2021 Lockdown Scribes

Lockdown Hash 58: Sunday 2 May 2021

Hare: TBT

The GM welcomed everyone to Lockdown Hash 58. The RA awarded the Toilet Roll of Honorary to birthday girl Thrupennies, although mentioned that TBT was a candidate for his elementary mistake on commenting on a female’s haircut (Not Dot’s).

Lockdown Hash 58 was an adventure with Barbarella in Paradise!

For those who aren’t too certain where Slovakia is, the Hare explained that it’s a landlocked area west of Austria and south of Poland. Its location means that its history has been closely bound up with its neighbours, and Slovakia in fact only became an independent nation on 1 January 1993 after the peaceful dissolution of Czechoslovakia.

Another landmark date for Slovakia was August 2019. This was when it was the venue of the Mearns Slovakia Away Hash, an excellent Hash organised by Threesome based around Liptovsky Jan. After the Hash, everyone did their own thing. Some did more standard sightseeing activities. Barbarella and TBT instead headed out for an adventure in Paradise!

Staying in Levoca, our adventure was in Slovensky Raj, the “Slovak Paradise”, which is a national park of mountains, gorges, caves and waterfalls. On the Monday morning, Barbarella and TBT drove past The High Tetras and along winding mountain roads to some ice caves, only to find that the caves were closed on Mondays! Not a good start!

On we drove along more winding mountain roads to Spis Castle. Surely this famous tourist attraction would be open? By the number of cars parked, yes!

The castle certainly has commanding views. Although its fabric is largely “refurbished”, the castle did contain one or two interesting things: the “don’t be afraid tower”, saints in the chapel and a torture chair that tourists could use.

It was only a short drive to our hotel, opposite the tree shaded square in the centre of Levoca. The buildings within the town walls were all of a similar historic style and smartly painted. But not a lot was happening!

The next day we headed down the road to see the sights and an adventure of highs and lows, where things did happen!

The highs of Tomasovsky View – a precipice.

The lows of the Dobsinska ice caves – caves containing frozen ground water.

The highs of Sucha Bela – a large gorge accessed by walkways and ladders, where the adventure got serious!

We entered the gorge, and soon were on a series of open rung walkways, thoughtfully placed so we didn’t get our feet too wet from the stream. Things got more serious when the walkway became vertical, up ladders beside a series of waterfalls.

Up and up more ladders by the waterfalls, along yet more walkways bolted to the rocks. How much further? Why is no one else doing this? When does it get dark? How do we get out of here? At last, 3 other people, locals at that. Can they tell us what we’ve let ourselves in for? “Are you doing the long or shorter route”, they ask? Um. Yes, the sign at the start in Slovak did say one-way. The route is in the form of a circle. No going back!

At the top, there was an aptly placed Christian cross.

We now knew what Sucha Bella is, and what we’d let ourselves in for. It had taken us a good 2½ hours to get this far. Now we needed to find the route back – and it was almost 7pm!

So we headed down trails through the forest as it began to get darker, hopefully in the right direction. Then in less than an hour: buildings, civilisation. But were they the right buildings and civilisation? Yes!

In the darkness of late evening, we drove through an illuminated gate in Levoca’s town walls, and found a nice restaurant on the town walls to end the adventure with, what else, a beer!

On! On! to FOOFAAH 49 at Banchory Devenick, where there's no precipices, ice or ladders. A bit dull, in comparison? However stunning in other ways.

TBT

Lockdown Hash #55 – 11^th April 2021

The pack flew into Trivandrum airport and after an overnight stay in Kovalam to recover from the long flight, drove up to Alleppy to board our Houseboat for a chilled-out couple of nights, exploring the backwaters of Kerala - almost 2000kms of interconnected rivers, lakes, lagoons and canals, which occupy the alluvial plain between the Western Ghats and the Indian Ocean. The enchanting houseboats, built of Anjili wood and bamboo, were the traditional method of transporting goods for hundreds of years.

As our boat meandered through areas of lush tropical vegetation, the pack had the opportunity to view not only the prolific bird life but also the villages, along shallow, palm-fringed canals where coconut fibre, copia (coconut meat) and cashews are loaded on to dugouts. In the evenings the boat was anchored by a bank and we watched the sun set over the rice paddies. And thankfully there was plenty of food and beer onboard! Bruce Almighty and Olymprick settled in for the duration of our South Indian trip and were not seen again until the On Inn (which they managed to find all by themselves). T Rex Cock sensibly decided not to join Rats in a quick swim in the lagoon.

The next day, the pack then drove up the coast to the small bustling village of Thekkady, from where we visited the Periyar Wildlife Sanctuary, one of the largest parks in India, in the southern part of the Western Ghats. The drive was spectacular as the road climbed through the Western Ghats with fantastic views across to Tamil Nadu. The whole area is a centre for spice growing.

After putting on our yellow cloth gaiters, with talc and tobacco powder sprayed on them to keep the leeches off, we trekked in the Wildlife Sanctuary, and were lucky to spot some wild elephants but not any sambar deer, leopard, otter, wild pig and buffalo. Some excitement was had when we thought we saw a tiger but it turned out to be Tiger Feet emerging from behind a bush – what were you doing there?

Leaving Kerala behind, we then drove 165km east through the hills to the colourful temple town of Madurai, in Tamil Nadu. Madurai is one of Tamil culture's most vital centres and the temple and bazaar are at the heart of this colourful city which is renowned for its silk and cotton. Panty Pockets and Thrupennies were soon high tailing it to the local bazaar, hotly followed by the hare Pink Panther, who was overheating and needed some cooling beer…….tho’ she did spot a rather nice rug.

We explored the intricately carved Sri Meenakshi Temple. Built between the 16th and 18th century and covering over 15 acres, it is at the heart of the city and the life of the town revolves around it with almost continuous religious festivals. The hash was overwhelmed by the huge number of people in the site but were calmed down by a large chilled out bull. We all admired the temple's nine towering gopurams (pyramidal towers) and 4,000 granite sculptures, which all stand out with their colourful stucco images of gods, goddesses and animals. Our RA Aids was getting a bit hot by now and was keen to have a dip in the Golden Lotus Tank but fortunately our Illustrious GM Wee Willie persuaded him otherwise.

Then it was time to head back west into the Western Ghats and onto Munnar, which is set amongst Kerala's highest mountains. Munnar is a beautiful hill station at about 1600m above sea level. It was once a summer resort of the British Government in South India. The town is situated at the confluence of the three mountain streams (Mudrapauzha, Naliathanii and Kundala) and is surrounded by lakes, reservoirs, forests and several tea estates. Anamudi (2695m), the highest peak in South India dominates the area.

And now to hash! The run started early in the morning and began with a long gradual ascent through the tea plantations and then up into Seven Malai Hills. We stopped for a tea break at the Kolukkumali tea plantation, which at 2600m is claimed to be the highest tea plantation in the world. We had a quick tour round to see how the tea is roasted in the orthodox manner (they curl the leaves rather than cut, tear and crush them). NotDot and Biggles were seen asking for some coffee instead (must be all that Italian they’re doing!).

Suitably refreshed, we then headed up through the beautiful tea plantations, cool woods and open grasslands and up and up Kerala’s 2^nd highest peak, Meesapulimala (2600m) to the top where our hard work was rewarded with spectacular views over Chittrapuram Dam, Changulam Lake, Annamudi Peak, Munnar and other villages. One Liner set off at a blistering pace and reached the top a long, long time before the hare did! Shaky was spotted at the start of the run, but then wandered off to recce the surrounding countryside – what for, who knows?

Then it was down, down, back towards the coast, through rolling grassland, interspersed with gulleys and forest. We make our way down to the Top Station at 1600m where we caught our bus back to the coast. This place was formerly the terminus of the Kundala Valley Railway and the station was at the top of the ropeway which descended from here all the way to Tamil Nadu.

On our arrival at the coast after a long bumpy bus ride (Nummers was asleep within seconds of getting onto the bus), we arrived in Cochin. Set on the Malabar, or 'Pepper Coast', Cochin (Kochi) is one of South India's most interesting towns and is believed to have been the first European settlement in India. Rich in history, despite recent growth, it retains a relaxed, quiet atmosphere. Narrow spits of land and coconut covered islands jut out into the wide, almost enclosed bay whose neck is lined with the famous Chinese fishing nets. And back to the heat and lots and lots of people, after the cool of the mountains.

We had a quick sightseeing tour of Fort Cochin and the Mattancherry Palace, which was built by the Portuguese in the mid 1500's and then largely rebuilt by its second occupants, the Dutch.

We viewed the Chinese fishing nets that line the entrance to the harbour and were introduced by the Chinese in the late 14th century. ToyBoyTom had a go on one of them, trying to get it to tip over into the sea, but it needed more weight! The hare declined to help……

After an hour or two of wandering round the tiny back streets of Jew Town hunting for souvenirs in the many antique shops and warehouses, the hash finally (and thirstily) arrived at the On Inn on the beach where much beer and food was consumed before watching a Kathakali Dance Show.

Fireflaps was very interested in the dancing and was later spotted joining in but was disappointed not to be allowed to do any fire dances!

Your Hare and Scribe

Pink Panther

Lockdown Hash 54: Easter Sunday 4 April 2021

Hare: TBT

The GM joined the Zoom session with news that AH3 might be doing real, non-virtual Hashes soon in groups of up to 15, but not before we have all the required arrangements in place and not before we are permitted proper access to countryside outside Aberdeen City. Something to look forward to!

The RA identified three candidates for the Toilet Roll of Honour: Panty Pockets for wearing antlers - Easter rabbits have ears, not antlers! Tiger Feet for his smashing Easter bonnet. The award went to Thrupennies, accompanied by a rendition of “get a life, get a life”, for the impressive number FOOFAAHs she’s completed!

Then it was over to the Hare. The theme of the Lockdown Hash on Easter Sunday was, what else: Easter.

The Hare asked, what does Easter traditionally mean to many Hashers? The GM lead others in the reply: “An Easter Challenge, of course”.

So today’s Lockdown Hash is going to take you on Day 2, Easter Saturday, of the 2017 Easter Challenge from Braemar to Ballater. Although many of you were on the EC2017, not so many of you opted for the high level route along Jock’s Road and the Capel Mounth, opting instead for the low level route through the Balmoral Estate. So here’s either what you missed or some memories of that great route! With tales of my some of my adventures.

Twizzle did a great job reckying beforehand many routes to give options for the best to take. Before we set off today virtually from Braemar to Ballater, here’s some of the puzzles encountered during reckying.

Road Closed road sign in the middle of the Balmoral Estate and a sign near Ballater “requesting action” warning of the risk of falling in the river.

JC and I reckied the start of the Easter Sunday Day 3 route down Glen Tilt where the bridge over the Geldie Burn had been washed away in the previous year’s floods. It still was. So what to do? Wade across, and hope the water level was lower at Easter. It was cold! The temperature never got above freezing all day, and, on coming back to Geldie Burn later to cross back across it, the shoes I’d left there were frozen solid.

On! On! to EC2017 from Braemar to Ballater. The plan was to start where the path up to Loch Callater starts at the A93, but some wanted to do the whole route from Braemar. It was therefore an 08:00 start from the hotel.

Off we set. I was with them, not at least because Twizzle and I wanted to ensure people didn’t get lost at the top of Glen Callater, where the trail gets a bit indistinct and a wrong turn in that open countryside could be disastrous. The plan was I was to be at the top of the climb out of Glen Callater as close to the front runners as possible to ensure people set off in the correct direction. We passed Braemar golf course, Callater bothy, Callater Loch and then, with the trail getting more and more indistinct, climbed out of the end of Glen Callater.

The views from the top were great! All the way down the glen to the snow topped Cairngorms. And better still, no one got lost. The weather was better than when Twizzle and I were there before, and the snowy white-out when Twizzle reckied the trail from Glen Doll.

But there was nevertheless drama! On the way down to Glen Doll, I thought “why do I keep stumbling?” Oh, no, the sole of my right shoe was coming off! This was about the furthest place from anywhere. This could make things difficult. The Glen Doll Ranger Base came into view. I hobbled in. “Can I buy some string or tape please?” When I explained the problem, a ranger promptly arrived at my foot and we tied cable ties and a shoe lace round my shoe to help keep the sole on. Absolutely incredible, and I sent my glowing thanks later to Angus Rangers.

Then that big climb out of Glen Doll. Up and up! I was trying to jog along the Capel Mounth to Lock Muick without putting too much stress on my right shoe and occasionally had to readjust the binding. There were clear views of Lochnagar and Lock Muick - and of snow coming in from the west!

Twizzle was at Glen Muick offering a ride to Ballater in a mini-bus. But we’ve got this far, so on-on! Well, it was still at long way to go. Passing Birkhall, one of the group I was with commented that we’d said that the day’s route was 27 miles and we’d already done that. How much further? Ah – yes, I said but we did an extra 3 miles at the beginning, and quickly added that you have to allow me a 10% margin of error.

As we reached the River Dee, a rather pointed mileage count-down began. 30.5 they announced. Then 30.6. Eventually we reached Ballater Bridge. 32.2, 32.3, 32.4. Then we reached the end of the trail, at the Deeside Inn. Which was a welcome sight – and just within my 10% margin.

Then, what next? Beer of course!

TBT

P.S. Never want the truth to get in the way of a good story but there is a slight misquote in TBT’s scribe and so to give credit where credit is due:

Thrupennies is Queen of the Foofaah not because of how many Foofaahs she has done but the fact that more Foofaahers (57) did her recent Foofaah (#43?) that any other previous Foofaah – she claims this is because of the spring weather but it is obviously down to of her magnificent trail setting capabilities.

Aids

PS S– TBT candidate for hashshit of the year for getting his scribe in before the pack had even got back to the on-inn?

Aids

PSSS - Thanks for the correction, Aids. Perhaps "get a life" we sung wasn't the right song either! Oh, well.....

TBT

PSSSS -Had me fooled as well. I suspect we missed out on an earlier conversation. Shaky

28^th March , 2021

Lockdown Hash #53

Hare Shaky

GM WEE WILLIE welcomed the pack to the 53rd AH3 Lockdown Hash. After waffling about how he had just saved damsel in distress, SMILER, on his Foofaah (posibly Fubar?) mentioned that previous projections of an end of April restart to some semblance of group hashing were probably over sold and would be a stretch target. Volunteers for the position of COVID Officer will be sought meantime however. SHAKY was awarded the toilet roll of honour by RA AIDS for pressing' send before proof reading the email invite to this week's virtul run. T-REX COCK was left disappointed at having to do without despite having thoroughly peed off the RA off the previous week by displaying a distinct lack of interest in Aid's brand new cold frame and not asking permission to leave the circle. Wee WiIlie, still feeling guilty for his Foofaah awarded himself a down down in a strange act of self-harm and pre-emptively drank at the same time as Shaky.

The trail started from the Citadel, a hill in downtown Amman that is home to the ruins of the Roman, Temple of Hercules and The Ummayadd Palace, which is almost as old as THE PENGUIN, but not quite. After a meander through the Roman ruins, the trail headed downhill to the Roman amphitheatre at the bottom of the hill in the city itself. Here the pack climbed the tiers of srtone seats to the 'gods' and then back down again in a short loop that allowed walkie talkies PINK PANTHER and THRUPENNIES to catch up.

Heading south from Amman it was time for a dip or rather a float in the Dead Sea. Not surprisingly, HIPPO and LITTLE SHIT had a wallow in the salty mud - it did nothing for their complexions though.

Up nearby Mount Nebo, said to be the burial place of Moses, the pack took turns to try and move the massive stone circular door without any success. FLAPS and RED STRIPE (who else) balanced on the fallen stone pillars at the edge of the precipice. There was a short detour to Madab, to see the mosaic map of the Holy Land in the church of St George church, (who needs this fancy new GPS app?) and the trail wound through some rough mountainous terrain as it took us south to Karak to visit the crusader fort there before finally arriving at the fabled Petra.

Front runner BARBELLA ventured into the obelix tomb on the Babl Al Sqiq that leads to the Petra site only to find it was a back check. OLYMPRIK disappeared up the tunnel built to protect the city from floods and wasnt seen again until much later. The rest of pack carried on through the narrow gorge of the Siq to the famed Treasury. Another falsie into the Treasury saw JC disappear in search of the Holy Grail - but he came back pretty quickly when he couldn't find it, the trail, or any beer. Into the main Petra site the trail took us down the colonnaded street past the City of Facades, Royal Tombs and the Qar Al Bint to the Great Temple. TOM BOY TOM must have gone off trail and short cut before then because he missed the last few sights. At this point the pack realised that they had been on one very long back check and had to retrace their steps back to the entrance a few miles back. DRILLBIT stopped for a rest and a coffee at the cafe while SIR DEADMUND, NOT DOT and BIGGLES sensibly chose to ride out on a a donkey. RATS, looking suspiciously like a native, borrowed a camel. On the way back, the pack collected OLYMPRIK who had been unable to find a suitable manhole cover underneath the ruins to climb out of,

From Petra the trail headed south again to Wadi Rum. A bit of a ballbreaker had the pack climbing a massive sand dune piled several 100s of meters high against the mountainside. ONE LINER displayed his wooden spoon credentials by getting to the top and back down first. On to the beer (or rather herbal tea) check at the Bedouin camp where Lawrence of Arabia once stayed apparently. Then it was off for a tour past petroglyphs where ancient hash scribes were carved into the equally ancient rocks and through the magnificent rock formations of the Wadi including the Seven Pillars of Wisdom.

On Inn was in the resort of Aqba on the Red Sea. A down down went to the hare for a fascinating trail. Then PANTY POCKETS announced the filo pastry was ready so we all went for lunch.

On On Shaky

Oh, the wonders of virtual hashing, I hear you say, we can all agree that AH3 has never been as well-travelled as over the last year. Sunday was another first. OnOn in Transylvania, northern Romania. Your hare Wee Willie gathered the hash in the Rocky Horror Pub in Brașov (called Corona in the Middle Ages, very topical) for a pre-run tipple, which included compulsory palincă, a 45% proof plum brandy from our friendly Transylvanian hosts (the non-vampire ones). In return for a few hash songs led by Panty Pockets we were taught some important local words- Noroc! (‘cheers’ in Romanian), and Egészségére! (in Hungarian).

OnOn to the bus for the trip to Bran Castle, with yet more singing and liquid supplies provided by Bruce Almighty after a quick trip to the local Spar. More Butt and Pink Panther almost missed the bus after enjoying the town's cafe culture too much, but they eventually joined us telling us all about their mofette a (dangerous) sauna and & spa of volcanic gasses, where they 'relaxed' for 20 minutes with carbon dioxide swirling around their knees. 'Don't inhale the gas' they were told. As they made the bus we can assume they didn't.

We had a pre-run tour of the impressive Bran Castle, built in the 14th century on a wooded hill, absolutely not the home of Vlad the Impaler, Bram Stoker's model for Dracula, but Tourist Boards the world over are always on the look-out for opportunities, so 'vampire tourism' was born. The adventurous Not Dot & Biggles were talked out of the overnight stay opportunity in the dungeon crypt, the coffins seemed particularly uncomfortable for an eight hour sleep, and a bit airless after they were closed. Incidentally, Vlad is in the Guinness Book of Records for having skewered 80,000 people that he didn't like on long spikes.

Being a useless scribe I can't remember who got the pre-run DD. If in doubt, blame some-one, I heard the GM say. So Nummers it is. Or is it Thrupennies? Let's assume it was one of them. There was a quick hash risk assessment from the hare, which unfortunately forgot to mention the bears, wolves and wild boars that lurked in the forest, but fortunately did mention that every-one had to be back by sunset before the vampires and ghouls woke-up. In fact the DD should have gone to Hash Gardener Aids for forgetting the garlic. But the RA is always blameless, so others won the award. Incidentally Tiger Feet saved the day, emptying his allotment of garlic, and also bringing along some excellent rhubarb for hash rhubarb & custard downdowns.

The hare checked-out the pack's general knowledge of cinematic draculas with a short quiz, with the hash achieving a 'pass' of three out of six, so weeks-worth of Friday night quizzes does not appear to have stimulated too many brain cells.

So OnOn through the town before we headed up the hill into the forest,with T Rex Cock complaining that there was too much 'up' and Barbarella complaining that there was in fact not enough 'up'. No pain, no gain was the unhelpful comment from the hare.

The trail took us through beautiful subalpine scenery to the coffee and cake check at Peleş Castle (through the magic of virtual hashing). This was the summer palace of King Carel I (Charles) of Romania, the country's second monarch, who ruled from 1866 to his death in 1914. At this point we lost Rats and Sir Deadmond, last seen entering the garden maze.

There were a few concerns at the end of the trail, no sign of One Liner or Shaky, initially assumed to have been consumed by forest wildlife, but Skinny used her homing instincts to ensure their safe return just before the bus departed. Excellent, meaning we keep our 100% record of injury-free virtual hashing.

The entertainment for the pack continued, with a scenic return to Brașov via the Transfăgărășan Highway, named as the most scenic road in the world by Jeremy Clarkson. It was built as a military road in the 1970's by the Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceausescu through 150 km of mountains and tunnels.

Again through the magic of lockdown hashing the circle and OnInn was in the Glasgow Pub- transported from Bucharest for the day. With the motto 'We Welcome Heavy Drinkers' there's really nowhere else the hash would rather be.

So that, Dear Pack,is an accurate reflection of AH3's first hash in Transylvania.

So OnOn to Johnston Gardens next week, which I am sure will be a much more believable trail...

OnOn

Wee Willie

Your ever truthful Hare

Lockdown Hash #48

21 February 2021

Hared & Scribed by Thrupennies

What a lovely day we had for hashing this week; very welcome after the recent wintry weather. But of course we were in Tenerife, where there are more sunny days than in most places….. with an average annual amount of sun hours at 2890 hours, which sounds a lot!

Several hashers were dressed appropriately. Not Dot & Biggles (or tenner each) looked set for a stroll along the beach. Pink Panther, Thrupennies and Rev Aids were sporting wide brimmed sunhats whilst Wee Willie and Bruce Almighty looked somewhat less touristy in their baseball styled headwear. Sir Deadmund, in winter explorer gear, was presumably planning to make use of his mountaineering skills and head for the top of Mount Teide. No doubt Glasgow would take the easier option and join the cable car queue to meet him at the top.

The pack was called to some semblance of order by the GM, who threw praise on the quizmasters Tenner Each and also the absent Little Shit for spending his lockdown hours adding old scribes to the website. If anyone has any mementos from days gone by LS would be delighted to get his hands dirty.

Rev Vlad, a week early for Transylvania, awarded the toilet roll of honour, now almost a year old (anyone else stockpiling?) to Numbskull for a dangerous foofaah. To be fair it wasn’t his fault that the snow was so bad that Drumoak was inaccessible to many, that the river was so high and that the local landowner was so angry. But the hash never let the truth get in the way of a down down.

Newflash – Barbarella and Pink Panther might be staying in the same location in Tenerife, based on the views behind them. Oh well, we must remember that old adage: what goes on an away hash stays on the away hash!

A short horrible history highlighted two events:

The Battle of Santa Cruz de Tenerife, an amphibious assault by the Royal Navy on the Spanish port city of Santa Cruz de Tenerife. Launched by Rear-Admiral Horatio Nelson on 22 July 1797, the assault was defeated, and the landing party withdrew under a truce, having lost several hundred men. Nelson himself had been wounded in the arm, which was subsequently partially amputated.

In 1977 Tenerife was the site of the deadliest accident ever in commercial aviation. Known as the "Tenerife airport disaster", in which 583 people were killed at Los Rodeos airport in the north of the island when two Boeing 747 airplanes collided.

The hare introduced the pack to their new surroundings and made suggestions of things to watch out for. Probably a waste of time as hashers are renowned for ignoring any advice given by the hare. There was a lot of noisy chatter in the circle, Glasgow and Egg Foo were nattering ten to the dozen and had to be quietened by force.

OnOn was called and most trotted off in the right direction, following a trail of flour and discarded face masks. A couple of less energetic harriers, Drillbit and Sh*t Boyfriend, were spotted wandering into a nearby café to order their morning coffee, accompanied by churros, the Spanish version of doughnuts or yumyums. And yummy they are, dunked in melted chocolate. The churros that is, not the hashers.

Oh look, a late arrival! Struth has just driven past, amid yells from a stick-waving angry landowner with a remarkable resemblance to Tonto.

As we jogged along the rugged ankle-twisting volcanic coastline the conversation turned to medical problems, Shaky and Twizzle were overheard discussing tendons.

The more interesting topic of hitch hiking inspired a few stories from a previous era. Panty Pockets recalled being thrown out of a lorry for not complying with the Italian driver’s sexual requests. Meanwhile Olymprick was given a lift by a drug addict somewhere near the Yugoslav border.

Some tales of odd overnight locations were revealed by the more respected hashers. RA Aids has spent the night in a telephone box, GM Wee Willie spent some time in a locker in Berlin. Goodness knows why. You couldn’t make it up. Not so unexpectedly perhaps Olymprick has slept in a doorway…and maybe it shouldn’t be forgotten that there is one loose plank near Stoney boardwalk.

One Liner, T Rex and Tiger Feet were overheard discussing a recent Dons win, and a potential Pensioners Lunch in Tenerife. Although someone was heard to comment that it might be considered a more suitable location for a romantic holiday. Apparently two EH3 hashers have only recently escaped from Tenerife after what must have been a stressful three months recently….

Happily all completed the trail so there was no need to alert the Policia to launch their drone in an effort to locate any strays. So no time wasted, it was straight to the local watering hole for some beer and tacos. No doubt the hardiest drinkers continued until the early hours, putting the world to rights and reminiscing about their many years of hashing.

One last item of interest: the discovery of the Sun having its own frequency and beating like a heart every five minutes was made at the Tenerife Observatory.

Gracias por leer,

Adiós

Lockdown Hash #47 – Mardi Gras and Valentine’s Day in Venice (and New Orleans)

14th February, 2021

Hare: Shaky

The pack gathered outside the Santa Lucia train station, many already ready wearing an impressive array of masquerade masks ready for Mardi Gras. NOT DOT and BIGGLES wore originals from Venezia itself; THRUPPENNY BITS dressed in a clever bit of dual purpose costumery - the bunny ears will come in useful with Easter just around the corner and AIDS showing a keenness to recycle and support local hashers/ businesses wore a mask he borrowed from CINDERS who had got it from Partymania some time back. Others looked equally resplendent.

GM WEE WILLIE, still buoyant from his victory the Friday Zoom quiz which served only to demonstrate his and teammate PINK PANTHER’s prowess at guessing games welcomed the pack. A thank you to NUMBSKULL AND DUCHESS for this week’s FOOFAAH along with warnings about an incredibly angry man what had posted invisible signs and threw flour at TWIZZLE. RA AIDS awarded the toilet roll of honour to TIGER FEET whose weather forecasting abilities were found wanting, suggesting a walk along the beachfront in the middle of a gale.

Over to the Hare. A brief Horrible History contrived a link between the current lockdown and the city state of Venice Hare because they sponsored Marco Polo to travel to China and a Horrible Present noted that although Venice is sinking 1mm a year, sea level rise due to climate change will probably get it first. SHAKY then shared an overview of the run and we were off.

Venice like some hashers we know has many names, although in Venice’s case they are all printable; The City of Churches, the City of Bridges and The City of Canals being just some. The trail made use of all of these. From the train station, the trail crossed the Grand Canal at the nearby Ponte Degli Scalzi and wound its ways through the calles (streets) to a rather quaint church, Chiesa di San Simeone Profeta. From there, the trail tracked down the small canal along the Fondamneta Farzeti, crossing halfway down at a check and finishing at the red bricked Basilica Santa Maria with its easily identifiable belltower. Somewhere along the canal we lost BARBERELLA who checked the wrong way and got lost in the maze of streets. Passing through more narrow streets and using bridges over canals, the trail zig-zagged its way to the vaporetto stop at San Toma. TWIZZLE made us wait while he stopped for an ice cream in the knowledge it would be cheaper off the beaten track. Time for a boat ride - it is Venice after all. Along the Grand Canal on the vaporetto, past the still impressive 17th century mansions that line it, to Salute, named after the nearby Basiliica di Santa Maria della Salute, at the far end of the Grand Canal.

Back on dry land the trail back tracked along the calles, past the building housing the Peggy Guggenheim gallery, where SMILER was checking out the modern art collection, rather than go hashing, to the wooden Ponta D'Academia. Here it crossed to the other side of the Grand Canal for the first time – a sneaky figure of 8 by the hare. After a short detour to view the elegant spiral staircase of the Contarini del Bovolo, the trail finally arrived at Piazza San Marco where DRILLBIT, who else, TREX and RATS stopped for a sit down and an overpriced coffee with some live chamber music thrown in for good measure. The rest of the pack wandered around to look at the sights.

If there had been some energetic hashers amongst us, the 204 steps to the top of the campinale would have presented no challenge. But there wasn’t and they did so no one took the opportunity to take in the views of the city and lagoon, opting instead to check out the ornately decorated Basilica and the elegant Moors clock tower with it’s astronomical clock.

On trail again, a back check took us to a viewpoint to see the Bridge of Sighs – One, Two Three -- Aah. For the final leg, valentines DEADMUND AND GLASGOW jumped in a gondola as did THRUPENNIES and MRS T who had each taken a shine to gondoliers with shining teeth, slicked back hair, and oversized cornetto (two different guys - they just all look the same). They were propelled effortlessly through the quieter canals in relative luxury (except for the smell) while everyone else except SBF who had suddenly appeared from nowhere on a static bike and then rode off into the distance, walked/ran the final stage to the the Rialto bridge.

Now Venice is not renowned for its hash friendly night life so with a bit of voodoo magic, the pack was transported New Orleans in time for Mardi Gras there. OLYMPRIK and BRUCE ALMIGHTY had a competition to see who could get thrown the most beads thrown at them then everyone retired to Pat O Brien’s for a hurricane or two where they were joined by RED STRIPE AND ICEBREAKER.

On On Shaky

Lockdown Hash #45

31st January 2021

Costa Rica

After a long flight via Amsterdam and Panama to Costa Rica, the small group of 17 intrepid hashers arrived in the somewhat dreary capital San Jose. Skinny Witch was very interested in the libraries there – especially as CR has a very high literacy rate but they were almost as empty as the ones in Aberdeen. Unfortunately Olymprick then repeated his previous accident and fell off a box in the airport and ended up in hospital before flying home. The pack were now down to 16.

Quickly setting out as soon as possible, we started our mini tour of this lovely South American country by heading to the east coast on the Caribbean Sea to Tortuguero.

This area is one of many National Parks in Costa Rica and is only accessible by boat or plane, with no roads, only a network of manmade canals that run parallel to the sea. The hash got to see lots of monkeys, caimans, iguanas, turtles, butterflies and some of the 309 bird species here when we travelled along the canal by boat. Unfortunately it was the wrong time of year to spot any Atlantic Green turtles as they only arrive between July and October but Barbarella did manage to spot a red eyed tree frog but was then never seen again. He was last seen heading off towards the beach…….now down to 15 hashers.

We then drove west up to the Arenal Volcano area in the north west of the country, passing through sugar cane and pineapple plantations before continuing further up to get a view of Arenal Volcano itself. The country has seven active volcanoes and a total of 121 volcanic formations and Arenal is one of the top ten most active volcanoes in the world. In 1968, an eruption from Mount Arenal completely destroyed the town of Tabacon. Its latest eruption happened in 2010.

The pack then hiked up to the La Fortuna Waterfall and enjoyed a cool off in the pool below. T Rex Cock wisely decided to abstain from jumping into the cold water this time.

Then we were off further west into the Tilaran mountain range and onto the cloud Forest of Monteverde and the community established by Alabama Quakers. Today, the Monteverde Cloud Forest is a hub of biodiversity and wildlife, home to over 2,500 of species of plants alone, and a big tourist draw. Some of the more adventurous hashers decided to try out the zipline tour through the canopy mist. Hare Pink Panther was joined by Twizzle and Tiger Feet on the zip line tour, but unfortunately managed to lose Twizzle mid zip. So the pack were now down to 14. Oh dear, will we lose any more hashers in the hot, humid jungle?

On west to the beautiful beaches in the Manual Antonio NP on the Pacific Ocean. Lots of animals were spotted here by the excited hashers - Iguanas and white faced monkeys on the beach, squirrel and howler monkeys, iguana, sloth and agoutis. Wee Willie got very excited when he spotted a Two Toed Sloth up a tree, although the sloth didn’t seem to reciprocate! Aids was more interested in whether there was any diving around (no) so settled for enjoying a well-earned beer on the beach in the sunset. Although he spilt his beer on his lap when he spotted a bright green snake slithering towards him…..

And then finally off to the OnOn - Esquinas Rainforest Lodge deep in the rain forest. Here the trail set off from the lodge (set up and owned by the Austrian government for research into rainforests strangely enough) and headed up and up into the rainforest, trying to not squash the millions of leaf cutter ants criss-crossing the trail. Rats stayed behind at the lodge to watch the bats in the bar (think he mis-heard this) and get the cool beers ready for the returning hashers. Shaky, Biggles and One Liner led the pack up the steep hills, panting in the thin humid air. The trail snaked through the rain forest, skirting round ponds filled with caimen, along ridges and down into deep valleys. Red Stripe was delighted to spot the shy and bonkers Resplendent Quetzal sitting a tree with its 3 foot long tail hanging below.

Not Dot was last seen heading back towards the coast towards Isla del Coco as she had heard there were dinosaurs there. Down to 13 hashers now.

After a long run, the somewhat depleted pack arrived back at the lodge, to be greeted by Fegen and some late arrivals, Icebreaker and Ballerina. The stream fed pool beside the bar was very popular for cooling off before the pack (now back to 16 albeit with slightly different make up of hashers) settled in for the night, listening to the howler monkeys just 3 feet away in the surrounding forest and enjoying the nice beer and home grown food in the lodge. Although Panty Pockets was keen to start a Hash Book club but was rewarded with a Down Down instead. The next day a somewhat tired and fuzzy headed pack made their way back over the mountains and managed to survive the dreaded Cerro de la Muerte (the Mountain of Death) pass back to San Jose for our flights home.

Your hare and scribe - Pink Panther

AH3 Lockdown Hash #44 – Seychelles

Well great to get away to the sunshine and leave behind all the Baltic weather we’ve been having! Unfortunately many hashers rather enjoyed themselves too much at the AH3 38th birthday party and Burns Supper the night before and never made it onto the plane so just a small (but beautifully formed) group of hashers got on the boat to St Anne island – T-rex still in his very fetching red dressing gown.

Sante Anne is the largest island in the Marine National Park off the capital Victoria on the main island of Mahe and is dominated by a mountain surrounded by thick tropical vegetation – no rain recently though so shiggy will be in short supply.

After the stand in GM Pink Panther called the circle to order on the jetty and gave thanks to all who had contributed to the previous wonderful night’s entertainment (the accolades and notes of thanks and congratulation still coming in!) the RA awarded the toilet roll of hour jointly to: Nummers for his wonderful 38th birthday poem a la Rabbie style and Panty Pockets and Bag o Bones for the amazing giant bunnets they had on whilst dispatching the haggis – very reminiscent of the those often worn by the Goodies and they’d certainly keep the sun of the back of the neck so just as appropriate for the beach - though sadly Panty Pockets hadn’t brought hers with her (Bag o Bones, as usual had been dispatched to the kitchen - hopefully to help in preparing the post run fish curry – having been to Seychelles twice before there was a reasonable chance he’d know how to do it!). Glasgow and Sir Deadmund had also been to Seychelles before – apparently on their honeymoon but they didn’t seem inclined to share any of the details. Thruppennies also claimed to have been before but said it was a very long time ago when she was very young so doesn’t remember anything about it all!!!

So we set off round the main part of the resort (sadly closed for refurbishment) to head up to the lookout point – Nummers though was so taken with the ‘sounds of rustling palm trees and gentle waves lapping at white sandy beaches’ that he decided to have a kip in a hammock he spied hanging from a couple of palm trees.

Aids pointed out the poolside bar where he and Cinders had sat on many an evening enjoying a wellearned sundowner whilst watching the amazing sunsets.

Then a quick scramble up to a look-out point led by Barberella, the only FRB in the pack this morning, and then back down and round along the boardwalk, from where we spotted a few baby sharks and loads of other fishes amongst the coral, to the main beach.

The trail then went along the main beach past all the lovely villas - some with their own pools no less – Aids claimed they were a bit pokey for his taste (yeah right!).

At the end of the main beach we cut inland to run past the abandoned buildings of the Youth Service complex and then further on into the bush. Nobody took the challenge of heading up the mountain and all followed trail down to the beach at the far end of the island - hoping to find the boat with the beer check but dismayed to see it hadn’t turned up – of those who were supposed to arrange it, Bruce Almighty had never appeared, Olymprick slept in (he joined by video call at the post run circle) and the Koffee Klub Kids had found a nice café in Victoria. What a bunch of rat bags!

So gasping for a cold one it was back into the bush to retrace our steps to the resort. Even Barberella didn’t take up the challenge of doing the full circuit.

The On-inn was on the small beach by the jetty where thankfully the beer and the fish curry had arrived and we had a quick circle and a bit of fun before getting the boat back to Victoria stopping off briefly at the wee island of Moyenne, which is the world’s smallest nature reserve.

We had a few beers at the little bar there (the Jolly Roger) whilst checking out some of the 120 giant tortoises that were wondering about. Fortunately nobody tried riding one – though I think Shaky was thinking seriously about it. Most of the hashers were mightily impressed with the coco de mer – seemed to remind them of something!

Then having had the most wonderful day it was back to Victoria and onto the bus to the airport. All you stay-a-beds missed a cracker! A few hashers decided to stay on for an extra day and took a boat over to the nearby islands of Praslin and La Digue where there are some amazing beaches and they were lucky enough to see a few humpback whales on the way over.

ON-ON!

LOCKDOWN VIRTUAL HASH #43: VIETNAM AND CAMBODIA

17^TH JANUARY 2021

HARES/ SCRIBE: NOT DOT AND BIGGLES

The meet point was in the old quarter of Hanoi, capital of Vietnam. We ran in front of the train through the streets- certainly speeds up the walking talking section!

In the north, among the Dao and Hong tribes, Shaky added to his vast dressing up box by stealing some skirts off a washing line

Then we set sail on a cruise around Halong Bay, and managed between gasps of oooh and aaaah to drink the boat dry of most forms of alcohol. We sent Bruce Almighty, T Rex and Sherlock out in the dinghy for a raid on the bars of the other cruise ships, so our reputation was saved.

Having been well warned of the lack of buffet car on the overnight train to central Vietnam, we loaded on several crates of Tsingtao beer and kept most of our fellow passengers entertained with variations of Father Abraham, led by Tonto. We sang all the way to Hue, where we jumped on bikes to see the Imperial city. The walkie talkies were led by Not Dot, legendary Not Cyclist. After ordering and picking up some new threads in the tailors shops of Hoi An, it was on on by plane to the south.

First stop was the Cu chi tunnels, made by the Vietcong to hide while waging guerilla style war against the enemy. Some of the not so slim hashers had to go in the enlarged exit hole and had to be hauled out in reverse.

Then on to the city of Saigon/ Ho Che Min city and the vast floating market which is the Mekong Delta.

We ran the couple of hundred miles to Cambodia and still had the energy for us old hashers to chase Lara Croft around some old temples

And a welcome on-inn in Pub Street in Siem Reap, where you can get any cocktail for a dollar, no matter how many different shots of spirit it contained. The food was deep fried insects and spiders, and despite his best efforts Olymprick could not get them to do a deep fried Mars bar.

Party party! With people! On on!

AH3 Virtual Run #42, 10th January, 2021

San Francisco, USA,

Hare– Shaky

If you’re going to San Francisco, sang some dude a long time ago who for some reason wanted everyone to wear a flower in their hair. Well, that was then and this is now and it’s winter, so there were not many flowers in hair on show when the pack of 20 or gathered on the Fort Point promontory. Rebels all, gathering in defiance of the stay at home in order in place in California under the under the direction of chief rebel RATS who had swapped his crutches for a Harley and his shooting jacket for a flowery shirt.

GM Wee Willie welcomed the pack, acknowledging the efforts of that week’s FOOFAAH hare (JC again) and RA AIDS, who was indeed wearing a rose, duly dished out a down-down to BIGGLES for a hashy birthday or something like that. The toilet roll of honour went to our resident ‘Deadhead’ TWIZZLE for surpassing expectations with a most excellent write up of last weeks trail to New Zealand, which by chance also passed through San Francisco on the way down under

SHAKY the hare, gave a brief (thank the gurus) Horrible History of the 1906 San Francisco earthquake that took over 3000 lives and destroyed 80% of the city. After that happy note we were off, heading south to Golden Gate Park which is inland and not actually next to the bridge that was built over 60 years later. The trail crossed the park and then wound its way through the Japanese Tea Garden, over the arched drum bridge, past the pagoda and teahouse, where DRILLBIT stopped for a coffee! We also lost TWIZZLE who had dropped his bong somewhere in the park and stayed behind to look for it.

On to downtown and Coit Tower atop Telegraph Hill where the pack saw their first proper view of the fabled Alctaraz. By the time BARBERELLA who predictably had detoured off trail to the top of the tower, the fog had rolled in along the bay smothering the island. After heading back down Telegraph Hill, OLYMPRIK, TIGER FEET, BRUCE ALMIGHTY and T-REX COCK sensibly jumped in a cable car while the rest of the pack struggled up Powell Street only to descend to the waterfront via the famed Lombard street which is not the crookedest street in the world but does have more bends and is prettier. Back on the flat the pack headed On Inn to Fisherman’s Wharf to see the seals (they looked the same as when we were there last week) and other amusements. PINK PANTHER, in her hip 60’s outfit, ‘strayed’ aboard the good ship ‘Wine Therapy’ for a vino fuelled tour of the bay while the rest of the pack headed over to Alcatraz to collect the hash cubs that had been stowed there during the run.

Post-run, a few of the pack rented a camper can with, depending on your view point a politically incorrect or liberal minded paint job and headed south on State Highway One to Big Sur and Monterey for some scenic sightseeing. ONE LINER even managed to blag his way into a round of golf at Pebble Beach.

Back in San Francisco, there was a late appearance from TONTO who showed photographic evidence that both he and EGG FOO had been on the run - they’d just set off a few years earlier than the rest of us. The hare awarded best dressed hippie to BIGGLES. Both he and NOT DOT looked like they had tuned in turned off an dropped out; as did TWIZZLE, but he was now out looking for something to stick in his bong. PINK PANTHER and AIDS deserve honourable mentions. Biggles’s prize – the inevitable down-down. PANTY POCKETS then declared it was lunch time, so AIDS gave the hare his reward and we all went home to stay at home.

Love and Peace,

Shaky

AH3 Lockdown HASH 041 New Zealand RTW

Hare: Twizzle,

One of our AH3 Hashers got a great start to 2021 in scooping the Euro Millions (There are no secrets that can be kept from an RA) so this Hasher has decided to cough up for this weeks expedition in thank to us all, for the barracking, snipping mud-slinging and general piss taking that we inflict on ourselves and our fellow hashers & Harriett’s. Our hash benefactor still not owned up will he be unmasked?

Now New Zealand is not the easiest place to visit at this moment, as there is 14 days of solitary plus two negative test swabs to pass, unless there is a dispensation. So a bit of craftiness will be needed in order to undertake this epic eight-day HASH.

It just so happens that one of Boeings senior execs is an old US hasher and when contacted offered us the use of a plane for the NX RTW trip. Hasher X was looking for some daredevil types to promote the rebranding of one of there earlier planes that was suffering from some negative PR. The rebadged name was to be the “737 HA-5H” They even offered to throw in a couple of goody bags each for the trip. Plenty of quality silk inside there?

All that is necessary is that each Hasher signs a few disclaimers, agrees to participate as passengers in part of a promotional video during take off’s and landings at a few airports during the RTW. They also had needed a bit of extra weight with few other passengers on the plane. These extra passengers would not be bothered by any Hash type behaviour.

120 Hashers and 200 manikins! What could possibly go wrong?

The designated Hash beer

2 The designated Hash beer one of the most popular NZ craft ales Steam brewing company “Epic Lupulingus” sponsored beer for plane and NZ bus Steam Brewing Company (ratebeer.com), essential element of miracle cure.

Getting a quarantine dispensation proved to be somewhat difficult, but by divine intervention it was discovered that a mixture of malted barley, brewers yeast, hops with the addition of juice from a NZ Carex Triffid in combination with a dose of Sputnik X is miricle providing 99.9% protection in under 12 hours. AH3 volunterred to test the new cure which would be monitored and tested every 12 hours by NZ special forces. Mixing with non hashers was not permitted and track and trace would be constantly monitored. With conditional approval of miricle this trail was able to commence, so twenty one hashers and harriett’s set out for the first 2021 lockdown trail.

Day 1 Jan,

16.00 Twenty-one of AH3 hash where tested for COVID, the remaining AH3 pack had hangovers so were not able to travel in time. Miracle cure injection, Immigration checks, Emergency procedure training.

17:00 AH3 finest depart on luxury coach to Glasgow Prestwick for RTW Hash trip (Administer top up triffid juice)

21:00 AH3 board the charter Boeing 747 HA5H direct to San Francisco (In flight Bar opens and 6 hrs shut eye time) flight distance 5044 miles.

Day 2 Jan,

06:00 Hopefully, we will land at San Francisco and quickly pass-through immigration checks, any one forgot there ESTA? Sadly, it was Olymprick the only solution was for him to remain on the plane disguised as a manikin, he already had his costume ready. “I will just get an extra share of triffid juice then”

08.00 Charter bus to Fisherman’s Wharf for breakfast check out the locals!

3 Testosteronal action around Pier 39

At this point the GM announced that Shaky was setting Lockdown Hash 42 was heading back to California maybe Hasher X will let us borrow the plane again?

Now off to cross the Golden Gate bridge for jog / walk or hire a cycle to cross. Only a couple of miles, catch the bus over to Sausilito on the Marin peninsular, check out the Pacific ocean if it’s not covered in Fog! If you miss the AH3 bus you can catch the ferry back to San Fran harbour, 4 Golden gate bridge 6 lanes for vehicles on 6ft lane for pedestrians and cyclists Despite starting at the GG country park, Drillbit on a hired E Bike managed to get stuck on the highway he really had to pedal fast. The rest of the pack jogged across, Barbarella being the FRB continued an extra 2 miles towards Sausilito before back tracking!

13:00 Now off to Hash with SFH3 for run 1131. SFH3 but, don’t miss the 17:30 charter bus back to SF International!

Great bunch of hashers, two beer stops luckily we had a couple of slabs of Epic Lupulingus to top up the provisions great circle and few downs awarded by aids.

19:00 Board charter flight direct to Christchurch NZ Flight distance 6917 miles, we were reunited with Olymprick who complained of being cleaned with the other manikins. For pre-dosing mandatory top up Triffid Juice was administered before sleep.

Day 4 Jan

16:00: Land at Christchurch for immigration and COVID check/clearance hopefully accepted by NZ special forces, or it’s two weeks in solitary.

18:30: Meet up with Christchurch Hash House Harriers run 2332 hare Weazel Piss, Welcome! - Christchurch Hash House Harriers . Another great hash , really friendly locals this time in the summer sun, Aids, Biggles and Tiger feet managed to lose themselves in the ruins. saved by the hares sweeper, Barbarella never made it as an FRB the Kiwis kept sending him the wrong direction. Toungy, and Olymprick who seemed to know most of the hashers having been stuck on North island earlier in the year nearly missed the bus. Wee Willie was spotted as Doppleganger for a famous All Black and taken on a tour of the Rugby pitches then the local bars before passing out he said his dry month only counts in Aberdeen. Luckily the locals scooped him into a taxi to the hotel. Tiger Feet forgot to apply his Sun block and was now sporting a red head!

After the NZ circle off to the hotel for some ZZ and possible last minute beers. Novotel Christchurch Hotel - Premium CBD Accommodation - ALL (accor.com). Unfortunately, a lot of Christchurchis still being rebuilt after the 2011 earthquake and it is still work in progress. Rising from the rubble: how Christchurch rebuilds | INTHEBLACK . Rats intrigued by how accountants were so highly acclaimed in NZ announced he was considering a relocation. Twizzle reminded him of how difficult it is to settle in NZ as you approach the 60s. Aids reminded the Hare its ok if you have a big enough pile. Twizzle wondered if that is why rats doesn’t sit down often! Bruce Almighty unsurprisingly was last man standing at the bar and first down for breakfast. Day 5; Jan 08:00: No doubt we all want a rest from the flights so our next trip is a road trip on a luxury coach to Mount Cook! Travelling south by car from Christchurch takes approximately three hours to Lake Tekapo, and Aoraki/Mount Cook is one hour further from there. Pink Panther took over the duties of travel guide and attempted to educate us all on the names and history of the mountains and particular points of interest as we zoomed along. Aoraki/Mount Cook is often underestimated by international climbers - although not high by international standards, it is its relative height and level of glaciation that makes this mountain so impressive. From the road end at Mount Cook Village to the top of the mountain it is over 3000m/10,000ft. Most climbers choose to negotiate the first 1200m by ski plane or helicopter to maximise the chances of success on the mountain. Biggles and Not dot initially were keen on adding this peak to there tally until they realised it was still a 12 hour summit day. The climb involves sustained glacier travel with rock and ice climbing and a 15-20 hour summit day. The level of difficulty can change dramatically depending on weather and snow and ice conditions. This is expedition-style climbing, where you have to be patient for the right weather. Twizzle declared that he should add this to his Bucket list maybe next visit. Panty pockets broke into the Hash song “sounds like Bullshit to me”. I guess that not to many Hashers would attempt Mt Cook, but it does provides a backdrop to many super stunning trails in the Canterbury region of the South Island. We have an almost local guide Smurf from AH3 who is leading us on two trails today. Smurth declared that she had already done all these trails but would lead the FRB up Hooker Valley trail. One liner, Biggles, Barbarella, ASBO, Wee Wille and Twizzle set off following behind the reborn Smurth.. For those that can only manage a short Trail the Kea Point walk that meanders along the valley towards Mt Cook on the same way towards Sealy Tarns and Mueller Hut. The views of the hanging glaciers around Mt Sefton, and the view over the lakes towards Mt Cook are unbeatable on this easy two-hour walk. (Pink P, Panty P , 3pennybits, Aids, BA, Rats, Numbskull and Drill bit set off on this trail) For a slightly longer trail is the Hooker Valley track, (Red stripe, Tiger Feet, Shaky, Skinny witch, Toungy, Not dot chose this track) and just in case we have a few FRB left the Mueller Hut trail is potentially a 5+ hour trail. Check out walking-and-cycling-tracks-in-aoraki-mt-cook.pdf (doc.govt.nz) but be back in time to catch the bus! Olymprick offered to guard the bus and keep a check on the beer! One liner got the bragging rights for finishing the trail first so he then ran the two hour trail in under 30 mins was back just in time. 18:00 Bus to Twizel. It was a close call for Wee Wille, One Liner and Twizzle to make the cut off time but would we really have left without them? Tonight we stay in the MacKenzie Country Hotel. This is only a short walk from the start of the Twizel Lord of the rings walk. Several bars in town within walking distance if you have any energy to spare. Check out the craft beers in Ministry of Works or Raza bars. It was noted that only BA and Olymprick checked out both bars later that evening! Day 6; Jan 09:00: Back on the bus and off over the Lindis pass through to the historic gold mining towns of Cromwell and Arrowtown (Twizzle tried panning here previously he certainly had no luck prospecting) to stop for the afternoon in Queenstown. This is the adrenaline capital of the world there’s not much scary stuff that you can’t do here. 12:00: Today is all about bragging rights, simply stunning range of Bungy jumps, zip lines swings etc. Check these links out The Nevis Bungy - 134m - NZ's Highest Bungy Jump | AJ Hackett Bungy Bungy Jump, Swing & Zip in Queenstown | Official Website (queenstownnz.co.nz) Don’t forget there will be an underwear inspection later to confirm the top bragger! Recall we have been carting around the Boeing grab bags. This your chance to try it out you can even do inside!. Skydiving | Queenstown New Zealand (queenstownnz.co.nz). Another option is a Balloon trip! Best check out your travel insurance though! A trip on a jet boat can be quite exhilarating for those of us keener in staying close to the surface. For the more feet on the ground types who fancy a beer why not take the Beer Tour around 4 craft brewers. Check this out. Queenstown and Wanaka - Brewbus NZ. The party split up to sample the following activities: • One Liner, Skinny, Biggles, Asbo, went for the Bungy Jump. • Drill Bit and Rats took the Heli mountain bike riding • Twizzel, Barbarella and Numbskull went skydiving • Red strip, Shaky took the giant swing • Aids and tiger feet went Jet boating, • Panty Pockets, 3 pennybits, Not dot Pink Panther and Toungy took the Hot air balloon. • Wee Willy took the long zip line • Bruce almighty, Olymprick went on the Beer tour, 19:00 time to book in our accommodation at Queenstown Lakeview Holiday Park, Accommodation [Official Site] most centrally located for those ready to sample the night life and also far enough away for those recovering from the excessive heart rate of the afternoon. The evening was marked with plenty of Down downs. Luckily all survived the various challenges with only ego a bit bashed! Numbskull was awarded skyman for inadvertent solo dive. Twizzle had no insurance as he said it would not help him if he died! Barbarella left his phone on the plane, spent 2 hours retrieving it after his jump. Biggles managed touch his head in the water on the bungy. Skinny was lost for words after following one-liner who did it did two bungies. Olymprick and Bruce almighty outdrank the Kiwi’s on the Beer Tour. The Balloon Harriet’s drunk too much champagne watching the sun go down, then landed with a bit of a bump. Drill bit and Rats spent some time pushing the bikes down the trails. Nobody could be arsed to visit the pubs at the end of the day. 5 Rats so you get down from here! Day 7; Jan 08:00 On the bus again for a 100 mile drive over the Southern Alps to Te Anau to enter the national park. We stop here for a coffee break and walk about. 12.00 and its back on the bus for our trip to Milton Sound possibly one of the most beautiful places in the world. There are many opportunities for photo stops etc. Te Anau - Milford Highway map and factsheet (doc.govt.nz) we take our time and about 15:00 we reach the Milford Tunnel. Just before the Milford Road begins its descent through the Cleddau Valley into Milford Sound, it passes through the Homer Tunnel, a 1.2km-long tunnel through solid rock. Before the tunnel opened in 1954 after 19 years of construction, there was no road access to Milford Sound. Although the Homer Tunnel is wide enough for a bus and a small vehicle to pass each other, traffic lights operate during the busy summer months to keep it safe. The tunnel is a fairly steep 1:10 gradient running east to west. When you first encounter the entrance to the Homer at the base of what can only be described as a massive face of granite, the word “drain” springs to mind. To travel through it fully clothed and in the comfort of a vehicle evokes enough horror – but running through it in the dark? Naked? Ol’ Homey has become the venue for one of New Zealand’s most unusual annual events – known in these parts as the Great Annual Nude Tunnel Run. The race was originally conceived in 1998 by a couple of locals over a beer and now attracts around 100 participants. Check out the website Great Annual Nude Tunnel Run- Te Anau and Manapouri The fastest male and female runners have their names engraved on the trophy, which for men is “Ken” doll and for women a “Barbie” (naked and in a running position, naturally)! Unfortunately, it’s held on April the 1st So this is the chance for the delayed 2020 AH3 BNR. You got to be quick to get through before the lights change! Red Strip, Twizzle, AsBo and Numskull took up the tunnel BNR challenge. Of course, no one had a head torch, so 3 mins after we entered the tunnel our coach followed and illuminated our bums for the last 250m. Once we exited, there was no stopping for a further 250m till we could get our gear back on. We got lots of cheers from the traffic parked up witing to enter the tunnel. 17:00 Arrive at Milford Sound Lodge, it’s the only place to stay and we have booked it out, we draw lots whi sis going to stay in the bus camper beds! As the lodge is limited. Still the bar and food are up to standard. Now is the time that you wished you brought insect repellent the sand flies beat the midge hand down. No late night bar as tomorrow is an early start on water. Day 8; Jan 05:30 06:00: Push our duel kayaks into the sound and set of for a morning of serene beauty among the magnificent mountains, try to take it easy as it’s a 6 hour trip we miss most of the noisy cruise boats. It was like herding cats to get as all in Kayaks being twenty one it was Barbarella that got a single Kayak, the rest of us doubled up. The hasher in front and the Harriett behind so she could dribble water down your neck if you were paddling strong enough. Shame that Tonto and Hippo did not make this trip they would have been very useful as the BA and Olmprick combination was wee bit slow and capsized on relaunching after the waterfall stop. Biggles and Notdot were the best pair of paddlers have they done this before? All the paddlers were pretty exhausted as we headed into the wind for the return paddle to Milford, but a number of the Harriet’s did not seem to be tired I wonder why? 6Twizzle taking a break 7 Trying to catch up with Biggles and Not dot 8 Cuddle up for the waterfall All the trips out into Milford Sound itself will first pass by Lady Bowen Falls, one of the two permanent waterfalls here, and the tallest coming in at a whopping 162 meters. It was named for Lady Diamantina Bowen who was the wife of the fifth Governor of New Zealand. Usually, the spray from the falls is visible, especially after a big storm. The Only 11 meters shorter than Lady Bowen Falls, Stirling Falls is Milford’s second largest waterfall and is located further down the fiord itself. Check out this site for more pics from cruise boats. Waterfalls in Milford Sound | Real Journeys 12.00 Back to Milford jetty and its crowded with civilians doing cruise tours. A quick beer stop and its back to the bus for a 9 hour drive back to Christchurch where the 737 HS-5H awaits fuelled up for our return. 19:00 and we board our plane for a bum numbing 27 hour non stop flight to Glasgow, only 18600 km. We should arrive back in Glasgow at 23:00 the same day, so it’s a proper round the world HASH hence the RTW in the title. Day 9; Jan 05:30 After a arriving at Glasgow there was no bus waiting for us, apparently we had exceeded the benefactor budget for the trip. So we had to book on the Mega Bus back to Aberdeen shame some the pensioners forgot there bus passes. 10:00 we arrive in ABZ but its now in lockdown so we can’t have greet more than one other Hasher as we get off the Bus, no last minute group photo or coffee or down downs. Oh well its another lock down hash tomorrow! Hope you all enjoyed it. Scribe: Twizzle 9 th January 2021