Scribes

20th July 2010

#1459

OnOn - East of Garlogie

Hare - Toy Boy Tom

OnInn - Garlogie Inn

I'd forgotten that Westhill had been closed for the week and that all traffic was being diverted to Galogie and I had a feeling that the parking area was going to be tight, especially since our normal parking spot had been closed off due to fly tippers and travellers.  It was raining buckets and as you may have guessed the carpark was tight, and in all my time in Aberdeen I didn't realise it was there…..

The hash managed to park up in double ranks, ferry boat style and the rain eased off!  Nice one Mr Hare.

The pack was milling about unsure what to do with itself and I mentioned to Goat Wrestler we were doing some DIY, and he responded that he'd been to B&Q at the weekend to buy some nails and he was stood in the check-out behind a woman who had bought a wall mirror, apparently the manager said to her, "'would you like a screw for that mirror?"   "No" she replied, "but I'll suck your cock for a lawn mower."

Our usual GM was away and his appendage Drill Bit called the circle to order.  Not having the same crowd control techniques as our usual GM, he just picked on the first female not to have written a scribe, unfortunately Sharnie was it, which means I get to do the autobiography bit and she gets to wear the extra water proof!

Most of the senior mismanagement was missing, so Numbskull had to try and remember what an RA does for a living other that drinking hash beer - "yes that's it!"  The penny finally dropped.

"I have a tarnished 250 runs tankard in my hand - who do I give it to?"  Drifted effortlessly into his mind.

"The name is on the side you daft bastard!"  came the retort from Thruppeny Bits.

Another jog to the memory;  she was just driving into the carpark - Why is it a woman can fit a seven inch vibrator into her half inch divot, IN THE DARK............ but she's unable to fit an eight foot car into a fifteen foot parking space IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?

After many years of waiting the tankard was finally awarded to Smiler - see you in another five years.

After what seemed an age Toy Boy explained he had long, medium and short runs, with a sweety stop and a beer stop, which actually turned out to be a fizzy girly lager stop, after 3 weeks of this stuff, I was not in the mood for more……  Mumble, mumble, grump, grump!

Trail was called on and off we went, Sharnie hooting and me wondering what to write…..  we headed towards Garlogie then hooked a right into the woods.  At this point I got talking to Leeky Willie who appears to be mostly now resident in Aberdeen and is looking for part time work.  He mused that he had started a new job as a male masseuse, but he got the sack on his first day. Apparently the instruction "finish off on her face" didn't mean what he thought it did!'

We hit the brow of the hill and turned a sharp left, at this point I met up with Streaker and she confided that she'd been out for a drink or two and now she knows how those poor bastards in Haiti feel. On Saturday night she'd had a few aftershocks and she couldn't find her house either.

As we got into the rougher ground Nipples was doing his usual chatting up of the harriets (they shall remain nameless), helping them over styles and fences.  GIRLS, be aware he has a new chat up line that works every time.  It doesn't matter how gorgeous and out of his league you are, it's a winner and he will always end up getting his wicked way.............. "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

It was round about this time I got a bit confused and ended up at the back of the pack and had to do a bit of judicious SCB'ing.  Emerging form the bushes, I found what resembled a wart hog wallowing in a mud bath, not Hippo, but Trouser Shredder!  Do not accost aging members our mismanagement or you will get promptly dumped in the mud.  Could this spawn the next generation of shiggy hashers ready to take on the rest of the world………….

I seemed to cop for a few back checks, not as many as Pinko (aka Norman), and it was at one of these "Ooh fook" checks that Pinko was telling me about how on Saturday night he'd just come out of the 'chipper' with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage.  A poor homeless man was sat outside and he said to him "I've not eaten for two days!'"    and Pinko told him, "I wish I had your will power"

Eventually the split in the trail occurred, Nipples and Trouser Shredder, running in tandem shot off into the distance on the long trail.  They found a nice little back check, which allowed Watsoff and myself a bit of breathing space to cut off the tarmac and get back into off road territory.  The old codger is still doing well, he'd decided to go camping at the weekend and in the next tent was an attractive girl (by his standards) and she told him that because she was so hot that she would be sleeping with her flaps open.  He got this mixed up, he is now in hiding!

We eventually found the lager check, and promptly passed it by, hopefully there will be beer at the cars.  Hmmmm, nearly……………

The circle was called to order, and like sheep we all formed a circle, 5 minutes later we were still in a circle, but no one was in the middle.  "Errrr, what we stood 'ere for?"  At this point Canna-b-arsed got a grip and I'm not sure what happened after that, there were charges springing in from all directions, we even got a rendition of the Creek H3 Away-Day Song Flush the Magic Toilet.  Suitably modified for Aberdeen tastes….  For those of a musical nature the lyrics go something like this:

FLUSH THE MAGIC TOILET LIVED BY THE DEE AND FROLICKED IN THE AUTUMN MISTS

BETWEEN TORRY AND OLD ABERDEEN

FLUSH THE MAGIC TOILET FILLED UP THE SEA,

POLLUTED ALL THE BEACHES FOR THE FOLKS LIKE YOU AND ME

WELL FLUSH WAS A MAGIC TOILET, THE FINEST IN THE LAND,

AND ALABASTER SERAPHIM ADORNED HIS MARBLE STAND

HIS PIPES WERE MADE OF SILVER, HIS CISTERN WAS THE SAME,

AND DOWN CAME SPARKLING WATER WHEN YOU PULLED THE GOLDEN CHAIN

CHORUS

LITTLE SUZY SNODGRASS LOVED THAT RASCAL LOO

AND FLUSH LOVED LITTLE SUZY WITH A PASSION DEEP AND TRUE

HE'D SIT THERE JUST AWAITING, WAITING FOR HER TO COME,

AND HOW HIS PIPES WOULD TREMBLE AT THE TOUCH OF SUZY'S BUM

CHORUS

LITTLE SUZY SNODGRASS WOULD USE FLUSH EVERYDAY,

SHE'D SIT FOR HOURS AND HOURS JUST TO PASS THE TIME AWAY

SHE'D TALK TO HIM OF MAGIC THINGS AND MARVEL AT HIS WIT,

AND FEED HIM PINTS OF HARPIC WHEN SHE WENT TO HAVE A SHIT

CHORUS

WELL IT WAS 50 YARDS FROM FLUSH'S HOUSE TO SUZY'S BEDROOM DOOR

AND ON ICY COLD DECEMBER NIGHTS IT MADE SUZY'S BOTTOM SORE

THEN ONE GRAY NIGHT IT HAPPENED, THE THING HE FEARED WAS PLANNED;

THEY'D TRADE HIM FOR AN INSIDE LOO WITH A CENTRALLY HEATED PAN.

CHORUS

HE SAT THERE IN HIS LITTLE ROOM JUST WAITING FOR THE END,

HE TOOK AN OVERDOSE OF HARPIC AND WENT CLEAN 'ROUND THE BEND

WHEN HE WAS SURE THERE WAS NO CURE FOR HIM ON THAT FATEFUL DAY

HE CLIMBED INSIDE HIS OWN SEWAGE PIPE AND FLUSHED HIMSELF AWAY

CHORUS twice.........end

Down Downs :

You decide…….

OnOn

Your obedient scribe

Sharnie (aka Little Shit)