On On: a bus departing Aberdeen from various locations, (except anywhere near us).

On Inn: Mrs T's and Hippo's mud pit.

Hares: Mrs T and Hippo

We set out at a reasonable time to meet the bus at Mrs T's and Hippo's country retreat and had ample time to quaff a few beers with our hostess and early arrivals Canna-b-arsed and Trouser Shredder. At a suggestion from Hippo we took a short cut across the field towards the THE MAIN ROAD, (not the the main road), to meet the bus at the listed time of 10.30. Then a few late comers arrived Magane, Bodsa and McCavity (visitors from Inverness) and Bruce Almighty. If the bus is on time it will bode well for a prompt start to the hash run, only one problem, my feet were soaked from the hike across the field. Good advice Hippo!

The bus arrived well in time, and we proceeded to enter. What a sight, especially at this time in the morning - Oh well, at least Hash cash had a smile on her face as we handed over our hard earned hash tax for another year of future joyous hashing...... We found a friendly seat at the rear of the coach and promptly everyone round us came down with travel sickness. Thrupp'ny Bits threatened to throw up over Drillbit's head. Then Drillbit blamed me for talking to him, which in turn made him look at me, which then made him want to throw up too. All a bit weird, and then, from two seats forward, All Because, starts groaning and moaning and threatening to throw up - so this couldn't have been me, unless there was some residual chuck up aura left when I dropped one when passing!

About this time Hill-Ary unexpectedly came round to mutter "are we there yet", I bet that's the last time Glasgow buys cheap chloroform from the supermarket.

The bus journey passed without further incidence and we where bundled off at OS ref: GR 214127 at the Loanhead plantation (393m) (sad or wot putting this in the scribe). Numbskull then had the temerity to form the circle round a small cow piss lochen - hashing is not what it used to be - no takers for a pre-hash bathe. I did try, but it was not appreciated...........

Numbskull tried to get some respect, but as he has failed in that area of hash discipline for the last twelve months, there are not many more leavers of discipline he can use. Ahhhhhhhhhh, there is one, orange scribe vest and horn - and guess who got it?

So here I am trying my best to accurately describe the events of this momentous day, a day to remember............... That reminds me, what are we here for? Over to the Hare.

Hippo, agile as ever introduces the run, a circle only check to be checked out by Protestants, circles with crosses in, to be checked out by Catholics and back checks to be done only by Moslems and all the Jews have to get back on the bus - or something like that! At this time the bus driver decided to turn the bus round, which panicked the whiny walkie talkies, who thought they had to do the long slog of a hash, looks like the driver had a good sense of humour.

On on, on on, on...............and on on....... up the track to the first back check, but a wee shimmy to the right brings us back to the right trail, and then another back check....... This could be a long run! We passed by Croft of Green Bog and wended our way up through undulating forest to the first of the nearly view points, Beadahallock Hill (404m) and then onto some heather bashing to the top of Scar Hill (526m), this is the one with the radio mast! We then dropped off the hill to find a wee lochen and cairn resplendent with water and sweeties. At this point JC had decided to do some front running and do his own thing, more later on that subject. T-Rex-Cock was still with the pack, so something must be going right! After a wee sojourn we head in pursuit of JC and traversed the west side of The Socach where we could JC doing one of the major back checks away in the distance. We then passed Humphrey's well to a check on the saddle between Broom Hill and Pressendye. This side of the hill was misty and Toy Boy was having severe difficulty seeing over the op of the heather, but the pack soon picked up the trail and we headed up onto top of Pressendye, another nearly view. We then headed off the hill only to climb another bloody hill, Pittenderich, which did have a view and fine views they were. As we headed off this hill I noted that Skinny Witch has now taken up running as a hobby and has grown out of the gossip brigade and joined the big people, I wonder if she'll get an award.... On we went to another back check at the old mill at Burnside, then back onto track and on to Beer Check at a large iron farm gate above Hillside.

At the beer check, when we started discussion over how far we'd hashed, my right hip was suggesting it was about 7.5 miles, give or take a 100 yards, Drillbit thought his lower back suggested something closer to 7.8 miles, then a wee voice chirps in, dad and me have got 7.775698756423 miles on the GPS, including back checks, pee stops and accidental tumbles. Discussion over, anyone watch match of the day, they don't have GPS fixed to the ball yet, so we can while away an hour or two discussing if the ball crossed the line or not. I recon Trouser Shredder will get the award for hasher most vocal, her "On On" is improving at every hash, just needs to get hash spore and noise aligned. Which reminds me, there should be an award for most vocal RA, Canna-b-arsed would win hands down, loud enough to wake the dead, never mind the local constabulary.

At this point Nipples says to T-Rex Cock "you've put on a lot of weight recently". He replies "yes I've had a lot on my plate." Then One Liner gave us his view on Lawyers - 99.9 percent of them give the rest of the profession a bad name.

Finally, we ran down the track to Alamein Farm at GR 506059 to find the bus and some more beer. Then, back to Mrs T's for more fun and frivolities.

RA, Aids, master of panto and sage like monologs took a bow, ran his fingers through his thin wisps of greying hair, took another drag on a joint of roll your own shag and belched forth into verbal pap. Not sure what was really happening after this as he mercifully turned his back and as my directional hearing is crap most of his deliberations were missed, all I can glean was the following from Drillbit ' s excellent photos:

100 run sweaty shirt for Magane, which never touched the skin, but managed to produce a lot of: "OO, I nearly wet myself" response. "Eye, we hashers know how to keep our women moist."

Pigiron was picked on again by our dauntless RA. It appears the infirmary had left his wrist straps open and he'd managed to escape, assisted by his personal friend and minder Stainless, who apparently has an adjoining room. cast your minds back to the beer check........it appears that in Pigiron's youth he worked at the Alamein grain factory, 70 or so year ago, this was before he became a midshipman and spent a bit of time up against the mast in the days before steam and iron boats where invented and the Scottish elephant polo team were world champions at golf or something like that.

Bodsa and McCavity for daring to visit for an afternoon of cheap food and booze. Apparently he buys her running socks from Anne Summers at a bulk discount.

There is also a photo of JC and Tiger Feet getting a down down, but I do not have a clue why! Answers on a post card to Aids.

Then came a list of yearly awards, the most notable of which is Hash Shit, something which is generally ignored by the current crop of RAs during the course of the year, but lady pressure prevails. This went to Twizzle (still not sure how this is spelt!) for being Twizzle. Numbskull handed over the bog seat explaining that he has tried to clean off the last 25 years of grime using caustic soda and an electric sander. It still needed a coat of varnish and could Twizzle apply some, and also if he could ask about to see who had previously been awarded it. And, if it wasn't to much trouble, inscribe them back on! Did the right person get hashshit?

Most On Inns back at their hoose - to Hill-Ary and Glasgow (veggie haggis gives me wind!)

Best trail - Hippo & Mrs T - AGM run (excellent trail)

Worst trail - Little Shit & Sharnie (snow up to your waist and Binliner wasn't around to get it, even though I thought his run was ok, just a bit long)

Did F* all - Sharnie, ( in defence, did exactly what I did this year, including Nash Hash trail).

Most Travelled Hasher - Bruce Almighty (managed to drag AH3 reputation round and about the globe, except when touting Mearns that is)

Not deemed relevant by current mismanagement, but I believe the following should get a mention as Honouree Aberdeen ambassadors: Trouser Shredder and Plonker - organisation and mismanagement of Easter Hash Challenge - Hippo, Watzoff, Sharnie, Mrs T, Drillbit & Little Shit - Aberdeen trail at Nash Hash.

The following account is my version, so I can vouch for it's accuracy, that said, I expect the committee will issue a full and frank set of Minutes of Meeting shortly.

Hash Cash says we have lots of money in the bank, so much, she is embarrassed about the amount we have available. To try and alleviate this crisis the mismanagement has been having lavish meetings at various restaurants, night clubs and casinos around Aberdeen, but this has not created sufficient outgoings to meet the level of incoming funds. Therefore, there is push to reduce the mismanagement meeting frequencies to weekly and to form sub committee meetings to spread the spend load. I also hear on the grape vine that an Thrupp'nies is looking at investing some of this loot in the sub prime market to see if some of it can be lost there.

That was about it on official reporting, the mismanagement then resigned, at which point Aids is in complete control, if world war three breaks out he gets to press the button.

Now to the elections - Just think of a group of egotistical megalomaniacs and vote them in, and that's what we did.

A new GM or is the same one as last year, Aids, oops no, another poor dinner club secondee - Tiger Feet. Within one day can't make his first royal appointment for free nosh and beer..........

The smiling assassin again for Hash Cash - Thrupp'ny Bits.

Magane, Head Hare, re-elected un-opposed. Have to start advising those pesky hares to check with those land owners if we can cross their fields.

Hand over of hash beer to Numbskull, hope he's got a separate storage area for his and the hash's. I suppose he'll have to invest in new beer chests to replace the the cracked ones that were purchased at great expense last year, and get some ice for the cooler.

Soc Sec - One Cell, wait and see, could be a dinner club favourite.

Habberdasher - Bruce Almighty, great badges and t-shirts
!

Hash e-mail address - Olymprick, elected unopposed - yep, I've seen a couple of emails in the last couple of weeks, got the originals two weeks before though!

RA - Aids - elected unopposed, dinner club favourite and after dinner speaker.

Did you know a Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

The Aberdeen 1500 hash is due on May bank holiday 2011, but never fear all is in hand, we now have in place an un-apposed, un-elected committee - Aids, Olymprick, Nipples and Magane. This is OK, because this 1500th mismanagement committee is completely independent from the current and future AH3 mismanagement committees. Errrrrr, not sure how that works, but in the spirit of togetherness they have been given £500 by the old committee to have the first of their team building events on Tuesday evening.........

Your 'umble scribe

Little Shit