Scribes 2022

39 Years on Trail

2058 - Sun 25 Dec 2022 - Stonehaven, Merry Christmas (35 runners)- Hares: Fire Flaps - Scribe: Harlequine

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2058

Sun 25 Dec 2022

Hare: Fire Flaps

Location: Stonehaven

Scribe: Harlequine

J. R. R. Tolkien once said that ‘It simply isn't an adventure worth telling if there aren't any dragons.’ Luckily Fire Flaps makes up for a dragon just fine so I can write it for you. Don’t worry though, it’s not going to be as long as Lord of the Rings for the simple reason that I don’t know that many words in English.

The run wasn’t late nor early and started precisely when it was meant to. All sorts of weird creatures arrived to Stonehaven, including at least 10 Santas, chicken / turkey-woman, an elf and a reindeer. Some people haven’t changed their clothes since the Christmas Party and arrived covered in gold. Others, on the other hand, haven’t found their clothes since then.

After a warm welcome to visitors, who almost outnumbered the regular hash bunch, Flaps had her first down down for turning 21 and shortly after that we could finally start our run. ”And walk”, of course. Words of praise for the walkers that they actually managed with the hand‑drawn map they had got. (Just follow the flour, it’s usually quite reliable. Ed)

Shortly after the start we encountered the first attraction of the event – cabbage. Please, be reminded now, my dear reader, that if you see in the first chapter that there is a rifle (cabbage) hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. Some of the hashers must know this Chekhov’s guy(n) well, since yeah, this cabbage is going to be back. (Never trust a cabbage. Ed)

First check slowed us down a bit but not for long and very soon we were wading through what felt like a Lothlórien, jumping above and under the tree logs. (How many Orcs bonus points did you get? Ed). After we emerged from the woods, up the stairs the hare goes, and we follow. (“baar, baar!” Ed) Then through the fields to the boardwalk, and we were lucky to see a beautiful rainbow. And then again, running up that hill, but on the contrary to what the song says, I personally think that, “yes the hare did want to hurt me” (and it worked, I feel my legs to this day). But then it was worth it, as at the end - the beer check. And there even were mince pies (delicious!) and a fire! And with the fire, here comes a dragon! Fuelled by white spirit, both the fire and Flaps, showed us their all might! She looks like a girl, but she's a flame, this girl is on fire. Beautiful display of fire eating and breathing took place, and left us truly impressed.

All good things must come to an end though and there came the time to head back to the car park. But there, SURPRISE, a birthday cake! Cooked on the spot (head) it deserved at least one Michelin star for its use of unusual ingredients, such as punch, beer and CABBAGE leaves! Oh well…. cabbagehead got a different meaning after all.

Hashy birthday once again, Fire Flaps, and thank you for a great run!

On On

Harlequine


2057 - Sun 18 Dec 2022 - Portlethen Station (48 runners)- Hares: Thrupenny Bits - Scribe: Cockatool

On On:

On Inn:

Hazards:

2056 - Sun 11 Dec 2022 - Grandholm Bridge, North side (40 runners) - Hares: OneLiner & Skinny Witch - Scribe: Tia the Dog

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No. 2056

Sun 11 Dec 2022

Hares: One Liner and Skinny Witch

Scribe: Tia the Dog

Ooooh, my harness and lead are coming my way, we’re off for a walk!”

Is it a long special walk to somewhere exotic?”

Yes, the Bridge of Don.” Super excited.

A short ride in Muff Diver’s van took me to a big river. I like rivers.

I recognised the usual bunch of undesirables immediately, the hash. Where were Jetslag and Gas Chamber, my walking buddies? Oh well, never mind.

I sat patiently in the circle while Muff Diver was given his 350th run Quaich (more tat for our house somebody anonymously shouted).

The hares then gave an explanation of the flour symbols and I observed one lower class mutt actually eat the flour. What an embarrassment.

The pack set off running and I noticed Olymprick arrive late. Just not good enough I thought, everybody else made the effort to arrive on time. How wrong I was, a minute later Struth rocked up having kidnapped a dog walker and made him direct her to the run start. Any excuse!

I led the walkers along a river path and about 15 minutes later had ignored a back check and found the beer stop. I didn’t tell anyone though, it might have shortened my walk. Up and into the park we went where I saw Shite Boyfriend trying to commit Hari Kari off a bridge into the stream. Aha, he emerged back onto dry land with a biscuit tin. There were only rotten old chocolates and fruit gums in it, nothing for me. Not a tasty bone in sight.

“On On” and after a bit of faffing about in people’s gardens we finally made it to the beer stop. Perfect timing because the runners hadn’t arrived and taken the best beer Muff Diver told me. He sat down and took a photo of me posing with the river as a backdrop. He wasn’t paying attention and spilled his beer over his crotch, what a muppet.

T-Rex Cock called me over and gave me a treat. He fumbled it and it fell to the ground in front of me. As I bent down to retrieve it, a hand beat me to it and tried to steal my treat. I’m not having that I thought, so I gave it a playful nip just to let Aids know who the top dog was. Then all hell broke loose and according to said person there was blood spattered everywhere. Come on people, I’m an Akita. I could have bitten his hand off quite effortlessly. I was bred to round up bears in Japan you know. Anyhow’ s, I submissively apologised just in case there were any more treats going around, but there weren’t.

So back to the cars we trotted where a circle formed and:

Panty Pockets received her 150 run T shirt.

Aids was given a down down for removing his shoe ice grippers when it was obvious to any canine that it was very slippy.

Shite Boyfriend accused someone of having new shoes, but they didn’t. Rebound.

Then another tale of a random bad dog who had bitten Little Shit in the thigh.

Icebreaker was given a down down for being a fairy, adorned in lights.

A new runner turned up but it transpired he had run a hash in Miri when he was 2 years old so technically not a hash virgin. Muff Diver has plenty Miri stories including the infamous nightclub Cherry Berries, but I’m sworn to secrecy.

Announcements were made for the Xmas Party, so many rules. Feels like I’m back at pup school.

The hares were awarded for their efforts and I nodded in approval. Barking is so lower class.

The circle broke up and a bunch of Hashers went off for lunch at the pub. A mixture of carvery and pizzas was ordered. Halfway through I heard an almighty crash and saw Sir Deadmund Hillary having a bit of a lie down on the floor beside me. He must be tired I thought but then I noticed pieces of chair strewn around the carpet. What a fat bastard i woofed, who ate all the pies!

I was given a few morsels of roast beef which High Maintenance had squirrelled down her ample bosoms. Then we went to Halfords.

On On

Tia the dog


2055 - Sun 04 Dec 2022 - Aboyne (42 runners) - Hares: Twizzle - Scribe: T-Rex Cock

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2055

Sunday 04 December 2022

Location: Deeside Community Centre, Aboyne

Hares Twizzle and Red Stripe

Scribe: T-Rex Cock

Twizzle and Stripey’s excellent adventure

Dear Diary,

It is the year of our Lord two thousand and two and twenty and the second Sunday in Advent. How to celebrate? Why not join in on one of Capt Twizzle’s marvellous adventures? On arriving at the advertised departure location I was pleased to see Lady Red Stripe as co-hare. Capt Twizzle is the most agreeable gentleman, hewed from timbers left over from the Royal Navy’s men of war, but, on this occasion, attired in pantaloons seemingly from a minor highland regiment. Lady Red Stripe has the happy demeanour of someone appearing younger than her years, with a fair complexion, and the inescapable insinuation that she would likely sneak a cheeky kiss with you when no-one was looking. So we would be in good hands. We hoped that Lady Red Stripe’s beneficial influence would temper Capt Twizzle’s propensity for setting long trails around high hills. It has been widely spoken that nought but a fortnight hence he led the motley Mearns bunch up and round Craigendinnie peak. Not a pastime to be endured on a more apposite Sunday hash in December.

A goodly number of citizens (the register held it to be two score and two) had made the journey to the on-on, and, by good chance, as many youthful hashers as old fogeys.

Sgt Major Little Shit was our stand-in religious advisor as the good captain was otherwise engaged. Sgt.Mjr. LS was full of Goa and managed to thoroughly confuse our beloved GM, Mistress Fireflaps, but, between them finally managed to present Mistress Skippy with her 50-run overgarment. To preserve her modesty, several young blades volunteered to form a protective screen around her bosoms until the deed was done. Dear reader, I averted my gaze. Well done that harriette. A new runner, Pam, was introduced, and Lady RS completed the formalities by demonstrating her skill in drawing perfect circles in squirty flour.

Without more ado, we set off on our adventure, following blobs of flour. When did hashers employ hares instead of foxes? The route first took us past the abodes of down-at-heel Aboyne gentlefolk. We traversed the first of several muddy puddles. With a chill wind in our faces, I was grateful that I had the foresight to dress in the pair of tight ladies’ leg-coverings some (unknown to this day) harriette had left forgotten in my bachelor pad some one-and-thirty years ago.

Soon we found ourselves at a check in the first of many woods. At the Community shed on the far side, Auntie Pantie Pockets led her walkers off trail. They rejoined at Coos Cathedral, via a diversion to visit Aboyne castle, a large, handsome, stone building with a symmetrical aspect, standing well on ancient ground, with a large extent of planted policies on both sides of the River Dee, including ornamental plantations, but without any artificial appearance, neither formal, nor falsely adorned. She must have thought being mistress of that place might be something!

Breaking more checks led to a country trail across the tarmacadam road and, at last some easy downhill running – only to discover a cruel backstop. Retracing the route back uphill I found myself alone at the back of the pack in another wood, quite alone. I lingered awhile, under that benign sky, watched the moths fluttering among the heath and hare-bells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could play such a rotten, lousy trick.

But the trail was easy to follow and I soon caught up with other waifs and strays. And, but in a instant, we identified the imminent approach of walkers in walker’s attire coming towards us. Were we in fact no-noing in error? Saints preserve us! However it transpired that a band of Culter Ramblers had chosen that very day to venture out into the Aboyne hinterland. We exchanged pleasantries as befitted our respective stations, and both continued on our contrary journeys.

We escaped the woods along a rough track followed a rippling rill - it must go down to the Dee again! The river was deep and the river was wide. And o'er the water floating, flying, through the shining mist of morning, we saw the spots of flour gleaming. {Enough contrived fluvial poetry. Ed} The hares took us along what used to be a path alongside the river. How cunning of the hares to lead us here before it was finally all washed away. And then to a very welcome beer stop, with, amazingly, oodles of beer. Much appreciated. My companion, Mistress Struth was much enamoured of the fruity pastilles and jelly pops on offer, and was compelled to secrete several about her person for future distribution to absent “friends”.

The on-in was accessed via an encampment of wooden shacks. How different, how very different, to the home station of our own dear GM. Beyond it, we came at last upon a circle already signalled by raised brollies.

After refreshments were dispensed in the circle, we were entertained by Sgt.Mjr Little Shit and Capt Twizzle taking turns to chastise purported miscreants. Although who would believe that AH3 hashers could be so unworthy of the RAs’ regard?

  • Short and thick for recycling holy socks


  • Wee Willie for ignoring arrows and heading the wrong way


  • Twizzle for recycling trails


  • Hippo and Red Stripe for crossing the river by a bridge too far


  • Tickbait for leading Little Shit uphill against his better judgment


  • Pink Panther and Thrupenny Bits for klyping on Little Shit for shortcutting by staying on flour


  • Bag o’ bones for being a suitable companion for an otherwise single hash hound Sherlock – or was it for being a suitable meal? As Sherlock has forsworn all things fruity, T-Rex Cock was obliged to drink his down-down cider.


Twizzle handed out medals to all the bright sparks who humoured him by participating in his illuminator run


Just as LS and Twizzle’s excuses for down-downs were becoming increasingly desperate, Helen and her boyfriend finally arrived, thus disproving the scurrilous rumours that they had run off to elope. Their appearance however, led to down-downs for the hares, along with the GM and Bag o’ bones for rank carelessness.

And finally the hares for an excellent run. They should take a lot of pride in it – but, of course, I could be prejudiced.

Some folk then went on to the Boat Inn, but, dear reader, I made an excuse and left.

Pip! Pip!


T.rex Cock


2054 - Sun 27 Nov 2022 - Johnston Gardens (58 runners) - Hares: Rats - Scribe: Scabby Arse

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2054

Sunday 27th Nov 2022

Johnstone Gardens

Hares: Express Chicken, Pink Panther & Rats

Scribe: Scabby Arse

For the first time in many months, or is it years? I made it to the hash. A beautiful crisp, welcoming day in November had brought out the masses, and more than 50 (58 by the end of the run. Ed) lovely individuals, including many tartan clad beauties made up the pack. It quickly became apparent how long it must have been since I last frequented the hash by the number of new faces.

Fire Flaps spotted me, smiled sweetly and handed me the pad and a pencil. Well, it looked like a pencil, but turned out to be a lump of plastic in the shape of a pencil. The world is on fire!! What environmentally active lunatic stationery designer thought it was a good idea to make pencils out of … and I kid you not … recycled CDs!! FFS! I think it would have been easier to write with a CD box than this excuse for a writing implement. (It’s sad when memory is not enough. I remember the days of using Dictaphones. Ed)

Anyway, that was my tool (I thought you’d get round to using your Dictaphone! Ed) and I would make the most of it.

This was run number 2054. Fire Flaps, when challenged, only took 5 seconds to confirm that this wasn’t a prime number. Very impressive and we are so lucky to have teachers like her.

Back to the circle …

Twizzle presided over the pre run down downs, presenting a 50 run t-shirt to someone I didn’t know (Stalker. Ed) and a 25 run t-shirt to a young lady by the name of Express Chicken who I believe was also one of the several dozen hares for the day.

New runners, returners and visitors were sought out in the traditional way.

The sky was blue and the atmospheric location of the skanky little carpark at the entrance to Johnson Gardens made it almost bearable - when the head hare, Rats demonstrated his inability to draw a circle with flour, went on a bit about sweets and sky blue ribbons, and eventually sent the pack on its way.

So, onto the run.

Well, it was a lovely little run, which took the pack out through the slums of Craigiebuckler and into the wilderness that is known as Hazlehead Park. A lovely young lady with a child in a stroller helped me find the trail at one point. With a happy smile she asked if I was looking for a little white bit. How nice. Then a pair of doggers, one with a large German Shepherd and another with a pointless breed of some sort interrupted my running by deliberately losing control of their dogs into me. Crows were seen eating flour on the ground. Hash golf course etiquette was relatively good apart from a couple of rogue hashers seen shortcutting across a fairway!!!

Barbarella spent much of the run behaving out of character and kindly helping hash virgins, ensuring that they didn’t get lost. I say out of character because they were male!

St Andrew didn’t turn up! Which was a bit of a shame, but on the upside, other than the doggers, nobody was rude to me. In fact, all in all it was a very happy day. The weather clearly put everyone in a very positive and cheerful frame of mind.

I promised to give Aids a mention, which would be best done by going in depth into a conversation I had with him regarding King Charles, climate change, politics and the monarchy in general, but I won’t, as Aids had nothing interesting to say on the matter. He did, however, bring up a fascinating question relating to Butterflies, and why they aren’t called Flutterbys. Really? Who gives a toss? I found this online I Urban Dictionary.

Flutterby - The origin of the name for an insect with colourful wings that is currently called a "butterfly", is a "FLY" that eats "Butter". Going even further back, the root of the name goes back to the Dutch origin "Butter Shitter", because the Dutch thought the insect poops on the butter.

Well there you go!

Oh! And Barbarella had a hole in his shoe!! Whatever?

There was a memorable photographic moment at the sweety stop when Little Shit chose a beautiful location for a picture of the pack. Little Shit then got down with the kids and took a selfie of himself with the pack in the background. For some reason Fire Flaps took the opportunity to let everyone know that selfies don’t work with gloves on. I think we should be grateful it was a selfie and not a ballscape that LS chose to take.

The run ended and there was a circle: -

  • Individuals who shan’t be named whinged at the lack of Gluey Whine

  • New runners were duly reintroduced, at least the ones who had made it.

  • A couple more got down downs for reasons that I missed.

  • 3 dogs stalked around the circle sniffing arses and genitals

  • There was talk of some old person’s concert that a few of the senior members had been to and one of the more youthful hashers was given a down down for not attending.

  • A number of well-dressed pack members got congratulatory down downs for wearing Tartan attire. Rupert Bear, Little Shit, the Loch Ness Monster, Panty Pockets for diversity, to include a female, Aids and Struth for what were essentially rubbish kilts.

  • Mrs Taxi got a grateful down down for helping some of the pensioners from the aforementioned concert to get home. There was mention of Voodoo!!

  • She then embarrassed a young man, David into doing a water down down. WTF

At this point, I got completely fed up of trying to write with a f&*%g CD box and can’t read the rest of my notes … suffice to say it looks something like: -

· Vinegar (or Viagra) – Pinky & Bluey

· Drunk Driving lessons – Mike.

I thank you ... Mike Drop


2053 - Sun 20 Nov 2022 - Tullohill Woods - Hares: Cinders & Aids - Scribe: Eveready

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2053

Sunday 20th November 2022

OnOn: Tollohill Woods

Hares: Aids and Cinders

Scribe: Eveready

Grey clouds and savage skies greeted the hapless group of hardy Hashers that arrived at the mud-laden, crater-littered car park that day. None of the usual wacky race antics could be seen, as although there was a slight sprinkling of civilian cars to be found, there were parking spaces aplenty. Although much of the pack were already soaked before they even set off on their quest to find flour, the daring dare-devils hung on the words of the two wise hares, when they warned, “You may get wet…..”

A swift pre-run down-down went to ‘Sewn up pockets’ aka Numbskull for not paying for Fireflaps’s run quick enough; And then the pack were off stumbling, splashing and sloshing through, mud, bracken and thorny bushes. Up hill and down vale, over and under, out and around, why, there was no stopping this pack of thundering, fearless fanatics.


The dulcet tones of Aids could be heard cooing the pack along as he released his tonsils in his own personal rendition of ‘Rawhide’ such was the man’s growing excitement at seeing his flock fall fowl of the weather.


On and on they raced, pace gathering, breath gurgling, lungs heaving, jaws slobbering in anticipation of the beer stop and the cool, sweet, slick beer that would edge it’s way slowly, oh so slowly, through their teeth, over their tongue and down, down, only stopping when it reached their tum.

…. Back at the car park and the pack was spent. Beads of sweat gathered on foreheads; wet patches stained underarms. Soaking and mud-caked feet in soaking and mud-caked shoes; wet bodies shrouded in wet clothes. Smiles on faces, roses on cheeks, tears in eyes but friendship, frolicking, back-slapping, kin.

And thus the Down Downs began:

  • Toy Boy Tom - a little figure all in blue walking all alone to the car park so that someone else could have a space.

  • Toy Boy Tom as proxy for Sir Deadmund Hillary and Glasgow who beckoned people on to the monument, although there was not a drop of flour there.

  • Drillbit, Twizzle & Barbarella for scamming their way to not paying enough for hotel rooms in Blairgowrie.

  • Durexcell for mourning the lack of goodies and medals in the recent Illuminator run, at which Twizzle promptly produced a large bag of goodies and medals and gave him one.

  • Numbskull for looking at a map and missing the big arrow in front of him pointing to the Car Park.

  • The Dutchess for wearing a great, big poncho covered in great, big, hairy, highland coos.

  • Smurf, Tickbait, Durexcell, Twizzle and ? for biking to the onon in torrential rain.

  • JC for also biking to the OnOn although his bike was attached to the back of his 4x4.

  • Struth for smashing her car off boulders trying to grab a space in the half empty car park.

  • Numbskull for marauding around the car park safe under his big umbrella, whilst his wife battled the elements to secure her massive poncho around her person.

  • Fire Flaps and Drillbit for changing into their cosies immediately after the run.

  • The intrepid hares Cinders and Aids.


Next run: Johnston Gardens.


2052 - Sun 13 Nov 2022 - Deeside Activity Park - Hares: Panty Pockets & Bag'O'Bones - Scribe: Short’n Thick

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2052

Sun 13 Nov 2022

OnOn: Deeside Activity Park

Hares: Panty Pockets & Bag'O'Bones

Scribe: Short’n Thick

The run started at the Deeside Activity Park, located to the NW of Kincardine O’Neil amongst gentle hills. With a spacious car park, open country trails and on-site On-Inn (the café), it threatened to be the first run for a few weeks where we risked not causing any upset to the outside world.

As folk gathered, Aids seemed to think he was at a car boot sale with his “Get yer apples over ‘ere” and trying to flog old hash shirts to raise a few shillings for the heating bill.

With the Park’s military hardware close by, General Fire-at-will-Flaps called the troops to a circle.

Being Remembrance Sunday, a solemn one-minute’s silence was held.

The only other thing guaranteed to make the circle deafeningly silent is when it’s time to nominate the Scribe. “You’ve not done it for a while” she said (correctly!) while thrusting the notebook at me along with the blunt eco pencil which self-proclaimed to have been made from recycled CD cases.

A pre-run down-down and a beautiful banana-coloured 50th run shirt also came my way (well done Short’nThick. Ed). These shirts will become collector’s items in years to come because of the historic balls-up with mirroring the right foot image to obtain the left foot, the ‘N’ didn’t like becoming the Cyrillic looking ‘И’.

Then it was over to the Hares who issued complicated instructions (= more than one) about falsies, dodgy back-checks, parallel white lines and gate discipline at sheep fields.

Off we went at a gentle pace past the Go-Kart track and on to a large pond. An early lesson was to watch Hare Bag o’Bones who held back from going round the pond. Yep, there was a short-cut at the near end. Having gone round the long way, Fireflaps tried to drown her dog under the pretence of playfully throwing a stick into the water for it to retrieve. More check points came as we headed out of the Park area into the countryside of trails, fields and low density trees. JC’s hunting horn was audible tooting in the distance, leading the pack but possibly astray. Suddenly the air turned blue with Shaky’s expletives after a branch sprung back into his face after being wound up like some sort of trebuchet by Wee Willie. The ocular sensory deprivation lasted well past the next check point as he complained about lack of flour despite the blob five feet ahead.

Now, your Scribe is not one to gossip but, while briefly following ‘Fireflaps and Red Stripe, his sensitive ears couldn’t help overhearing a bit of scandalous conversation about having so many paramours that it became necessary to list them all on a spreadsheet to prevent risk of inadvertent repetition. But fair enough, ‘monogamy’ does indeed mean only one at a time.

The pack was then joined by latecomers Tickbait and Ding-Dong, quite timely as we needed help with a checkpoint which included a back-check and a deceptive call from the Hare. Then more latecomers appeared, Tonto, Fiona and Patsy. All the latecomers claimed to have been held up by Remembrance Day ceremonies along the route to the hash, nothing at all to do with not getting arses out of bed in time.

The sweetie stop was at an elevated location which afforded views of hills to the south under a moody looking sky with a patch of hazy, backlit cloud. Search Party became the victim of a vicious small log which forced him to fall over it. Fortunately there was no harm done to the log.

At the sheep fields, Bag o’Bones undertook gate control duties, a fine example of AH3 being responsible to the outside world (today at least). But at another part of the trail his wee hesitation gave away a small shortcut which enabled reducing the distance behind a speeding Ding-dong who’d done two sides of the triangle. Then an ambiguous flour blob at a junction caused momentary indecision followed by ‘On-on’ calls. This amused some civilian walkers who joined in with the ‘On-Ons’. It’s not often we get external assistance, some other civilians looked on with a sort of bemused pity, as if to say “I hope you get better soon”.

The trail went along the handrailed path which passed above the scenic Falls of Dess and then….the beer stop at a pile of timber and confluence of tracks. Tickbait and friends tried to torture Mad Cyclist’s dog but were out-smarted at every turn.

Back at the post-run circle, after a few more “Get yer apples over ‘ere”, the forfeit drinks were inflicted on:

  • Tonto, Tickbait, Ding-dong, Fiona and Patsy, for being late

  • JC, for being the only person with a bugle but failing to play ‘Last Post’ on Remembrance Day.

  • Tonto and Search Party, for face plants

  • Mrs T, for her new fangs. Special drink comprising Coca-Cola and Irn Bru mix was unfortunately not available.

  • Fireflaps and Red Stripe, something to do with wetting themselves at NOban

  • Shaky, for reading the carefully drafted reply to the residents of Marycoooter

(where the high density of hasher’s parked vehicles 2 weeks earlier caused continental subduction, famine and plagues of locusts)

  • Wee Willie and JC, for a WhatsApp picture of youthful JC which some viewers thought looked like Wee Willie

  • Pink Panther, something connected with the above (sorry, concentration failing as down-down fatigue set in)

Rats cunningly turned up after the circle dispersed so he could get some grub without the tiresome bother of running round the countryside beforehand. Note to RAs, please remember to award a down-down at his next appearance.

Thanks to the Hares for a great trail and for choosing a location where hashers couldn’t hurt themselves (apart from Shaky, Tonto and Search Partry).

Your Scribe, Short’n Thick


2051 - Sun 06 Nov 2022 - Bridge of Bogendriep, (20 runners) - Hares: Short&Thick & WeeWillie - Scribe: FiFi

AH3 Run No.2051

S6th November 2022

OnOn: Bridge of Bogendriep

Hares: Wee Willie and Short’n’Thick

Scribe: Fifi

‘Twas a driech day at Bogendriep. A modest turnout as NOBAN had lured some regulars away – only 20 hardened hashers (plus 2 hash hounds) gathered for the circle as the rain lashed down harder.

Yours Truly, sporting a large umbrella, seemed to be one of the few equipped for the conditions. The runners were well outnumbered by walkers until reinforcements, in the form of Try Me Luv Me plus passengers Annabel and Tickbait, arrived to even things up just before we were called to order by Little Shit.

Roger Me More was awarded the pre-run Down Down and a tankard for 250 runs.

Yours Truly was picked out of the select group to narrate the story of the day by Short’n’Thick, on the flimsy pretext he’d seen me cycling past his window in Milltimber the day before. Wee Willie handed out soggy maps to the walkers and pointed his elbow up the hill. We were off.

A short, steep trudge up was followed by an easy amble round, to a check on the main forestry track. OnOn up the track we went with the rain easing off a bit, so my brolly came down as I kept pace with Cinders’ cracking power walk. The trail went left and up at the next check, but my soggy map suggested a short cut was in order, so the front walkers went straight ahead instead.

JC tells me the trail wended its way with much confusion up to the trig point (and sweetie check) on Craig of Dalfro, which just 9 hardy hashers conquered.

Meanwhile, the walkers on the low road encountered some hairy mountain bikers who informed us they’d just seen one of our “secret signs”. Encouraged, we pressed on downhill this time before turning right for a soggy amble along the riverside. Misinformation led to us missing the beer check so Sharnie, Roger Me More, Pink Panther, Panty Pockets, Cinders and Yours Truly found ourselves back at the carpark too soon. Aids, The Penguin, T-Rex and Bungee Finger retraced their steps, determined to hunt down the beer. The Wimpy Wimmin in the carpark broke into Hash Beer Ballerina’s supply of mulled wine instead and were eventually joined by the rest of the pack.

Down Downs were awarded to:

  • New’ish hasher Annabel was christened DingDong by Twizzle

  • T-Rex Cock failed the intelligence test and unzipped the Beer Check rucksack upside down, thus emptying the contents onto the ground

  • Racists Underlay (seen checking his stopwatch as he arrived back at the cars) and Tickbait (“I let him win”)

  • Tickbait again – no idea what for, as I was retrieving my notebook from the car at the time

  • Goa Interhash travellers Little Shit, Sharnie and The Penguin

  • Sharnie had two left gloves

  • Roger Me More modelled a fetching pink, plastic, see-thru poncho

  • TryMe LuvMe and Yours Truly looked overly snug and smug in our warm, dry, after-run attire

  • Little Shit is now blind as well as deaf and had mistaken fungus for flour at the sweetie check

  • Underlay and The Penguin displayed their driving incompetence in the car park

  • Yours Truly (again) for making it up before I’d written the first word (in which case the Scribe should get a down-down every week)

  • The Hares, Wee Willie and Short’n’Thick


2050 - Sun 30 Oct 2022 - Mary Culter Woods, Halloween (65 runners) - Hares: TickBait & Skippy - Scribe: Thrupenny Bits

On On: Maryculter Woods car park

(57.082887, -2.229047) or:

https://goo.gl/maps/67AJ31xJ1mU7HhRU7

Halloween hash, the pack is asked to turn up dressed in their funniest, scariest or just most ridiculous guise to propitiate the gods.

On Inn:

Hazards:

2049 - Sun 23 Oct 2022 - Beach Espanade North (54 runners) - Hares: Barbarella & Doina - Scribe: Tonto

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run # 2049

Sunday 23rd October 2022

Beach Esplanade North

Hares Barbarella & Doina

Scribe: Tonto

Eggfoo scribed last week, so it is only fair that Tonto should have a go this week…….really, from my friend Barbarella who so appreciates an opportunity to scribe himself.

Hashy Birthday to Fifi, a swift mention for Sparkle on returning and a couple of visitors with five fingers on each hand though related to 4Fingers. Sherlock intervened here, attempting to trip a runner, don’t they know not to run before the hare has explained the trail…..ah, though this was not one of us, twas a civilian exerting rights to access on the Beach Esplanade footpath. My notes also mention a khaki confusion with JC and Thrupennies……..aha Car key, that makes more sense.

Over to the hare, Barbarella who as usual promises us a long one, and we know that means it will be convoluted too.

Off the pack goes, into a dead end corner surely given the presence of the beach, sea and Donmouth, so time for your scribe to become SCB On On along the prom tiddly om pompom. Until we check at the golf course and across we go. I now realised that my couple of days out in the Aberdeenshire hills were the wrong training for a run along the beach and across flat fairways and into scrubby woods, where he stumbled upon a homoerotic vision – the get your kit off boyszone……Underlay and mates, you know who you are, and where you are too. Disgusting.

Next is the Whisky Mac check, oh no its not, it’s all gone, the Walkie Talkies knew where to find it.

On On around Lidl (more of this later) and a super trap for the FRB’s heading up stream on the right bank when its on on over the bridge to the left bank, only to go across the Brig of Balgownie to be back on the right bank, going uphill but downstream until turning upstream but downhill…..getting confused? I was.

Oh, back at Brig of Balgownie the pack was distracted by an amorous lazing mammal, a gorgeous beast lolling in the tide, hang on where is Bruce Almighty. After Apple picking, by the Seaton halls, we mused how Barbarella could teach those lazy students a thing or too, about crumble making.

I took to musing that our hare had in fact produced a good run…..fine weather, well-marked, some great falsies and traps for the FRBs, but possibly rather too long. How can we possibly get back to the cars without crossing the out trail unless we go up to the new bridge and then downstream. Yes that’s it, I’ll take a short cut through the papermill village and past the hydro turbine and then I’ll find the flour and……….oh fuck, not a dot, not a spot, I’ve been had.

Disconsolate I headed back to the beer, expecting to find the pack long home and me not missed much at all. At the bird hide circle I found only Pig Iron, Sharnie, Ballerina, ….no pack, what the heck. Well, I don’t know cos I wasn’t there, but seems this was a cunning cross trail figure of eight and the beer check was behind Lidl all along. Unfortunately, I had an appt, training for next week’s hash curling event, so I missed the circle altogether. I am sure that the RA’s surpassed themselves in awarding copious downdowns in unpalatable ale, and that the hares put on a fab spread at the roadside. Well done.

‘ONON`


2048 - Sun 16 Oct 2022 - Inverbervie (57 runners) - Hares: 4Fingers & Chantal - Scribe: Eggfoo

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

RUN #2048

Sun 16 October 2022

Inverbervie

Hares: Chantal & 4Fingers

Scribe: Eggfoo

Flaps has that evil look in her eye as she hands me the pad of paper to make notes and be this week’s scribe. I think the last time I was asked to scribe I totally forgot and was probably punished in a suitable manner.

Being a walkie talkie I don’t really see any of the shenanigans of the runners. However, Pink Panther and I set the world to rights while walking along the beautiful seaside trail watching gulls and fulmars swoop and dive above the foamy sea. Pudding stone geology everywhere. Did anyone other than Tonto notice this? Sheep race in panicked chaos as we cross a field up to the top, the farmer will not be pleased. Livestock interruptus. Struth has slowed down to walking pace and graciously lays her coat over the barbed wire fence. The walkie talkies are a bit like the sheep, moving between groups, fast, slow, ambling. We often realise we have not noticed any flour for a bit and have to retrace steps in search of the trail. The hares today have been diligently accommodating both runners and walkers. I know, I know….we should all be trying to run but some of us just like our knees and hips and pelvic floors too much to push it.

The theme today seems to be NAKEDNESS. Splash and Dash told me she thinks we should have a topless run. I’m all for it. (Though my 63 year old pendulous bosoms probably need some kind of support……) Tick bait apparently stripped off his shoes and socks to reveal pearly white feet in order to remove a thorn. Oscar the baby flashes his bare head in the circle. Barbarella has revealed he finally recovered from his crabs. So glad he didn’t feel the need to show us. Red Jumper and Inspector Gorse both stripped and swam! Hooray for them! I suspect if I had been there I probably would have been tempted. Where were Four fingers and splash and dash and flaps? Aren’t they all cold water dippers? There was talk of nipples, bare nipples being shown from a large glass window. Doina got her 50th run T-shirt but didn’t succeed in baring her skin. The Bitch was trolling the crowd in search of pain killers, how dare he ask the homeopath! Toy boy Tom is our new song master. Keeping it short and sweet.

All in all it was a great day out as usual. Tonto and Eggfoo were left with a soft tyre on their fancy Honey Dijon VW electric car. Limping in, borrowing a pump, limping home.

The pub was overwhelmed by the numbers that showed up for lunch. I wouldn’t recommend vegan risotto….they forgot to include the vegetables which is pretty much the whole point of being vegan.

Thank you to the hares. An award due for Chantal who managed to set her first run on her 9th run! Wow. Brave. Maybe there is a hash handle in that one?


2047 - Sun 09 Oct 2022 - Drumtochty Glen (47 Runners) - Hares: Bungee Finger & Pink Panther - Scribe: Ballerina

On On: Drumtochty Glen Forest Carpark, Auchenblae, AB30 1TP

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/bD8EdidfcSatNn5H9

On Inn:

Hazards:

2046 - Sun 02 Oct 2022 - Aboyne (36 Runners) - Hares: Twzzle - Scribe: Pigiron


AH3 ROCKED BY DOUBLE FOOD AND


BEVERAGE SCANDAL


Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? -Spokesman


Our newly acclaimed GM's unjustified revenge was swift and terrible. Outraged at having (quite correctly) to pen an ode to last week's run, she turned on the deprived vulnerable and handed me the torn half of a skool exercise book complete with pencil stolen from the Scottish Education Department along with instructions to record every detail of Run 2046. Well, this won't take

long.


A good turn-out for a hash set in the far wastes of the ABZ hinterland. The excellent weather no doubt a factor. Unfortunately, the hash being in a sunny mood, the fools were happy enough to extend the opening circle with an excessive number of pre-run downs.


Announcements:

Red Stripe advertised a curling evening on the 28th October.

Pink Panther let it be know that she was looking for someone young and lusty, non-gender-specific, to co-hare with Prickly Bush and herself next week. Greeted by lewd suggestions.


Community Affairs:

Little Shit apparently received a phone call during the week from a irate lady in Ballater, complaining that someone was placing blobs of porridge on the Deeside Way. Twizzle downed for oaty abuse.


New Runner:

Kieran (for it was he) introduced by Barbarella by means of shouting his name from the other side of the car park.


Naughty Step:

If you have ever wondered how, in the name of all that is holy, mismanagement make decisions, wonder no more. The GM and Little Shit were outed for being tired and emotional after the last meeting held in a haze of alcohol.

Twizzle then asked how many were going to lunch at the Boat Inn, which was a bit strange, because the Boat Inn wanted numbers by the previous Wednesday, but never mind.


The Run:

There were long runners and short runners and walkers and a cyclist and a tourist and the run went up and round a hill and came down again, but did not go to the river, which was a shame; but it wasn't very long. Alas, alack, during the run Sir Deadmund Hillary lost his iPhone 14 because he keeps it in his back-pocket like a teenager.


As we all know, the flour is your friend, even when stuck to a log destined for the mill, and said log is loaded onto a truck while the pack looks on with interest. The destination of the truck is unknown, but Barbarella was last seen passing Drumoak.


A word of explanation:

Instead of setting his usual ballbreaker, which would have kept the pack out for hours, the hare only set a normal 5-6 miler. Super, except he neglected to amend the lunch booking at the Boat Inn ballbreakingly-timed for 1500 hrs. Instead he relied on the circle

to fill in the 2 hour hiatus, which is why some of the downs were of dubious quality. You have been warned.


Here we go:

  • Fireflaps recklessly invited the hash to her 50th Birthday Party on the 14th January 2023, just a week before the AH3 Birthday Bash to be held on 20th Jan.

  • Twizzle exposed Struth for throwing away a nearly-full can of lemonade en route from the beerstop (to make room for beer), plus Shaky and Little Shit for equipping themselves with extra supplies from the stash for the run home. Dehydration is a terrible thing, but worse was Fifi's wrath on finding no decent beer at the stop.

  • Joy of joy! Twizzle was able to reunite Sir Deadmund Hillary with his very-reasonably-priced new iPhone 14, thanks to an auld mannie who found it on the trail and wondered if anyone was interested. Sir Deadmund's emotional reunion with his tech would have made a statue weep.

  • Barbarella: confusing Cork in Ireland with cock in ?? (yes, I know. See above)

  • Numbskull and Pigiron for not taking the shortcut (yes, I know. See above)

  • Shaky and The Penguin for Bounty wrapper abuse and coconut aversion, although The Penguin LOVES coconut. (Not a euphemism. See above)

  • Sherlock because it was his birthday. Down gallantly taken by the supplier of his treats. (See above)

  • FiFi for using her bike (See above)

  • Hippo gave Toy Boy Tom, Biggles, Trymeloveme, and Flaps a down for something, but I can't read my writing. Hey Ho.

  • Hurricanes Ian and Fiona (getting really desperate now)

  • Returners: Ross (who was not a new runner, having attended on Boxing Day, but no-one could remember) and Fairy Whippet who jetted in especially.


AOCB:

  • Pink Panther was disappointed that nothing juicy or nubile had volunteered to help out at her run, but cheered up when Stalker said she would do it.

  • Some chat about a Wednesday hillwalk and a warning that the Easter Challenge would take place at Easter.


Finally, amid some confusion ( 'I'm not bloody waiting until three o'clock'), it seemed that 10 people were off to hang about the Boat Inn. And really finally, Twizzle remembered to give himself a down for a splendid run.


FINIS


On On: Aboyne community centre, Bridge view road, Aboyne. AB34 5JN

Heading out of Aberdeen follow A93 through Aboyne village heading West. Continue past the B9094 Tarland junction and take next left then turn right into Community centre and Academy. Park near woodland, behind the community centre in the car park. Yes we do have permission!

OS Grid Ref: NO 51909 98574

Latitude: 57°4'32"N

Longitude: 2°47'42"W

aboyne community centre - Google Maps


2045 - Sun 25 Sep 2022 - Kingswells (39 Runners)- Hares: Toy Boy Tom & Underlay - Scribe: Fire Flaps

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2045

Sunday 25th September 2022

Kingswells

Hares: Toy Boy Tom & Underlay

Scribe: Fire Flaps

Sunday runs are now in full swing

But hares amounted to zero

We needed a trail, we needed it now

We needed an absolute hero

Commons sense tells us the men for the job

Should be those that are fresh as a daisy

TBT and Underlay after a half

At Crathes stepped up cos they’re crazy

All racists were celebrated by all

A group down-down they had to make

Then Red Stripe admitted to 350 runs

And received a beer filled quake

(how am I supposed to know how you spell it?)

Your scribe then set off without pen or pencil

(Hashing with such things certainly hinders)

A phone does the job but was judged not allowed

By new rules coming from Cinders

So the trail is itself is left unsullied and free

From any grumbles, moans or objections

There were paths, and pavements, flour and checks

And consumption dykes in numerous sections

(wtf are these?)

A girth and length discussion ensued

(with no input from Short and Thick?)

Large vegetables wielded by Tiger Feet and Aids

And absolutely no refence to anyone’s dick

Glasgow praised the crumble Queens

(I think there were some Kings in there too)

The competition looks set to continue next year

So you budding bakers know what to do

Lost property then was displayed to the circle

A courgette warmer that Rats mislaid

The Bitch’s wallet was also found

And returned once AGPU costs paid

Jet Slag and Toy Boy Tom then celebrated

Their new found love for farmers

They can’t be blamed for such feelings of passion

When it’s known land owners are such charmers

Roger Me Moore was then punished for having

The audacity to place her ice cream

In a location deemed way too far away

For the hashers to find, no matter how keen

Aids expressed bewilderment at the expanse

Of hash data from On Sec Little Shit

The sheer volume of facts and figures and stats

Meant he couldn’t share any of it

Sharnie was plucked from the circle next

For the crime of some time in the sun

And then again for complaints to the hares

For the diminutive size of their run

Short and Thick had his sartorial elegance grilled

With his camo top judged as just wrong

Then time to celebrate the hares

With a rousing, if badly timed song

A final thanks to hash beer of the day

Better than Nummers you simply can’t get

He can pour a mean beer but sadly does not

Have the gift to recognize a courgette

A magnificent day, give thanks to the hares

Along with our great new committee

Who will now strive to plan our next hashing year

While downing beers bought from our kitty

GM Fireflaps


2044 - Sun 18 Sep 2022 - Knockburn Loch; AGPU (53 Runners)- Hares: Shaky & Red Stripe - Scribe: Sergio

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers AGPU 2022

RUN 2044

18th September 2022

Location: AGM A2B

Hares: Shaky & Red Stripe

Scribe: Sergio

For the first time ever I didn’t get the bus to the AGM run. Well – I did, but only after driving to Banchory first which sort of means it didn’t count. A bit damp in Banchory – I joined the hares and Sir Deadmund Hillary as we waited patiently for the bus. It was delayed a little – the reason became clear later. Still, it wasn’t too long a ride: we were soon enjoying that pre-run pee in the bushes near the AA box on the Cairn O Mount road.

GM Fireflaps called us to order, and, incredibly, appointed yours truly as scribe for the day. Thanks. All I caught of the early proceedings was a pre run down down for Glasgow - something to do with a taxi, no idea what. And;

Toy Boy Tom was awarded his 400th run sweatshirt. Well done that man – we’ll make a real hasher of you yet!!

Shaky and Red Stripe gave us the usual instructions and we were off into the woods. It may be just me, but I find there aren’t many conspicuous landmarks when in woods, just trees, trees and more trees. Don’t get me wrong – I like trees – it just means that I can’t tell you where we went, I have no idea. There was a pond at one point, and a couple of small streams and a road or two but I can’t be more specific than that. Oh, and a bridge – that was quite near the beer check which was by a river.

Rocks were chucked into the river in an attempt to soak the youngest and furthest out hound – Search Party. I’m not sure it was too successful though. The inevitable group photos were taken and then we wandered off towards B – which was at our regular Brig of Bogendreip carpark. The end of the run after 100 minutes or so. Plenty for me!

After a short bus ride to Knockburn and some time spent refuelling on excellent bbq nosh prepared by Weasel Arse, (a visiting friend of Twizzle’s apparently), we circled up in the cool breeze for the marathon down down session that is our AGPU……

I expect that most of you reading this were there, so the following list of offenders should, I hope, make some sense!

Mad Cyclist was the first to do a turn as RA, and he focused on the bus journey. He awarded himself a dd for no apparent reason – probably because he knew he’s get one anyway, and wanted to get one down while we were still paying attention. Then there was:

  • The Penguin – announcing that he was planning a sleep on the bus.

  • Sir Deadmund Hillary – tooting the bus driver from the safety of his BMW.

  • Careless – dull as shit engineering conversation on the bus.

  • Olymprick – shouting at local runners.

  • Sergio and Glasgow – for taking the piss out of Mad Cyclist on WhatsApp prior to the run (he should have done T-Rex Cock as well).

  • GM Fireflaps – delaying the bus in Culter so she could get champers from the Spar shop.

  • Prickly Bush – for being “cozy”.

  • Eveready - for being too cozy and threatening to strip.

Canna Be Arsed then gave a dd to Mad Cyclist for putting us through the above. Then he gave one to Toy Boy Tom for some sort of cold welding failure. Then Shaky called out Olymprick for being a fair weather hasher.

Next Sir Deadmund Hillary told us about the year 2022 “whether we wanted to hear it or not”.

“Do you want to know the historical significance of AGPU 2022?

In which year do you think Russia invaded Ukraine?

When Vladimir Putin heard that Russian soldiers are getting sick in Ukraine, what did he do?

He sent a health inspector.

The inspector asked a general

How do you prepare the drinking water?

First, we filter it. Then what? Then we boil it. Then what?

Then we throw it away and drink vodka!

Sadly 2022 was the year Queen Elizabeth II died.

What did the Royals ask the public not to leave as tributes?

Paddington bears and marmalade sandwiches.

Why? – because Paddington is not compostable or combustible when it comes to getting rid of all the floral tributes.

People are leaving marmalade sandwiches as a sign of respect to the queen.

Unfortunately, the grey squirrels thought it was party time.

Perhaps the Royals thought that the Wombles of Wimbledon may descend on London and start fighting the squirrels for the soft toys.

This wouldn’t look good on international TV.

How did the world of sport pay tribute to the Queen?

Cricket continued with the oval test to pay tribute to the queen.

The football league postponed all matches as a mark of respect for the queen.

This shows the impact that queen had on our lives

- that doing or not doing almost anything can be claimed to be showing respect.

Yesterday - I asked my lazy bastard son if he was going to eat his broccoli?

He said, “No dad, it’s my tribute to the queen”.

Why were the British cycling federation criticized?

The British cycling federation were criticized for strongly recommending that people do not ride their bicycles during the Queen's funeral.

It is not entirely clear why riding a bicycle would be seen as disrespectful.

Maybe they should have been more specific – like avoid riding a unicycle - in a clown outfit - inside Westminster Abbey - during the service.

Anyway, to be fair – the British cycling federation made a U-turn!!!

So, when discussing AGPU 2022 with fellow hashers don’t forget to mention – Long live the King”

OnOn

Sir Deadmund Hillary

Finally we moved onto the run itself!!

Twizzle gave

  • Mad Cyclist a down down for constantly retying his laces. And one to

  • Eveready for having her trousers on inside-out.

  • Next the “brolly boys” were called out – for carrying umbrellas on the run – Numskull, The Bitchhh, Bin Liner and Penguin were the offenders here.

  • Mr Sheen drank because his trainers were too white, and

  • Rats because his posh fishing clothing was deemed “too smart” for the likes of us. I think he only turned up to get fed on the way home from the pond he had been at.

Proceedings were then halted while Muff Diver “Jake the Pegged” his way across the circle on his new hip. Lubrication was given.

A group missed the beer check – Not Dot, Roger Me More, Drillbit, Careless – Numskull was blamed for their absence, not sure why. Perhaps he didn’t let them look at the map?

Canna Be Arsed then took over –

  • Underlay was first for a sip, for ignoring him on a late night bus no matter how loud he shouted ON ON!!

  • Ballerina then had a drink for something I missed – maybe to do with being hash beer?

Next we went inside and sampled the crumbles – well done those chefs and cheffesses! As we reconvened the judges gave us the results: in 3rd place was GM Flaps, 2nd was Roger Me More and first place (with two entries apparently) was BALLERINA! Stalker was singled out for failing the brief – she made a lattice pie rather than a crumble. All the crumble makers then took a drink.

(Actually your scribe was somewhat miffed not to have been asked to help judge the crumble competition! I don’t expect it would have made any difference to the result but it would have allowed me to sample ALL the entries, instead of only half of them!).

Back to the business at hand: Twizzle gave 4Fingers a down down for locking the Knockburn bathroom door while she took a shower – this stopped any of the girls being able to get in for a pee – much to their consternation!

4Fingers than invited Sauerkraut for a drink – because he lent her his woolly hat to carry fungi back from the run!

Shaky then picked on Eveready for running out of battery, Mr Sheen and Ballerina for a “last place” race, and finally to Red Stripe for being the best co-hare.

Twizzle then gave both hares, Shaky and Red Stripe, a drink for being hares for the day – well done both.

Now we moved onto the AGPU! OneLiner was our esteemed master of ceremonies for this august event. (Held in September – I know, I know).

First order of business was a down down for the outgoing committee. The GM gave each one a tiny little cup with “The Best” and their committee position on – “The Best Hash Cash” for instance. A little pointless I thought but far be it for me to point this out…..

As luck would have it the vast majority of this year’s committee felt able to serve another year – saving us from long drawn out voting procedures – so well done them! In case anyone thinks they got away with it, this is what I recorded:

GM – Fireflaps – unopposed.

Joint Masters – Shaky and the Bitchhh (they’ll both do nothing someone said).

Hash Cash – Glasgow – unopposed.

On Sec – Little Shit – unopposed.

Head Hare – Panty Pockets – unopposed.

Hash Beer – Ballerina and Hippo (assisted by Numskull).

Social Sex – Ice Breaker and Red Stripe.

RA – Twizzle and Aids – unopposed (what – no room for Mad Cyclist???).

Haberdasher – Underlay – unopposed.

Songmeister – Bag O Bones & Not Dot (she writes ‘em, he sings ‘em as per Elton & BT).

Olymprick – having been quiet for too long then awarded a down down to One Liner for getting us through this legislation virtually unscathed. Then he awarded a drink to Bin Liner for being another “Liner”

And so to the awards for the previous hash year. RA Aids was on hand to take us through them. First was the prestigious Run of the Year or Best Trail if you prefer: most nominations were for a run by Tonto and Eggfoo, but of those present on the day it was a tie between Not Dot and Biggles and Icebreaker and Red Stripe.

Next: Best Scribe – there were many nominations for this – half the pack got at least one but the winner was Icebreaker.

Worst Trail: this went to Stalker and the Bitchhh, with honourable mentions for Barbarella and Sauerkraut.

Worst Scribe – Barbarella – unanimously I think, although it would have been better described as “no scribe”!

Hash Crash – this went to Numskull, for some misdemeanour or other in son Lewis’s van. Honourable mention for Search Party here apparently.

AH3 Fashion Icon of the year – almost unanimously awarded to Bin Liner – who else?

Hash Misogynist – Barbarella. No idea why.

Next – the strangely worded New Meat award: it went to Try Me Love Me, but Struth got an honourable mention.

FRBOTY – our fastest runner would appear to be Tick Bait this year (honourable mention to Underlay too).

SCB of the year – Olymprick just stole this one from Bruce Almighty.

Hash Shit – we were told that the Bitchhh came a distant second to Barbarella for this award! For misdemeanours too numerous to mention apparently.

Hash Beer of the Year – a limited field for this one but the winner was clearly Ballerina.

Then the owners of all the hash hounds were called out for a sip (hardly an award then): Fireflaps, Bin Liner, Fifi, Mad Cyclist, T- Rex Cock, Muff Diver, and The Bitchhh.

Then the Hash Shit toilet seat, which had strangely gone missing, was found and Barbarella was given another drink -wearing said toilet seat this time.

The final few awards (I can hear you sigh from here – how do you think I feel?) were as follows:

Best GM – the GM ffs.

Best Hash hostess – Glasgow and Struth

Most forgetful – Bin Liner or Drillbit – I can’t remember which one got it. Perhaps both.

Crawler(???) – T Rex Cock

Noisiest Hasher: Sir Deadmund Hillary apparently.

And….. the AGPU drew to a close at 5.25 precisely…..almost:

Red Stripe then gave all today’s RA’s a down down for their sterling work – Aids, Mad Cyclist, Twizzle and Canna Be Arsed.

Then, after a bit of tidying up it was back on the bus for the ride home.

Hope all the attendees had a nice time. And if you weren’t there – I bet you are sorry you missed it!

Should there be a next time – until then.

ON ON,

SERG


You are all welcome to the Aberdeen H3 AGPU - Sun 18th Sept 2022

We will be providing a bus transfer from and to Aberdeen with pick-ups and drop offs along the way (TBC nearer the time)

There will be an excellent trail with the usual AGPU circle at the end.

PLEASE FILL IN THE ATTACHED FORM WHETHER YOU ARE ATTENDING OR NOT (YOUR VIEWS ARE IMPORTANT!)

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1q9fZkDJREdef0BJ_VTPWCOGOlgMilGFYv-v-pDnpksg/viewform?edit_requested=true

This form will:

· Let us know if you wish to be nominated for a committee position

· Tell us your nominations for the ANNUAL AH3 AWARDS

· Allow you to choose options for food, beverage and bus pick times if you are attending AGPU

· Share your 2000th run memories

One form per person.

If you are attending the Cost is £20 per head.

Payment: by bank transfer:

To ensure we can match payments to your registration make sure you ID yourself.

Account Name: ABERDEEN HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Account No: 00100768

SORT Code: 80-12-06

REF: ‘AGPU’ and your name to identify the payment

Please note:

· DOGS ARE NOT ALLOWED ON SITE - THAT INCLUDES INSIDE PARKED CARS OR BUSES!

· Limited/ no mobile phone coverage at the site.

· Consider bringing a change of clothes, towel, a drinking vessel (not glass), and possibly a fold up chair!

OnOn!

GM Flaps

2043 - Mon 12 Sep 2022 - Balmedie Beach (37 Runners) - Hares: Mad Cyclist & Bog Brush - Scribe: Bungee Finger

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2043

Balmedie Country Park

12 Sept 2022.

Hare: - Mad Cyclist & Search Party

Scribe; - Bungyfinger.

Hashers arrived promptly, perhaps fearful of the dark that awaits the tardy hasher on this, the last, Monday Hash-night of the year.

Pre-run ceremonies commenced with Twizzle calling Underlay out on the carpet for not remembering how he got home after the Mearns AGPU. Then followed an exhibition by Mad Cyclist of what at first appeared to be Crop Circles but later turned out to be a fine example of Hash symbology.

Following this beautifully delivered, but total misguidance, we were off, Twizzle in the lead sporting an overnight backpack in case of a long run. Some wavered as we went past the Mushroom Farm before arriving at the first check cunningly hidden behind a bench. Whilst the pack searched in disorder, Little Shit showed great interest in the offer of “Services for Older People” written on the nearby sign for Balmedie Care Home. A quick blow of the horn heralded on-on and off we headed into the trees. Suddenly, a new Hasher (Julyana?) appeared out of the trees, put one foot into a bog, yelped, and abruptly disappeared back into the gathering gloom. A possible Bogfoot sighting, or so I thought….

The run continued a-pace, but now we came across more Checks than a day trip to Prague. At one point, Search Party asked his co-hare which way to go and then promptly took the wrong path. Meanwhile, the pack headed with great purpose along Aspiration Drive, stopping only to admire Porches on the driveways. Then into the Dunes, past a baby windfarm plantation, before cresting a hill and descending to the beach. In the gathering dusk, the dawdlers stumbled past Jetsam, Flotsam and the odd blob of Hashsam at the back of the pack. Then, as we followed the mass of footprints ahead of us on the beach, it was only natural to speculate as to what primitive creature a future Attenborough will ascribe these Late Rapacious fossilised tracks? Finally, having been refreshed by the beer stop, Glasgow’s fairy light “showed us the way”, whilst I listened enthralled as Barberella delivered his best pick-up lines to one of the new (Polish?) runners. By the light of the moon, a few dim torches and some even dimmer Hashers, the pack was presently called to order.

· Bin Liner announced his Chilli had raised 75 quid for Blind Dogs - Well done that hasher!.

A minute silence then followed for Her Majesty and was succeeded by a rousing “God Save The Hash”, sorry King. Down-downs were then loudly proclaimed for:

    • Bin Liner – For not curtsying when opening a gate for the Queen.

    • The Bitchhh and Stalker – For some weird connection to a deflated blow-up love doll Twizzle found on the beach

    • The Bitchhh… - Again, but this time for his birthday. Was the doll a gift perhaps?

    • Sharnie and Little Shit – For pissing on Royal Land and mooning at the Queen Consort

    • New Runner Justyne – For withstanding Barbarella’s eurocharm

    • Bungyfinger- For being too tight to buy more than one hash shirt per decade

Twizzle then rattled on about crumble and his role as head caterer for the AGPU. Suddenly, my grief at not being able to make this year’s event evaporated…..

Bungyfinger 13/09/2022

On On



On On: Balmedie Beach North Carpark, Balmedie Country Park, Balmedie, Aberdeen AB23 8XG

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/UXFjX7W2x2VvciVeA

On Inn:

Hazards:

2042 - Mon 05 Sep 2022 - Woodbank Hotel (43 Runners) - Hares: Binliner - Scribe: OneLiner

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2042

Woodbank, Cults

05 Sept 2022.

Hare: - BinLiner

Scribe; - OneLiner. Still not Barbarella .

The Liners Collide! I`m sure that this must have happened on a ski-slope before now. It`s not just a High Seas thing, you know.

On a mild autumn night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? No? But what about the Wolf of Kabul with the pink flour, then? And with that musical reference, we set the average(ish) age of Monday night`s participants, this time round.

So we all circled up around the vehicle coral, arse first as required by the safety police. The usual assortment of second hand buggies for the rest of us, paling into insignificance beside the shiny new chariots of the Shell Pensioners, gleeful over their most recent percentage pay-out . But as Hippo was heard to say “7% o` Fuck All is still Fuck All “. And with that succinct summary of Global Finance let`s leave the monetary considerations for another time.

BinLiner glided serenely into the circle on his bike (been taking lessons in poise from Fifi?) but actually looking more Worzel then Wolf . He didn`t really need to mention that the flour was pink.

But before he got around to that, the miscreant nose- parkers were summoned into the Circle for pre-run down downs:-

Fifi – less elegant in a Honda than on a bicycle .

Biggles - should have flown over, in his Sopwith Camel.

Thruppenny - just confused .com.

Sir Dedmund = ded unfair because he was officiating the cash and really needed to face that way. Hash Beer got the special dispensation but maybe Aids didn’t get the memo for Sir Ded of Mund.

And so to the Hare. Well; - given the nuclear glow all around him, it wasn`t much of a surprise to learn that he had set the trail in pink. Not through choice, though. Forced he was – right against his will – by some thoughtless MH4 criminal who had pre-polluted the BinLiner alternative to the WPR with a whiter shade of pale flour already.

The trail itself started out perhaps a little sparse , but after BinLiner realised that much had been washed away by some unexpected inclemency around the cloud-base , he kicked the mighty boneshaker into gear and veritably flew around the vicinity ; very helpfully setting fresh pink as he went . Good Man! Great Hasher.

And where did it go? Well I`m fooked if I know. Evidenced by my confident comment to Fire Flaps about half way round that since were still heading North we would soon be looping around to the West so that we could back-track on ourselves and cross Counteswells Road, to the South. Turns out we were in fact already heading due South and had just crossed Counteswells Road … … … My how she laughed before daring me to try to cover up my very personal directional instability in this Scribe.

But I needn`t have worried. No sooner had I crashed my street cred to zero than I happened upon Tonto, who had retrieved a pink rubber dog toy which ably doubled up as a mobile spot. So he told me that wherever we were, we would always be on trail!

And where TF were we? Still fooked if I know. But eventually we entered the pitch blackness of the Den of Cults And that`s only one letter out from what it actually was once we descended upon it. The check was as poorly lit as an 80`s night club, so with all of our combined prior experience of the appropriate environment it was actually a breeze finding the beer and the chocolate.

Little Shit went above and beyond and even found a complete set of Car and House keys which Mad Cyclist had been foolish enough to entrust to the “safe” care of his youngest, Search Party. Well done for your honesty LS. I know that the temptation to wait and casually observe the rising panic after the Circle must have been pulling at you like a magnet in a scrap yard. But you defied convention and passed them back right away. I also fear that it`s because you might have forgotten you ever had them in your possession until next Tuesday morning (I once drove back to Aberdeen from Durris with Numbskull’s keys in my pocket. Ed)

Trotting back to the On Inn I enjoyed a spot of mature conversation with Red Stripe and Ice Breaker. Shame that I`m now so mature that when passing a particularly splendid new house I couldn`t quite remember which TV show it should have featured on “You know , Kevin thingy and all that architectural stuff ” . Thank Google for Grand Designs. You all know now!

Back at the homestead of The Arse First Coral , Aids stepped off his horse and sorted out some down downs before sundown ( well actually … … … but it was just too good a phrase to resist ) Others were awarded by Twizzle and Shaky And the lucky recipients were:-

  • Twizzle – on a mild (and darkening) Autumn night, would you leave your head torch in the car?

  • Fireflaps - a wee-stop gone wrong, resulting in a bush in the bush moment – or moments!

  • Tiger Feet, Panty Pockets and Aids. Initially sounded like a menage a trois to me, but it turned out that they were the only ones who could read the Walkers map. Allegedly, they got to the Beer alone, drank it alone and left it back where they found it. Still alone. Our Den of Running Cu*ts was waaaaaay behind.

  • Red Stripe:- She`s got a new hoose !

  • Barbarella: - Still cannae string 2 words together in print. Best that way Barbs. No written evidence.

  • Not Dot: - She tried a new song. That was sweet. But it didn`t have any sweary words or sexual references in it, so it missed out on the Hash Top 100.

  • Rats:- Now whereas the man is awesome in all of his P.O.V “ Adult “ video outpourings , he`s apparently hopeless when confronted by the other type of bike .

  • Other Shell Pensioners: - When One SP drinks ….. You`ve beaten me to it.

  • Tick Bait: - Achieved 8th position in the recently run Huntly Half Marathon. Awesome result to be in the top 10 of any event like that. Without the artificial aid of Age Groups (Ahem).

  • Toy Boy Tom: - Ran to the Hash and appeared to be planning to run home again also (having front run the whole thing too !) Clearly planning a genuine top ten finish in the upcoming Crathes Half.

  • Search Party:- For Keygate .Obvs.

  • BinLiner:- for an awesome and interesting , light and dark and pink trail

And so to bed. But not before stumbling in the door only to find a bottle of Banks Amber still in my fleece pocket. And still securely capped. Which was nice! Turns out that writing down, down- downs was all I could manage in sequence on a Monday night after a busy day at work. Multi-tasking ? Not a chance.

OneLiner. One thought. At a time.

On On



On On: Woodbank Hotel, North Deeside Road, Pitfodels, AB15 9PN.

Google Map : https://goo.gl/maps/aS7AAuTkTsYbhovB9

(Note: Reverse parking only, on Gravel car park)

On Inn: Bin Liners pad. 6 Belvidere Rd AB15 9HP.

( Note : parking on North Deeside Rd or Netherby Rd. See map on the day.)


2041 - Mon 29 Aug 2022 - Netherton Business Centre (42 Runners) - Hares: Express Chicken & Tiger Feet - Scribe: Prickly Bush

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2041

Monday 29th August 2022

On On: Netherton Business Centre, Kemnay

Hares: Express Chicken and Tiger Feet

Scribe: Prickly Bush

A fine evening and the promise of a lovely run in the countryside led to a good turnout of hashers, all ready and raring to go. Being a little shell shocked after being nominated as Scribe I have to admit to not being entirely sure to whom the pre-run down down was given, but I think/hope I’m correct in saying it was Pink Panther who was just about to reach the grand old age of 37. Hashy Birthday Pink Panther and you can slip me that fiver later!

Tiger Feet then strutted his stuff in the circle. He was a little concerned, as some of the trail had been sabotaged but he needn’t have worried, there was plenty of the white stuff for us to follow.

The first check was memorable. It resulted in a very long back check that, I believe, all the runners fell for. Perhaps worthy of an award at the up and coming AGM!

Early on, there seemed to me to be a recurring theme on this trail. Whenever the runners popped out of the forest we always seemed to be behind the walkers, having to run past them again and again. I also recollect some off piste sections that took us through thick forest a couple of times. On one occasion I accidently let a branch swing back towards Twizzle which nearly resulted in the loss of his eye. He accepted my apology and pointed out that he had another one, so all was well. It was a fast moving hash and Just as we were running out of steam and daylight was beginning to dim, we thankfully fell upon a well stocked beer check, complete with lots of sweeties which was gratefully received by all. Unbeknownst to us, this would provide the pack with the needed sustenance for the treck back to the on inn in the gloaming.

Many thanks to the Hares for a well executed trail and for providing some very precisely cut and tasty sandwiches and cookies.

Post run down downs were duly awarded to

  • T-Rex – for being a light-weight Father of the Bride

  • Hippo - for reminiscing about beer checks being half way round

  • Binliner and Drillbit – for being tardy to the on-in circle last week

  • Hippo and Ballerina – for being athletes by taking part in “Ride the North”

  • Barbarella – for attempting to seek glory on the Lonach Hill Race and advertising `the Hash’ whilst doing so

  • Binliner, Hippo, Numbskull, Drillbit, Bag of Bones and Biggles – for surpassing 70 years young

  • Julia and Fecky de Feck – for turning up

  • Underlay – for under laying and keeping to the right hand side!

  • Twizzle – for being a very enthusiastic attendee at the MH4 AGM

  • Mad Cyclist and JC – dobbed in by Search Party for getting lost on their way back to the on-inn.

  • Fire Flaps – for not registering her interest in the AGM! (Numbskull kindly being her stand-in).


2040 - Mon 22 Aug 2022 - Torphins (57 Runners) - Hares: Red Stripe - Scribe: Sauerkraut

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run #2040

Monday 22th August 2022

OnOn: Torphins

Hares: Red Stripe & Icebreaker

Scribe: Sauerkraut

Another great turn out despite the long distance to TorpAhins from Aberdeen, where most of the hashers are staying; so, - was it the weather? Well, though it looked like rain looming in the sky, people must have put their faith into our trustworthy RA, who lately seems to be on really good terms with the weather gods looking back at some of the last runs. Or was it the more unusual location? Where the f… is Thorphins? Or possibly the hare: Red Stripe? Well, we may never know. But when it came to selecting the scribe, she was heading without hesitance to me handing over the little notebook and pen. Apparently I didn’t pay enough beers to her during the last pensioner’s lunch. Another lesson to be learned.

We congregated in front of the church, apparently the biggest open paved space in Torphins. Some locals stared at us in awe, haven’t seen such a big crowd since before covid, and they may have wondered what covid did to us. The RA started with a joke but got the lines a bit muddled up, which earned him a well-deserved down down. We had quite a few virgins and visitors, notably a Hammersley hasher (Squirt) and a tall quite young muscular Dutch guy, introduced as Paul, but preferred to be called Bob (ladies, take note).

The run started with crossing the old railway line on an old bridge and going down a dodgy staircase and slope, which looked like it hadn’t been used since the demise of the railway. This caused of cause a little congestion and some young, eager front runners bashed their way through the bushes, complaining later about the stinging nettles. Tough luck, the hash is not only about running. There were quite a few nice little hills on the trail and some nasty back checks. Some hashers got even a little lost or should I just say ‘disorientated’. That can happen so easily if you concentrate more on the physique of the runner in front of you than on the trail. And in the end they just dash off and the one or the other the old fart just gets lost. Never mind, after navigating and crossing a golf course (the hare is apparently not a golfer, otherwise she would have been a bit more concerned about golf etiquette), we managed a few more little hills, some woods and grassland and a sweaty check before running through the village, Torphins I suppose, although it felt more like Aberdeen or Dundee.

We ran along about every street and little lane in Torphins, all expecting to end up in Red Stripe’s place for the beer check, but no: people were already suffering of dehydration and being close to a heat stroke, when the trail led us out again of the housing area into the woods. But then, eventually, at a rather scenic spot, we managed to find the drinks and the beer. Nobody thought about pacifying the weather gods with some sacrificial beer or a virgin and soon the first drops of rain reminded us of the possibly rather limited powers of the RA concerning the weather gods. We managed to get back to run site reasonably dry, - somebody must have spilled some beer; and were digging into the crisps and nuts and left over birthday cupcakes from the scribe’s granddaughter’s birthday party.

With such a big crowd there was no lack of sinners and Barbarella opened the down down ceremonies for not supplying a scribe report about the last hash, 2039. I hope he corrected his failings by now, otherwise he should get another down down next time. That put extra pressure on me as the chosen scribe to invent and submit something for the 2040 run. A Yorky got one for a fancy dress up, and if one Yorky drinks, all Yorkies drink. They thanked us with a sort of a hymne; - fortunately not too long (I suppose they forget most of the lines).

Some rare shows like the Skinny Witch and One Liner were honoured for their rare appearance and a newcomer called something similar to leukaemia.

The Hammersley man (Squirt) needed another down down for almost getting lost, all the visitors and virgins (8 of them!!!) could show their faces again in the circle and JC and his harem of 4 were exposed for non-stop gossiping.

The hares needed a down down too and there were a few more sinners, e.g.

Tick Bait, but the scribe, not used to scribble down so much, got distracted by then, and will spare them any embarrassment.

One more thing to mention: Drill Bit and Bin Liner were missing and came back rather late. We should really take more care of our seasoned hashers. It’s only a question of time . . .

Your dutiful scribe Sauerkraut, see you all again for the AGPU (18th Sept.)

On On: Learney Hall, Torphins

Learney Hall, 9 Beltie Rd, Torphins AB31 4JT

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/fPiczaPW5yMd1xFcA

Hazards:

2039 - Mon 15 Aug 2022 - Stonehaven - Hares: Fire Flaps - Scribe: Barbarella

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No. 2039

Mon 15 Aug 2022

Stonehaven

Hare: Fire Flaps

Scribe: Barbarella

After arriving in good time after participating in a race on the “Queens highway” with The Bitchhh and Stalker.(I won btw, only because Zak overshot the entrance!)

After paying my dues the circle was called. While trying to explain to a nearby Harriet what was going on our GM FireFlaps was given the task of choosing a scribe. She eyeballed me talking and walked away only to return saying “I never learn, but I’ll give you another chance!” as she thrust a falling apart notebook and a glittery pen into my hand, followed by “You’ll keep getting the scribe until you complete one!” Well I felt so honoured to be chosen and as I only want to please and make my GM proud so please to be given another chance.

Visitors from Phoenix Arizona B Flat (female Harriet) and Victoria (male hasher) brought along by The Penguin.

RA, AIDS after a little tease about who might have been on his 900 runs outing eventually produced a bottle of whisky for Numbskull. Yes, 900 runs and if he hadn’t spent 13 years away from Aberdeen he would have been ahead of Little Shit and The Penguin according to Numbers!

Without much more ado the Hare was called into the circle and with a water bottle in hand gave us a demonstration of how to write beautifully in flour on the ground probably a skill you get from writing on white boards.

Gingervitus who was standing next to me was impressed with the water bottle to dispense flour idea. It was an “F” this week for a falsey and a proper backcheck sign when you have to return to the check. [A bar with an arrow pointing back to the check for those wondering what the correct sign is.]

With a point of her elbow and the Hashers were off towards the railway line and a left along the street running parallel. I was still gathering my thoughts when a young lady drove into the carpark in a BMW she jumped out and asked me, probably because I was looking important with a glittery pen and a notebook in my hand, if she was too late?

Well I gestured to Glasgow saying you should pay your run fees but there’s no time, just get running and off we went now well behind the main group. Asking a few questions as we ran I found out her name was Chantal and she had found the Hash via the web page! (Well done Little Shit.)

Next we found the pack bunching up at some new houses being built, the trail was found again but not before we had to “Act normal!” as a police car passed, stopped and eyed us up. They were probably thinking WTF! J

Through a narrow lane beside a house took us out beside the river Carron and lovely new path which I can’t remember previously.

Into Dunnottar Wood and a chance to get our feet wet in the burn, many hashers keeping on the right hand bank which is where some got lost The Penguin being one with his friends from Arizona. Through a field and onto the road. Here we almost got a name for Clair Prickly Bum, after falling on a thistle and complaining about it, however that was too close to another Harriet’s name. Popping back into the wood opposite the round grain store or is it a water something I’m not sure. Another chance to slide down the bank on your bum and get your feet wet at the burn/swamp at the bottom. Cinders decided to do her own route No Noing it down the road.

More confusion at the clear area in Dunnotter Wood eventually being solved by some clever observant hasher, Tickbait?

Not before I complained to Wee Willie and Ballerina (We are twins separated at birth, I’ll have you know) because they were malingering, “Get on with yer notes was the reply.” Charming!

Tickbait had been doing his normal exercise routine on the hash known as “Fartlek” most of the way. (Fartlek not what you think. :-0

About here I recall a discussion with Icebreaker and how “Everything has its price.” I’ve not had any offers yet btw.

We then find the flour going up the steep old road which has pleasant views of the harbour and beyond we were heading to the war memorial monument when we realised it was a massive falsey! Not too happy front runners returned only to find the trail followed a path adjacent to the road they had followed, all properly caught out by the Hare then! J

On to Stonehaven Harbour where we saw the Sea Scouts marooned on the beach with their sailing dingy things! (not the wrong spelling of dinghy by the way but a reference to the 70’s information film. Joe and Petunia apparently here’s the YouTube link for those who wish reminded of the late 60’s early 70’s or just haven’t a clue what I’m wittering on about. https://youtu.be/KEHc1XGr0Ss )

Onward along the beach front with the cute model boats in stainless steel. Over the Cowie Water via the footbridge and a quick left past the bowling greens and tennis courts, at the main road a little help from Sir Deadmund Hillary as he leaned over the railing at the entrance to Mineralwell Park let us catch up with Golden Shower. The Hare was ahead as there were freshly laid arrows denoting the way. A short walk along the path avoiding the local 12y/o youths. Toy Boy Tom saying something inappropriate about Fire Flaps’ bum or was it spanking Fire Flaps’ bum? Anyway I don’t think charges are going to be pressed! (No doubt to be continued later. J )

We popped out at the top of the hill at an entrance I don’t remember before, along the tarred road and under the railway bridge, another sharp left and we were at the railway station. Past some slightly older youths lining the tree covered lane. Back under the railway bridge and along Brickfield Road to wind our way through the estate to FireFlaps fire, back garden with beer stop and chickens to cuddle. Some very nice vegetables on show in her raised beds, is there no end to this girls talents?

After a very well deserved brew we meandered our way back to the carpark passing a vertical lifting contraption on the playing fields with a rope and 4 or so people standing around it, I was stupid enough to ask if they were a “tug of war team” to which one replied “No Stonehaven Crochet club!”. Okay ask a stupid question.

At the circle the jokes are at an all-time low, with the rail strikes taking place Numbers? asked “Are the train drivers taking us for a ride!” Something about the street cleaners strike too?? Refuse to pick up!

Unlike London we don’t have any Underground Tube problems in Aberdeen, hooray I hear you say.

Then we don’t have an underground tube. J

Down Down went to

  • JC and Twizle :- Just because! Jokes?

  • FireFlaps :- for having two nick names, seemingly, according to Numbskull in Stonehaven she is known as the “Crazy Chicken Lady”.

  • Victoria :- As above, for having two names, something to do with the Eiffel Tower and being so drunk he couldn’t see it, even though he was right beside it.

  • Victoria and B Flat :- Visitors

  • Chantal :- Virgin

And of course the Hare Fire Flaps for a very enjoyable but smoky run.


On On: Stonehaven, Forest Drive carpark AB39 2GF, next to the rugby pitch.

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/a18Wt9yvYXri1mjN8

On Inn:

Hazards:

2038 - Mon 08 Aug 2022 - Donview Carpark, Millstone Hill - Hares: Sir Deadman Hill-Ary & Glasgow - Scribe: JC

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run #2038

Monday 8th August 2022

OnOn: Don View Car Park, Bennachie

Hares: Sir Deadmund Hillary & Glasgow

Scribe: JC

Perhaps it was a consequence of last minute foraging in T’Ropers fruit garden, or because of conflicting diary events, or possibly even due to an overly casual approach to timekeeping: whatever the reason for my mis-timed arrival at the OnOn, there seemed no escaping the penalty of being appointed scribe. From a ‘glass half full’ perspective it was of course an honour to be hand picked by the hares as being worthy of the task of recording the fruits of their endeavours.

Apparently, Splash n’Dash had reached a 25 run milestone, which was deserving of a pre-run DD.

The weather was such that beads of sweat were already apparent even before the hounds departed on a steep north-easterly ascent, hemmed in by the foliage. Perhaps the temperature would abate as we stumbled ever higher? With her parents having returned home to the States, Gingervitis was now unhindered by the need to molly-coddle them, and seemed keen to explore her athletic boundaries (at least as far as the first check). Ditto for Try me-Luv me, whose turn of speed was more likely associated with her hazarding a trip into the undergrowth to jettison some excess ballast. Recently returned from Iceland she had been enthusing about the many beautiful waterfalls, and this seemed to have triggered a physical response. I tactfully refrained for mentioning my recent trip to Niagara.

At the first check Hippo gesticulated towards the three blobs of flour clearly visible on the track leading to the right. “Three and you’re on” he prompted, encouraging the gullible masses to expend their efforts on a not so subtle back-check. Tickbait seized the opportunity to lead the pack uphill, but was soon lost to view. I followed, and soon after became aware of heavy breathing behind me. Recollecting that one of the newbie harriettes had been only a short distance behind I was indeed flattered that she should be making such lustful proclamations. Sadly however, a rearwards glance revealed that the licentious panting was in fact simply an indication that Short n’Thick was on the verge of expiring.

This was a hash of much flour and many, many checks. Since Tickbait appeared to be failing in his duty to broadcast his location we were needlessly obliged to actually, well, check them out. However, as the front runners emerged from the woodland at around check number eight he appeared from behind, having taken a wrong-slot way back at check number 3, where the trail veered (or possibly more accurately, backed) northwest. Needless to say he didn’t stay behind for long, and despite several more cunning checks was first to reach the cairn atop Millstone Hill. On this warm sunny evening hashers lingered to admire the magnificent views of the shire.

Leaving the summit on a SW direction soon brought the pack to the Sweetie Check, with Sir Deamund Hillary in attendance to ensure an equitable distribution of said treats.

Hippo then led the pack west as far as a check (no 14!), which was in the middle of an area of Storm Arwen induced mayhem. His refusal to follow the correct out-trail (despite the cacophony of OnOn shouts and mighty horn blasts) was a decisive factor in him not being seen again until the beer check (number 17) had all but dispersed. At aforementioned beer check an already well lubricated Pig Iron and Bruce Almighty (surprise, surprise) were awaiting the arrival of the FRB’s. Barbarella, temporarily excused from his minding duties, was part of this contingent. As was 4Fingers, who however had not been relieved of her minding duties – though her conscience was perhaps slightly assuaged by the timely arrival of Innes, one of her previous charges. The resulting build-up of CO2 from the beer swilling assemblage had not gone unnoticed. It sent the insect life into overdrive, and formations zoomed in on various exposed appendages, some of which had hitherto not seen the light of day since last summer.

Back at the On-Inn Circle the RAs (well Twizzle mostly) awarded various punitive down-downs as follows:

  • Toy Boy Tom & Shaky for their part at last week’s run whereby Underlay initiated a third call-out of the fire brigade to douse an area of woodland at Hazelhead. (Jetslag was excused on account of not coming this week, apparently)

  • Twizzle & Red Stripe for posting daring photos on Facebook taken from the epi-centre of said fire.

  • Prickly Bum & Search Party for impressive Bum Slides on their descent from Millstone Hill

  • Thrupennies & Glasgow & Tonto for forgetting to retrieve various items after attending T’Ropers recent splendiferous Japanese Garden Party. [In Tonto’s mitigation he appears to have been unaware of being duty bound to remind Eggfoo not to leave without her jacket.]

  • Thrupennies for being a total Japanese party girl (somewhat intoxicated by quitting time!)

  • Redstripe, Search Party, Hippo & Tickbait for matching war-wounds and copious blood-letting

  • 4Fingers for bring along her friend Claire (now named Prickly Bum), but failing miserably to be a responsible mentor

  • Hippo for losing his way in wood he knows ‘like the back of his hand’

  • Glasgow & Sir Deadmund Hillary for blatantly ignoring the Ukrainian grain embargo, so as to hare an excellent run in superb weather.

It was at this point that your humble scribe would have prompted attendees to invite their friend(s) to give their body frequent thorough inspections to extricate any ticks lodged in awkward nooks and crannies. However, he was already long gone on account of another conflicting diary event!

** Reminiscences and Ramblings from JC. Note that all characters are fictional, any resemblance to real people or events being purely coincidental.



On On: Donview Forest Carpark, AB51 7JE - beyond Lords Throat in the R Don valley, north of Monymusk.

What3words https://w3w.co/passions.monks.tungsten

OS map reference NJ671190

Googlemaps link: https://goo.gl/maps/MS9AZi8PqP3Bt8Uw6

Head North through Monymusk for 0.9 miles, where the road turns sharp right (signposted Lord’s Throat) to cross the River Don. At the next two junctions follow the signs left for Donview Forest Walks, and the car park will be found on the right after another 1.7 miles. There is parking on both sides of the old wooden interpretation centre. It is legal and any fallen trees have been removed or can be safely avoided.

2037 - Mon 01 Aug 2022 - Hazelhead Crematorium - Hares: Jetslag & Toy Boy Tom - Scribe: The Bitchhh

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No. 2037

Mon 01 Aug 2022

OnOn: Hazelhead Crematorium

Hares: Jetslag & Toy Boy Tom

Scribe: The Bitchhh


The BitcHHH was GMing for the day, doing a sterling job if I don’t say so myself, he had remembered the long list of things he needed to do and would have made FireFlaps proud. I asked the hares to name a scribe, which backfired and here we stand today – with the best scribe of the hashy year awaiting your eyes.

4-fingers got her long awaited 25 run award by the way!

I was given no pen and no paper (that may have been my job), and received no emails, despite requesting intel during the closing circle; it also didn’t help that I was a walker for the day! There were 2 new runners/walkers: Randy’s parents (some also know her informally as Gingivitis)! There was also one visitor, #####.

We all set off, The BitcHHH and Underlay limping behind the pack, discussing old age in great detail. Low and behold, Shaky joined our hobble pack just before entering the woods… There had been signs of a fire! Shaky being the brave man that he was wanted to put it out, I suggested his hose, but he thought his foot would be better; boy was he wrong. After almost setting his shoe on fire his bravery turned to panic, and he ordered Underlay to phone 999 and report the fire – I slunk off.

I was miles behind everyone and almost walked back to the cars, but at the last minute made the right choice at the fork in the road and eventually caught up to some walkers, who by that point were ahead of the runners. Short cutting to the max we made it to the beer stop, with me not having seen very much action at all along the way. Now, not everyone made it this far might I note! Specifically, Lipstick, Stalker, Lottie, Mrs T, Shaky, Mad cyclist, and a few others.

While I was resting my frail self on the bench overlooking the beautiful roses, Jet Slag came up to me and had a story for me, unaware that any fire fighters had been involved in today’s run to this point. She went on to tell me that when this hash was getting set, there had been a small patch of burnt area in the forest, smaller than todays, and that she had done the noble thing too and called the fire brigade… When she was talking to them at the time, after their arrival, she recognised her hero from the past! As it turned out, the fire man who had come to her rescue that day, had been the same fireman who had in fact saved her from falling out of a window not that long before (maybe longer than is implied here). They could tell from this moment that there was something more at work here, perhaps fate, yes. But maybe destiny. So despite Fireman Sam being in his early 30’s (much like myself actually), she put her heart on her sleeve, took his hand and asked him if he would like to grab a deep fried Mars Bar sometime… She never did tell me what happened after that, but I could tell it was as hot as the inside of that beer battered treat.

Underlay and Shaky never made it through the run either as they had actually stayed to direct the fire fighters to the blazing inferno, so I had their beer instead, despite Hippo’s attempt to keep them from me.

There were some down downs in the rain after the run, I don’t really remember very much about that…

  • Olymprick and Bruce Almighty for apparently going straight to the beer check

  • Twizzle did something stupid again, got some people mixed up

  • Red Stripe for ?

  • Search party for ?

  • Eveready – returner

  • Lipstick, TickBait, Stalker, Mad cyclist – for running past the beer check

  • Gingervitis’s folks had their first taste of the Twizzle.

  • I remember that I didn’t get one.

  • Hares Jetslag and ToyBoyTom

The End.


On On: Crematorium graveyard parking, off Skene Road, Woodend/Hazelhead

https://goo.gl/maps/h1Y2HKfLn2ChPR6a8

On Inn:

Hazards:

2036 - Mon 25 Jul 2022 - Banchory Business Center - Hares: Shaky - Scribe: Wee Willie

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No.2036

Mon 25 Jul 2022

OnOn: Banchory Business Center

Hare: Shaky

Scribe: Wee Willie

A good start to the evening, your scribe was offered a lift to the on-on by hare Smiler, though she was giving away no clues to the route. A detour via the on-inn first to offload the dessert for the post-hash barbie (excellent meringue nests) and to pick-up other hare Shaky.

Nice to see a big pack after my 3-week tour of God's other country (Ireland). Back to hashing to work-off the Guinness and the other excesses (or not?).

Pre-run DD went to The Penguin- another birthday, he's had too many to mention- though the pack were disappointed he wasn’t bearing gifts of chocolate bars.

Welcome to nearly new and new runners Annabel & Fiona, enticed along by Tick Bait. Welcome also to returner Lipstick, to great excitement from Struth, and visitor Hard Case from Hammersley Hash (in the other Perth). Or was it Express Chicken from Perth? I can’t read my notes...

Then a detailed explanation of flour usage for our one new runner from Shaky, though no explanation as to why it was pink?

I am informed that a dog misbehaved in the circle- we do have a lot of dogs, I know, but my source informs me it was non-other that our GM Flaps’ borrowed beast Harvey. Said badly behaved canine emitted exhaust gases near to one of our more sensitive harriettes, High Maintenance. Whatever next.

On-On down the hill. Led by Barbarella, Underlay, Toy Boy Tom, Prickly Bush plus Muff Diver and Cannae Dae That on bikes.

As expected Toy Boy Tom lost trail at the first check. Then so did I, I also saw Icebreaker (with his usual stick) and Prickly Bush milling around. Some vague calling drew us back through the forest, at which point I got even more lost, not ideal for the Scribe. About this time I came across Bruce Almighty complaining bitterly that he had been given invisible directions from the hare, so he was as lost as I was. I discovered Shaky’s cunning plan later- best not to be too specific for Bruce Almighty or Olymprick, or they’ll get to the beer check too soon.

T-Rex Cock, Bag'O'Bones & 4Fingers knew what they were doing and didn’t get lost (apparently).

Numbskull wasn’t happy either, he’d been given instructions in code- but he seemed to be able to decipher them (no sympathy from The Duchess, who was sauntering some distance ahead of him).

Sauerkraut was spotted foraging for fruits of the forest, that’s one way to slow him down. Hash gossip tells us that he has subsequently come down with covid, infected by his wife, it gets every-one eventually! So no hash pensioners’ lunch for him on the Thursday!

Shaky was overheard angling for a new hash handle- telling Tonto, Short'n'Thick and Hippo “if you can’t find the trail from here I’m a monkeys ar*e”. Needless to say the trail was not found...

I eventually met a non-hasher, who fortunately had more of an idea of the trail than I did. Even better, he gave me an excellent shortcut, so that I caught-up with Thrupenny, Tiger Feet, RMM, Panty Pockets, Batty, Gas Chamber taking turns to look after Harvey (obviously keeping clear of his rear end).

Excellent sweety check, it’s always good to arrive late and find there are still chocs available. Good to see Hashcash still providing sufficient funds.

At this point I learned that Stalker & Tick Bait had been teaching newish hashers Annabel & Fiona about the joys of a good circle mid-run. Or maybe they were trying to work out where they were?

The intellectual capabilities of the hash periodically leaves me in awe. Hash Intellectuals Toy Boy Tom & Barbarella were overheard debating anthropologic research on North American native populations- though how they made the link back to hashing escaped me.

The pack was entertained with an Aids joke back at the cars- something about Las Vegas, ask Cinders.

Lots of DDs followed from Aids & The Bitchhh:

  • Mad Cyclist- for falling over

  • Search Party for looking too young- something about being lowed to drink in pubs at 32 (should also have got a DD for getting stuck up a tree).

  • Numbskull - needing a guide dog

  • Annabel aka The Nymph for leaping and bounding on trail

  • Lipstick- for returning

  • Fiona for coming

  • The Bitchhh- complaining about a bad back & getting pummelled in hotel bed rooms...

  • Aids giving Bruce Almighty a map without text

  • Posh Shoes- High Maintenance, Red Stripe, Barbarella, Bitchhh, Stalker, Underlay

  • Express Chicken visitor from Perth (not our one)- got lost- always good to achieve that with visitors

  • Muff Diver & Ballerina for being trainee pensioners for Thursday's lunch- rebound to Aids as they can't come because they’re working...

  • And finally DDs to the hares Shaky and Smiler for an excellent trail.

OnOn was chez Shaky, where we were entertained with a BBQ cooked on a proper Texan barbie, with Cannae Dae That managing not to burn the burgers. Thanks to Shaky, Mrs Shaky (Val) and Jon. £151 was raised for senSational, thanks to all who donated.

OnOn

Wee Willie


On On: Burn O Bennie Rd near Bancon Homes/Banchory Business Centre, Banchory AB31 5ZU. Park along the roadside

https://goo.gl/maps/4qFzYa3ySWKAd48m6


On Inn: BBQ at Casa Shaky, East Mains off Inchmarlo Rd, Banchory AB31 4BG. Please be considerate when parking & do not obstruct access to other properties.

https://goo.gl/maps/CCAEHgg1YEwTVZhs9

2035 - Mon 18 Jul 2022 - Bridge of Dee, Aberdeen - Hares: Goldenshower - Scribe: Rats

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

RUN 2035

Mon 18 July 2022

Bridge of Dee

Hares: Golden Shower and Toy Boy Tom

Scribe: Rats

After week in St Andrews sadly painting / property upkeep instead of playing golf (did not get through final qualifying, or get spectator tickets in Ballot). Arrived at On On to find myself as scribe AND RA (always thought our GM was a good / talented judge – sometimes more than other …..

POSITIVES:

Great location

Magnificent helpful Hares

Super Weather

Excellent sized pack and selection of hounds

Entertainment by paddle boarders in neoprene

Good choice of beers / location of sweetie stop and beer stop

Magnificent selection of bronzed Beach Babes and Boys on display

Some refugees from TDF on bikes

AWESOME RIVER CROSSING TO FINISH

2 new runners and 1 returner (from OZ)

Bag of Bones new song about the family history of Australians. Though returner apparently an Aberdonian. Good job no junior hashers present

A Harriette proudly advised recently cured of a contagious disease and now could be intimate again..

EXCELLENT TURNOUT at post run ON INN at Inn on The Park

Hippo clearly still the Aberdonian Dorian Gray

As the light faded the reflected light off a few native Aberdonian’s legs and arms illuminated the darkness

Lots of flour

NEGATIVES

RA – out of practice and missing Shemagh….

NO HRA before river crossing.

SCANDALOUSLY some Klype telling tales about GM, Bit like recent Brutus attacks on current PM

Route went via Shell Altens office … RA and TBT got bit nervous might get offer to return to work there

INTERESTING

Who to bribe between now and AGPU to win Run and Scribe of the Year 2022


On On: Riverside Drive by Bridge of Dee, Aberdeen AB10 7HG

Google map: https://goo.gl/maps/1b9pzdtfM3ywoUcbA

On Inn:

Hazards:

2034 - Mon 11 Jul 2022 - Drumoak - Hares: Numbskull & The Dutchess - Scribe: Whinger

On On: 5 Sunnyside Lane, Drumoak AB31 5EJ

In green space to the rear of 5 Sunnyside Lane, Drumoak AB31 5EJ

If it is wet it might be advisable to park in the carpark adjacent to the bowling green on N Deeside Rd and walk up.

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/BaG1QMPwAZV9ieoN6

On Inn: BBQ in the garden chez Numbskull & The Dutchess at 5 Sunnyside Lane (or indoors if wet)

Hazards:

2033 - Mon 04 Jul 2022 - Kirkhill, East Woodlands - Hares: Tonto & Eggfoo - Scribe: Little Shit

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2033

Monday 4th July 2022

East Woodlands, Kirkhill

Hares: Tonto, Tongue Lasher and Eggfoo

Scribe: Little Shit

A trail dedicated to one of the lost colonies.

A fine night, sunny with a slight breeze to ruffle your hair, and a strong puff enough to take a car door out of your hand.

Tonto had inconspicuously introduced new parking rules at East Woodland and used multiple signs directing us to park well away for the general gathering area by the BBQ and lawn areas. The only one allowed to park in this area were HashBeer and HashCash. Only right that though; when you are late and needless to say, one of those that has less distance to travel than the average hasher; you can gate crash the circle in your car. This seemed to work; as Barbarella’s efforts at churning up the newly laid grass area and dynamically leaping out of the car to get into the circle seemed to go unnoticed. Even his disgruntled passenger, Diona demanding that he return to the car and put her handbag in the boot and safely lock it!, Too many dodgy hashers about, also went unnoticed.

That said, the circle had been called by our exulted GM, Fire Flaps sporting a trendy cowgirl hat.

It was noticeable that a few others had bothered to dig out and don colonial paraphernalia;

  • Not Dot sported a Union Flag dress

  • Tongue Lasher went for a US hash scabby T-shirt a Houston Stuck Run oldie.

  • Tonto dug out his stars n’ stripes Bermuda surfing shorts, obviously a Beach Boys fan in his early youth.

  • Eggfoo had demolished a decent bunting of 52 assorted flags to create 2 stars and stripes Deely Boppers.

  • JetSlag went for the American superhero look and used a stars and stripes flag as a cape.

The GM handed over to the RA, Twizzle and he produced a couple of plastic bags and invited Gingervitis and The Bitchhh into the circle.

  • Gingervitis, well done, a 25 run award

  • The Bitchhh, well done 50 run award

Both kept to hashing tradition and donned the T-shirts next to the skin.

The hares were then called into the circle to make pre run apologies and explain the various symbols and signs that we would obviously run past or ignore at our peril.

Tonto sporting the latest trail layers non vegetarian flour bag, emblazoned with cows, with a montage of chickens, cows, pigs sheep and numerous other farm animals bred to feed a horde.

The usual up the path at the rear of the hoose, to the first in a long line of Falsies, which for some reason I never actually saw one!

OnnnnnOnnnn, OnnnnnnOnnnnn” Even I heard that, so back I came to meet a smug Hillary with the walkers cramming the narrow trail.

Not long after the walkers parted company with the running pack who headed up the hill to the high point of the trail with overlooking views of the Don valley.

The pack then headed to the left of the check along the ridge leaving some way behind taking pics, OnOn to another falsie, that I avoided, and the trail had actually hooked a right to descend back into the valley. I do like a good falsie or back check.

I’d fallen behind the front runners again during the descent and most of the short cutters, so I was pleasantly surprised to catch them all up due another nice false trail that caught out Stalker, Barbarella, Short & Thick, Underlay and Threesome. It was nice to see Tonto looking after Red Stripe and Mrs T.

The trail descended further and entered the woodland area called The Slacks and onto the Beer stop. A decent drop of ale before the long tarmac run in.

Back at the ranch, Eggfoo was firing up the BBQ and the rest of us got a beer and formed a circle.

Down Downs by Twizzle, The Bitchhh and Aids

  • Hillary fog horn calling

  • EggFoo and Gingervitis as token Americans, not an Indjun in site!

  • T-Rex Cock

  • Diona and Barbarella for his parking techniques, so it was noticed!

  • Panty Pockets and Bag O Bones for their attempt at singing different songs to the circle.

  • Barbarella insisted on kneeling and taking his down whilst Twizzle poured drink over his pate

  • Glasgow and Hillary

  • Binliner for chocolate medal

  • Hippo for his pristine 200 mile knees

  • Olymprick for trying to intervene in the circle and clyping on Hillary.

  • Biggles

  • Threesome, Tongue Lasher, Eggfoo and Tonto as returners.

  • Hillary for a LinkedIn commentary that escapes me, but Olymprick thought it worth sharing with the RAs.

Thanks to the hares Tonto, Tongue Lasher and Eggfoo, and a special thanks to Eggfoo for the hamburger specials.

OnOn

LS

On On: East Woodlands House, Aberdeen AB21 0HD

https://goo.gl/maps/nmQRtaQ75cmD3RDV7

On Inn: BBQ & Bonfire at East Woodlands House

USA Independence Day & French Bastille Day

Hazards:

2032 - Mon 27 Jun 2022 - Banchory - Hares: Panty Pockets & Bag'O'Bones - Scribe: Thrupenny Bits

Run No: AH3 2032

OnOn: Bellfield Carpark, Banchory

Hares: Panty Pockets & Bag O'Bones

Date: Monday 27th June 2022

Scribe: Thrupenny Bits

My goodness, out comes the sun and outcome the arms and legs ….. First to catch my eye is our esteemed GM in a nifty little white skirt and nicely tanned legs. Ah of course its Wimbledon season. Not sure how suitable the attire is for hashing but I’m sure Fire Flaps knows best.

At the appropriate time the aforementioned GM called the circle to order, with a borrowed dog beside her. As it turned out the borrowed dog was a true hasher and liked a beer so had already slurped the pre run down downs that Shaky had carefully prepared and placed on the ground a little earlier. So obviously the two slimy beers had to go to Shaky and Fire Flaps. Yuck.

Over to the hares who described several different ways of doing things at a back check, or was it a check back, or maybe a check forward or a forward check. Not at all clear to me, but as a walker it shouldn’t matter should it? Unfortunately, Panty Pockets decided that I should be scribe as I was newly back from holiday and obviously in need of something to do. Once again not a great plan to give the job to a walker as we always chat our way round a trail without paying any attention to the happenings.

So perhaps anybody interested in where the run went, or who went where, might like to refer to the many photos on various media platforms (about 50 great pix courtesy of Little Shit).

OnOn around the park and then over the other side of the Dee and through the big gates where the entry sign included words like “responsible” and “walkers “. Panty Pockets said she had checked with the appropriate people and it seems hashers are responsible…..so on through and before you knew it we were hashing around the lower areas of Scolty, I think. As our walking brigade was led by a hare we all made it to the sweetie check and the beer check, albeit via a steep downhill slide with a good deal of whinging by High Maintenance who reckoned if she’d had her skis it would have been much easier. The bog at the bottom caused even more distress as clean trainers got awful muddy.

What a beautiful evening and location for a beer check alongside the Dee in the evening sunlight, well if you could ignore the wee beasties hanging around Jim’s seat, or was it Aids’ seat.

Back at the circle sandwiches and cake were laid out and making mouths water, but the DownDowns had to take place before we could dig in to the goodies. And these were the lucky recipients of a cheap beer:

  • The Penguin – Apparently some kind of Saviour for Simmer Din T-shirts (Dim Sum?)

  • The Bitchhh & Stalker – Still being lovebirds, hashing hand in hand

  • Barbarella – something to do with Misogyny ?

  • “After Burner” (Younger variant of Bungee Finger) – Stretching abuse

  • Tick Bait – think he was overtaken by the midges

  • Panty Pockets – Hasshy Birthday (and a lovely cake too)

  • Gas Chamber – Husband abuse. Apparently one now needs a doctors appointment to go to A&E. Not sure how that works with a fetlock sprain

  • Underlay – not much of a tan after camping holiday

  • Returner – Doty Lottie been practicing drinking since last hash in 2017

  • Bin Liner – Super sticks

  • Hares Panty Pockets & Bag O’Bones – Great run and buffet afterwards

At this stage my notes have become indecipherable but for some reason I wrote down the following:

“I’ve already had a big one”

“I’ve had to make do with this so far”

Perhaps you lot can remember what that was about.


On On: Bellfield Carpark, off Dee Street, Banchory AB31 5ST

Please park in the FREE parking area behind 'Out There'. Googlemaps link

https://goo.gl/maps/mZsWjc8vgE3FQ6CRA


On Inn: Sandwiches on site.

2031 - Mon 20 Jun 2022 - Kemnay - Hares: Pink Panther & Bungee Finger - Scribe: Sharnie

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2031

Monday 22 June 2022

Netherton, Kemnay

Hares: Bungee Finger & Pink Panther

Scribe: Sharnie

Arrived at the carpark fairly early and only the hares were on hand. As Pink Panther had left her door open and wandered off, I couldn’t get out of the car, Little Shit had gone for a wander, so left me trapped in the car. Sometime later Pink Panther sauntered over, tapped on the window and says “hello”. Escape from captivity at last!

Shortly after, Shaky zips into the carpark, leaps out and pulls a small camping table from the boot of his car. Fire Flaps arrives within seconds of Shaky, it must have been a convoy, Ten Four! She also leaps out of her car and shows Shaky how to get it erected. Odd, you may think, but crawling from Shaky’s rear passenger seat, our stand in Hash Cash emerges with a wee paper tick list and an empty lunch box for collecting the Hash taxes. There followed some discussion with the hares about not paying for the run. Pink Panther was adamant that the last time she had been hare, she had paid! (Perhaps it was that long ago Pink Panther. Ed)

Panty Pockets, Bag ‘O’ Bones and Twizzle arrived next, all looking a bit worse for lack of sleep on what sounded like an excellent Simmer Din Weekend.

Time whizzed passed, the circle was called and Fire Flaps welcomed us all to Run 2031.

Chloe, a new runner was welcomed into the circle (Bungee Fingers daughter)

Mad cyclist, who was sporting a T-shirt with

“MY WIFE SAYS

I ONLY HAVE TWO FAULTS

I DON’T LISTEN

AND SOMETHING ELSE”

He ended up exchanging the T Shirt for his 400 Run award Hoodie.

Then over to the hares, who were given the scribe note book, “Hey Ho, here we go!

Not actually doing trail does tend to hamper effective scribing, so Little Shit is assisting in certain areas of detail.

I went for a leisurely wonder round the big field and back to the carpark for a breather.

The pack had been sent off and told to turn left at the end of the carpark, I had gone right.

At this juncture Twizzle was seen checking his fit watch to make sure he was still awake. (Not the only hasher I know that can sleepwalk a hash. Ed)

After the carpark the trail lead onto a narrow path, bounded by tall grasses, FiFi was in the centre of the pack on JC’s E-bike and a stray dog in tow, trying to avoid the slower members of the pack.

After numerous checks and a few good back checks the front runners hit the spot check at the top of the hill.

Not long after the sweetie check was found, and as you would have guessed, at this time of year, full of flies.

The pack ran on to the beer stop, which wasn’t much further on. A pleasant place to have a beer, near to the Archbishops Palace (ruins of).

After the beer stop the hare’s were insistent that the pack stayed on the trail and not to run directly to the On In, the less senile hashers declined and headed directly to the on in.

Down Downs:

  • JC and Ballerina – comparing the quality of Asda and Tesco ready salted

  • JC for his kungfoo crisp packed storage technique. Use of the foot, AAAAh!, stomp. Foot gets stuck in the box.

  • Not Dot and Biggles for rabbit abuse, after agreeing to baby sit their daughter’s pet rabbit (Jazzy Jeff) instead of going to Shetland.

  • 4Fingers and Zuba or was it Amelia?, chin wagging in the circle!

  • The Bitchhh and Stalker for not checking with the Forestry Commission and taking the run through the forbidden forest.

  • Fire Flaps for her excellent ‘blame the hares’ letter to the Forestry Commission.

  • Little Shit for having too much information on the website.

  • Red Stripe for sleeping in the ladies to avoid Twizzles snoring + (20 others in the dorm too).

  • Panty Pockets and Bag ‘O’ Bones for going to Orkney before heading out to Shetland.

  • T. Bone (Twizzle thought it was Red Riding Hoodie running in the forest) and it was his second trail.

  • Wee Willie and 4Fingers for Beer Happening confusion.

  • New runner Chloe

  • Toy Boy Tom for reversing into the flower beds and tramping the flowers to get into the boot.

  • Fire Flaps and The Bitchhh, The Bitchhh being unofficially sacked and then reinstated for the AGPU.

  • The Hares, Pink Panther and Bungee Finger, many thanks for a fine trail.

Scribe

Sharnie


On On: Netherton Business Centre, Kemnay AB51 5LX.

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/pRHa8TZESBLerv5g8

On Inn: TBA

Hazards:

2030 - Mon 13 Jun 2022 - Kintore - Hares: JC & FiFi - Scribe: Numbskull

Run 2030

Monday 13/06/22

Midmill Business Park, Kintore

Hares – JC (& FiFi?)

Got a lift from the GM, who didn’t seem too clued up on the run location or many other things (more on that later). Straight to the On-On, thanks to the Google lady, although she and the Flaps don’t get on too well (not sure of the history there).

The assembled masses were called to order by the teacher voice, and I rushed to get a seat on the only concrete hydrant sign before anyone else got it. Hydrant sign promptly fell flat and put me on the ground with a cut thumb. Blood everywhere – especially on the GM. Prompt punishment? Yep – awarded scribe.

New runners – Innes and Arron – welcome to Aberdeen Hash

Returner – Sergio, although it hardly seemed he’d been away

25 Runs Award to Mr T – congratulations

1000 Runs Award to FiFi – wow! And well done.

FiFi’s prize was a splendid red weatherproof jaiket.

“Nice bit of kit” says the GM.

“Jacket’s not bad, either” says JC – Boom Boom!

As hare, JC explained all the flour symbols and yellow tape and such like. I was distracted by more blood flow, but was assured it was all standard crap, so didn’t miss much. As this was a JC run, there would be an obligatory dodgy bridge waiting for victims. FiFi on a bike wasn’t tempted.

I managed to scrounge a map and wandered off slowly behind the pack. Couldn’t make sense of the map for a while, so managed to do ½ mile in the wrong direction (thus another ½ mile to get back on trail). What was the large flour blob on the stone bridge parapet for?

However, some nice short cutting got me to the beer check with the early walkers (Tiger Feet, Pink Panther, The Bitchhh and a few others) still trying to find it. So, poked around a bit, but didn’t bust a gut – sure enough some keen searcher found the beer.

Not too bad a spot for the beer check – sort of rope bridge across a raging torrent!

Little Shit seemed to be the first runner to the beer – still looking annoyingly fit.

So to the circle with Twizzle starting off the DDs.

DDs:

  • Skippy for wearing a titty pack

  • Stonha, The Penguin (and moi) for bleeding

  • Ballerina for losing his office pass (tho’ an old one judging by the photo of a young man)

  • Arron and Innes for 1st runs (tho’ Arron claimed 2 Mearns runs)

  • Forking Big for being a visitor from somewhere else

  • Skippy (again) and Hippo for new shoes. Hippo had super-glued his on, so it took nearly a million hashers to pull one off

  • Little Shit then awarded some highly confusing DD to Hippo, Sergio and JC – the emergency services for apparently 999 runs! Tuh?

  • Search Party for not knowing how time works + Forking for some / same reason?

  • Then the GM with a well-deserved DD for not knowing the location of the On-On, the Run Number, who the hare was, that there was On-Inn food back at JC’s and FiFi’s, the day of the week, and anything really. Definitely gonna vote for her as GM next year

There was then a cry of ‘Petrol, Petrol’ and an enormous articulated truck came around the circle that we had selected for the circle. Big cheers for that. Note that ‘circle’ is the Dundee term for a ‘roundabout’.

  • Then T-Rex for animal damage. Something about Charlotte (Sherlock?) being spooked by a cat and him being lost for an hour. He was found tho’ and Sherlock came home by himself

  • JC awarded DD to Twizzle – something about a phone call, run out of petrol, Samaritan biker and some other things I found confusing

  • Ballerina awarded DD to Stonha for passing mini-bus driving test for future ECs – well done

  • JC for hare – many thanks. Who’d have thought there’d be so much nice scrappy countryside around such a nice scrappy business park. It pays to recce!

  • Pink Panther and some other deaf coonts for not hearing next week’s run location (I didn’t either).

Thanks to JC and FiFi for excellent nosh at the On Inn.

………… and so to bed! (Who said that?)

Nummers


AH3 Run 2030 - Kintore - JC & Fifi

When: Monday, 13 June 2022 at 19:00

OnOn: Midmill Business Park, AB51 0TG

https://goo.gl/maps/bH66mBzg5RUx7VXw5

OnInn: supper at JC & Fifi’s pad at Easter Fornet

OnOn Directions:

Take A96 heading north-west from Aberdeen and at the first roundabout exit for Kintore turn right onto B987.

After 450m turn right at roundabout onto Tumulus Way (signposted Midmill Business Park).

After further 450m park alongside the kerb near to the entrance to the eGroup’s premises.

2029 - Mon 06 Jun 2022 - Countesswells - Hares: The Bitchhh & Stalker - Scribe: Bungee Finger

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2027

Monday 6 June 2022

OnOn: Countesswells

Hares: Bitchhh & Stalker

Scribe: Bungy Finger

Rule number one to avoid being scribe – find someone bigger than The Penguin to hide behind.

The pack gathered in the Stuart Milne Sales Office car park, easily doubling the number of visitors they have had over the last year. Post jubilee, the hashers were a mixed mood with some keen Royalists sporting crowns and Union Jacks. Called Into the circle for awards were

· Aids for 1111 runs – In recognition for this outstanding “Get a Life” achievement, Aids was generously gifted an engraved whiskey flask large enough to be worn as a colostomy bag, should the need arise.

· Cuddles – Hash-Shirt for 25 runs

Returners were invited into the centre, but quickly dismissed after one of them (Search Party?) declared he had only ever done half a run….. The Hares then gave run instructions with a clarity only a COVID announcement on social distancing could match.

And then it all went wrong. The pack first shuffled around like a bunch of lemmings looking for a cliff before Sharnie, I think, piped-up and they set off towards the trees. Clearly the Hares had missed their last HSSE refresher course as we sallied passed signs that read “Stop- Go No Further” and the pack careered into what can only be described as Arboreal Armageddon. Now I knew why Barbarella was carrying that basketball with him. It would be good company in case he got marooned.

At the next check there was much aimless wandering before a distant on-call from Little Shit showed us the way. Only it wasn’t. As the pack recoiled shouting “Back Check!”, Cuddles and Skippy continued to stroll along, smiling at all the lovely hashers rushing back. On and on we went, testicles scraping on fallen trunks (yes, self-declared Harriet’s can now experience this too) when, suddenly, the route ahead of us was blocked. A digger had sprung into life thrashing its mechanical arm round as if it had just been asked “who wants a free pint”. By the time we circled round, the trainee Tree Trasher from Torry must have had enough and gone home to kick something else in. At this point, the blockade of Ukraine wheat exports also became painfully clear as the flour had now completely run out. This left Bin Liner, Search Party (?), Sharnie and I stranded in the middle of a Garden Centre pile-up looking for a way out. Finally, after much rasping of testicles (see above) our intrepid little group managed to get back on-track but we were so far behind the pack there was no chance of making it to the Beer Stop.

Following protocol, we then did what all good hashers do in such parlous circumstances, namely cheat without being seen. Ignoring a ”F*-Off No COVID” sign, the team took a farm-track in the direction of the car park, stopping only briefly to consider detouring across an area of devastation reminiscent of hashing in1917. Luckily, having arrived back at the car park we were then able to use some non-disclosure forms Stuart Milne had thoughtfully left by the Sales Office to avoid being exposed by hashers who had seen our sneaky short-cut.

First order of Circle Business was a joke by Aids, which was so good I’ve forgotten it. Down downs were then given to:

  • Skippy and Cuddles for the aforementioned crime of not listening to helpful hashers

  • Redstripe, Struth, and Glasgow for harmonising to a partial rendition of “The Young Ones”. Why they were doing this given the average of the Hash is about 90 remains unclear.

  • Aids for going for a piss in the woods with Barbarella and his basketball

  • Tiger Feet for damaging the barbed wire with his bollocks

  • Returners E.D, Neville and Mad Cyclists Young Son (Search Party?) for just being returners.

  • Little Shit for being a Big Shit and not telling oncoming hashers there was a Back-Check

  • The Bitchhh and Stalker for their attention to HSSE, close consultation with Forestry Operations and their multi-directional crossing out of checks enroute.

The Bitchhh then took to the field and stated how disappointed he was with the hash for: not seeing the highly invisible flour at the start of the run. Special opprobrium, however, was reserved for the “Lead Walker” (aka Thruppeny bit), who, after being promoted in the field by The Bitchhh, manged to miss the Beer Stop. Ceremonies ceased uncermonially when Barbarella called out Pig Iron for a rendition of “Rule Britannia”, but the latter (thankfully) refused.

_______________________________

Breaking news, at least someone looks at our website.

Good Afternoon,

It has been brought to my attention that you ran an organised event on Monday 6th June at Countesswells Forest.

As you will be aware this site is currently an active harvesting site and it is really disappointing to see organisations such as yours disregarding health and safety warnings regarding access.

As the land owners we were not contacted regarding this event as suggested on your web page, as we could have advised that this would not be possible at the moment. See extract from your own page:

“Pre-hash

Always reccy your trail at least a week beforehand.

Check with the local land owners that it's OK to cross their land or use their pathways.”

We are doing our very best to keep everyone safe whilst operations are ongoing hence why we ask people to stay out of the Forest, on this occasion the works were delayed due to your presence onsite.

Please advise your members that Countesswells remains closed and that by continuing to access the site they put both themselves and our staff in danger and delay the conclusion of these works.

As soon as it is safe to reopen these woods we will do so and let everyone back in to enjoy the Forest. You can keep an eye on updates to opening on our web page.

Kind Regards

Area Visitor Services Manager

Forestry and Land Scotland, Durris Outstation, Kirkton of Durris, Durris, Banchory, AB31 6BP


OnOn: Countesswells, Stewart Milne Homes carpark on North Countesswells Road.

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/ScqQ9f5GQbJ6xpNb6

Hazards:

2028 - Mon 30 May 2022 - North of Echt - Hares: Twizzle & Ballarina- Scribe: Little Shit

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2028

Monday 30 May 2022

North of Echt

Hares: Twizzle & Ballerina

Scribe: Little Shit

As always with the hash, there are lots of stuff going on front of stage and behind the scenes, so W.T.F! Twizzle, our sneaky RA and hare, sticks his head above the parapet, slips the scribe book to the GM, and goes back into hiding. The barsteward nominated a Mutt and Jeff hasher to pick through the white noise of a circle and come up with a wee bit of prose for your delight!.

The sky was overcast and rain threatened, but a decent size pack still made the effort to squeeze itself into a small carpark without upsetting the water company who required 24/7 access.

Shaky had decided the organisation of parking needed some stern micromanagement! Unfortunately, Underlay, as last into the carpark was hand waved through the assembled pack to place his shiny, clean car in a suitable position for sitting on.

The GM then dived into the circle welcomed all that had made the effort, and passed over the ‘onorary scribe book. The GM joined Twizzle back in the dugout and handed over responsibly of further proceedings to the RA, Aids.

Special mention and thanks, by down down, for organising the FOOFAAH4 party JC and FiFi. Last night’s left over beer dregs at least came in useful.

The hares, Twizzle and Ballerina, were then called into the circle, “it’s not long, it’s got nettles, it’s got ticks, it’s got back checks, it’s got lots of long wet grass, and it’s got lots of dodgy bridges.” At this point I was losing the will to live; so nipped to the car for a quick snooze, shed some clothing for shiggy running mode. On returning to the circle, Twizzle was still describing the trail! Sometime later I learnt that the long diatribe was not for the pack, but for the co-hare who hadn’t helped lay the trail.

The trail was called on and we all squeezed past Not Dot’s and Biggles wee car which was parked in front of the wee access trail into the forest. Prickly Bush, T-Rex Cock and The Penguin ran ahead, followed by Mad Cyclist and Bog Brush. Too fast for me; so I stepped to one side of the trail to allow the slower runners to catch up. The Bitchhh, Splash & Dash, 4Fingers, Stalker and Sauerkraut puffed and panted past. “Keep Up

At the first check the trail was called on over a quaint, not so dodgy bridge “on on”! This caused some panic with the hares, the beer check was a bit to close! Unusually; the pack obeyed the hare’s instruction and headed into the forest avoiding a major cock-up. We were then into the long wet grass, and encountered nettles and other “bitie, stingie beasties!

Once out of the wild area we crossed the first of the dodgy bridges, single file and then another two dodgy bridges. Was this a bridge to far moment waiting to happen!

Surprisingly the trail then had some fine tracks to run through woods and alongside arable fields. We then hit the tarmac and our next check challenge. No flour to the right and a back check to the left!!!! Except this was a hare ploy, the trail went around the back check, sneaky indeed!

Stalker, Tickbait, Hippo, Threesome, Gingervitis, Sharnie, Underlay, The Penguin, Tryme Luvme, Short N Thick, Splash N Dash and Biggles all disappeared into the distance, leaving back markers, Barbarella, Shaky, Mrs T, and J.C. to catch up.

At last we re-entered the forest and found the beer check, at which, the local teenage party scene had kindly erected a tarp marquee and seating for our comfort.

Later the walkers arrived from their guided tour of the local woodlands of Echt! FiFi, Tiger Feet, Aids, Drillbit, Panty Pockets, Tongue Lasher, Thrupenny Bits and Rats, welcome to what’s left of the beer.

On On” over the first bridge back to the On In.

Back at the circle FiFi instantly sat down in her Blue Badge 800 run fold up stool, Aids organised the hash beers and Twizzle look dazed.

JC picked up a box full of goodies and the erstwhile Hill-Ary announced “Get your birthday cake”. The Penguin eagerly dived into the box and pulled out a cup cake. At this point as the box made its way round the circle Aids started his deliberations.

Beer Blessing:

Our lager,

Which art in barrels,

Hallowed be thy drink.

Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),

At home, as it is in the pub.

Give us this day our foamy head,

And forgive us our spillages,

As we forgive those who spill against us.

And lead us not to incarceration,

But deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer, the bitter and the lager.

Forever and ever.

Barmen

Down Downs to: (this is where the white noise from the RAs becomes problematic)

  • Mrs T, Not Dot, Stalker, Aids, The Penguin and Ballerina for supply various services to JC and FiFi.

  • Twizzle then nominated Panty Pockets and himself as dance partners of the evening.

  • Bruce Almighty and Diona, for joining the mile high club in Business class.

  • Twizzle and Red Stripe for walking 24 miles in a kilt.

  • Tickbait, just being picked on by The Bitchhh.

  • The Hares; Twizzle and Ballerina – not a bad effort.

  • Threesome and Tongue Lasher, returners.

Your ‘umble scribe

Little Shit


OnOn: North Kirkton Wood. Echt

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/ToghFjpjN6NGHf8o9

Directions: heading out from Aberdeen on A944 pass through Kingsford roundabout AWPR (6.6 miles to ON ON) take A944 heading to Westhill at next traffic lights take B9115 pass through Garlogie and take right fork along B9119 heading to Tarland about 2.2 mile turn sharp left onto track immediately pass a small stone bridge. Map Ref NJ 7471 0569 (If you pass Echt school you have missed it).

Drive down track to outside of water treatment plant. Park to not obstruct gates and entrance to field probably need to double stack cars and car share where possible.

Hazards: Forest areas have ticks and plenty of gorse and nettles, consider long leggings and trail shoes. Please take particular care over newly sown fields with Barly and Maise. Keep strictly to field edges. Trail passes by fields with cattle please try not to spook and walk past. Please do not wander up access to Aberdeen Gas compression station they are aware that we are around!

2027 - Mon 23 May 2022 - Bridge of Bogendreip - Hares: Short'n'Thick & Wee Willie- Scribe: Biggles

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2027

Mon 23 May 2022

OnOn: Bridge of Bogendreip

Hares: Short'n'Thick & Wee Willie

Scribe: Biggles

Despite my attempts to keep a lower than low profile, hare Wee Willie nominated me as the scribe of the week, and handed me the poison chalice in the form of notebook and pen.

Called Into the circle for awards were