench overlooking the beautiful roses, Jet Slag came up to me and had a story for me, unaware that any fire fighters had been involved in today’s run to this point. She went on to tell me that when this hash was getting set, there had been a small patch of burnt area in the forest, smaller than todays, and that she had done the noble thing too and called the fire brigade… When she was talking to them at the time, after their arrival, she recognised her hero from the past! As it turned out, the fire man who had come to her rescue that day, had been the same fireman who had in fact saved her from falling out of a window not that long before (maybe longer than is implied here). They could tell from this moment that there was something more at work here, perhaps fate, yes. But maybe destiny. So despite Fireman Sam being in his early 30’s (much like myself actually), she put her heart on her sleeve, took his hand and asked him if he would like to grab a deep fried Mars Bar sometime… She never did tell me what happened after that, but I could tell it was as hot as the inside of that beer battered treat.
Underlay and Shaky never made it through the run either as they had actually stayed to direct the fire fighters to the blazing inferno, so I had their beer instead, despite Hippo’s attempt to keep them from me.
There were some down downs in the rain after the run, I don’t really remember very much about that…
Olymprick and Bruce Almighty for apparently going straight to the beer check
Twizzle did something stupid again, got some people mixed up
Red Stripe for ?
Search party for ?
Eveready – returner
Lipstick, TickBait, Stalker, Mad cyclist – for running past the beer check
Gingervitis’s folks had their first taste of the Twizzle.
I remember that I didn’t get one.
Hares Jetslag and ToyBoyTom
The End.
On On: Crematorium graveyard parking, off Skene Road, Woodend/Hazelhead
https://goo.gl/maps/h1Y2HKfLn2ChPR6a8
On Inn:
Hazards:
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run No.2036
Mon 25 Jul 2022
OnOn: Banchory Business Center
Hare: Shaky
Scribe: Wee Willie
A good start to the evening, your scribe was offered a lift to the on-on by hare Smiler, though she was giving away no clues to the route. A detour via the on-inn first to offload the dessert for the post-hash barbie (excellent meringue nests) and to pick-up other hare Shaky.
Nice to see a big pack after my 3-week tour of God's other country (Ireland). Back to hashing to work-off the Guinness and the other excesses (or not?).
Pre-run DD went to The Penguin- another birthday, he's had too many to mention- though the pack were disappointed he wasn’t bearing gifts of chocolate bars.
Welcome to nearly new and new runners Annabel & Fiona, enticed along by Tick Bait. Welcome also to returner Lipstick, to great excitement from Struth, and visitor Hard Case from Hammersley Hash (in the other Perth). Or was it Express Chicken from Perth? I can’t read my notes...
Then a detailed explanation of flour usage for our one new runner from Shaky, though no explanation as to why it was pink?
I am informed that a dog misbehaved in the circle- we do have a lot of dogs, I know, but my source informs me it was non-other that our GM Flaps’ borrowed beast Harvey. Said badly behaved canine emitted exhaust gases near to one of our more sensitive harriettes, High Maintenance. Whatever next.
On-On down the hill. Led by Barbarella, Underlay, Toy Boy Tom, Prickly Bush plus Muff Diver and Cannae Dae That on bikes.
As expected Toy Boy Tom lost trail at the first check. Then so did I, I also saw Icebreaker (with his usual stick) and Prickly Bush milling around. Some vague calling drew us back through the forest, at which point I got even more lost, not ideal for the Scribe. About this time I came across Bruce Almighty complaining bitterly that he had been given invisible directions from the hare, so he was as lost as I was. I discovered Shaky’s cunning plan later- best not to be too specific for Bruce Almighty or Olymprick, or they’ll get to the beer check too soon.
T-Rex Cock, Bag'O'Bones & 4Fingers knew what they were doing and didn’t get lost (apparently).
Numbskull wasn’t happy either, he’d been given instructions in code- but he seemed to be able to decipher them (no sympathy from The Duchess, who was sauntering some distance ahead of him).
Sauerkraut was spotted foraging for fruits of the forest, that’s one way to slow him down. Hash gossip tells us that he has subsequently come down with covid, infected by his wife, it gets every-one eventually! So no hash pensioners’ lunch for him on the Thursday!
Shaky was overheard angling for a new hash handle- telling Tonto, Short'n'Thick and Hippo “if you can’t find the trail from here I’m a monkeys ar*e”. Needless to say the trail was not found...
I eventually met a non-hasher, who fortunately had more of an idea of the trail than I did. Even better, he gave me an excellent shortcut, so that I caught-up with Thrupenny, Tiger Feet, RMM, Panty Pockets, Batty, Gas Chamber taking turns to look after Harvey (obviously keeping clear of his rear end).
Excellent sweety check, it’s always good to arrive late and find there are still chocs available. Good to see Hashcash still providing sufficient funds.
At this point I learned that Stalker & Tick Bait had been teaching newish hashers Annabel & Fiona about the joys of a good circle mid-run. Or maybe they were trying to work out where they were?
The intellectual capabilities of the hash periodically leaves me in awe. Hash Intellectuals Toy Boy Tom & Barbarella were overheard debating anthropologic research on North American native populations- though how they made the link back to hashing escaped me.
The pack was entertained with an Aids joke back at the cars- something about Las Vegas, ask Cinders.
Lots of DDs followed from Aids & The Bitchhh:
Mad Cyclist- for falling over
Search Party for looking too young- something about being lowed to drink in pubs at 32 (should also have got a DD for getting stuck up a tree).
Numbskull - needing a guide dog
Annabel aka The Nymph for leaping and bounding on trail
Lipstick- for returning
Fiona for coming
The Bitchhh- complaining about a bad back & getting pummelled in hotel bed rooms...
Aids giving Bruce Almighty a map without text
Posh Shoes- High Maintenance, Red Stripe, Barbarella, Bitchhh, Stalker, Underlay
Express Chicken visitor from Perth (not our one)- got lost- always good to achieve that with visitors
Muff Diver & Ballerina for being trainee pensioners for Thursday's lunch- rebound to Aids as they can't come because they’re working...
And finally DDs to the hares Shaky and Smiler for an excellent trail.
OnOn was chez Shaky, where we were entertained with a BBQ cooked on a proper Texan barbie, with Cannae Dae That managing not to burn the burgers. Thanks to Shaky, Mrs Shaky (Val) and Jon. £151 was raised for senSational, thanks to all who donated.
OnOn
Wee Willie
On On: Burn O Bennie Rd near Bancon Homes/Banchory Business Centre, Banchory AB31 5ZU. Park along the roadside
https://goo.gl/maps/4qFzYa3ySWKAd48m6
On Inn: BBQ at Casa Shaky, East Mains off Inchmarlo Rd, Banchory AB31 4BG. Please be considerate when parking & do not obstruct access to other properties.
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
RUN 2035
Mon 18 July 2022
Bridge of Dee
Hares: Golden Shower and Toy Boy Tom
Scribe: Rats
After week in St Andrews sadly painting / property upkeep instead of playing golf (did not get through final qualifying, or get spectator tickets in Ballot). Arrived at On On to find myself as scribe AND RA (always thought our GM was a good / talented judge – sometimes more than other …..
POSITIVES:
Great location
Magnificent helpful Hares
Super Weather
Excellent sized pack and selection of hounds
Entertainment by paddle boarders in neoprene
Good choice of beers / location of sweetie stop and beer stop
Magnificent selection of bronzed Beach Babes and Boys on display
Some refugees from TDF on bikes
AWESOME RIVER CROSSING TO FINISH
2 new runners and 1 returner (from OZ)
Bag of Bones new song about the family history of Australians. Though returner apparently an Aberdonian. Good job no junior hashers present
A Harriette proudly advised recently cured of a contagious disease and now could be intimate again..
EXCELLENT TURNOUT at post run ON INN at Inn on The Park
Hippo clearly still the Aberdonian Dorian Gray
As the light faded the reflected light off a few native Aberdonian’s legs and arms illuminated the darkness
Lots of flour
NEGATIVES
RA – out of practice and missing Shemagh….
NO HRA before river crossing.
SCANDALOUSLY some Klype telling tales about GM, Bit like recent Brutus attacks on current PM
Route went via Shell Altens office … RA and TBT got bit nervous might get offer to return to work there
INTERESTING
Who to bribe between now and AGPU to win Run and Scribe of the Year 2022
On On: Riverside Drive by Bridge of Dee, Aberdeen AB10 7HG
Google map: https://goo.gl/maps/1b9pzdtfM3ywoUcbA
On Inn:
Hazards:
On On: 5 Sunnyside Lane, Drumoak AB31 5EJ
In green space to the rear of 5 Sunnyside Lane, Drumoak AB31 5EJ
If it is wet it might be advisable to park in the carpark adjacent to the bowling green on N Deeside Rd and walk up.
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/BaG1QMPwAZV9ieoN6
On Inn: BBQ in the garden chez Numbskull & The Dutchess at 5 Sunnyside Lane (or indoors if wet)
Hazards:
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2033
Monday 4th July 2022
East Woodlands, Kirkhill
Hares: Tonto, Tongue Lasher and Eggfoo
Scribe: Little Shit
A trail dedicated to one of the lost colonies.
A fine night, sunny with a slight breeze to ruffle your hair, and a strong puff enough to take a car door out of your hand.
Tonto had inconspicuously introduced new parking rules at East Woodland and used multiple signs directing us to park well away for the general gathering area by the BBQ and lawn areas. The only one allowed to park in this area were HashBeer and HashCash. Only right that though; when you are late and needless to say, one of those that has less distance to travel than the average hasher; you can gate crash the circle in your car. This seemed to work; as Barbarella’s efforts at churning up the newly laid grass area and dynamically leaping out of the car to get into the circle seemed to go unnoticed. Even his disgruntled passenger, Diona demanding that he return to the car and put her handbag in the boot and safely lock it!, Too many dodgy hashers about, also went unnoticed.
That said, the circle had been called by our exulted GM, Fire Flaps sporting a trendy cowgirl hat.
It was noticeable that a few others had bothered to dig out and don colonial paraphernalia;
Not Dot sported a Union Flag dress
Tongue Lasher went for a US hash scabby T-shirt a Houston Stuck Run oldie.
Tonto dug out his stars n’ stripes Bermuda surfing shorts, obviously a Beach Boys fan in his early youth.
Eggfoo had demolished a decent bunting of 52 assorted flags to create 2 stars and stripes Deely Boppers.
JetSlag went for the American superhero look and used a stars and stripes flag as a cape.
The GM handed over to the RA, Twizzle and he produced a couple of plastic bags and invited Gingervitis and The Bitchhh into the circle.
Gingervitis, well done, a 25 run award
The Bitchhh, well done 50 run award
Both kept to hashing tradition and donned the T-shirts next to the skin.
The hares were then called into the circle to make pre run apologies and explain the various symbols and signs that we would obviously run past or ignore at our peril.
Tonto sporting the latest trail layers non vegetarian flour bag, emblazoned with cows, with a montage of chickens, cows, pigs sheep and numerous other farm animals bred to feed a horde.
The usual up the path at the rear of the hoose, to the first in a long line of Falsies, which for some reason I never actually saw one!
“OnnnnnOnnnn, OnnnnnnOnnnnn” Even I heard that, so back I came to meet a smug Hillary with the walkers cramming the narrow trail.
Not long after the walkers parted company with the running pack who headed up the hill to the high point of the trail with overlooking views of the Don valley.
The pack then headed to the left of the check along the ridge leaving some way behind taking pics, OnOn to another falsie, that I avoided, and the trail had actually hooked a right to descend back into the valley. I do like a good falsie or back check.
I’d fallen behind the front runners again during the descent and most of the short cutters, so I was pleasantly surprised to catch them all up due another nice false trail that caught out Stalker, Barbarella, Short & Thick, Underlay and Threesome. It was nice to see Tonto looking after Red Stripe and Mrs T.
The trail descended further and entered the woodland area called The Slacks and onto the Beer stop. A decent drop of ale before the long tarmac run in.
Back at the ranch, Eggfoo was firing up the BBQ and the rest of us got a beer and formed a circle.
Down Downs by Twizzle, The Bitchhh and Aids
Hillary fog horn calling
EggFoo and Gingervitis as token Americans, not an Indjun in site!
T-Rex Cock
Diona and Barbarella for his parking techniques, so it was noticed!
Panty Pockets and Bag O Bones for their attempt at singing different songs to the circle.
Barbarella insisted on kneeling and taking his down whilst Twizzle poured drink over his pate
Glasgow and Hillary
Binliner for chocolate medal
Hippo for his pristine 200 mile knees
Olymprick for trying to intervene in the circle and clyping on Hillary.
Biggles
Threesome, Tongue Lasher, Eggfoo and Tonto as returners.
Hillary for a LinkedIn commentary that escapes me, but Olymprick thought it worth sharing with the RAs.
Thanks to the hares Tonto, Tongue Lasher and Eggfoo, and a special thanks to Eggfoo for the hamburger specials.
OnOn
LS
On On: East Woodlands House, Aberdeen AB21 0HD
https://goo.gl/maps/nmQRtaQ75cmD3RDV7
On Inn: BBQ & Bonfire at East Woodlands House
USA Independence Day & French Bastille Day
Hazards:
Run No: AH3 2032
OnOn: Bellfield Carpark, Banchory
Hares: Panty Pockets & Bag O'Bones
Date: Monday 27th June 2022
Scribe: Thrupenny Bits
My goodness, out comes the sun and outcome the arms and legs ….. First to catch my eye is our esteemed GM in a nifty little white skirt and nicely tanned legs. Ah of course its Wimbledon season. Not sure how suitable the attire is for hashing but I’m sure Fire Flaps knows best.
At the appropriate time the aforementioned GM called the circle to order, with a borrowed dog beside her. As it turned out the borrowed dog was a true hasher and liked a beer so had already slurped the pre run down downs that Shaky had carefully prepared and placed on the ground a little earlier. So obviously the two slimy beers had to go to Shaky and Fire Flaps. Yuck.
Over to the hares who described several different ways of doing things at a back check, or was it a check back, or maybe a check forward or a forward check. Not at all clear to me, but as a walker it shouldn’t matter should it? Unfortunately, Panty Pockets decided that I should be scribe as I was newly back from holiday and obviously in need of something to do. Once again not a great plan to give the job to a walker as we always chat our way round a trail without paying any attention to the happenings.
So perhaps anybody interested in where the run went, or who went where, might like to refer to the many photos on various media platforms (about 50 great pix courtesy of Little Shit).
OnOn around the park and then over the other side of the Dee and through the big gates where the entry sign included words like “responsible” and “walkers “. Panty Pockets said she had checked with the appropriate people and it seems hashers are responsible…..so on through and before you knew it we were hashing around the lower areas of Scolty, I think. As our walking brigade was led by a hare we all made it to the sweetie check and the beer check, albeit via a steep downhill slide with a good deal of whinging by High Maintenance who reckoned if she’d had her skis it would have been much easier. The bog at the bottom caused even more distress as clean trainers got awful muddy.
What a beautiful evening and location for a beer check alongside the Dee in the evening sunlight, well if you could ignore the wee beasties hanging around Jim’s seat, or was it Aids’ seat.
Back at the circle sandwiches and cake were laid out and making mouths water, but the DownDowns had to take place before we could dig in to the goodies. And these were the lucky recipients of a cheap beer:
The Penguin – Apparently some kind of Saviour for Simmer Din T-shirts (Dim Sum?)
The Bitchhh & Stalker – Still being lovebirds, hashing hand in hand
Barbarella – something to do with Misogyny ?
“After Burner” (Younger variant of Bungee Finger) – Stretching abuse
Tick Bait – think he was overtaken by the midges
Panty Pockets – Hasshy Birthday (and a lovely cake too)
Gas Chamber – Husband abuse. Apparently one now needs a doctors appointment to go to A&E. Not sure how that works with a fetlock sprain
Underlay – not much of a tan after camping holiday
Returner – Doty Lottie been practicing drinking since last hash in 2017
Bin Liner – Super sticks
Hares Panty Pockets & Bag O’Bones – Great run and buffet afterwards
At this stage my notes have become indecipherable but for some reason I wrote down the following:
“I’ve already had a big one”
“I’ve had to make do with this so far”
Perhaps you lot can remember what that was about.
On On: Bellfield Carpark, off Dee Street, Banchory AB31 5ST
Please park in the FREE parking area behind 'Out There'. Googlemaps link
https://goo.gl/maps/mZsWjc8vgE3FQ6CRA
On Inn: Sandwiches on site.
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2031
Monday 22 June 2022
Netherton, Kemnay
Hares: Bungee Finger & Pink Panther
Scribe: Sharnie
Arrived at the carpark fairly early and only the hares were on hand. As Pink Panther had left her door open and wandered off, I couldn’t get out of the car, Little Shit had gone for a wander, so left me trapped in the car. Sometime later Pink Panther sauntered over, tapped on the window and says “hello”. Escape from captivity at last!
Shortly after, Shaky zips into the carpark, leaps out and pulls a small camping table from the boot of his car. Fire Flaps arrives within seconds of Shaky, it must have been a convoy, Ten Four! She also leaps out of her car and shows Shaky how to get it erected. Odd, you may think, but crawling from Shaky’s rear passenger seat, our stand in Hash Cash emerges with a wee paper tick list and an empty lunch box for collecting the Hash taxes. There followed some discussion with the hares about not paying for the run. Pink Panther was adamant that the last time she had been hare, she had paid! (Perhaps it was that long ago Pink Panther. Ed)
Panty Pockets, Bag ‘O’ Bones and Twizzle arrived next, all looking a bit worse for lack of sleep on what sounded like an excellent Simmer Din Weekend.
Time whizzed passed, the circle was called and Fire Flaps welcomed us all to Run 2031.
Chloe, a new runner was welcomed into the circle (Bungee Fingers daughter)
Mad cyclist, who was sporting a T-shirt with
“MY WIFE SAYS
I ONLY HAVE TWO FAULTS
I DON’T LISTEN
AND SOMETHING ELSE”
He ended up exchanging the T Shirt for his 400 Run award Hoodie.
Then over to the hares, who were given the scribe note book, “Hey Ho, here we go!”
Not actually doing trail does tend to hamper effective scribing, so Little Shit is assisting in certain areas of detail.
I went for a leisurely wonder round the big field and back to the carpark for a breather.
The pack had been sent off and told to turn left at the end of the carpark, I had gone right.
At this juncture Twizzle was seen checking his fit watch to make sure he was still awake. (Not the only hasher I know that can sleepwalk a hash. Ed)
After the carpark the trail lead onto a narrow path, bounded by tall grasses, FiFi was in the centre of the pack on JC’s E-bike and a stray dog in tow, trying to avoid the slower members of the pack.
After numerous checks and a few good back checks the front runners hit the spot check at the top of the hill.
Not long after the sweetie check was found, and as you would have guessed, at this time of year, full of flies.
The pack ran on to the beer stop, which wasn’t much further on. A pleasant place to have a beer, near to the Archbishops Palace (ruins of).
After the beer stop the hare’s were insistent that the pack stayed on the trail and not to run directly to the On In, the less senile hashers declined and headed directly to the on in.
Down Downs:
JC and Ballerina – comparing the quality of Asda and Tesco ready salted
JC for his kungfoo crisp packed storage technique. Use of the foot, AAAAh!, stomp. Foot gets stuck in the box.
Not Dot and Biggles for rabbit abuse, after agreeing to baby sit their daughter’s pet rabbit (Jazzy Jeff) instead of going to Shetland.
4Fingers and Zuba or was it Amelia?, chin wagging in the circle!
The Bitchhh and Stalker for not checking with the Forestry Commission and taking the run through the forbidden forest.
Fire Flaps for her excellent ‘blame the hares’ letter to the Forestry Commission.
Little Shit for having too much information on the website.
Red Stripe for sleeping in the ladies to avoid Twizzles snoring + (20 others in the dorm too).
Panty Pockets and Bag ‘O’ Bones for going to Orkney before heading out to Shetland.
T. Bone (Twizzle thought it was Red Riding Hoodie running in the forest) and it was his second trail.
Wee Willie and 4Fingers for Beer Happening confusion.
New runner Chloe
Toy Boy Tom for reversing into the flower beds and tramping the flowers to get into the boot.
Fire Flaps and The Bitchhh, The Bitchhh being unofficially sacked and then reinstated for the AGPU.
The Hares, Pink Panther and Bungee Finger, many thanks for a fine trail.
Scribe
Sharnie
On On: Netherton Business Centre, Kemnay AB51 5LX.
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/pRHa8TZESBLerv5g8
On Inn: TBA
Hazards:
Run 2030
Monday 13/06/22
Midmill Business Park, Kintore
Hares – JC (& FiFi?)
Got a lift from the GM, who didn’t seem too clued up on the run location or many other things (more on that later). Straight to the On-On, thanks to the Google lady, although she and the Flaps don’t get on too well (not sure of the history there).
The assembled masses were called to order by the teacher voice, and I rushed to get a seat on the only concrete hydrant sign before anyone else got it. Hydrant sign promptly fell flat and put me on the ground with a cut thumb. Blood everywhere – especially on the GM. Prompt punishment? Yep – awarded scribe.
New runners – Innes and Arron – welcome to Aberdeen Hash
Returner – Sergio, although it hardly seemed he’d been away
25 Runs Award to Mr T – congratulations
1000 Runs Award to FiFi – wow! And well done.
FiFi’s prize was a splendid red weatherproof jaiket.
“Nice bit of kit” says the GM.
“Jacket’s not bad, either” says JC – Boom Boom!
As hare, JC explained all the flour symbols and yellow tape and such like. I was distracted by more blood flow, but was assured it was all standard crap, so didn’t miss much. As this was a JC run, there would be an obligatory dodgy bridge waiting for victims. FiFi on a bike wasn’t tempted.
I managed to scrounge a map and wandered off slowly behind the pack. Couldn’t make sense of the map for a while, so managed to do ½ mile in the wrong direction (thus another ½ mile to get back on trail). What was the large flour blob on the stone bridge parapet for?
However, some nice short cutting got me to the beer check with the early walkers (Tiger Feet, Pink Panther, The Bitchhh and a few others) still trying to find it. So, poked around a bit, but didn’t bust a gut – sure enough some keen searcher found the beer.
Not too bad a spot for the beer check – sort of rope bridge across a raging torrent!
Little Shit seemed to be the first runner to the beer – still looking annoyingly fit.
So to the circle with Twizzle starting off the DDs.
DDs:
Skippy for wearing a titty pack
Stonha, The Penguin (and moi) for bleeding
Ballerina for losing his office pass (tho’ an old one judging by the photo of a young man)
Arron and Innes for 1st runs (tho’ Arron claimed 2 Mearns runs)
Forking Big for being a visitor from somewhere else
Skippy (again) and Hippo for new shoes. Hippo had super-glued his on, so it took nearly a million hashers to pull one off
Little Shit then awarded some highly confusing DD to Hippo, Sergio and JC – the emergency services for apparently 999 runs! Tuh?
Search Party for not knowing how time works + Forking for some / same reason?
Then the GM with a well-deserved DD for not knowing the location of the On-On, the Run Number, who the hare was, that there was On-Inn food back at JC’s and FiFi’s, the day of the week, and anything really. Definitely gonna vote for her as GM next year
There was then a cry of ‘Petrol, Petrol’ and an enormous articulated truck came around the circle that we had selected for the circle. Big cheers for that. Note that ‘circle’ is the Dundee term for a ‘roundabout’.
Then T-Rex for animal damage. Something about Charlotte (Sherlock?) being spooked by a cat and him being lost for an hour. He was found tho’ and Sherlock came home by himself
JC awarded DD to Twizzle – something about a phone call, run out of petrol, Samaritan biker and some other things I found confusing
Ballerina awarded DD to Stonha for passing mini-bus driving test for future ECs – well done
JC for hare – many thanks. Who’d have thought there’d be so much nice scrappy countryside around such a nice scrappy business park. It pays to recce!
Pink Panther and some other deaf coonts for not hearing next week’s run location (I didn’t either).
Thanks to JC and FiFi for excellent nosh at the On Inn.
………… and so to bed! (Who said that?)
Nummers
AH3 Run 2030 - Kintore - JC & Fifi
When: Monday, 13 June 2022 at 19:00
OnOn: Midmill Business Park, AB51 0TG
https://goo.gl/maps/bH66mBzg5RUx7VXw5
OnInn: supper at JC & Fifi’s pad at Easter Fornet
OnOn Directions:
Take A96 heading north-west from Aberdeen and at the first roundabout exit for Kintore turn right onto B987.
After 450m turn right at roundabout onto Tumulus Way (signposted Midmill Business Park).
After further 450m park alongside the kerb near to the entrance to the eGroup’s premises.
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2027
Monday 6 June 2022
OnOn: Countesswells
Hares: Bitchhh & Stalker
Scribe: Bungy Finger
Rule number one to avoid being scribe – find someone bigger than The Penguin to hide behind.
The pack gathered in the Stuart Milne Sales Office car park, easily doubling the number of visitors they have had over the last year. Post jubilee, the hashers were a mixed mood with some keen Royalists sporting crowns and Union Jacks. Called Into the circle for awards were
· Aids for 1111 runs – In recognition for this outstanding “Get a Life” achievement, Aids was generously gifted an engraved whiskey flask large enough to be worn as a colostomy bag, should the need arise.
· Cuddles – Hash-Shirt for 25 runs
Returners were invited into the centre, but quickly dismissed after one of them (Search Party?) declared he had only ever done half a run….. The Hares then gave run instructions with a clarity only a COVID announcement on social distancing could match.
And then it all went wrong. The pack first shuffled around like a bunch of lemmings looking for a cliff before Sharnie, I think, piped-up and they set off towards the trees. Clearly the Hares had missed their last HSSE refresher course as we sallied passed signs that read “Stop- Go No Further” and the pack careered into what can only be described as Arboreal Armageddon. Now I knew why Barbarella was carrying that basketball with him. It would be good company in case he got marooned.
At the next check there was much aimless wandering before a distant on-call from Little Shit showed us the way. Only it wasn’t. As the pack recoiled shouting “Back Check!”, Cuddles and Skippy continued to stroll along, smiling at all the lovely hashers rushing back. On and on we went, testicles scraping on fallen trunks (yes, self-declared Harriet’s can now experience this too) when, suddenly, the route ahead of us was blocked. A digger had sprung into life thrashing its mechanical arm round as if it had just been asked “who wants a free pint”. By the time we circled round, the trainee Tree Trasher from Torry must have had enough and gone home to kick something else in. At this point, the blockade of Ukraine wheat exports also became painfully clear as the flour had now completely run out. This left Bin Liner, Search Party (?), Sharnie and I stranded in the middle of a Garden Centre pile-up looking for a way out. Finally, after much rasping of testicles (see above) our intrepid little group managed to get back on-track but we were so far behind the pack there was no chance of making it to the Beer Stop.
Following protocol, we then did what all good hashers do in such parlous circumstances, namely cheat without being seen. Ignoring a ”F*-Off No COVID” sign, the team took a farm-track in the direction of the car park, stopping only briefly to consider detouring across an area of devastation reminiscent of hashing in1917. Luckily, having arrived back at the car park we were then able to use some non-disclosure forms Stuart Milne had thoughtfully left by the Sales Office to avoid being exposed by hashers who had seen our sneaky short-cut.
First order of Circle Business was a joke by Aids, which was so good I’ve forgotten it. Down downs were then given to:
Skippy and Cuddles for the aforementioned crime of not listening to helpful hashers
Redstripe, Struth, and Glasgow for harmonising to a partial rendition of “The Young Ones”. Why they were doing this given the average of the Hash is about 90 remains unclear.
Aids for going for a piss in the woods with Barbarella and his basketball
Tiger Feet for damaging the barbed wire with his bollocks
Returners E.D, Neville and Mad Cyclists Young Son (Search Party?) for just being returners.
Little Shit for being a Big Shit and not telling oncoming hashers there was a Back-Check
The Bitchhh and Stalker for their attention to HSSE, close consultation with Forestry Operations and their multi-directional crossing out of checks enroute.
The Bitchhh then took to the field and stated how disappointed he was with the hash for: not seeing the highly invisible flour at the start of the run. Special opprobrium, however, was reserved for the “Lead Walker” (aka Thruppeny bit), who, after being promoted in the field by The Bitchhh, manged to miss the Beer Stop. Ceremonies ceased uncermonially when Barbarella called out Pig Iron for a rendition of “Rule Britannia”, but the latter (thankfully) refused.
_______________________________
Breaking news, at least someone looks at our website.
Good Afternoon,
It has been brought to my attention that you ran an organised event on Monday 6th June at Countesswells Forest.
As you will be aware this site is currently an active harvesting site and it is really disappointing to see organisations such as yours disregarding health and safety warnings regarding access.
As the land owners we were not contacted regarding this event as suggested on your web page, as we could have advised that this would not be possible at the moment. See extract from your own page:
“Pre-hash
Always reccy your trail at least a week beforehand.
Check with the local land owners that it's OK to cross their land or use their pathways.”
We are doing our very best to keep everyone safe whilst operations are ongoing hence why we ask people to stay out of the Forest, on this occasion the works were delayed due to your presence onsite.
Please advise your members that Countesswells remains closed and that by continuing to access the site they put both themselves and our staff in danger and delay the conclusion of these works.
As soon as it is safe to reopen these woods we will do so and let everyone back in to enjoy the Forest. You can keep an eye on updates to opening on our web page.
Kind Regards
Area Visitor Services Manager
Forestry and Land Scotland, Durris Outstation, Kirkton of Durris, Durris, Banchory, AB31 6BP
OnOn: Countesswells, Stewart Milne Homes carpark on North Countesswells Road.
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/ScqQ9f5GQbJ6xpNb6
Hazards:
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2028
Monday 30 May 2022
North of Echt
Hares: Twizzle & Ballerina
Scribe: Little Shit
As always with the hash, there are lots of stuff going on front of stage and behind the scenes, so W.T.F! Twizzle, our sneaky RA and hare, sticks his head above the parapet, slips the scribe book to the GM, and goes back into hiding. The barsteward nominated a Mutt and Jeff hasher to pick through the white noise of a circle and come up with a wee bit of prose for your delight!.
The sky was overcast and rain threatened, but a decent size pack still made the effort to squeeze itself into a small carpark without upsetting the water company who required 24/7 access.
Shaky had decided the organisation of parking needed some stern micromanagement! Unfortunately, Underlay, as last into the carpark was hand waved through the assembled pack to place his shiny, clean car in a suitable position for sitting on.
The GM then dived into the circle welcomed all that had made the effort, and passed over the ‘onorary scribe book. The GM joined Twizzle back in the dugout and handed over responsibly of further proceedings to the RA, Aids.
Special mention and thanks, by down down, for organising the FOOFAAH4 party JC and FiFi. Last night’s left over beer dregs at least came in useful.
The hares, Twizzle and Ballerina, were then called into the circle, “it’s not long, it’s got nettles, it’s got ticks, it’s got back checks, it’s got lots of long wet grass, and it’s got lots of dodgy bridges.” At this point I was losing the will to live; so nipped to the car for a quick snooze, shed some clothing for shiggy running mode. On returning to the circle, Twizzle was still describing the trail! Sometime later I learnt that the long diatribe was not for the pack, but for the co-hare who hadn’t helped lay the trail.
The trail was called on and we all squeezed past Not Dot’s and Biggles wee car which was parked in front of the wee access trail into the forest. Prickly Bush, T-Rex Cock and The Penguin ran ahead, followed by Mad Cyclist and Bog Brush. Too fast for me; so I stepped to one side of the trail to allow the slower runners to catch up. The Bitchhh, Splash & Dash, 4Fingers, Stalker and Sauerkraut puffed and panted past. “Keep Up”
At the first check the trail was called on over a quaint, not so dodgy bridge “on on”! This caused some panic with the hares, the beer check was a bit to close! Unusually; the pack obeyed the hare’s instruction and headed into the forest avoiding a major cock-up. We were then into the long wet grass, and encountered nettles and other “bitie, stingie beasties!”
Once out of the wild area we crossed the first of the dodgy bridges, single file and then another two dodgy bridges. Was this a bridge to far moment waiting to happen!
Surprisingly the trail then had some fine tracks to run through woods and alongside arable fields. We then hit the tarmac and our next check challenge. No flour to the right and a back check to the left!!!! Except this was a hare ploy, the trail went around the back check, sneaky indeed!
Stalker, Tickbait, Hippo, Threesome, Gingervitis, Sharnie, Underlay, The Penguin, Tryme Luvme, Short N Thick, Splash N Dash and Biggles all disappeared into the distance, leaving back markers, Barbarella, Shaky, Mrs T, and J.C. to catch up.
At last we re-entered the forest and found the beer check, at which, the local teenage party scene had kindly erected a tarp marquee and seating for our comfort.
Later the walkers arrived from their guided tour of the local woodlands of Echt! FiFi, Tiger Feet, Aids, Drillbit, Panty Pockets, Tongue Lasher, Thrupenny Bits and Rats, welcome to what’s left of the beer.
“On On” over the first bridge back to the On In.
Back at the circle FiFi instantly sat down in her Blue Badge 800 run fold up stool, Aids organised the hash beers and Twizzle look dazed.
JC picked up a box full of goodies and the erstwhile Hill-Ary announced “Get your birthday cake”. The Penguin eagerly dived into the box and pulled out a cup cake. At this point as the box made its way round the circle Aids started his deliberations.
Beer Blessing:
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home, as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter and the lager.
Forever and ever.
Barmen
Down Downs to: (this is where the white noise from the RAs becomes problematic)
Mrs T, Not Dot, Stalker, Aids, The Penguin and Ballerina for supply various services to JC and FiFi.
Twizzle then nominated Panty Pockets and himself as dance partners of the evening.
Bruce Almighty and Diona, for joining the mile high club in Business class.
Twizzle and Red Stripe for walking 24 miles in a kilt.
Tickbait, just being picked on by The Bitchhh.
The Hares; Twizzle and Ballerina – not a bad effort.
Threesome and Tongue Lasher, returners.
Your ‘umble scribe
Little Shit
OnOn: North Kirkton Wood. Echt
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/ToghFjpjN6NGHf8o9
Directions: heading out from Aberdeen on A944 pass through Kingsford roundabout AWPR (6.6 miles to ON ON) take A944 heading to Westhill at next traffic lights take B9115 pass through Garlogie and take right fork along B9119 heading to Tarland about 2.2 mile turn sharp left onto track immediately pass a small stone bridge. Map Ref NJ 7471 0569 (If you pass Echt school you have missed it).
Drive down track to outside of water treatment plant. Park to not obstruct gates and entrance to field probably need to double stack cars and car share where possible.
Hazards: Forest areas have ticks and plenty of gorse and nettles, consider long leggings and trail shoes. Please take particular care over newly sown fields with Barly and Maise. Keep strictly to field edges. Trail passes by fields with cattle please try not to spook and walk past. Please do not wander up access to Aberdeen Gas compression station they are aware that we are around!
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2027
Mon 23 May 2022
OnOn: Bridge of Bogendreip
Hares: Short'n'Thick & Wee Willie
Scribe: Biggles
Despite my attempts to keep a lower than low profile, hare Wee Willie nominated me as the scribe of the week, and handed me the poison chalice in the form of notebook and pen.
Called Into the circle for awards were
Bin Liner for 400 runs – an award of a lovely dark green hoodie which is just calling out for his signature mark of turps and paint and other staining materials, and;
Sharnie for 800 runs - an award of a folding chair, made to measure.
Bin Liner put on his next- to-the-skin, but Sharnie reclined.
Returners were invited into the centre and declared themselves to be Sara and Lauda, to which the infantile horde shouted Louder. The girls looked bemused, cos the name is Laura (rhymes with howra)
(A few lyrics for Lauda’s next Down Down song. Ed)
“Wie heißt die Mutter von Niki Lauda?
Mama Laudaaa
Mama Laudaaa
Wie heißt die Mutter von Niki Lauda?
Mama Laudaaa
Mama Laudaaa”
The hares took centre stage and after a sketchy lot of instructions including references to beer, sweetie, view and joke checks we set off.
At the 1st check most of the pack went uphill (never check downhill) and after a prolonged waqit some intrepid souls went downhill and found the correct trail, which meandered along and at the next check Barbarella declared “I’ve just looked at the hare and it must be this way” whilst disappearing into the distance, needless to say in the wrong direction. NOTE no one followed him.
Then after another check we went uphill where we were met by some SCB’s who had just kept on going up from the 1st check. I’m sure we were having more fun jumping the low ground puddles.
On up we went and i was passed by someone whose name escapes me, but they apparently didn’t arrive until twenty past seven and then we arrived at the view / sweetie check where the cycle trails were called Gissa Job and Symphony. Apparently Little Shit (in defence I was of the last to the beer check. Ed) declared there was no one behind him and took off with the sweets, dropping them off at the beer check later.
Short and Thick had made a decent effort with his chain saw at clearing the trail, but we still had to navigate under and over the remnants of storm damage, not too onerous for the athletes amongst us, which I assume there are a few (In their dreams! Ed).
Caught up with the walkers just where the trail entered the woods again, and when we came out of the woods we were behind the walkers again. Dashed clever stuff going on here. Off we went and after a few more checks (which had been lovingly marked by the front runners) the beer check hove into view.
A good run from my perspective as a runner/ walker /scribbler I kept finding Barbarella and Underlay behind me.
At the end there seemed to be a long time before the final dozen or so hashers arrived back, so The Penguin declared he was off home, but not before inviting the Returnees into his car to try on some t-shirts.
Warmer clothes were donned by most while waiting, and then post-run circle was eventually called.
First order of business was to call for volunteers to go search for Bin Liner, but as the question was being asked he arrived, so the search party gave him a guard of honour into the circle where he receive the first down down.
The two returnees were next and warned to beware of The Penguin(s) bearing gifts.
Little Shit who misappropriated the sweeties.
Mad Cyclist who bored the R.A. with bicycle talk on the trail, and Shaky for nodding his head occasionally in agreement.
Tick Bait, Skippy, Cuddles and Little Shit for colourful pairs of socks
Olymprick for lasting until the circle.
Short’n’Thick for his chain saw antics.
Bruce Almighty was called out by Shaky for declaring he was sorry he couldn’t make the last hash party cos he was sampling beer in the Caribbean, and Shaky for mistakenly calling out T-Rex Cock.
Aids had a Senior moment at the Bryan Adams concert on returning from a comfort break, where he barged into the wrong row despite the whole row above that waving furiously, and shouting “over here you blind git”. He mumbled his apologies and sat in the correct row.
Fifi was stuck in the concert venue car park cos she didn’t know the correct code to pay on exit.
Ballerina and Barbarella cos they left clothes with Hippo in previous weeks.
And the Hares for a well set run, which had the pack w e l l s p r e a d o u t.
At the end Twizzle and Red Stripe thanked everyone for sponsoring their upcoming Kiltwalk efforts, and asked anyone who wants to guess their combined time for the 26 miles at £5 a go, the winner receiving £50.
OnOn: Bridge of Bogendreip, Strachan on B974. Car parking on forest tracks on the left just before the bridge.
https://goo.gl/maps/6ZWSnrRsj2Mg5dwW6
Hazards:
2026 - Mon 16 May 2022 - Ellon - Hares: Gingervitus, Biggles & Not Dot - Scribe: Twizzle
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2026
Monday 16th May 2022
Location: Ellon
Hares: Gingervitis, Not Dot, Biggles
Scribe: Twizzle
Got up at 04:45 to see the promised Total Lunar Eclipse and a Super Blood Moon, this was dampened by the dark clouds covering Aberdeenshire. It soon became clear that there was little chance of seeing the sun let alone the moon this day. Never mind go the Hash to look forward to tonight.
As it was raining, Aids was worried about his hair getting damp so decided to stay in. Of course, he passed on some DD ammunition for the circle following Red Stripes half century bash on Saturday. Then Panty Pockets called and withdrew her thoughtful offer of a lift and suggested that Shaky might be able to oblige. After a little What’s App chat about Ellen or Ellon Shakey and Red stripe duly transported the RA to the ON ON. As we headed from dryish Cullerlie to Ellon the sky,s darkened and the rain intensified. Well, at least the farmers and gardeners will be glad of this, I thought especially Red stripe who was getting the benefit of Tiger Feet’s green fingers in transforming the surface of the Moon to a tropical rain forest.
As 19:00 approached the Hashers and Harriets assembled in the light Drizzle. Little Shit announced that his radio signal chronometer had now reached the allotted time and Ballerina acting for Fire Flaps called us to Order. A new runner Alli was introduced brought along by Zuba. Now my turn as RA for the Pre-Run downs first up was
· Skinny Witch reaching 250 runs and awarded a Tankard which was filled with Beer. Probably the only time it will have Beer in! This was followed by
· Tick Bite who has reached 25 runs and was awarded a skimpy green running vest. Of course he had to wear it next to the Skin. Just what he needed on a cool wet evening!
The Hares Not Dot, Gingervitis and Biggles were introduced. Gingervitis explained our run symbols of flour for the benefit of Alli and then scanned round the faces in our circle and picked on me to be the run scribe, saying it was a long time since I had done it. How did she know I wondered! Biggles, then elaborated on the need to clearly discern flour from bird poo as there were a lot of birds around. Gingervitis remarked that she had a map for the walkytalkers, but had not printed any paper copies she could text it to them though!
The rain was falling gently, as we set off up the stairs from the car park into the nicely damped wood. The trail had plenty of checks and a few back checks which kept us on our toes. Early on JC realised he did not have his phone with him, he was sure it would turn up later. No doubt he did not need the Map to break the checks. Strangely, after a back check I found myself running down towards the golf course and Underlay a little in front, speeding away in the distance was Tickbait. I hailed Underlay concerned at the absence of flour. Underlay, replied he was too busy looking at houses to notice it! Of course, he had missed the trail turning now kindly marked by Biggles. I have no idea how Tickbait managed to turn round and get back to being an FRB but he was a bit late at the Beer stop . Little Shit kept popping up all over the run taking photographic evidence for Facebook, the AH3 web and now the new Hash APP. Lets, all check Little Shit’s pictures out.
After, another check Iain (Ginger bearded young runner) on his 3rd Hash was sprinting off calling to “Bog Brush try and keep up”. Yep, inciting racist behaviour he paid for that in the post run circle!
We now crossed the Ythan using the old railway line bridge. The pack headed off comfortably led by Barbarella who on spotting the back check immediately turned round and headed back towards the pack 100m behind. Well, that really spoiled the Hares regrouping opportunity!
The trail then took us down the embankment and along the riverbank. The runners could only proceed in single file headed up by walkers. Little Shit and Prickly Bush got tired of walking in line, pushing past nearly knocking Zuba into the Ythan! An assault on the poor lass. We soon reached a very well stocked Sweety table, well normally we have about 40 to 50 folk, but tonight there seemed to be 25? So plenty of goodies to go round then. Little Shit was at the check still busy taking more photo’s. Eventually, the trail led to a Beer stop which again was well supplied with a selection of Ales, Lagers, AF Beers and other refreshments. The rain started intensifying and we duly trooped back to the ON ON. On his way backed TigerFeet dropped his drink carton right in front of the RA! this was duly called out in circle for littering!
On arriving at the ON ON again, Mrs T opened up the Beer waggon, instigating a scramble to locate premium bottles of choice. As the rain was now falling heavily, there was rapid changing of soggy gear, downing of waterproofs, and erection of sea of corporate labelled umbrellas. At this point the rain gave up, so post run DD were awarded to the following:-
In no particular order:
· Tigerfeet;
· Alli;
· Iain;
· Underlay;
· Barbarella;
· Little Shit (LS);
· Prickly bush (Who had left the before the circle);
· Biggles (for the birdshit warning);
· JC (whose phone was located farting loudly in Fiifi pocket);
· JC (For having to Fifi bike back up the railway embankment);
· One Liner (a 1st in the Balmorral 15 mile trail race);
· Skinny Witch (for a 3 Minute PB in the above trail Race);
· Twizzle (the cashless one);
· Skinny Witch (for the most amazing Queen outfit at RS 50 party);
· Twizzle, Shaky, One Liner (the Beetlejuices outfit at RS 50 party);
· Red Stripe (RS) (Hosting a terrific 50 Hashy Birthday party);
· Sharnie (answering a call of nature behind Glasgow car);
· and finally, the three hares Biggles, Not Dot and Gingervitis.
Apologies, if I missed anybody off the above, but the scribe’s notebook was a bit soggy at the end!
On On to run 2027 Twizzle
2025 - Mon 09 May 2022 - Gairnhill Woods - Hares: Sauarkraut - Scribe: Barbarella
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2025
Mon 09 May 2022
Gairnhill Woods
Hare: Sauerkraut
Scribe: Barbarella
On turning up for the Hash I quickly pay my £3 and immediately start running into the woods! My mission was to save two damsels in distress who had phoned me on the way to the Hash and said the postcode took them to the wrong place. Wrong side of the hill.
Having asked them to share their position I told them to just park their car and walk down the lane keeping the wood on their left.
It was 2 minutes to 7pm when I set off and I hadn’t realised how far the lane stretched. Eventually we met in the middle after noticing JC driving down the track. He had to stop because of fallen trees. (“reminder to myself” to down down him next week)
We duly turned up in the correct carpark to find the Hash had left the On On! 🙁
I told the girls o get their clothes off which they did and I stuck their stuff in the boot of my car.
JC had caught up and he took them onto the flour, we hadn’t gone far before we lost trail again at the first check. Up and down the road we looked and then noticed an insignificant arrow point up a different direction than the checks mark.
At this point I realised I had lost my phone and it wasn’t on my person. I ran back to my car and that’s where I had thrown it when I placed the jackets in my boot. JC was hot on my tail thinking I would need him to phone my phone to help find it. I had asked him to mind the new-ish Harriettes Amelia and Zuba (“reminder to myself” to give JC a down down for this). At this point I came across Hippo looking rather lost.
He asked me if I’d found my phone? How good news travels!
“Do you know you are scribe?” He says.
I reply, “No nobody told me”
Eventually the Harriettes were on flour and we joined them.
All I can remember is trees until we come across Sauerkraut, he helps us out by giving us a shortcut.
A couple of checks later we can see walkie talkies ahead. Just as we caught up with them we entered what looked like a scene from a nuclear disaster movie, fallen and snapped trees everywhere, what I like to call “Granny stoppers!” Now being brought to a crawl by the fallen trees and walkie talkies (No grannies) we eventually emerged to find ourselves at the old quarry, a favourite for a sweetie or a beer stop but there was a problem nobody could find the sweets.
Just as the hare arrived Hippo found the prize, the sweets and they were a mere metre from the S and right under our noses. With a selection of Haribo’s, Bounty’s and look alike Milkyways’ we dug in.
Where were the girls I had rescued? Time ticked by at last they appeared looking triumphant and being give a small cheer by some of the Hashers at the quarry they joined the group. I then realised that Doina had said she was running instead of walking and wasn’t with the runners. A quick phone call established she had changed her mind and was with Glasgow walking.
A small gathering had formed and I heard my name, being quickly told they were talking about me, not to me! A few other amusing comments came forth and I announce I was leaving in a bad humoured way, tongue in cheek style. After noticing Tickbait had another new pair of running shoes (Brooks) and asking how many he had 5 was the answer.
The hare Sauerkraut was sitting down and giving directions to the people leaving. He said turn right for the long and left for the short.
Red Stripe gave an announcement for her Mid Century party on Saturday night at the Station Hotel. She also said that anyone who wants to go out on the Friday night drinking with the Edinburgh Hashers was welcome to join them.
Down downs…..
Red Stipe:- 50
Barbarella for starting Hash early, missing from the circle.(Green-eyed monster trouble I thinks!)
Amelia and Zuba getting lost at the start.
Doina for being minder less.
Barbarella for giving Struth a pre run DD on his behalf, given Scribe duty in his absence.
Icebreaker:- Fifi was blowing her dog whistle on trail, and Boston was completely ignoring it. So Icebreaker ran up to Fifi asking what she wanted him for. And she gave him a dog treat. Which he said tasted nice!
Binliner:- for first outing since Skispedition. (Get you name on the waiting list if you want to go next year, Little Shit is the organiser)
Amelia and Zuba for kind Hash give a Hash bag and T-shirt to them so they have hash gear to wear. (Next to the skin! Was requested! The real reason for free T-shirt.)
Icebreaker for advertising “does anyone want to go to see Bill Bailey when he is in Aberdeen on the 9th May”, NotDot responding saying she wanted to go. Grant aka Icebreaker deciding there wasn’t enough interest but forgetting to tell NotDot who was disappointed today when she didn’t have tickets because of Icebreaker. However she did get to go on hash trail. Every cloud has a silver lining as they say!
Underlay for first hash since “The Easter Challenge” being a “Completist” by running the whole 98 miles in 4 days.
Twizzle gets a DD as he has been back since EC.
Sauerkraut for providing an excellent but challenging trail through what seemed like a destroyed forest. Well done!
Next weeks run, Ellon by Gingervitis and NotDot. Not the usual carpark pay attention to the run details, you have been warned.
The circle broke up with a few murmurings of going to an On Inn, however I think we were all just needing to warm up in our cars by then.
y
2024 - Mon 02 May 2022 - Duthie Park - Hares: Toy Boy Tom- Scribe: Tryme Luvme
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2024
Mon 02 May 2022
Duthie Park
Hare: Toy Boy Tom
Scribe Tryme Luvme
What a run it was. It started with confusion, with Blagger thinking there was an *actual* bar, as opposed to a bar (back stop) set by Toy Boy Tom- the disappointment was apparent.
JC decided to hurl abuse at keen hashers that went the wrong way, calling them losers… it was an uphill backstop so I think he was quite accurate. The run went around Duthy, under a bridge, over a bridge, through a bridge and around a bridge.
Tickbait was a total champ and accompanied people to a backcheck we had noticed the day before, well done.
Downdown awarded.
Ovely drink spot at the river, it was very cute indeed.
The scribe, Tryme Luvme, got her 25 hash t shirt followed by a downdown for turning up holding hands with a rather handsome man… seems that he tried It and loved it…..
Tonight we had an injury which summoned a down down, but don’t worry, Icebreaker recovered to attend the on inn.
Ballerina followed with a downdown, however, I was talking at the time and didn’t hear what for. I asked Struth what it was about but she was also talking… typical. Something about getting stuck in a bar at the rocky horror? Sounded awful.
Red Stripe followed with a down down for lots of driving?
Finishing with a worthy downdown to Toy Boy Tom, hash well done!
On On: Riverside Drive carpark by the Aberdeen Model Boat Club, Duthie Park, Aberdeen AB11 7BH
By Bus - 7, 7B, X7, 17 or 18 to "Duthie Park" bus stop on Great Southern Road.
https://g.page/aberdeen-model-boat-club?share
Hazards:
2023 - Mon 25 Apr 2022 - Tillyfourie - Hares: Hippo & Mrs T- Scribe: Not Dot
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2023
Mon 25the April 2022
Our first run into the future!
Tillyfourie
Hares Hippo and Mrs T
Scribe Not Dot
Pleas from the hares to start quickly in a race against the dark were ignored as Twizzle spent 30 minutes awarding a 50th run yellow shirt to Blagger (I’m sure that’s her second one??) and convincing new runners Zuba and Amelia to join in the circle. Then we were off into a hash which resembled the foothills of the Himalayas, only colder.
The first task was getting past the garden troll (fol de roll) who ate Billy Goat hashers. Tickbait escaped by promising bigger and tastier hashers coming through, so it fell to Ballerina to shoo us all back from the brink, just in case we trod on a precious tree or two.
Just like central Aberdeen right now, we had to follow many diversions to get to our destination in these Himalayan foothills. First a bog with more lumps than school custard, then a 15 ft deep raging torrent with kayakers and white water rafters tumbling around like a scene from River Wild. This proved the undoing of many of us: Numbskull retreated to safety; Blagger, flailing, grabbed a one inch branch and fell in; Skippy’s bright stripy socks came out grey; High Maintenance screeched like a parrot as she tumbled in up to her loins; Tia refused to budge, having memories of being rescued by Wee Willie from the Dee.
Then on, on, up and up and woops a falsie, down a bit and up, up and up again. On the twentieth hill, a chorus of Green Hill was required to celebrate reaching something with a name, which looked like the summit.
Shaky and Sir Dedmund Hill-Ary stole the beer check and moved it to a recumbent stone circle, where the walkers caught up. Twizzle turned up soon after, claiming to have done the trail twice. Muff Diver came racing up on his bike, having heard that High Maintenance was nice and wet for him.
Back at the cars, joy of joys, lots of thirsty hashers ready for a beer! (it had been several expeditions since the beer check) But the golden nectar was locked inside the beermeister’s car. A car key hunt resulted in nothing. Where was Ballerina? Eventually he appeared, a bit slimy after having been chewed up and spat out by the garden troll, and normal service was resumed.
Down downs to:
New runners Zuba and Amelia
Toy Boy Tom and Underlay for completing all of the Easter challenge.
9 hashers (circle within a circle) for back checking on the On In
Skippy wrote an excellent scribe last week but got Wee Aids mixed up with Willie
Hashy birthdays to Hippo, Barbarella and Ballerina
Numbskull delivered some beer to Ballerina’s last week but left it outside the wrong house to get soggy in the rain
First to get a tick bite this season???? Tickbait
Toy Boy Tom used his crystal balls to give us a vision of the future … next week Duthie Park.
On inn at Hippo and Mrs T’s for pasta of wild garlic pesto, and sooper dooper crumble. Happy 70th birthday Hippo!
Location: Top of Pass of Tillyfourie - B944
On On: Top of the Pass of Tillyfourie on the A944 on the way to Alford, near Craigmaud Croft at OS Grid Ref NJ 635 131 at map link:
https://goo.gl/maps/okw1aWnefjXiwcdz6
On Inn: Chez Hippo & Mrs T at Sauchen.
https://goo.gl/maps/rJPkZxU3HxDSJ5ah7
Hazards:
2022 - Mon 18 Apr 2022 - The Gramps- Hare: Olymprick & Tickbait - Scribe: Skippy
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run No. 2022
Mon 18rd April 2022
Hare: Olympric and TickBait
Scribe: Skippy
After a great streak of not being noticed for several years, I finally volunteered to be hare. The grand gesture took a twist at the 222 party, where a confusing conversation sounding something like "Monday Sunday Monday Sunday" mysteriously led to TickBait serving as co-hare, instead. Unfortunately, having finally popped my head out from the pack, I was now tasked as scribe.
As the pack assembled on a stunning Monday evening, we were asked if we were interested in a horrible history for run #2022. The answer was ambiguous. What did we learn about 2022? Not much. Instead, we were treated to a horrible history lesson on the history of the horrible histories. We had a touching tribute to the 600 years journey that we've been through together. Our journey that has challenged traditional notions of time, years, and counting, has finally come to an end. Truly the end of an era.
Icing on the pre-run circle cake - Sir Deadmond Hill-Ary won an award! A 700 run bumbag that I've been explicitly told not to call a fanny pack.
Over to the hares! First an odd event took place in the circle: we had to preorder our beer check drinks. The resounding majority attempted to order "all of it".
TickBait did something embarrassing when setting the trail, but no one on our side of the circle heard what it was. I could probably ask him, but I think I prefer the mystery.
Olymprick took a moment to show off his co-op strong flour from 2019, which I suppose means he didn't make much bread during Covid. Not sure what he spent all that time doing, then.
TickBait did a very informative tutorial about following flour. He showed off how big his check could get. The pack was very impressed.
Olymprick also made a variety of maps, and some of them took people to the sweetie stop. It's unclear whether the people who took the red arrow map ever made it out alive.
And so the Easter Egg Hunt began! We were unsure as to whether the hares had consumed all the Easter Eggs already, but figuring we would give it a go anyway, we headed into the trees.
For about two seconds we bounded along Nigg Way - a role model of a mixed-use path for Aberdeen - before the runners were sent off to explore the beautifully tarmaced streets of Kinkorth.
There was a notable rubbish bin with a spray painted golden penis that perfectly matched the colour and font of the Kinkorth rubbish bin writing. Well done, penis drawers of Kinkorth, well done.
Fire Flaps did some serial shortcutting, which we forgave because she was standing ready to point the way every time we reemerged in the nature reserve. The blatant shortcutting was noticed by a fair number of hashers, though, so perhaps she has an ex in Kinkorth that she was trying to avoid.
We ran by the parked bus #172, which doesn't make any sense, because that doesn't exist.
Cuddles took us down the dual carriageway because she forgot to look for three spots.
We ran by Aberdeen's majestic stone circle/line.
Back and forth and back and forth on the junction of Nigg Way and the big ass dual carriageway. Surely that spot has never had so many runners on it. I was tempted to hop in the bus home, but I'm not going to be fooled by the fake #172 bus.
The combined sweetie stop/beer check/Easter Egg hunt was on the viewpoint. There was a beautiful view of Aberdeen and it was a really great overlook for those who like starting straight into the sun. Gingervitis taught Flaps about the "Golden Hour" (not to be confused with a Golden Shower) and she went a bit wild with it.
You can buy advance single tickets to Edinburgh for £5. This is the only thing that was passed on to me during the run to write down.
At the end of the run Tickbait was disappointed that only Fire Flaps saw his massive check.
As the circle began, we were shocked and horrified to see that someone shat on the Easter Bunny. The culprit was not successfully identified.
Downdowns:
Something about ups and downs
Sir Deadmund Hill-Ary somehow got lost
Rodger Me More, Glasgow, Not Dot for showing up very late to the beer check
Wee Willie then explained how time works and that history is generally in the past.
Jet Slag received a downdown for not understanding this concept.
Rats, Gingervitus, TryMeLuvMe, Gas Chamber for not shutting up in the circle. For some reason, Gingervitus had to publicly apologise, but no one else did.
Fire Flaps presented a complaint about backchecks. She did a check numerous times, "just in case it had changed".
The Penguin for carrying on through the backcheck.
Tickbait and Fire Flaps for general confusion.
WeeWillie for being so eager to drink a beer that he snapped the glass in half
New runners Amelia, Anna, and Anup (?)
Olymprick and Tickbait for setting a great hash, and they also now appear to be BFF. Good for them.
Without yours truly singing along, the group really seemed to struggle to get to the end of a tune. I suppose the lack of willingness to participate in a good old carpark singalong did not encourage many people to come forward with charges.
Long story short, it was a beautiful run, with a surprising lack of drama for your first time scribe here. Writing a story while running was definitely not the least entertaining thing I've ever done. And I'm pretty sure we're all just a little better off for getting to read my inner monologue. May the Monday night hashes continue to be so nice. 🙏
On On: East Nigg Way Car Park on Abbotswell Crescent, Kincorth AB12. Once car park full park on Abbotswell Crescent.
https://goo.gl/maps/UhbsP9biLMXKMGpd8
On Inn: The Wellington serves food until 9:15pm. Make your own arrangements.
Hazards:
2021 - Mon 11 Apr 2022 - Blackburn - Hares: Tonto - Scribe: ??
Location: Blackburn football pitch
Google Map:https://goo.gl/maps/4rjDhux9FsDhUDwV6
Directions: car park at Blackburn football pitch, 3 Westwood Park, Kinellar Blackburn AB21 0JS
Other info: (if there is a game on we may need to move up the road to the Community Centre - there will be signs)
On Inn: For drinks only - Leys Hotel on the main road (no food after 8pm). If you want to eat there's the Dyce Farm, 1A Dyce Drive, Dyce AB21
Hazards: Tonto
2020 - Sun 03 Apr 2022 - Aboyne - Hares: Prickly Bush- Scribe: Cuddles
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run No. 2020
Sun 3rd April 2022
OnOn: Aboyne
Hare: Prickly Bush
Scribe: Cuddles
A smaller pack assembled in Aboyne where I was the unlucky winner of ‘Who’s turn is it to scribe?’.
Reduced numbers turned out to be due to Covid having wiped out the majority of those that went on the ski trip (I’m no longer jealous of their holiday) and Mearns having a weekend away. In contrast two very dedicated Shetland Hashers came to the run fresh off the boat. Sir Desmond Hillary gave us a number of statistics about FOOFAAH’s which started in 2020 none of which I remember but which were all presumably very interesting. T-Rex Cock completed all the FOOFAAH’s and was awarded a down down for this. The GM was then given a down down, unsure as to why, and presented with a t-shirt from the 222 run.
Prickly Bush then proceeded to give us very brief instructions on the run and forgot to mention both the beer stop and the sweetie stop. However, she did mention something about a P stop which I could only assume was a designated place to relive yourself and sounded very helpful! As we were about to leave The Bitchhh and Stalker rolled up having been freed from their quarantine prison.
We set off on the run and I proceeded to fall over in the first 5 minutes, clearly the responsibility of carrying the notebook was getting to me. We crossed over the bridge and headed up to the woods where Tonto was spotted attempting to roll his totem pole down the hill… I did not want to know any further details on this story. I found myself running with the two Shetlanders in the woods who were overjoyed at getting to run a hash somewhere with trees. The hare sent as up a number of steep ascents some of which turned out to be false trails which she clearly delighted in, making sure we had been up them all. Unfortunately, the P stop turned out to be P for Photograph and not P for pee but there was a lovely sweetie stop and beer stop where we caught up with the walkers.
Assembling back at the car park we gathered round for the circle and a number of down downs were awarded. Helpfully I wrote these all down so I would remember, unhelpfully I cannot read my own writing. So, from what I can read. (Looks like it was a bit of a love-in! Ed)
Sir Desmond Hillary got a down down for gdshlj.
Shaky got a down down for thinking we were in Ballater and
Sir Desmond Hillary was awarded one for having to check his phone to confirm we were not.
Numbskull volunteered himself for a down down saying he had also needed to check his phone after hearing the conversation to check where we were.
The Penguin was given a down down for not knowing about FOOFAAH’s due to apparently giving the wrong email address. The statistics at the start must have been very confusing for him…
T-Rex Cock was given a down down for something related to football, my brain immediately switches off when football is mentioned.
Shaky was awarded a down down for being a super spreader.
Five Front Running Bitches, Tryme Loveme, Skippy, Stalker, one of the Shetland visitors and Cuddles, were given down downs for not marking the checks.
Fire Flaps and Gas Chamber were given down downs for doing the Would I Lie to You event.
Rats and Pink Panther were given a down down for being rude and
The Bitchhh was given one for being tall and sticking out in a crowd.
Overall, a great run which ended with a lovely meal at The Boat Inn.
Location: Aboyne Huntly Rd
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/avQb6xCMAtbXDDk8A
Directions: Huntly Rd, Aboyne AB34 5HE off Charlestown Green
Other info:
On Inn: Boat Inn
Hazards:
2019 - Sun 27 Mar 2022 - Hazlehead Park - Hares: The Penguin & Ballarina - Scribe: Rats
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2019
Sunday 27th March 2022
Hazlehead Heatwave
Hares: The Penguin & Ballerina
Scribe: Rates
Allocated Hare for 2019 Olymprick clearly showed he was always on staff payroll not a contractor. Contractors NEVER go sick…….
Fortunately The Penguin stepped into breach again and organised FABULOUS warm sunshine and a MAGNIFICENT typical Hazlehead themed run/walk ably assisted by Ballerina.
A slightly reduced pack assembled for an as ever meticulous circle organised by our glamorous and blessed GM plus ruggedly handsome and saintly RA. Reduced pack due to late arrival of skipeditioners plane………. Must have been great resort - Barbarella decided to extend holiday !!!
Sir Desmond Hill-Ary enlightened us that Notre Dame burned down that year (another dishonourable French Act - almost certainly an insurance scam) , on a par with despicable act of supporting the American rebels / colonists such that England lost its best ever piece of real estate. Also advised a socially conscious golfing US president with Scottish roots got impeached. Plus China found The Dark Side Of The moon (never realised Pink Floyd were Chinese ?.)
Awards:
200 Not Dot (founder member AH3)
50 Icebreaker
25 Durexcell
Red Stripe advises let Shetland Hash know if interested in Simmer Dim event
Hashy Birthday Down Down for Numbskull ( 21+)
Walk was excellent including wildlife spotting in Den of Maidencraig Nature reserve “reputedly” has resident tigers, wolves, snakes and chimpanzees. Had spiritual guidance aspect - passing Thai Bhudda Temple while trying to find flour.
Trail eventually went via Crematorium to enter Golf courses and forests.
No white smoke from chimney to indicate Barbarella was still alive - bit worrying….
The final leg to the Beer Check enlightened the pack to the as yet un-cleared devastating impact of recent storms. Would have made an excellent assault course for paratroops. En route went via was a suspected slave auction - fortunately was only a car boot sale !!
After an excellent beer check with higher than normal level of intellectual discussion, pack guarded by Icebreaker with his newly acquired shillelagh - ex St Paddy’s day party. Pack returned to car park - encouraged by décolletage of a Harriet.
Down Downs (that I recall)
JC insulting Scribes handwriting
Icebreaker something to do with dog shit
The Penguin - hare
40+ years of hashing to OB’s Rats, Tonto, AIDS, Penguin, Sir Desmond Hill-Ary
Fire Flaps - belching in Circle
Tiger Feet - peeing into his shoes on plane back from Paralympics
West using phone
Fi Fi - Top dog with Boston ex crufts
Durexcell - faulty watch got him there on time due to clock change
PMT Analysis:
Positive:
Weather, trail, helpful Hares,
Advised runners were magnificent
Minus:
No free drinks for mothers on Mothering Sundays
GM and Red Stripe would not allow Hashers to “self define” for the day
Thought Provoking:
Are there really Tigers , wolves and snakes in Den of Maidencraig???
Never realised females belched ?..
Location: On On: Hazlehead Park,
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/Y29HTKPoM9kRXmhB6
Directions: at former bus terminus carpark at end of Hazlehead Avenue, AB15 8EN adjacent to the footie pitches
Other info:
On Inn: TBA
Hazards:
2018 - Sun 20 Mar 2022 - Newtonhill - Hares: Thrupenney Bits - Scribe: ??
Location: Newtonhill Park and ride (Chapleton Carpark?)
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/tbELg9NSyfAHfB4K9
Directions: Newtonhill/Chapelton Park & Choose AB39 3NF near Newtonhill off A92. Turn off the Stonehaven dual carriageway at Newtonhill & go over the A92 towards Chapelton & take first left off the roundabout.
Other info:
On Inn: Mains of Balquharn Brewers Fayre, Portlethen AB12 4QS https://goo.gl/maps/zw71HdoGPWTxWLQn6
Hazards:
2017 - Sun 13 Mar 2022 - Golden Square - Hares: Red Stripe (Haggisimo & Olymrick) - Scribe: Hill-Ary
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run No. 2017
Date: Sunday 13th March 2022
Hares: Red Stripe (Haggissimo and Olymprick)
OnOn: Golden Square
OnInn: The Globe
Scribe: Sir Deadmund Hill-Ary
The pack assembled in Golden Square shortly before 11 am, to take advantage of the free parking which increased to £3.50 per hour after 1 pm! There was a good turnout for a tarmacadam town run.
Bogbrush was a returner minus his celebrated Bogbrush hairstyle. Bogbrush introduced a new runner to the hash called Ian.
As Olymprick and Haggissimo were unavailable to set their own run, Red Stripe did it herself. She used her world famous perfect double circles, one in red and the other in white flour, to avoid them being removed by the feet of thousands of Aberdonian shoppers.
Deadmund, the Horrible History, told the pack of the historical significance of this run.
The Ides of March is the start of the Roman New Year, which involved wild parties, intoxication and debauchery. However, on the 15th March 44 BC, the Roman emperor Julius Caesar was stabbed by a group of 60 Senators, who thought he had become a deranged all-powerful dictator – a bit like Vladimir Putin. Brutus led the 60 assassins who stabbed Caesar multiple times. The senators had no idea how to wield a knife and just stabbed him in the arms and legs. Consequently, Caesar had a long slow, agonising death. The Horrible Historian William Shakespeare wrote a ditty called Julian Caesar. In it a fortune-teller warned Caesar: “Beware of the ides of March”!
The run ran through the harbour area, where the evening before Muff Diver was propositioned by a lady of the night (hmmm, he wasn’t there and the trail was during the day. Ed). The pack ran onwards towards the beach and up to Broad Hill trig point, where there was the first sweetie stop with dramatic views of the beach and Pittodrie Stadium. After refreshments the pack ran on to the beer check, which was next to Westburn House, in Westburn Park, under a magnificent monkey tree. This House is an important and much-loved building. It sits in this public park, visible to thousands, but is visibly deteriorating. The house was designed by Archibald Simpson, who had been responsible for many major and influential buildings throughout the northeast of Scotland. The design in a Greek revival style by an architect of national importance gives the house an important place in the architecture of Aberdeen, and places it in a national context. The beer check was in the back of Olymprick’s car making it a rare mobile bar on wheels.
The closing circle was in the Globe beer garden.
Charges:
Haggissimo had arrived business class from Bahrain. The flight stewardess overheard Haggissimo telling a young lady that he was returning for a birthday celebration. She returned with a priceless bottle of champagne. For which Haggissimo was duly thankful. When he changed flights at Heathrow to catch his flight to Aberdeen, a security guard confiscated it.
Shaky was charged for telling the pack of lies on Saturday night. The pack were presented with “Would I lie to you?” Shaky told 3 stories on Friday night at the hash social outing to Pygmy Twylyte (Frank Zappa tribute band). 1 – He checked into his hotel and they had no knowledge of a reservation. 2 – He had bought 6 tickets for Pygmy Twylyte when there were only 5 hashers going. 3 – he was going to return home on Saturday morning to get his Toga. The pack had to guess which was the lie. The answer is 3. The pack enjoyed this game and many wanted to go to the hash social night being organised by Glasgow in the 1st April called “Would I lie to you?”
The BitcHHH for stealing drinks.
Twizzle for his new hair style.
The Penguin for watching only one of the two rugby games in O’Neill’s
Biggles for shouting “Make way for an athlete!” on the run.
Olymprick for banging the table so hard all the drinks fell off!
The Penguin for hanging the helium party balloons from the electric wall heater!
Olymprick and Haggissimo for not setting their own run!
The new runner with real name West was nearly named Kompost. BTW West was NOT introduced by Barbarella. He found AH3 website online and just turned up alone.
Doina was nearly named “Show us your leg”
The OnInn was inside the Globe where Haggissimo was presented with a fabulous cake depicting him in a bed with two ladies.
We all sang a song to Haggissimo to recognise his 65th birthday
Haggi’s Three Score and a Half
For your birthday we have gathered
Of three score and a halfA
Surrounded by friends and hashers
Joining you for a drink and a laugh
As a wee loon at the Grammar School
Folk kent you there as Chud
Chasing the quines and playing the fool
Embarking on the life of a stud
Oil giant Shell had you doing their sums
And you travelled while you made your dough
The Hash House Harriers provided endless chums
And they gave us the creation of Haggissimo
Amsterdam and Sydney hash founded by you
Fabled circles with stories made up...perhaps
Endless name suggestions for hashers new
Your Happi Jacket filling with a badge and a patch
You like a woman on your arm...or two...or three
Although you did get chucked out of a lap dance bar
Your dance moves are unique and legendary
And you sing with the passion of an out-of-tune rock star
You always have a plan and full of great schemes
With ideas formed after a few Aspalls...and Guniesses...and Taliskers
These days you like your ‘sofa sports’, cheering on your team
Which is usually the one on which you’ve had a flutter
Whether we know you as Ian, Chud, Haggi or Haggissimo
We’re all here to share this day with you
Let happiness reign and the drinks flow
And at the end the bar will let you know what you’re due
Happy 65th birthday!!
Location: Golden Square
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/pfyZF49bcgcmpxga9
Directions: Golden Square Car Park, Aberdeen AB10
Other info: HHHaggissimo's 65th Birthday run. Theme "Ides of March" so wear your best Roman toga's. Free parking till 1pm!
On Inn: TBA
Hazards: Olymprick and Haggisimo
2016 - Sun 06 Mar 2022 - Persley Walled Garden - Hares: Oneliner & Skinny Witch - Scribe: Saggy Tits
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run #2016
Sunday: 6th March 2022
Location: Bridge of Don, Persley Walled Garden
On-Inn: Buckie farm Stonehouse carvery and pizza
Hares: Skinny Witch and One Liner
Scribe: Shiggy Tits (Also known as Shaggy Tits)
Run title- “Its not wall doom and gloom”
Sunday the 6th of March was the agreed day and One Liner and Skinny Witch decided to set a run very far away from home indeed, in fact a whole 0.7 miles away from their humble abode. The wind speed was an ample 5mph and the temperature was only 5 degrees, however humidity was 73% and this hasher, like many, was not prepared. Dressed in all black complete with gloves, I arrived at the first circle with Skinny Witch as the hordes began to gather. The usual chatting and milling about took place for around 10 minutes in the carpark of the parsley walled garden. In fact, I chatted to Batty and All Because’s dachshunds even as the circle began and I got hushed as I lost all sense of time trying to work out how their tiny little legs held up their bodies.
Without further ado, Sir Deadmund Hill-Ary began the horrible histories (whether we asked for it or not). Hippo was called upon as the ‘lucky’ quiz contestant. The first question asked what percentage of brits voted to remain and leave in the European Union and it was revealed that this was 27% and 26% respectively. Then it was asked who won Wimbledon in this year and Maria Sharapova’s name was dropped a fair amount of times before it was revealed that Andy Murray was the actual victor. It was also revealed that his nickname was ‘Muzzard’ (Andy Murray not Sir Deadmund Hill-Ary). There is a gap in my notes which I will assume was because I went back to the dachshunds for more unconditional love and gravity defying fluffy bellies. Meanwhile Hippo got a down-down for answering all questions incorrectly.
Before the hares were introduced, there was a special award to Thruppenny Bits for her 1000th run. She was only the 2nd ever Harriette in AH3 to receive this award. She got a very nice jacket with a purple interior. I took note that by the time I did 1000 runs I would either receive a coloured pencil due to inflation, or I would be speaking Russian (only kidding?).
The hares One Liner and Skinny Witch took centre stage and explained the usual flour shapes and metaphors. Skinny Witch didn’t mention at this point her suspicion that One liner may have taken some artistic licence over the run that they had planned and deviate the route in more ways than one. She would be right (she always is). I was handed the role of scribe and it was noted that The Bitttch had not submitted his yet (and possibly the one before). I elicited the idea of a healthy competition that I would submit mine before he started his, but alas, like most MPs, I didn’t follow through.
The run itself was delightful. I had thought I had insight into the route ahead of it, however One Liner had managed to find a way to fool even me. Barbarella took charge on a few occasions on the run and there were a few that (quite-rightly) doubted that he wasn’t leading them directly to a back-check or along a false trail. But on this occasion, he blazed only a direct path to the beer.
There was an impressive chocolate stop with heroes and chocolate eggs at roughly the halfway mark concealed beneath trees by the edge part of the parkway. Roger Me More was a little parched at this point and was a little dismayed to learn it was only halfway with the humidity the way it was. There was a separation of the main group into small factions for the second half and I found myself alongside the lovely Stalker and Try Me Love Me who were nice company and set a very quick pace for the last mile or two.
It was then that we came upon Little Shit who was assisting Flaps into a swimming- pool-sized puddle of mud like the gentleman he is. I realised that my height and small size made me a likely target to be picked up and so I hastily made an exit.
After a stick field that looked like something from Dorothy’s Kansas in the wizard of oz we came to my arch nemesis: any and all barbed wire fences. Chivalry, I discovered, is not dead and I was helped over by not one but two Hashers (Skinny Witch and JC) who quite literally saved the skin of my behind. I then stayed behind a few minutes to offer my services as a ‘pay it forward’ to those hashers behind me. Few needed it because they were pretty hardy bastards.
Once over the fence, it was only a couple of kilometres to the beer stop and me and Cinders had a lovely little frolic through the grass beside a massive electric pylon. Then it was to the beer and the home of One Liner and Skinny Witch which did not disappoint. There was beer galore and Little Shit soon found the lazy boy spa hot tub and asked how to open it. I watched for One Liner’s reaction but he kept his composure as the mud got closer and closer to the crystal waters.
On the way to the second circle at the carpark back at the start of the run, Skinny Witch had a bit of a fall in the mud and because she was with the scribe, I wrote it down in my tally of falls that I had seen. That made 3; Fire Flaps once assisted, once unassisted and Skinny Witch once unassisted.
At the second circle I looked for quotes to finish off my scribe and Barbarella provided;
“The GM says it was a stupid run” he said.
Olymprick proceeded to explain something to do with carparking at the next run and I’m not sure anyone quite followed. Stalker received a down-down for being late to the first circle where she missed receiving her 25th Run t-shirt. She then got the t-shirt and tried it on. We then received a rendition of a song from The Penguin which was very well sung indeed, but I have no idea what he sang about other than mild references to cannibals. Everyone was on good form and nibbled on crisps. When asked what they thought of the run it seemed to be mostly good feedback. Overall, a success in my book.
A summary of the main down downs from the second circle
Pink Panther, T-Rex Cock, Not Dot and Aids for walking the wrong way
Pink panther for something to do with a dog café and a tank
Hippo for getting a haircut and losing his Gandalf-chic look
Flaps, Wee Willie, Try Me Love Me and Little Shit for ‘falling’ in the mud
Returners for returning
One Liner for changing the run (Skinny Witch narrowly avoided this one)
One Liner and Skinny Witch for being the hares
And right near the end of the second circle before the On-Inn I was once again named ‘Shaggy Tits’ rather than ‘Shiggy Tits’. I actually prefer this name, I think, though its origin is unclear…Zoinks!
Location: Persley Walled Garden
Google Map:https://goo.gl/maps/Be6yBzPuPZZJv3gF7
Directions: Mugiemoss Rd, Aberdeen AB21 9WH just south of the Haudagain Roundabout on A92
Other info:
On Inn: Buckie Farm, The Parkway, A92, Bridge of Don AB22 8AL https://goo.gl/maps/Cioo3x2QfnCEK5rd9
Hazards:
2015 - Sun 27 Feb 2022 - Peterculter - Hares: Icebraker & Red Stripe - Scribe: The Bitchhh
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
AH3 # 2015
Sunday 6th March 2022
Culter
Hares: Ice Breaker & Red Stripe
Scribe: The Bitchhh
It was Sunday the 6th of May, The BitcHHH sat down, one week late to the scribe. He opened a beer and whipped open his notes from the previous week, eager to prove that despite the next-level hangover that engulfed his being on this 2015 run, he would be able to muster up a cracking scribe…
First line of notes: “We sent a probe to your anus”. - No idea where that came from, but then Stalker reminded him that 2015 was the year that our first probe reached Pluto! No idea who and responded to Sir Deadmond Hillary’s questions, but The BitcHHH knew that “… a probe to your anus” was critical and required pen to paper! We will honour FireFlaps for getting the questions right though about Pluto being the planet in question, and not your anus.
The BitcHHH wrote down some more bullshit, like belated Hashy Birthday to Numbskull, Poo Stick Opportunities for him, and the hairs not knowing what symbols were meant to be used for false trails and quickly decided he needed to get away from this crazy bunch of people so everyone set off on a wild goose chase, with most of the walkers heading down the wrong path at the onset.
One thing that was clear, is that there was a big need to make some distance between everyone so that The BitcHHH could nurse his home-brought pocket beer. It was starting to turn into a lovely sunny stroke down the road, sun shining, hair-of-the-dog settling in. He rounded the corner and met Toy Boy Tom on a bridge - staring down at the hash pack hitting a beautifully marked falsie down by the river. Toy Boy Tom pipped up with, “Either water is a magnet or hashers are stupid; I’ll leave it up to you to decide.”
The beer had kicked in, and I was ready to join the pack and find the next one - The BitcHHH was no longer in third person by this point in time. So I marched up to a memorial, and instantly regretted it. We leopard crawled under a fence, and trudged down the side of a farm. Thank goodness I walked into Little Shit, who pointed me in the right direction - so we short cut straight across to the sweetie stop.
I had sussed out Ice Breakers strategy by this point and headed off in the opposite direction to all other hashers after we headed off from the sweetie stop. Anna caught up with me and confirmed that I was on trail. We made our way through a wind swept forest and clambered over and under trees. There were no hashers to be heard, it was bliss.
Anna and I arrived at the first Poo Sticks bridge and decided to battle to the death - I won! And then led her astray at the next check and put me right back to where I had begun. I did however manage to catch one more round of Poo Sticks at the next bridge - Dolphin was the winner of that round which involved several participants.
We trotted past a beautiful babbling brook where everyone had stalled, patiently waiting for god knows what. But after that everyone went missing. We ran up a hill past some lovely little far houses, and then Cinders decided to lead half the pack astray with her, and ended up hitting the beer stop from the wrong side. The BitcHHH was walking, and lost everyone, but fortunately made it to the beer stop with some beer to spare - snagged two for all his hard work.
It was then down-down time and Duracell promised not to talk! I was so excited to get another drink from Aids for being so hungover that I couldn’t tilzdgsfu (can’t read what I wrote). The next victims weren’t as excited as I was:
Mad mass invader… Putin never invaded - Sir Deadmond Hillary…?!?! He got a double down for standing on a bag of crisps.
Yap Yap got a down-down for living up to her name.
Numbskull got one for having Aids carry his E-bike up the hill for him.
Mrs T got one for shouting out Aids hash handle in the office when they used to work in Shell.
Wee Willy was a party pooper and got a down-down for it.
Little Shit got a down-down for public urination.
Mad Cyclist drank for being too into beastiality.
Twizzle got one for being an idiot and thinking he knew the way.
Express Chicken & Anna had a down-down for returners/new Aberdeen runners.
Ice Breaker had one for practising before the axe throwing and being too cool for school.
Sir Deadmond Hillary got one for throwing an axe while people were in the zone of death.
Ice Breaker and Red Stripe drank for letting everyone down after axe throwing by not arranging after party drinks.
Hippo got a down-down for almost ending a marriage by sending a text to a house phone, and the receiver had thought it was from a secret lover.
Hares finally got a down-down for being themselves!
And then everyone else, not The BitcHHH, headed off to the Plowman for the On-Inn, which must have gone smoothly, as there were no down-downs this week for anything that transpired thereafter!
Location: Culter Football Club, Crombie Park, Malcolm Road, Peterculter AB14 0XB.
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/bPXLnFH6iryB27g48
On-Inn: Ploughman, N Deeside Rd Culter
Other info:
Hazards:
2014 - Sun 20 Feb 2022 - Blackburn - Hares: Tonto & Eggfoo - Scribe: T-Rex Cock
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2014
Sunday 20 February 2022.
Location: Kinellar Community Hall
Hares Tonto & Egg Foo.
Scribe: T-Rex Cock
A saga of ice and snowballs
In the Lands of the North, where the black rocks stand guard against the cold sea, in the dark night that is very long, the men of the Northlands sit by their great log fires and they tell a tale...
A sunny day in Aberdeenshire. A gleaming shiny Kinellar Community Hall, rebuilt after the historic hall, where the good folk of Kinellar sheltered from the great plague of 1385 burned down in the Fintray parish wars of the 1840s, a scene re-enacted in the dark days of Storm Arwen when the local Starbucks had run out of frothy skinny lattes – the sheltering, not the burning down.
The sunshine brought out a large gaggle of hashers, old and new. Some against the odds, like Underlay, who barely managed to overcome the twin perils of no grip for his tyres on the ice and Little Shit trying to push him back out of the car park. The assembled pack include The Bitchhh, who had managed to complete the house-cleaning duties which prevented him participating in yesterday’s Mearns run. Must be a good place for a future on-inn. Disappointingly however, although The Penguin later announced that today we celebrate the Feast of Numbskull, the great man was celebrating without us at Chateau Dumboak.
Surprisingly there were more mobile phones being used in the circle than attendant dogs (note to RAs). Another surprise (not) was Sir Deadmund Hillary’s ‘orrible history, where we learned that 2014 was the time Jetslag lost two aircraft in the Indian Ocean with the loss of all hands, and the oil price fell from $114/bbl to 27 p per pint. Gas Chamber got her 50-run tee-shirt which fitted snugly over her prized 25-run tee shirt.
Underlay’s problems coping with the ice was a stark warning about where Tonto’s pink flour would lead us. Some of us became apprehensive. The GM got so tense she peed herself (allegedly). I must admit I was feeling tense too about climbing up all those hills in the snow. However, Sir Deadmund Hillary offered to sherpa me up the trail, so I stopped tensing.
The hare Tonto was tall and strong and fair, as the men of the Northlands were, and the ruler (for the day anyway) of this land of ice and snow, of mountains and valleys, of woods and streams, where the wind howls and young maidens hid in caves and pined for the fiords, so we knew he would be lying through his teeth about the run.
We ran up through the new estate, with a check on some stairs (with a banister) and found the trail beyond the wall in open ground. An epic snowball battle erupted between Ser Barbarella and the evil Queen Fireflaps and their armies of aging schoolkids as the pack reached to top of the first hill. So not so much a hash trail, more a running snowball fight.
The main pack went off on a wild dragon chase heading easteross up more hills. The walkers were left to negotiate a treacherous down slope back into town where four legs were definitely more good than two legs. Bruce Almighty suggest we all strap ourselves together and abseil down the slope in one body, but this had only limited appeal. We emerged from the village again and had a clear view of the hashers on the ridge heading back down. Everyone met up again on the other side of the burn this time heading westeross. The runners headed up and along the ridge into Kirkhill Forest while the walkers slogged along in a long bedraggled train across the vast snow-laden fields on the slopes up Tyrebagger hill, slowed by constant loss of crampons and frequent stops to refit them. The scene must have resembled Napoleon’s retreat from Moscow.
The top trail lead to the Tappie tower, where the pack were ambushed by brownies. A perfect spot for a a pitched snowball battle, a game of stones. It was the most fun they had since winter fell. Who won? Who commanded the tower? Who ate all the brownies? Who knows? At least they weren’t a feast for crows.
Meanwhile the white walkers encountered a large fallen tree. Forestry Scotland guidance (endorsed by Shaky) was to turn round and run back the way you came. The alternative strategy to walk around the tree, assisted by Aids applying his willie to bend the offending branches back was more effective. No-one told Aids about the Finnish cross-country skier who got Frozen Penis, aka Eskimo Nell syndrome. (don’t ask, don’t google. Ed) Anyway it’s good to know he doesn’t hold his manhood cheap.
Being a straggler I didn’t get to hear much gossip, although I heard one wild harriette mutter “You know nothing Egg Foo,” when the aforementioned hare momentarily led the unsuspecting hashers off trail. High Maintenance was complaining that the ski pass on her recent holiday only allowed her and Muff Diver to get out of bed for eight days out of eleven, which seemed a bit unnecessary all round.
Redstripe and Fireflaps were discussing the attributes of certain hashers as they trotted along. Redstripe was wondering if Icebreaker’s rugged looks were due to him being descended from beautiful German Rhine maidens. “Descended from Noggin the Nog more like” was the GM’s rather unkind reply.
Oh, nearly forgot. One Liner was concerned during the snowstorm the day before that Skinny Witch just stood for ages staring at the window looking very sad. He got so worried after a couple of hours he let her back in the house.
Downhill through Caskieben, the posh suburb of Blackburn, where there were more horses and dogs than actual people, and back down to the Blackburn – more of a shitty brown burn actually, although several dogs came out of it cleaner than they went in. Who would get to the beer stop first: walkers or FRBs? (Bruce Almighty excluded from the competition on compassionate grounds of course.) Reader, it was a damn near run thing, but it was FRBs first. An excellent selection of beers, and a sunny day, put the pack in a good mood for the circle.
Down-downs went to
The Bitchhh for leaving his house keeping till hash day,
Hippo for failing to find trail,
Rats for gabbing in the circle,
new runner Emilio and
returner Shaggy Tits,
TryMeLuvMe for shaving parts that other hashers (especially Shaky) couldn’t reach.
A downdown for Barbarella for being the main culprit (along with Hippo and Ballerina) of a sordid tale involving tasting snow with the flavour of (Scribe edited to save reputations all round. Ed) the south.
And, unsurprisingly given the conditions, Stalker for attempting a Superwoman-style dive into the snow, and
Roger Me More for being sent flying after tripping over a teensy-weensy twig, lovingly carried back the circle by Twizzle.
Finally DDs for the hares Tonto and Egg Foo for setting an excellent trail, with great scenery, interesting checks, with enough back checks to keep the pack together and the walkie-talkies in sight.
A super trail, a hash of kings.
Some hasher went for a roast at the Let’s Get Leyd Hotel. But, as I’m watching my weight, I made an excuse and left.
Pip! Pip!
T.Rex Cock
Location: Blackburn
Directions: Kinellar Community Hall lower car park, in bottom most least visible section, off Fintray Rd, Blackburn AB21 0JQ.
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/XtbGznMZUU9MuFeb6
On Inn: Leys Hotel, Main Road, Blackburn AB210SS.
Googlemaps: https://goo.gl/maps/HwqFUSNyxDLz4KrNA
Other info: Please let the Hares know before the run whether you will be attending.
Hazards:
2013 - Sun 13 Feb 2022 - Dunnottar Woods, Stonehaven - Hares: Cockatool & Fire Flaps - Scribe: Ice Breaker
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2013
Sun 13th Feb 2022
Dunnottar Woods.
Hares – Fireflaps and 4Fingers.
Scribe: Ice Breaker
St Valentine’s Day run! That magical day when we come together to celebrate the patron saint of epileptics and beekeepers, apparently. Unless there's some other reason I'm missing.
The grey cloud-laden sky was immediately put to shame by the spectacular explosion of red dresses provided by the hashers in honour of the good St V (do beekeepers even wear red?) as we circled up in a suitably capacious car park (for a change) and listened intently in raptured silence to our beloved GM as she highlighted the visiting horde of Edinburgh Hashers - who were briefly brought in to the circle and summarily dismissed seconds later – and welcomed us all to her home turf at Dunnottar Woods. At least I think that's what she said. I am also a little unclear on what happened next but I suddenly found a scribe notebook in my hand, and thought I heard her say something about the sacred duty going to 'someone who's always nice', which can't be right, obv.
Anyway, as is traditional, the expectant circle then enthusiastically welcomed the honourable Sir Deadmund Hillary with his 2013th Horrible History, today featuring a new lovely assistant, Inspector Gorse, on loan from EH3. Once the cheering died down, we were enthralled by tales of exploding Russian asteroids, several vaguely relevant film titles provided by the circle, and an uncanny Sean Connery impression from the Horrible Historian himself. “It’s force can shatter continents. Its mass can level mountain ranges. It cannot think. It cannot reason. IT CANNOT CHANGE ITS COURSE." Advice clearly taken to heart by our hares when laying trail, but more of that later.
Over to the RA, who complimented the variety, style and frankly raw sexiness of the red dresses on offer, particular mention going to the stunning It's All Because, although I think the dogs helped a bit.
Special mentions also went to Mrs T for reaching 55, and Little Shit for achieving 75 (I get younger each year. Ed) rotations of the sun. Down-downs suitably administered.
A surprisingly civilian looking Ballerina then came forward, red tutu sadly absent, to remind us of the remarkable events of two and a half years ago, when the force of nature that is Cockatool somehow got away with stealing an entire cruise ship, putting 850 hashers on it and filling it with alcohol, presumably to see what happened. What happened was a truly wonderful Eurohash, and to celebrate, commemorate and congratulate this achievement, Cockatool was presented with a stunning artwork created and hand delivered by the supremely talented Annie Bollocks. Requisite down downs followed, with a spirited rendition of 'The Captain of our ship' - “The ship must be a tanker, cos Cock's a focussed anchor” (I think?)
Over to the hares – once GM Fireflaps remembered that this was in fact her other job of the day... Along with co-hare 4Fingers, brief instructions were briefly briefed out, and we were off with a guiding elbow.
At this point, the increasing precipitation meant the scribe notebook assumed an entirely liquid form, so the rest of the trail had to be committed to memory. Thankfully there was much to remember, starting with a gentle climb to an area of spectacularly fallen trees, clearly secured by barrier tape warning of the EXTREME THREAT TO LIFE for anyone foolish enough to breach the tape. Once we all got over, under or through the lifesaving barrier, much fun was had clambering around the sadly supine trees, before escaping the danger zone largely intact. Once that deadly plan had been foiled, the hare's next attempt at hashercide featured a headlong dash down to the now traditional Flaps river crossing. Various comical efforts at log tightrope-walking were witnessed, others electing to simply jump in - or be pushed - however subsequent rumours of other more experienced hashers simply walking to the nearby bridge cannot be confirmed at this time. The rain had now made conditions underfoot somewhat akin to dancing on ice, with several Bez-type wobbly pirouettes given high marks by this judge.
Further highlights then included a fine example of the mucilaginous adherence of a freshly ploughed Mearns clay field, and an impressively large conical grain-store (water reservoir. Ed) leading us to a welcome stretch of mud free tarmac.
The false hope of a solid surface however was quickly dashed by a stretch of running the gauntlet of more mighty trees felled by recent storms, making a tricky assault course, followed by a further course of aforementioned Mearns clay, leading several un-named SCBs to cut across the field and heading toward the by now apparent Stonehaven War Memorial, in the sure and certain knowledge that this was our Hare's next destination.
This unshakeable certitude however failed to take into account the devilish deviousness of the duplicitous hares, as the flour, as it so often does, told a different tale. Screeching handbrake turns completed, all the while berated by a gleeful hare, the reassembled pack set off once again for another generous helping of clay, followed by a brief return to civilisation via what appeared to be some unfortunate civilian's back hedge.
Now, some hares devise their route allowing for the vagaries of the terrain, some do so despite it, and others wilfully because of it. Some take into account the safety and convenience of the pack and adjust the route accordingly. Some decide on the direction of travel, ignore such trivial matters as rivers, fences and houses, and assume the pack will find a way to push on through regardless. Which, being true blue hashers, they invariably do. And so, the housing estate brushed aside, the pack fought on, this time battling gravity with a precipitous descent, not helped by the descent of the precipitation, and consequent ascent, finally leading back to blessed tarmac.
There followed, particularly for those who recognised our new surroundings, a speedy trip to a very welcome Beer stop, in the grounds of the GM's stunning urban estate. There was even a warming fire provided by Nuggets, assisted by the The Penguin and the GM/Hare/Lady of the Estate herself, living up to her name and one of her reputations with a large bottle of methylated spirits. Allegedly the resulting steam cloud from the gathered drying throng of happy hashers could be seen from the On On site back in the woods. Where we all then returned, all thoughts of drying out now replaced with attempts to achieve the other kind of steaming.
A grand and almost complete circle then witnessed the following Down-Downs – accuracy not guaranteed as by this point despite the assistance of One Liner and his umbrella, I was resorting to carving hieroglyphs into the poor facsimile of a notebook which I had managed to fashion out of papier-mache, mud and tears while on trail.
The Bitchhh – RA Aids continuing his fascination with the admittedly remarkable Tartan?/Burberry?/Plaid?/Check?/Clearly Work Of The Devil tracksuit sported by The Bitchhh, however on this occasion it was the accessories which drew fire, namely the enormous umbrella at least partially keeping the aforesaid demonic leisurewear dry. ish.
Inspector Gorse – a fine tale was related of the good Inspector's apparent success in acquiring not one, not two but several dates on his expedition North. Until it was revealed that the aforesaid dates were of Egyptian origin and came packaged ready to eat from the nearby Sainsbury's. Similarly disappointing was the Inspector's failure to provide any of said comestibles for the enjoyment of the circle.
4Fingers – As someone once said “The Bitchhh is back” with the audacity of laying a charge literally at the feet of 4 Fingers, in the form of the cardinal sin of wearing new shoes... Despite protestations from the defendant and co-hare Fire Flaps that said shoes were actually worn for the trail-laying the day before, they assembled jury of peers were unsympathetic and the sentence of guilty was passed and the traditional punishment of drinking from the shoe meted out, assisted by Cockatool and a crisp bag. Don't ask. Never ask. However, the required penance for this heinous crime was served with huge grace, and barely any screaming. Unfortunately for the penitent Harriette, this excellent effort cut no ice with the patrician The Bitchhh, who swiftly administered a secondary Down-Down for the apparent misdemeanour of not being able to tie shoelaces properly.
Asbo, Nae Desperate, Bambi, Inspector Gorse – a sorry, shameful tale was then relayed to a shocked circle. Our Edinburgh brethren and sisters stood accused of shaming their fine City, and indeed Hashing in entirety. The previous night had seen a rousing display of Bacchanalia by a combined force of AH3 and EH3, up to a point. That point being 10pm, when the four accused allegedly decided they were 'a bit tired' and returned to their accommodation for a camomile tea, and a good night's sleep. Verdict guilty. Sentence passed. Thankfully the reputation of hashing worldwide was saved by the sterling efforts of the remaining AH3 representatives, who held the side, and each other, up with a true dedication to the cause.
Gingervitis, Barbarella, The Bitchhh and Stalker – Another RA return for The Bitchhh, this time awarding himself a Down-Down along with Stalker and a protesting Gingervitis, and Barbarella for some reason. Something to do with dates, however this time not the eating kind, (probably) but actually meeting people kind (Take note, Inspector Gorse)
The Penguin then gave us all an extraordinary lesson in our Hash History, with a superb memorial to our founder Alberto Esteban Ignacio Gispert known as “G” who was sadly lost to the world 80 years ago on February 11th, 1942, fighting with the Argyll and Sutherland highlanders in Singapore. A moving tribute, fittingly commemorated by the circle.
Numskull – And then The Bitchhh returned once more... This time with a charge against a resolutely sedentary Numskull. Details are sketchy, at least to your Scribe and doubtless also Numskull himself, but there was mention of 'wise men', and somewhere a 'wee rivet' featured.
Mad Cyclist – Another Bitchhh charge, this time for the apparent crime of cheating, by way of utilising four legged power and a rope to assist with the trickier ascents.
Cockatool – Not so much a charge, as an apology from our GM Fireflaps for introducing Cockatool to Hashing. Or was it the other way round? In any case her catastrophic mistake, occurring exactly 10 years ago, was in going on a date (not the ...etc.) with Mr Tool. Her subsequent horror only being allayed by the collective assistance of the Hash when she had the bright idea of bringing him along the next day's trail. A collective 'Thanks for that' was audible. To celebrate (?) this momentous occasion, of course required a cake, which was duly created in front of our very eyes, on a now foil wrapped (safety first) Cockatool. The usual ingredients of flour eggs, milk, flour and bit more flour were enthusiastically mixed, and the whole Cockatool Confection was left to rise, no doubt.
And then much to the circle's relief, a 'one I've prepared earlier' actual cake was brought out for the throng to enjoy. And we did.
To the Hares! - a final flourish to the fiendish flourmongers
And we were gone, like literal drops of water on a hot skillet, to a very welcome, warm Station hotel On Inn.
IB
On On!
Location: Dunnottar Woods
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/5gcXz8kt7kqBdHfY6
Directions: On On - "Bottom" carpark at Dunottar Woods, Stonehaven off Woodcott Brae/Dunnottar Church
Other info: Valentine Hash - wear your best prettiest red dresses
On Inn: TBA
Hazards: Cockatool
2012 - Sun 06 Feb 2022 - Kincorth Nature Reserve - Hares: Aids & Cinders - Scribe: Smiler
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2012
Sunday 6th February 2022
Kincorth Nature Reserve
Hares: Aids & Cinders
Scribe: Smiler
Having only just recovered from getting my digits frozen whilst watching Aberdeen Lynx play Kilmarnock Thunder at Ice Hockey down at the links last night, (they won 5-2 by the way but ceilidh dancing might have been a bit warmer!) I arrived at the cold heights of the Gramps car park for this weeks Hash run.
Flapping my arms around to keep warm must have attracted CINDERS attention and before I knew it, a pink pen and a pink notebook were being thrust at me and I was told to just draw a pretty picture!
Anyway here is a version of events, written on my iPad with one finger, of Run 2012…..remind me to buy a new laptop and a hearing aid before the next time I am scribe……did anyone actually hear what was said in the circle?
Horrible history from SIR DEADMOND HILLARY was about the London Olympics in 2012 and FIFI got the first DOWN DOWN for not knowing why Africa and North Korea didn’t win any medals or something like that!
I might add since today was the Platinum Jubilee of Her Majesty The Queen, (70 years since she became Queen) there was no mention of Camilla probably being the next Queen to parachute with Daniel Craig into the next UK Olympics!
SIR DEADMOND HILLARY - the Queen will demote you!
Several awards were awarded while we were still standing there freezing:
MRS T - 750 runs
SHORT & THICK - 25 runs
SHAKY - 300 runs
Over to the SIX hares….Yes, SIX! AIDS, CINDERS, NO NAME SANDRA, FAIRY WHIPPET and JETSLAG & GAS CHAMBER, which is probably a AH3 record….and they showed us the direction in which to go and some walkers got a map that you can see at the bottom of this. CINDERS and AIDS provided such a nice map so no need for me to draw a pretty picture or go into detail of where we went.
I remember doing a similar route around here years ago when all the Hash Pensioner lunch folk still worked at Shell, so 50% of you probably remember doing it too.
The run was up to the top of the Gramps for a nice view point, (where three of the hares were sticking together in case they got lost) then over the other side of Wellington Road, around the Wood building, another lovely sea view point before the kissing gate, down to the new Torry waste incinerator centre, up a steep cement road and on round to the Beer Stop before heading back to car park via the back of the Shell building.
I didn’t see new runner Sam Jones at the end of run so I think she maybe went home disappointed at not getting a cup of tea at Beer Stop. Apparently she wondered why a lot of folk were carrying pints of milk and asked if it was for a cup of tea later! A Hash name brewing there I think.
Down downs were awarded to:
TONTO - for having a BIG power hose.
T REX COCK - for praising the run.
BLAGGER - for sleeping in her car in the car park after arriving half hour late instead of hashing. Apparently the printing of her Visa Application form to get into Kincorth took a lot longer than anticipated.
STALKER - for forgetting to wear her denim jacket and not feeling at home in Krakatoa on Friday night. Obviously no dive bars in Australia!
MR SHEEN (absent) - for getting confused between secret passwords and Covid passports.
BALLERINA - for being annoyed that Annie Bollocks was all over Mr Sheen’s body and yet another down down for her listening to the band instead of bringing him his beer.
TRYME LUVME - for being a real scaredy-cat and waiting to be rescued as she didn’t want to go into ‘scary’ Krakatoa on her own.
TRYME LUVME - also got another down down for explaining the reason for her change of career from tree surgeon to primary teacher was so that she could teach them how to use a chain saw.
DURACELL - for talking in the circle.
UNDERLAY & TOY BOY TOM - for the sin of RACING up the very steep concrete road on the hill up from the the new waste centre.
CINDERS - for describing the above as ‘It’s only a little hill’.
SERGIO & BALLERINA - for struggling up this little hill.
DURACELL & MAD KING GEORGE - for.…..talking in the circle again.
HARES - yes ALL SIX of them for the great run/walk that mostly kept the pack together: AIDS, CINDERS, NO NAME SANDRA, FAIRY WHIPPET and JETSLAG & GAS CHAMBER who gatecrashed the ‘How to set a Hash run’ at the last minute
Location: Kincorth Nature Reserve
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/rnbiQirx9pyFFk2L9
Directions: On On: On On: Kincorth Nature Reserve, Nigg Way East Car Park, Abbotswell Crescent. OS Ref 944031. Some parking in small car park and plenty on Abbotswell Cresent itself..
Other info:
On Inn: TBA
Hazards:
2011 - Sun 30 Jan 2022 - Stonehaven - Hares: Fire Flaps & Splash 'n Dash - Scribe: Gingervitis
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run #2011
Sunday 30th January 2022 at 11am
Mineralwell Park, Stonehaven,
Hares: Fire Flaps and Splash N Dash
Scribe: Gingervitis
It was a cold and blustery day as the illustrious AH3 Hashers who were lucky enough not to get blown away in the storm, gathered in the park to begin their latest adventure. After a tight squeeze and eventual overflow we all managed to circle up. Or at least we thought everyone had arrived…… (More on this to follow). Flaps reached out to her co-hare Splash N Dash to name a scribe, to which she thought it would be a great choice to pick the girl with the hearing aids who never has any idea what's going on, especially when it’s windy. Ah well, here goes!
We were all called to order as Fire Flaps welcomed two new runners to the hash, Anika and Sam (apologies for any misspellings).
Per usual, we were all obligated, I mean ecstatic to hear the Horrible History that Sir Deadmund Hillary had to share. Did you know that in 2011 Game of Thrones premiered and led to the eventual marriage of Jon Snow and Ygritte in a castle not far from where we stood? Not entirely sure if we were talking about the characters or the actors. Also in 2011 there was a tsunami that cost 1 trillion pounds to clean up and Novac Yokovic became the first ever Serbian tennis player to win Wimbledon.
Harley then got a down-down for being such a big help during the Horrible History.
AIDS stepped into the circle to announce we had an award. But first, a very appropriate and well-earned down-down as The Bitchhh showed up in an exceptionally “interesting” plaid jumpsuit (J-Lo from the 90s called, she’d like her outfit back). According to AIDS this was his most obvious down-down he’d ever had to give, we all agreed.
In much more exciting news, Glasgow celebrated her 200th run! She was awarded a lovely blue fleece jacket and of course a down-down. (Well done that harriette.Ed)
Now on to the Hares, Fire Flaps informed us 3 dots meant you were on, there were several back stops, as well as a new ‘F’ for, actually I didn’t really catch what the ‘F’ stood for. (‘F’ for a FAULSE TRAIL. Like a back check, but less technical. Ed) We needed to watch out for tree hazards, especially after the crazy wind on Saturday and there would definitely be a beer/sweetie stop. On On!!
As I’ve been sick for well over a week I decided to join the walkers for the first time ever. Olymprick was quick to point out how silly it was that I was scribing a run I wasn’t participating in, alas. We started off in the exact opposite direction of the runners. I’m already so confused but figure the map holders know what they are doing, especially Numbskull, he always seems really on top of his map reading. We start heading down a path next to a stream, ducking under several trees before hearing a loud On-Back! Fire Flaps assures me it is completely the walkers fault that we went in the wrong direction, she holds no responsibility whatsoever. The run takes us across several streets and under a highway (or whatever it is called here in Scotland (sorry for my American terminology)). According to several runners and walkers this is their least favourite part of the hash. We trapes up a few hills before finally entering the wilderness. The day brightens up as the sunshine and hills take over our lovely views, looking extremely beautiful, so beautiful in fact I got distracted from my conversations by the view of the sea and had to stop for pictures. The Bitchhh quickly walks by a group of us walkers having changed out of his J-Lo inspired tracksuit, he was clearly utterly humiliated during his down-down. It’s All Because, Batty and their two weiner pups made a new weiner pup friend, it was very cute.
It is also at this point that I laid eyes on The Penguin strutting along holding his rucksack. Remember I said there would be more to the story about everyone arriving? Why is The Penguin holding his rucksack on a hash? I’m glad you asked! It turns out all of the trains and buses from Aberdeen were cancelled today due to the storm. So despite leaving a full 2 hours before the hash, The Penguin showed up after we had all left and there was no one to leave his bag with. It turns out he was able to use his charming good looks to sweet talk a bus driver finishing up for the day into giving himself a ride to Stonehaven and dropping him off up the road from the park. Toy Boy Tom on the other hand chose to give up on getting to Stonehaven, earning himself a down-down next week I’m sure!
Eventually we walk up to a crossroads where we see the runners heading straight on and Olymprick down at the bottom of a very muddy looking hill. After a quick map check it is revealed that this is in fact a shortcut, so off we go down the muddy hill. Olymprick is clearly searching hard for something as he is seen searching every nook and cranny at the bottom of the hill, this can mean only one thing, we’ve made it to the beer stop! We all begin searching, apparently Fire Flaps and Splash N Dash wanted to add an element of hide and seek to the hash. Finally, upon the arrival of the runners, Barbarella makes a bee-line for the beer and sweeties (he was clearly a very drunk bloodhound in a previous life). Yay for beer and sweeties! For the first time (at least since I’ve been hashing) the sweeties included Jelly Babies. Apparently Jet Slag craved these during her pregnancy and assumed her daughter grew up loving them. Unfortunately she found out later her daughter did not actually like them and in fact found them kind of creepy. (As this was my first time encountering this unique UK sweetie I can definitely see where she was coming from with the creepy factor, however I thought they were quite tasty.) The Jelly Babies were passed around for all to enjoy as was the tasty beer, except for those strange people who decided to do a Dry January. Fire Flaps loudly announced that she would return later for the beer and sweeties so they could be left then told us to get a move on.
Here began the muddiest romp of the hash across a construction site for a new golf course or something, who knows. The runners all had to slow a bit, allowing for a continuation of beer stop conversations, before they officially took off. At this point I’m pretty sure I got a little lost. Well myself and two others whom I was blindly following from a slight distance. Luckily, eventually I run into Splash N Dash and Panty Pockets and am able to find the trail. As we come upon what can only be described as a loud annoying symphony of chain saws we find ourselves climbing over and under every tree imaginable. Finally the circle and end beer stop are in sight! Panty Pockets and I realise the chain saws were in fact a ridiculously loud toy truck, to which we both marvel at the silliness of boys and their toys.
As we all find our way into the circle I am delighted to be chatting with and standing next to Biggles as he is able to interpret the proceedings for my hearing-impaired self, very much appreciated my friend! So on to our down-downs!
Chatterbox for being, well a chatterbox during the first circle causing AIDS to have a very hard time hearing the hare
Skippy for trying to get her trousers off before the run and failing miserably before eventually flailing around on the ground. Unfortunately AIDS was the only lucky person to witness the struggles.
Biggles as a bag of Bugles was found and reminded AIDS of him.
Bungy Fingers for standing in front of Numbskull’s van and nearly being run over.
Fire Flaps for responding to a comment about a wet hat with “Don’t get me excited”
Hot Flash(er?) for enjoying her very own picnic during the circle
The Penguin for being late and having to hash while carrying his bag. He was joined by Sir Deadmund Hillary, Numbskull, Splash N Dash, The Duchess, Chatterbox, and It’s All Because as they all also chose to hash with a bag.
The Bitchhh, Icebreaker, and Struth all took a down-down for playing Pooh stick. The Bitchh didn’t even know what it was, Icebreaker taught him, but Struth actually won the game.
As the newcomers came in to get their down-down they were joined by all of the Dutch people in the group including The Duchess. (This event left me clearly confused and unsure what to write, as was witnessed by Fire Flaps who laughed at my dumbfounded look from across the circle.)
The Hares Fire Flaps and Splash N Dash were the final down-down, even though Fire Flaps in her own words called the hash “total shite” as it didn’t have a river crossing.
Two announcements were made following the down-down:
Icebreaker informed us all that Ax(Ex) throwing would be happening on (or near, not really sure) Valentines day. Bring your own picture of your ex.
Stalker also informed everyone that her Easter challenge ticket was up for grabs as she was no longer able to attend.
Oh wait, we have one final down-down.
FiFi and her trusty fur baby decided to pick up a dead rabbit and bring it round for all to see. It was very stinky and thus deserving of a down-down.
Barbarella also chose this moment to run up the hill and relieve himself, much to the dismay of the circle. Don’t worry, everyone yelled and yelled until he was well hidden behind a tower.
Phew! This scribing business is no joke. I felt like a journalist out on assignment with my little notebook trying to capture a day in the life of my subject, crazy hashers!
Next week's hash will be… actually I have no idea. I don’t have a car so I’m always just along for the ride, hopefully Little Shit will fill us all in on this! On-On! (OnOn Next week is The Gramps, Nigg road East carpark. Ed)
Location: Mineralwell Park, Stonehaven
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/SBUiZwSzP1dApSqG8
Directions: On On - Far end of Mineralwell Park - Car park next to Stonehaven and District Radio Car Club Circuit, Stonehaven AB39 3LA. Coming from Aberdeen turn left off dual carriageway down old road into Stonehaven. Turn first right after crossing Cowie Water bridge & continue along Mineralwell to the end.
Other info:
On Inn: TBA
Hazards:
2010 - Sun 23 Jan 2022 - Durris Woods - Hare: Little Shit & Sharnie - Scribe: Shaky
Run # 2010 Durris Lower Upper Middle Car Park, 23rd January, 2022 – Burns/AH3 Birthday Run
Hares: Little Shit and Sharnie
Scribe: Shaky
GM Flaps called the pack of around 50 to order about 30 minutes later than advertised. There was much confusion as to the actual run site which had been surreptitiously changed mid-week having already being changed a week previously and not all means of communication had been updated including the email missive which had gone out between changes. Half the pack arrived late as a result and when they did, they had to squeeze into a small carpark more suited to a FOOFAAH than a full pack. I arrived early, having seen floury writing at the roadside pointing the way out of the corner of my eye as I drove past the junction. A quick ‘u’ turn and I arrived at the on-on to find Sharnie telling some mountain bikers to ‘f’ off and find their own car park. Unfortunately, the carpark was already half full of mountain bikers’ transport including several space consuming transit vans. Needs must so there was some creative parking on the roadside and up the forest track which the hares had managed to access. An effort by Aids to make some extra space using a pole pruner was rather futile bring the wrong tool for the job of cutting back gorse.
For the second week running, I found myself doing the scribe. In her undoubted wisdom and not finding any volunteers GM Flaps let the hare choose their diarist. Unfortunately, I opened my mouth at the wrong time and Little Shit’s hearing aid was turned on, so I copped it and was reacquainted with the pretty pink pen and notebook.
Sir Deadmund delivered the Horrible History: Deepwater Horizon happened, Spam Filters were allegedly introduced (although I believe it was somewhat earlier than that) and Eyjafjallajokull, the Icelandic volcano erupted shutting down flights.
4 Fingers was awarded an unwashed T shirt from Aids’s collection fittingly covered in Spam. Aids also divulged the reason for his geekiness (see last week’s scribe); Pink Panther is producing a photo collection of all past AH3 tee shirts for the website of and he was helping out!
A 25 run award went to Skippy, well done to her.
JC was re acquainted with a tartan Diddy Man hat that he had left with Twizzle many years ago and received a beer for his trouble.
Barberella claimed to have started the 2000th run write up so further punishment was deferred (at least for now).
Hare Little Shit gave a quick explanation of checks which served as a tutorial on how and what to call when checking. A worthwhile exercise that probably fell on deaf ears.
The trail started up hill and up the forest track before turning left into the forest at the first check. This long section was a bit of slog as the ground was covered in fallen branches and so was difficult to walk over let alone stretch your legs. After a few long back checks, some missed totally by the pack according to the hare, and loops the trail finally joined up with some less ankle breaking ground but still in the trees before finally emerging into the light. A short while later at the top of the hill that we had been gradually climbing since the start was the whisky mac stop. Down the other side of that hill and back briefly onto the forest track before heading up hill again through the trees and a few more loops on the other side to the cairn and the beer check. Olymprik, Numbskull and Sir Deadmund were already there when FRB Hippo arrived. A few of the pack missed the beer check returning down the forest track before the second hill climb. Back at the cars, Muff Diver was playing with his toy having been shopping in Banchory! Smiler arrived having gone for a stroll up to one of the other car parks and Cannae Be Arsed momentarily appeared having skipped the Whisky Mac and Beer Check then jumped into his car and disappeared. The pack followed coming at the on-in from all directions.
With most of the pack back, Sharnie passed around some Hashy 39th Birthday chocolate cake that was rather tasty.
Aids called the post run circle to order only for it to be disrupted by Muff Diver and High Maintenance as they attempted to drive through the circle to leave early; down downs for both, while still sat in the car .
Wet Vet, who had been seen running up and down the forest track after reaching the on-in in order to get his 8km was presented with an unwashed Run # 1111/ 21st Birthday/ Burns day T shirt from Aids’s collection, as well as a ‘beer’ to head.
Aids then started to award a down down for the cluster f. at the beginning of the trail only to be distracted by No-Name Sandra for gassing – Wee Willie, ever chivalrous, stood in.
Back to the cluster f. and after much deliberation the down-down went to Flaps who had been hoarding hash signs at home, Aids opined that at least one sign would have mitigated all the confusion. Other candidates included Head Hare Panty Pockets as well as the Hares for not making sure they had a sign/ changing the run site three times/not sending out an email having changed the run site (again) mid week again and as Greta would say, blah blah blah.
Aids said a wee ditty about roses, violets and bad poems and handed over to Twizzle who had need of assistance to bring the works of the bard to a wider audience; those who had not bothered or simply forgot to wear tartan were conscripted.
First up was a group consisting of TBT, Gas Chamber, Skippy, RMM and Underlay who recited ‘Address To The Toothache’ In their best Olde Scots accents. They did a stanza each according to Twizzle, which is a verse to you and me. All received the customary reward.
Struth and Numbskull appeared from the trail interrupting proceedings. Down downs to Olymprik, Sir Deadmund and Numbskull for shortcutting to the beer and Hippo for being the first FRB to the beer (excluding Cannae Be Arsed who by this time having lunch at a mates). Now, back in the day if you didn’t finish your down-down the residue went over your head and not over your shoulder. Beer shampoos are seemingly a thing of past though and Sir Deadmund, unable or unwilling to finish his, threw more than a few fluid ounces (that’s similar to mils. for you younger lot) over his shoulder where it drenched those behind him, yours truly included.
Back to the poetry. Next up were Smiler, Harley, Mad Cyclist and The Biiitch who gave their rendition of another ‘A Man’s A Man for A’ That’. The Biiitch’s accent was a rather good imitation of that Peterhead fisherman interviewed on Nationwide in the days of black and white telly being totally unintelligible and more Broch than Scots. Down downs to all.
Finally, Sir Deadmund, TryMe LoveMe and Shaky were called into the circle to recite a verse apiece of ‘A Bottle and a Friend’. Down downs to all, only somehow Shaky’s cup of fizzy flavoured water (it certainly wasn’t beer, so no abuse was involved) contrived to find itself all over Sir Deadmund. Strange that.
Meantime Aids had scribbled some notes for me to assist with this week’s scribe. Let’s just say that he is easily bored and didn’t appreciate some of the recitals that lacked quality although he did appreciate that Twizzle had not subjected us to any more than three poems despite having many more printed out. To make a point he re-recited his own now modified verse which the bard himself might have been proud of, on a bad day:
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m crap at poems and so are you”.
Final down downs to:
One Liner for heroically carrying all the empties down from the beer check; or something like a’ that.
The Hares, Little Shit and Sharnie for a good run that kept the pack together with some crafty back checks which made some amends for the cluster f. at that start.
Announcements:
Suggs on Saturday 29th, January - may be one or two tickets available – check emails
Axe throwing (no live targets though) - February 12th - contact Icebreaker or Red Stripe
9th April – 222 Party at Midmar Hall celebrating multiple anniversaries
The circle concluded with a short conga line recognizing our PM’s (alleged) love of parties and of course celebrating our own 39th birthday. Happy Birthday to us.
On-On, Shaky
Location: Mundernal & Cairn-Mon- Earn hills
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/juMyUMsCjDmKTAEz9
Directions: On On: Durris Mid Carpark, off A957 Slug Road.
Other info: AH3 39 years on trail, wear tartan, dig out your running kilt and tammie for a RABBIE BURNS Tail. Bring a poem or song for the circle!
On Inn: TBA
Hazards:
2009 - Sun 16 Jan 2022 - Johnston Gardens - Hare: Rats & Tickbate - Scribe: Shaky
Run # 2009 Johnston Gardens, 16th January, 2022
Hares: Rats and TickBait
Scribe: Shaky
GM FIREFLAPS called a pack of around 50 to order and welcomed new runner SAM, apparently TICKBAIT had made her come although I’m not sure we ever found out who brought her to the hash. It wasn’t BARBERELLA, who has introduced a parade of new runners over recent years, but whose literary efforts are not nearly quite as prolific; a fact not lost on RA TWIZZLE who awarded him a rather large down-down for still not putting pen to paper and producing a scribe for the 2000th run. There was a promise of more encouragement next week if the long-awaited journalistic masterpiece (or failing that a paragraph or three) is not produced; this sub-plot could run for a while. For my part I found myself volunteering to write this week’s scribe after pleas for participation from the GM fell on otherwise deaf ears. Afterall, it’s not every day you get the free use of a pretty pink pen and notebook to scribble in so take advantage of it when you can. There was no Horrible History this week, nobody complained and I’m not sure anyone noticed.
Hares RATS and novice TICKBAIT explained the trail markings: an S, a B and a W, expertly drawn by Tickbait with verbal explanation by Rats that included some pink ribbon waving. For reasons best known to the hares, pink flour had been used despite it being an unseasonably warm and sunny day with no chance of frost let alone snow. In hindsight, the lack of a mention of anything between those alphabetical markings, until prompted, was a portent of things to come or not as the case may be.
The trail headed predictably through Johnston Gardens before joining up with the Rubislaw Link path through Walker’s Dam and on to the top end of the conurbation that is Counteswells . A joke even older than The PENGUIN goes ‘Isabel on a bicycle?’; apparently there is on FIFI's but JC hasn’t trained her to use it yet, so she had to resort to yelling ‘Oi’ as she came up behind me on the link path – be warned. Leaving the link, the trail looped through the newbuild houses before heading into Hazelhead woods.
LITTLE SHIT bemoaned that the pack wasn’t calling much. I don’t recall him calling much when he was an FRB back in the day but despite the irony and the fact his hearing is not as good as it used to be he was right, the pack was even quieter than usual. The lack of spots of flour to prompt a call was the possible reason; not that there wasn’t ample flour on trail, it was just concentrated in too few places.
The sweetie check at the bottom of the golf course helped the pack re-gather and just in case that that didn’t work a very long back check directly after it served its purpose.
TWIZZLE was seen on the wrong side of the fairways as the rest of the pack headed along the road past the golf course. The trial branched right into the park before reaching the club house but the pack missed that turn completely and carried on to the golf club carpark in search of flour. A large number of FRBs were seen following BARBERELLA headed in the wrong direction, when will they learn. CINDERS, who by then was not a happy hasher, claimed to have lost the trail all by herself however. Back to the bypassed path into the park where an arrow had mysteriously appeared; FLAPS came past not holding back on her thoughts about that last trick. Through the park and on to the beer check at the top end of the football pitches where BRUCE ALMIGHTY had allegedly taken a while to struggle his way through a fence to get to the beer, as he is accustomed to do, only to find nothing to his taste, sweet karma.
A short trail back in through the houses took us back to the on-on
The circle was soon called to order and down downs awarded:
Egg Foo for gabbing after the circle had been called to order
Tickbait who was gifted some rather tight tartan shorts from Aid’s store of unused Hash gear.
Aids for applying his spread sheet skills to his inventory of unused Hash gear (must be quiet in the allotment at this time of year)
Barberella, Biggles and TBT for hiding last week’s beer too well; claiming there wasn’t any; not being able to tell the difference between beer and pish and keeping it to themselves or something along those lines and not necessarily in that order.
Flaps for running into the back of a car that was in her way after the driver did a Verstappen on her.
T-Rex Cock for Sherlock who had knocked over TBT’s beer. (Sherlock and all other canines were awarded scooby snacks - one dog snacks, all dogs snack)
Twizzle for awarding a down down to Biggles for leaving his glasses at last week’s beer stop only they weren’t Biggles’s and had been there when the pack arrived.
Bin Liner for expecting a free run as well as free parking at last week’s run
Twizzle , again (and why not)
Ice breaker for gabbing and not realising he had been called into the circle
Wee Willie for taking 8 weeks (that’s how long ago the 2000th run was Barberella!) to realise what Icebreaker looked like without his beard
The Penguin for 47 years of hashing - celebrated with a dram each poured from a hip flask almost as big as him.
Not Dot for returning after her recuperation. Welcome back NotDot.
The hares, Rats and Tickbait for a run that would have benefitted from a bit more flour in the right places and therefore I hope prompted , probably in vain, a little more calling.
Announcements:
Red Stripe reminded us of the Burns Supper on the 21st January. Aids reminded us to wear something tartan at next week’s hash.
Little Shit got in his excuses for next week’s run early by advising it was from a different carpark than the one advertised blaming Scottish Forestry for bulldozing the other one.
The pack wandered up the road to Rat’s garden for the on-inn where judging by photos, a good time was had.
On-On Shaky
Location: Johnston Gardens
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/aJE2xTLWfb8Ti6hx7
Directions: On On: Johnston Gardens, Viewfield Rd Carpark, Aberdeen AB15 7XE
Other info: Apres run al fresco snackettes in Rats' garden, weather permitting. Could alternatively well end up being in Palm Court Bar
On Inn:
Hazards:
2008 - Sun 09 Jan 2022 - Craibstone Park & Ride- Hare: Barbarella - Scribe: Mrs T
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run 2008
9th January 2022
Craibstone Park & Ride
Hares: Barbarella & Diona
Scribe: Mrs T
It was a cold and frosty morning with promise of imminent sunshine. There was a good turnout at the Park and Ride car park, including returners Skinny Witch, Wet Vet, Harley and Nancy. Looks like we were the only ones using it though..…did anybody notice any buses?
The pre-run down-down went to Harley, who had printed out his parking ticket but then got distracted and left it in the ticket machine instead of on the dashboard. Could have cost £60.
The Hare, Barberella, gave some lengthy info regarding the run, but I will just summarise the key points in addition to the usual ‘3 spots and you are on’.
There are Short, Medium and Long runs….but I haven’t quite finished laying them all yet
There is also a walkers trail , but my printer broke down so there are no walkers maps
Whatever you do, don’t cross any bars or you will get confused/lost – there are lots of bars (and he didn’t mean drinking bars)
Olymprick remarked aside to me that there is a direct correlation between the length of a Hare’s intro and the likelihood of a F…k Up.
We started off around the airport precinct and adjacent fields and warehouses, losing the Walkers almost immediately, and doing a large loop back down to the A96. We overshot a check and came across the first batch of bars. Clearly the Hare did not intend us at this point to go straight to the On-Inn. Tonto was just quoting Hash rule 101 - never lay a check within striking distance of an On-Inn sign, when the Hare appeared and called us all on back across the dual carriageway and into a large field which we were supposed to keep to the edge of ….. but of course Hashers tend to follow other Hashers and not the flour. Barbarella kept trying to direct me onto the Walkers trail even though I was hoping to find the Medium trail. Clearly he thinks I am well past it for doing a proper runner’s run. We crossed a low fence onto a path by a small river that eventually disappeared into a tunnel under the road. The alternative to the tunnel was a highish fence, topped with barbed wire, followed by a road-crossing. Bin-Liner, T-Rex Cock and Mad Cyclist were about to indulge in a spot of dog-hurling (Rollo was looking as worried as a Spaniel can), when Sherlock showed T-Rex Cock that squeezing under the fence removed the risk of dangling from the barbed wire if the hurling proved unsuccessful. Skinny and Little Shit went for the small, dark, tunnel. Crossing the road and some hotel grounds, we ran round the TECA building and onto the public footpaths heading towards Bucksburn. Passing Ballerina (by shortcutting across waste-ground) I caught up with Mad Cyclist who kindly hooked me onto Willow’s lead and I got pulled up the hill at a run. Even so, we never caught up with Tonto ahead of us. The trail crossed the A96 again and ascended through, and round the back of, a few housing estates, eventually turning back towards Craibstone. At this point Mad Cyclist mentioned the arrow to the Medium run was way, way, behind us. We came upon Struth and Splash&Dash who were following flour uphill by a stream, having been tipped off about both Beer and Sweety checks at the top of the hill. The hill however just kept on going up and up. Just as we reached a bridge (with a bar on it) across the stream, Biggles appeared, running down the path on the far side, saying the beers were all gone. So we crossed the bar on the bridge and followed the trail back down the path. As we got to the bottom we found Drillbit and Wee Willie doing a no-no up the hill on our side of the stream. That trick had already been done by Bruce Almighty, Olymprick and Pig-iron, which explains (allegedly) the shortage of beer at the check when Biggles found it. Eventually we found the On-Inn sign I had seen 2 hrs earlier, just as a bunch of FRBs (including Flaps the GM, Hippo, JC and several of the younger generation) overtook us, however we all arrived back at the cars more or less together to find the walkers had been there for an hour already.
Down-Downs were awarded to:
Barbarella (the Hare) – for losing the Walkers in record time
Doina – for wilfully disobeying the Hare, then pleading translation errors
Skinny & Little Shit – for overtaking the Hare, getting lost at the M/S/L/W sign & then ending up in a tunnel together
Twizzle, Tonto and 4-Fingers – for turning up half-way through the circle, having been delayed at the beer check due to finding another, previously undiscovered, bag of beers
Zak, The Biiitch – for leaking prior knowledge of the trail, ……. even before it was laid
One Liner – for installing a hot-Tub in his garden, but then drinking tea in it instead of dry vodka-martinis
Returners – Down-downs to Harley & Nancy, Skinny Witch and Wet Vet
Penguin, Little Shit, One-Liner & Tick-bait – for being macho-men in shorts in NE Scotland midwinter
Twizzle – self-awarded rebound for getting mixed up about whether there were more starting runners or finishing runners on this particular run…….he blames it on the dementia.
Hare Barbarella & Co-hare Doina - awarded for a good run in good weather
Location: Craibstone Park & Ride
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/93hJKFbCL5wRNZPf9
Directions: Airport Rd, Dyce, Aberdeen AB21 0BZ
Other info:
On Inn:
Hazards:
2007 - Sun 02 Jan 2022 - Tollowhill Wood - Hare: Biggles & Tryme Luvme - Scribe: Bag 'O' Bones
Aberdeen Hash House Harriers
Run No. 2007
On On: Tollohill Wood
Sunday 2nd January 2022
Hares: Try Me Love Me and her toy boy Biggles
Scribe: Bag O' Bones
The Hash kicked off with Fire Flaps announcing that she had set up a WhatsApp (What's WhatsApp?) Group for Hashers who have got nothing better to do than spend all day on their phones. She said that if you get a message from her and youre not up for it, just text PISS OFF.
We welcomed three brave, bemused Virgins, Mike, Elona and Hilda, and amazingly they stuck it out to the bitter cold end.
Despite everything we could do to dissuade him Sir Deadmund Hillary forced us to listen to his 'Oribble 'Istory for 2007, and the answers were Ipad, Assange, and Balmoral Hotel Room 552. (JKR, gadget, and leaks, in case you're interested, which I don't suppose you are).
No-name Sandra was awarded a 50-run T-shirt after only doing 9 runs in recent years, and she bravely undressed and put it on.
We set off at such a cracking pace that TryMe LuvMe had trouble keeping up – and she was laying the trail. I had to laugh when she nearly fell in the river, but I had my comeuppance shortly after when my over-ambitious leap across a stream led me to face-plant in the opposite bank, much to the amusement of less macho stream crossers. In my experience Fire Flaps is always a rich source of material for Scribes, and, although on this occasion she wasn't perhaps at her finest, I overheard her chatting (how you can chat and run at the same time is beyond me) to TryMe LuvMe about 'falsies' and then 'who was doing it, and where' last Saturday night. You had to be there.
At some point Hippo went off with the faeries, and I feared that he might become one of those lost souls (yes you Pig Iron, Ballerina, Bruce Almighty, and Olymprick) who are destined to eternally wander through the forests in search of beer. Hippo turned up very late at the Beer Stop, but of course he paid the ultimate price – no decent beer left.
NotDot isn't strong enough yet to cope with a mob of loud, obnoxious hashers, but she sent a wonderful stand-in: Pigs in Blankets, Forlaffal, and Dribble Cake. Nobody tells me anything, so by the time I heard about it and fought my way through the scrum around the car boot there was only one piece of Dribble Cake left – but it was gorgeous.
Many trumped-up charges were brought to the Circle, but they were mostly too baffling and tedious for a deaf and grumpy old git like your Scribe to record reliably, but here goes:
Jetslag had resolved to start running the Hash but made the error of following Aids and they lost the trail shortly after the start
Twizzle and The Bitchhh confessed to signing up to Dry January – sad
Skippy, TryMe LuvMe and sundry other youngsters confessed to signing up to Veganuary – IMHO life without cheese is not worth living
Tonto opined that the trail marking was not up to snuff, but Biggles retorted that "if you run in the river, what do you expect"
Fire Flaps, TryMe LuvMe, Egg Foo Young, and others had made wimps of us all by swimming in the sea
Little Shit had made a New Year's Resolution to be more helpful to people, but his offer of assistance had been forcefully rejected by Blagger, Skippy, Bin Liner and Fire Flaps - had Little Shit considered that perhaps they didn't want to cross the stream?
There were more charges, and I have no doubt that they were hilariously funny but by this time your Scribe was desperate to escape the cold, get in a warm car, and race off to lunch.
Next week's Hash: Sunday 09 January - Craibstone Park and Ride. It will be set by Barbarella on his own, so navigation aids are recommended, and you might want to carry a packed lunch with you.
Location: Tollowhill Wood
Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/pFsWQ6Dsyunn5h5m8
Directions: On On at Tullohill Wood off South Deeside Road in Banchory Devenick,
Other info:
On Inn:
Hazards: