Scribes 1983

ABERDEEN HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

G.M. Selwyn Roberts

J.Ms Rod Berry

Bev. Brown

Sally Paton

On. Sec: Phil Townsend

Head Hare: Ronnie Robb

Hash Cash: Garry Meek

R.A.: Chris Weston

HASH SHEET NO. 34

Receding Hareline

Run 36 Roy & Liz Franklin 18th December

37 Alan Nichol, Bev Brown & Simon Preston 2nd January

38 Volunteers please 8th January

39 Dorothy Martin & Gordon Park 15th January

40 Phil Townsend, Richard Thompson & David Wood

1st Anniversary Run 22nd January

41 Ada Muldar & Andrew Faulkner 29th January

42 Rory Arnott & Simon Thirgood 5th February

43 Bruce Tarbet & Phil Bainbridge 12th February

44 Volunteers please

The timing the location of each run will be announced every Saturday on the Club page of the Evening Express. Hares should provide fifty copies of the map on the previous Hash.

Hash Parish Notices

Poop poop di doodle poop - Hash Cash - squolly pock-a-dum - five pounds - squoodle squash.

Edinburgh 150th Run - On Sec. would like to express his disgruntlement with those unreliable bastards who jacked out of this extravaganza at the last minute. The RA has permission - nay is requested - to Down Down the lot of you.

No sooner is one excuse for a piss-up over and there's another - closer to home. Aberdeen Hash celebrates its first birthday on January 22nd. The run will be fairly close to town and will be followed by a party at Bev's and Simon's. Hash Cash is providing the readies for a buffet and beer will be reasonably priced. Any ideas for entertainment are welcomed otherwise we'll have to watch the GM banging his head on the floor again.

Thought for the weak: We are what we pretend to be so we must be careful about what we pretend to be - from the epistle of Beers to anyone who bothers to read it.

So to this weeks contribution to British creative writing. I wouldn't bother consulting the OED because half the following long words don't exist. Maybe the Oxford Scottish Dictionary would be better.

Run 34 Hares:

Berryhill and Raemoir House Hotel

Teresa and Howard Roper (Did he?) - 53 Runners

The 34th Hash could be compared with Robert Ludlum's novel "The Raemoir Fiasco". A long introduction full of twists leading down various deep and devious trails. F.R.B.'s (Front Running Bastards) determined to win, using all dastardly acts, deeds and methods of not obeying the rules seeking the unknown covetous prize. A bloody and exciting story for a December Sunday morning of grazed knees, scratched ankles and hilarious falls.

Set in forest and heather our story includes Wandering Weeds, who stars in the more romantic parts of the tale by his bit of salubrious and salutiferous activity with various member of the opposite sex. Their names to remain anonymous as we wouldn't want the well-known Hash lawyer to figure in the P & J as the principle witness to a divorce proceeding.

The full camberchondrice may never have been revealed but our two intrepid reporters, undeterred at getting lost, used every form of blackmail, bribery and deception in the bar to give you the following News of the World exclusive. Please read on .....

Yet another day of rest and the Aberdeen Hash are active again. Our Religious Advisor must have made a good sacrifice (John Greig?) this week as the weather was excellent.

On arrival at the start at 11.00 am prompt our reporters had great difficulty finding a place to dump their craft because of the customary high turnout. Immediately they were captivated by the weird spectacle of 50 or so Hashers encircling a victim for an ancient ceremony. This weeks (pre-run) Down-Downs were awarded to Tonto for running too fast last week and to Chris Weston for being a megalomaniac. Also unseen by many but not our Hash mistresses (Alison C. and Sandra S.) was John (Flasher) King streaking through the forest.

ON-ON was called and the Intrepid Hashers headed off into the unknown. One of them - RENTABRAIN was holding on to his knee bandage as he had forgotten his garter belt (again).

Deep in the forest the girls and boys, realising this was not going to be a Teddy Bears Picnic, snaked along until they lost the trail. Eagle eyed BEERS (not suffering from the usual dose of hangover) spotted the route and was in the lead, without the ball at his feet.

Not for long though as a regroup at the next check found TONTO taking the lead having sniffed the trail going through a field in the opposite direction to that expected. The HASH HAREM caught up with even the stragglers at the following check as USED CONTRA CEPTIVE, in an attempt to win the coveted prize, took it upon himself to announce to the world and all and sundry that the trail had been found - ON-ON echoed about the valley - the BBC couldn't have done it better. Up and onward everyone ran only to find he had led us up the proverbial garden path instead of the old farm trail.

The correct trail was a relatively nice (remember nothing is nice on a HASH and we don't enjoy ourselves) jaunt along a slippery farm trail, which led to the next check found by BOY RUSSELL. Not only did BOY RUSSELL find the check but in an impossible feat of androgynous dual personality BOY RUSSELL found the trail ahead on the diagonal. Well done BOY RUSSELL!!

There followed another fight with the trees, branches, twigs, brambles, ferns, litchens, moss, rocks, boulders, screes, mountains and each other. The charging bridage conquered the next hill only to be daunted by another check. The hot headed leaders (FRBs) CROMEDOME, TONTO and RETARD mistakenly chased up the mountain but the hares had cunningly laid the trail off to the left around the hill.

By this time the HASH HAREM were feeling the pace (lucky pace) and were given tips by S.C.B. Roper. The macho HASHMEN who regularly parachute into Ulster with the SAS (lucky Ulster) found further fight to hack their way out of the undergrowth only to be led back by the WILD LOCAL and other FRBs into the dark and slippery jungle.

It was during this phase of the proceedings that the QUICHE EATERS ran on leaving the REAL MEN - BEERS, RETARD, TORTOISE and the REAL WOMEN - CALAMITY and SANDRA (lucky girls) wandering in the woods. ARE YOU? ARE YOU? ARE YOU? of the WHERETHEFUCKAREU TRIBE resounded in the gentle breeze, luscious smell of pine, glistening sunlight followed by the rustle of men hurriedly undressing. The crack of breaking twigs on the bed of moss as she lay down, the pants, sighs, exasperation, expanded blood vessels, excitement, sweat, agony, anticipation, pumping heart, and cries of - (STOP THIS IS NAUGHTY) to realise that we were yes .... LOST.

What we would have done for a solitary white dot, a chemist, the cry of ON-ON, a Big Mac with Fries? We weren't bored though! It is rumoured that the two Mobil engineers were seen lighting a fire and sending smoke signals to New York for further instructions on company policy and procedures in the use of prophylactics.

RETARD in his search for the unknown, and procedure No. A-169-Z-what to do under stress - have sex (lucky sex), battled on on his own in defiance to come in with the coveted prize of last - it’s incredible what people will do to win.

The WILD LOCAL in the meantime was downing his second beer after being pushed first over the finish by the rest of the FRBs. Alison C. was rumoured to have claimed to be the first Hash Mistress home.

The ON-ON was a touch of class as the Ropers (no relation to Windsor) had arranged for a front room in Raemoir House. Soup and beer were free except for a small donation of 50 pence per item.

Once everyone had settled in Chris (Megalomaniac) Weston prepared to award the Hashit T Shirt. Alas Simple Simon Preston had absconded with it and was nowhere to be seen. Still undeterred our MEGALOMANIAC made three nominations:

1. 'SCB' Roper for being late with the beer.

2. Beers for turning up in a football strip every week without a ball.

3. USED CONTRACEPTIVES for shouting a false ON-ON at the 4th check and for reportedly saying "I want to win this race".

No contest really and USED CONTRACEPTIVES was awarded a DOWN-DOWN, which he made a real Hashit of.

CALAMITY GERTIE received the second DOWN-DOWN for being '18' again and put the opposite sex to shame. The afternoon ended in a silent song with a great deal of movement before a mass exodus to Never-Never Land.

Scribed by Retard and Beers.

PS.

All associations with places of persons is purely accidental.

PPS.

Many thanks to the Hares for an entertaining day.

PPPS.

Welcome to new runners Ian Beveridge, Ildiko Bakonyi, Keith Collins, Malcolm Doig and John King and a belated welcome to new runners Jane and John Dewar, Malcolm Evans, Anne Lindsay, Irene Petchey and Marcus Paddison of the week before.

Runners - Run 34:

Garah ALLISION Visitor (Karachi H3)

Phil BAINBRIDGE

Lidiko BAONYI

Nigel BARNES

Rod BERRY

Ian BEVERIDGE

David BLEWDEN

Bev BROWN Brown Owl (Big Bev)

Alan BRUNGER

Andy BUKONYI

Dave BURTON

Sue BURTON

Alison CHERMATZ

Tom CLEND

Jerry COGHLAN

Keith COLLINS

Paul CULPIN Retard

Malcolm DOIG

Liz FRANKLIN

Roy FRANKLIN

Sally PATON

John KING

RAY MASTERS

Garry MEEK

Alan NICOLL

Eamon O'CONNEL Big Lunges

Anne PAPALA

Mike PAPALA

Gordon PARK

Dorothy MARTIN NotDot

Mark PATON

Ian PEERLESS

Irene PETCHEY

Mark PETTERSON Curly, Assen H3

Marcus PODDISON

Mike PODDISON

Ada MULDER

Ronnie ROBB Wild Local

Selwyn ROBERTS Rent-a-Brain

Howard ROPER Hippo

Theresa ROPER Mrs T

Russel SMITH The Mith

Sandra SMITH

Alan STIRLING

Gordon STIRLING

Jane STIRLING

Mark THOMPSON Tortoise

Odile THOMPSON

Richard THOMPSON Stomper

Oliver TOMLINS

Phil TOWNSEND Tonto (x Cairo)

Dave TURNER

Nigel WALTERS

Chris WESTON Mega

Kathy WHITE

Alison CORLASS

Chris WOLF

Dave WOOD Splinter

“Recollections” from Tortoise

The tenth run witnessed possibly the lowest turnout ever and certainly the worst weather I can remember on any Hash. The run was located on top of Bennachie, with torrential freezing rain and thick, low cloud.

As Hare I spent the run, recovering runners lost in the fog and trying, in vain to loose newcomer Selwyn Roberts (Rentabrain).

The tenth run also witnessed the first elections with as many committee positions ass those present. I for my sins was erected GM.

Run 10 was the low point in those early years with the Hash going from strength to strength after this

Those who ran:

Alan BRUNGER

John DALY

Liz FRANKLIN

Roy FRANKLIN

Martin GRAVESTOCK

Doug HAWTHORN

Steve McLAREN

Richard NAPIER

Chris PAGE

Anne PAPALA

Mike PAPALA

Ronnie ROBB Wild Local

Selwyn ROBERTS Rent-a-Brain

Vicky RODGERS

Barry ROGERS

Mark THOMPSON Tortoise (x Cairo )

Odile THOMPSON

Phil TOWNSEND Tonto

Dave WOOD Splinter

ABERDEEN HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

HASH SHEET NO.1 23/01/1983 Hash Secretary: Russell Smith

Head Hare: Mark Thomson

RUN NO 1 Hash Cash: Barbara Graham

Religious Advisor: Colin MacLean

Tyrebagger Hill Hash Dray: John O'Leary

Hash Horn: Eammon O'Connell

Hares: Mark Thompson

Colin MacLean

One of the better days of an admittedly mild Aberdeen winter was struggling through its course when a momentous occasion took place: the collecting together of a group of half-fit, half-mad and half-awake ex-experts, novices and experienced haşhers.

But how on earth did this excellent turn out for the first AH3 run find the start!! With a map about as useful as a Britoil Share and a sign which Ol' Red Eyes our Religious Advisor swears was designed by his daughter? Alex? (Irish for Cynthia?).

Well, 27 of us made it.......... Eventually, including two keen novices Messrs Mark "Curly” Petterson and Paul “Under the Doctor" Sullivan who decided to begin the run at the Leys Hotel and were well warmed up by the time they reached the start!

Before we set off, our fist Sermon from the Religious Advisor on just how to run a hash. A valiant attempt considering two apprentice Hells Angels were going through a rigorous training programme behind him! I think he got his message across admirably and with remarkable composure considering the rock he clutched in his fist and the gentle purring of motorcycle engines behind him!

And away we went – coughing, spluttering and bringing up things that no longer resembled breakfast! The fist check was welcome when it finally came. But no respite. While most of us normal mortals stood around gasping in lung-fulls of icy air “Big Lungs” O'Connell (our future Hash Horn - that'll slow him down) was already on the trail again!! Check number two was excellent and quickly followed by a nasty climb which half the pack avoided, thanks to some timely advice from one of our hares. (SCB's (look it up! will be sent orienteering - you have been warned).

Your honourable secretary couldn't believe it, 100% record with false trails and then half the pack appear in front of him! Worse to come.

At checkpoint three: Smith (The Mith. Ed) scores the third of these five false trail successes. “I mistook frosty cow-turds for line spots". MacLean has a coronary and screams his head off to down Smith's “on on”. Hare-in-chief Thompson admonishes the naïve MacLean. “Let the buggers go. That'll knacker them”.

This really was an Irish check, O'Connell really had the bit between his teeth and fuelled by MacLean's advice that right and up the hill was the way home he might have been well on the way to the Airport Skean Dhu had the right trail not been found “On on" to checkpoint four: where O'Leary (not to be sure) with nerveless frozen hands, blows pathetically on them. Next stage blindness due to too much antifreeze the night before. Sticks them down his trousers and gamely struggles on.

Checkpoint five: three false trails, all uphill. O'Connell crashing out of a thicket resorts to the Gaelic of sighting the culprit. “Bastard" he grunts, referring to the fruit of illicit relationships between ancient Irish saints and noble scholars.

“On On” (home) Thompson, feeling the pressure, offers to backtrack for stragglers, in case of hypothermic and exposure. Last seen heading for the woods, plastic mac agape. Turns up at the Finish fifteen minutes late holding back two pregnant hashettes to improve his position at the tape.

Soon we were all at the watering hole with everyone getting stuck into the jimmy brew, with the hash mis-management committee being chosen. By most accounts it was a good run apart from the odd complaint about the length.

Oh yes, finally, before I forget, congratulations to Eddy Lappin (The Rabbit) first home in 42 minutes

“on on"

Scribed by: COLIN MACLEAN

RUSSELL SMITH

JOHN O'LEARY

Run 1 - Runners:

John Daley

Bob ELDER

Jane ELDER

Barbara GRAHAM

John GRAHAM

Martin GRAVESTOCK

Crawford GRAY

Bill JUSTICE

Eddy LAPPIN The Rabbit

Leslie LIVINGSTON

Colin MACLEAN 'Ol Red Eyes

Roger MARTIN

Eamon O'CONNEL Big Lunges

John O'LEARY

Mark PETTERSON Curly, Assen H3

Richard PLUMB Visitor

Jason REYNOLDS

Mark REYNOLDS

Trevor REYNOLDS

Barry ROGERS

Russel SMITH The Mith (x karachi)

Paul SULLIVAN Under the Doc

Malcolm TAYLOR

Neil TAYLOR

Mark THOMPSON Tortoise (x Cairo )

Jane MacGregor

Alan MacGregor